he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@idek618
someone, reading my writing: wow great story!
me, sticking my hands in the plotholes: thanks it has pockets :)
Plot holes are merely the pockets in which your audience keeps their fanfiction ideas.
This is galaxy-brain level understanding of story structure.
(To the tune of Rasputin): BLEH BLEH DRACULA, KING OF TRANSYLVANIA, HE IS A BAT AND ALSO A MAN
BLEH BLEH DRACULA
TRAVELLIN' ON THE DEMETER
THINK HE CAN'T GET YA?
WELL YES HE CAN
There lived a certain man in Transylvania, He was big and strong, but had haemo-mania. Most people look at him with terror and with fear But to estate agents, he was such a lovely dear.
He could scale the castle like a lizard And said that he did not drink wine Shifting shape like some blood-drinking wizard His brides thought he was fine.
BLEH BLEH
DRACULA
SOMEWHERE IN CAPARTHIA
HE'LL HURL A WOLF RIGHT AT YOUR BEDROOM
BLEH BLEH DRACULA
MENACING THAT JOHN HARKER
HE'LL BITE YA NECK AND THEN SEAL YOUR DOOM
Yep, I made a frutiger aero soft soap alien… 💧🐠🤍🫧🧼
The cleanomorph
shorthands for dumbassery that i have grown to love deeply
"how dare you say we piss on the poor" in response to someone misinterpreting your post
"_ isnt gonna fuck you" for suck up behavior
"woah. should we tell everyone? should we throw a party?" for who the fuck cares
"and what if the world was made of pudding" for when would this ever matter.
"and sharks are smooth both ways" for a group of people heatedly arguing with 1 guy who is fucking with them all
".. but its about a witch in the alps finding her lost cat" for someone trying to sanitize something to the point of absurdity
this is prime proof that this ENTIRE WEBSITE is autistic because nowhere else would a no tags post that's just an informative list about slang get this much traction.
anyway more addittions
“30-50 wild hogs” for someone making ABSURD excuses for violence.
“what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament” for how do you know that without being a part of it.
“anyone in this thread smoke weed” for the shit you people are saying is so off topic this might as well be a general discussion forum
“dogs are boys and cats are girls” for ooh ur mindset did not grow past 4th grade, huh
“color theory in a childrens hospital” for bending over backwards to not agree that YEA, that thing Came Off Weird
“you are a tar pit” for someone finding any reason to respond with outrage.
“is the __ in the room with us right now?” for I Don’t Think That’s Real.
“bean soup? im allergic to beans!” for ik this doesn’t work for you, but that’s not a flaw. not everything can be for you.
“people irl: hey man hows it going” for this will Never Matter irl
New Secret Knots comic: "Cryptid".
Unmute !
Fucking fantastic image
I've seen so many of this guy's vids and the only explanation I can muster for their accuracy is that he was raised from birth in a dog kennel
^^^^^ He also does videos where he's members of heaven inventing dogs, and ones where he interviews himself as people who are potential dog owners... so you're right. It has to be the only explanation.
when i was a kid my parents bought me an inflatable doll of the Scream by Edvard Munch (??) that was significantly taller than i was at the time and i used to slow-dance with it and pretend it was my boyfriend. It had its hands attached to its head obviously so it felt like he was always a bit horrified to be forced to dance with me
i didn't need no imaginary friends i had Screaming Joe right here !
I love this website I love it when people tell us what's wrong with them
PHRASES ADDED!
"i didn't need no imaginary friends i had Screaming Joe right here !"
"I love this website I love it when people tell us what's wrong with them"
CHARACTER ADDED!
Screaming Joe
Editing? Oh you mean fic patching.
Protagonist now has more complex motivations.
Protagonist now remembers key facts about important people. He no longer develops convenient amnesia between cutscenes.
Protagonist now has a cooldown on certain adverbs. Adverbs have been buffed by 30% to compensate.
Developer note: Adverbs are important to writing but they are sometimes overused. This change keeps adverbs relevant while encouraging the use of adjectives and verbs.
The horse now has a name.
Deuteragonist snark power has been increased to 150, up from 75.
Characters now no longer reference the previous version’s climate and have been updated to react appropriately to the currently set season.
Solved a glitch where supernumerary limbs would sometimes emerge during complex physical interactions.
Should no longer display “[insertnamehere]” during conversations and narration. All of such occurrances have been replaced with the appropriate tags.
Conversation continuity has been improved. Characters will no longer inappropriately respond with lines from previous iterations of the narrative.
All references to “Event A” have been purged to reflect changes in narrative structure.
Now with more thematically-consistent swearing.
Back-to-back repeated words that resulted from sentence rearranging or start/stop editing have been cleared.
Paragraphs which contained two or more instances of the same adjective have had their adjectives updated to accurately reflect a player’s vocabulary inventory.
