Idle Worship

I blog what I want, but things are getting sticky.

[voyaging-too]

I know that the nitpicking over why the Fellowship didn’t just ride the eagles to fly directly to Mordor has been talked to death, there’s more than enough answers. The Doylist answer is that would stop the whole book from existing, or replace it with a wholly different book all about eagles. The Watsonian answer is that a) the eagles are a noble independent people not a taxi service, b) the quest is a stealth mission and huge massive giant eagles are not stealthy, c) Mordor has air supremacy and the eagles could only fly to Mount Doom after Sauron was defeated and the Nazguls all gone.

But just now, option d) occurred to me: do we really trust the eagles to withstand the ring? If it tempts Gandalf and Galadriel, surely it tempts Gwaihir the Windlord. Do we want to create the Dread Lord of the Skies? He would wear the Ring on his lovely sharp claw! He would fly higher and swifter than the winds of the world! He would build a magnificent nest from the broken timbers of Edoras! He would eat so many people! All elves and men would be forced underground!

[nick-nellson]

PARKS AND RECREATION 5.05 Halloween Surprise

[parkchanwoohoo]

[cervinae-canine]

[targetedknowledge]

[ineffectualdemon]

Not me explaining that here on Tumblr tits is a gender neutral term for big chests unless the person has said they don't like it

[ineffectualdemon]

On a serious note people being unironically horny about cis men and referring to their chests as tits in their horny rantings has made me feel more comfortable as someone who is transmasc

Like I don't have huge dysphoria about my chest because I'm not very well endowed but I still have some and like thinking: "I'm a sexy dude with sexy tits" is actually a good feeling for me personally

[official-boob-posts]

my blog is a safe place for the gender neutral usage of tits

[demihappycow]

[azulasminion]

[thewebspinner]

[azulasminion]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

In a series of completely unrelated coincidences, the same family moves into a haunted house, attracts the attention of a local poltergeist, purchases an evil ventriloquist dummy, activates a witch’s curse, and adopts the newborn antichrist, all in the same week.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

the parents are so distracted by the major life changes of moving to a new town & caring for a baby that they completely fail to notice.

supernatural occurrences mostly get blamed on the fact they are living in an old house they bought as a fixer upper:

of course it’s full of strange drafts and weird noises–the insulation is a mess and there’s a family of racoons in the attic

no shit the lights are flickering, the previous owners tried to do the electrical wiring themselves and now the whole place is a fire hazard

yes the ventriloquist dummy keeps appearing in strange places, Little Suzie is always leaving her toys lying around, at least this is less dangerous than the roller skates on the stairs.

and ok sure it’s a bit weird that household objects are levitating, but this town is built on a huge fault line and the realtor warned us about microearthquakes

meanwhile, the supernatural entities are all at war with their unwanted spooky roommates. at some point they get so busy terrorizing each other they forget to haunt the humans

[aquagirl555]

and the antichrist has an attentive, loving, and caring older sister to keep them happy and entertained

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

and (as previously discussed!) parents who are chill and treat the ensuing demonic events as normal childhood behavioral problems. they get the antichrist a child therapist 

[chaotic-ourple]

WHY does Tumblr always come up with the best concepts

[creativefangirling123]

Please tell me this family also adopts a cat at some point, please! Like the poor poltergeist is trying to haunt the family but everything that gets knocked over or thrown around is blamed on the cat 

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

The cat has destructive tendancies and after awhile the poltergeist is too discouraged to even bother breaking anything, bc sooner or later the cat will get around to it anyway

[autumnimagining]

Occasional messages daubed on the wall or mirror in what looks like blood are written off as the child/ren being mischievous with paints. Plus, now it’s a motivator to repaint that wall that was looking hideous anyway.

[spoonyglitteraunt]

Also one or both of the parents have ADHD

Things going missing. Have you checked in the fridge dear?

Chairs in the middle of the room. Probably forgot I was going to sweep the floor.

That banging in the wall. It triggered a long forgotten song and they are now humming in tune without thinking.

Kid suddenly talking in tongues? Darn their audio processing is bad again today. Just nod and carry on.

Time stands still, they black out for hours. What else is new? at least they’re still on time to pick up the kids from daycare.

Sudden freezing temperatures. Yeesh they clearly were too distracted to notice the temps changes, probably should turn up the heater.

Odd messages on the mirror. Huh one of us must have wanted a reminder.

So the Kid is weird? Meh what is normal anyway, we know a good therapist and some love and understanding can fix anything. They’ll grown into it. We did. The creepy doll gets treated as another beloved member of the family (the Kid thinks it is alive and it’s important to encourage imagination) to the point where it’s so confused and unable to do anything bad, because everything gets met with Parenting™ and why does being hugged all the time feel so warm?

The poltergeist can’t do anything to draw enough attention. The parents are bigger disasters of chaos than they could ever possibly be. So you know what? Fine! If they can’t be a hindrance, they’ll be aggressively helpful and make sure no things are ever forgotten in this house again. Writing reminders everywhere.

The house initially tries to creak and break and cause upset, but all it gets is one of the parents suddenly hyper-fixating on undoing whatever mess they believe a previous owner caused. And then getting decorated in pretty colours and motifs, because everyone needs a bit of dopamine. Apparently even a haunted house.

A witch’s curse? Meh nothing worse than living in the current capitalist hell scape how would they know the difference. And if there at one point happens to turn up an old woman to give ominous warnings they just assume the lady is lonely and neglected and we might as well invite her in for tea. And cake. And want to meet the kids? Before she knows it, she’s been adopted as an honorary grandmother.

And that’s how this becomes the most quirky, protective and loving household in the entire town.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

ADDAMS FAMILY ORIGINS

[bisexualbaker]

The poltergeist eventually permanently possesses an anatomical hand model, yes? That’s what we’re going for here, right?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

so my headcanon is. you know how in some vampire/zombie comedies, cutting off the head doesn’t kill it just leaves you with two independently operating entities? like a headless corpse rummaging around for its head while the head screams disparagingly ’Left, you idiot, no your OTHER LEFT’

okay so. what if you chopped off a hand and

[dorothylarouge]

[azulasminion]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

we need more divorcebaiting. how strongly can canon imply (without technically outright stating) that these two characters are bitterly, acrimoniously divorced? essential we explore this

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

please note that this relates to but is distinct from a separate trope we also need more of: These Two Characters Definitely Had An Ill-Advised Hook Up At Some Undisclosed Point, And Are Living In The Weird Aftermath

[sandmandaddy69]

[azulasminion]

[soup-mother]

young men are getting radicalised into being misogynistic because society is really misogynistic and misogyny makes men powerful. and also because it's not legal to shoot podcasters for sport

[weenhands-deactivated20250319]

they won’t even let us yearn anymore they banned it