Minor time traveling issues have been resolved, all characters should now exist in the same tense.
Punctuation has been improved. Commas have been reduced by half.
Characters sighing has been reduced by 30%.
Characters looking at things or people during conversations has been reduced by 40%. To make up for this, characters thinking about the conversation has been boosted and descriptive narrative has been added.
Title has been applied.
Driven to tears of joy over a spoon designed like a sea slug I spotted on eBay
why is lake superior so dangerous? i cant find anything online that will give my access (not american!)
it's the largest freshwater lake on the planet by surface area, you could lose a couple of smaller countries in there and not even notice. (vs Europe)
on top of that, it's a Northern lake, so the water never really gets warmer than 50 F (10 C) even in the heat of summer, and it's famous for sudden violent storms that destroy ships and buildings alike. this thing has a MASSIVE body count because it's also a major shipping thoroughfare.
tldr it wants to eat you so so bad
She is also over 1,300ft/400m deep at her deepest. Once she has eaten you, she will not give you back. Lake Superior doesn't give up her dead.
And when Bunjy says "the largest by surface are" what that means is: Lake Superior is a whopping 31,700 square miles (82,103 square km) of water. The only reason she is not an inland sea is because she is freshwater.
She has tides. She has rip currents, like an ocean does. You don't even have to go out on a boat to get got by her, all you have to do is step into her icy waters in the wrong spot. She has ice formations that aren't "icebergs" on the technicality that they didn't calve from glaciers, even though they look and act the same.
(photo by Paul Berger)
She LOOKS like an ocean when you are at her shores. This is from a location on the Minnesota side shore.
(photo by George Ilstrup)
She is huge, icy, and hungry. This makes her very dangerous. Not to be fucked around with, because you WILL find out.
Superior doesn't want to kill you in the way that K2 wants to kill you. She doesn't give much thought to you at all, unless you draw her attention. Then, well, might as well start ringing the bell at Mariner's Church yourself, because she is inevitable.
one of my favorite bodies of water
Que ioputa
Oh you're gonna wanna unmute this one
did i tell u guys i got into an argument on twitter bc i said foxes are dogs and someone tried to bring up their actual fuckin. classification or whatever and i just said “foxes are dogs cause they are fluffye” and they kept arguing with me. the entire time i was like “you will not survive the immigration to tumblr you are lucky we are not there right now”
This is especially funny because they aren’t even right. Foxes *ARE* dogs.
No they aren’t.
yes they are. because they are fluffye.
OK yes they are.
Different family, but same order as @pictures-of-dogs
No, they are the same family. They are the same kingdom, phylum, order and family. They separate at the genus.
They’re a dog.
yeah they’re fluffye
theyre literally not dogs theyre not even fluffy. can we get science tumblr over hear or what!?
checkmate athiests
fluffye
okay but they literally are dogs, for those who are confused
If foxes are dogs, then so are wolves, coyotes, dingoes, jackals, and several other extant and extinct species.
Behold! A dog.
of course it’s a dog you buffoon. it’s fluffye.
Why on earth would someone think “BUT IF THEY’RE DOGS SO AR -”
Like yes of course wolves are dogs, where have you been. Jackals are excellent doggies! So are coyotes. Why is this confusing.
I love that this is literally two completely different arguments running simultaneously.
That guy up there who said they’re not even fluffy was thinking of sharks
sharks are also dogs. ravenous water dogs, but still dogs
Sharks can NOT be dogs they are SMOOTH
Tags via @jenroses
sharks are smooth dogs
BEHOLD, a SHARK
17 clown car pileup 84 injured 193 dead
this is probably my favorite tiktok of all time and I finally got around to showing it to my dad the other day and now he comes home every day and tells me about all the places he saw crumbling concrete and says "guess they didn't add enough chinchilla flakes"
My dad has worked in construction is whole life, primarily with a company that does concrete foundations, and I immediately sent him this back when I first found it on TikTok, and he IMMEDIATELY shared it with everyone he worked with. They apparently still quote it on his job sites to this day.
Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.
Being on this website is fun because you can absolutely tell when a blorbo clicks in someone's brain. You're scrolling, and suddenly out of nowhere there's like 12 posts about the same character back to back reposted by the same person, and you just know "oh. They're a permanent part of their psyche now." and honestly it's a vibe go off king
I’ve been laughing at “fuck this lemon you take it” for several minutes
take this papaya from my cold dead hands is sending me again oh my god
badminton is dont hit the fucking ground you stupid disgusting baby bird
every day this post has more responses that make me lunge back in my chair with the most unnecessarily loud cackle
Hockey is I’m gonna launch this peppermint patty at you and the only way to stop me is violence
curling is my two friends and i really want to put a watermelon in that exact spot, but the floor disagrees
relay racing is "here, you take this leek"
op i hope you don't mind but i made this gif non-looping and it has been sending me into hysterics every time i think about it
