Just a guy with a CDD

Here so I can blab about my issues with being a system Disorded & unstable under stress, I can snap if I take something personaly

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

Intro Post

Heyyy I'm Iftv, or AMy/AM

We're just a guy that wants to blab out about his experience living with a CDD like I'm in the shower talking to a wall.

I use he/they in general & we/us/our when typing about myself because I think it's funny.

I have little to no communication with our headmates, & thusly struggle to treat them as apart of myself (They're also all either mean or stupid & I HATE ALL OF THEM.).

We're also pretty badly disordered (shocker, I know), & can be unstable or overreact when I feel wronged in some arbitrary or justified way.

DNI LIST

Proshippers/darkshippers (taps the trauma sign)

Pro-para/Pro-contact (^See above for my reasoning.)

Anti-neoprns/Anti-xenogenders

Radqueers (^^See above for my reasoning, also, I'm disabled.)

Anyone that uses excessive typing quirks without translations.

Cool edit

I'll start tagging non cdd/sys related posts with like, #unrelated from now on

I'm also never doing that stupid sign off shit with the lil emoji combo, nah fuh that, none of my chud alters would actually use a sign off besides Rebel & nobody fucking likes him

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

doomscrolling tiktok together and I turn to you and ask, "why doesn't your algorithm recommend any videos with Black people?"

[doyoulovethewayzeylily]

doomscrolling tumblr and I turn to you and ask, "why don't you reblog anti-racism when it makes you feel uncomfortable?"

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

People can have exactly zero human faces on their tiktok feed

& some blogs just aren't the place for it

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

Pisses me off how many people larp as child soldiers

Like yeah, you were abused, that much is clear, but you're winter soldier ass backstory? We'd like to see you explain it to the kids being used as meat shields by the Iranian Guard Corps.

Oh wait! You can't They're being shot & killed as we speak!

It's also just incredibly disrespectful to soldiers & their families in general, coming from someone who was lucky enough to have his dad come home from Afghanistan, stolen valour isn't a joke.

[hc-did-culture-is]

Tw: violence, violence towards animals

Soldier programmed alter culture is constantly having to physically shake away the thoughts of killing the only people you care about. Shaking away the constant images of the animals you were forced to kill as practice. Feeling guilt when you want to kill something just to make it stop. Because every life is precious and should end as painlessly as possible, and its so selfish to even think this way. But it hurts so badly.

.

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

Genuine, SERIOUS QUESTION

What the hell does "soldier programmed" mean? Now I understand child soldiers are very real thing, my dad has seen it himself, but none of this seems even remotely indicative of that as child soldiers are very rarely young enough to develop DID as a seven year olds aren't going to fight nearly as well as a thirteen year old; though it does happen in particularly conflict-heavy areas like the middle east.

I just don't know what to make of it & if anyone would be willing to explain what the hell that means, that'd be great.

[anti-radq-morty]

Me when a radqueer has a typing quirk and tries to tell me about radqueer terms

[antibnwospiderman]

Genuine retards can't POSSIBLY expand their brains to encourage creativity in writing

As if you can't read it! Lick our balls you absolutely can read it get off your fucking high horse

"why radqueers never type grammatically correct" why you act like you never heard about politeness bitch

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

Nigga just say you're ableist to the dyslexic & the blind damn

[allpedosmustdie]

🚫 ANTi—RADQUEER. 🌈

(🚷🌈) or (🚫🍓🌈)

— flag for aggressive antis who are against xenorapists(another name for them might be xenosatanists or radqueers).

— People who use this flag are a firm believer in:

★ RECOVERY.

★ FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

★ ANTI-CENSORSHIP (ACTUAL, censorship.) BUT NOT ANTI-CRITIQUE.

★ DESTORYING ALL PEDO/ZOO & OTHER HARMFUL PARAPHILIA SPACES.

★ ENCOURAGING BETTER COPING MECHANISMS.

★ ANTI-FACISM, RACISM, XENO/TRANS/HOMO/QUEERPHOBIA & ANTI-GOVERNMENT.

★ ALTERHUMANITY — GOOD-FAITH IDENTITIES & CONTRAQUEERS.

★ ANTI-TRUSCUM & TRANSMED.

★ ANTI-RADQUEER & TRANSID.

★ ANTI-HARASSMENT TOWARDS EX-RADQUEERS/EX-PROSHIPPERS & CHILD PROSHIT/RADQUEERS. The last thing someone trying to do right needs to hear is a death threat or told they'll always be a piece of shit. if someone is making a GENUINE effort to change, allow them space to do so while also holding them accountable.

★ AGAINST ALL FETISHIZATION OF CHILDREN/RAPE/INCEST EVEN IN FANTASY & FICTION. FICTION AFFECTS REALITY.

[way2manyusernamez]

I've been noticing a lot of people in the radqueer community hiding behind vague harmful identities. Here is a short dictionary of what they really mean, with sources:

Xenosatanism

abolition of age of consent

pro bestiality

pro 'real cp'

believes in "non-consensual but harmless sexual interaction" and its legalization

also, this paragraph: "Destigmatization and desacralization to some extent of rape, molestation, sexual abuse (bcs of a priori and retrospective harm induced by internalized social norms. Tho, we don’t want harmful rape to be fully legal)"

Basedqueer

pro nonconsensual abuse

pro "cisharmfuls who arent seeking recovery / want to get worse"

pro real cults, harassment, self harm and eating disorder encouragement

pro contact

pro "minor made porn / minor sexual material"

Lacedqueer

pro rape and noncon abuse

meant to be a combination between basedqueer and LSDqueer

Noxiaqueer

pro bestiality

pro CP

pro xenosatanism and basedqueer

"neutral" and "flexible" about stalking, harassment, suicide baiting, cults, rape, and non consensual activities

LSDqueer

pro rape

pro CP

Alternatefreak

pro harassment, abuse, cults, and murder

see also: "Pro abuse terminology on Tumblr", and my screenshot of what "MSM/MMP" means (minor sexual material / minor made pornography) (edit: hyperlinks broke in this paragraph, edited to fix)

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

In regards to recent controversy

Wow. Hi. Didn't think I'd be here. I want to preface by saying I am not the host or 'AMy', it's important I mention that, alongside stating we are of the same body, andb accountability falls on all of us.

Now, I want to say I'm sorry.

Lashing out like that was immature, it was spiteful and childish.

Frankly it was completely inappropriate of AMy, even if he thought he was justified in doing so.

Dropping blog names in particular was bad, and I don't want it to be taken as a call to harass anyone, stirring up petty drama like that is pretty obviously dangerous to everyone involved.

[cuteaigirl]

no, say it how it is. you have a cdd, right? this is all part of You. You did this. dont use half of your stupid paragraph to be like "im not the host or AMy!" all of you did this, you even said in your tags youre 'usually better at stopping this' so? why didnt you do it this time?

why did you allow yourself to actively harrass someone? you still have the post with the blog name up. you still called someone a 'stupid cunt', as if cunt isnt a word rooted in misogony. your apology is garbage and you should do better. get off the internet if this is something you are prone to.

its not 'controversy', it is not 'petty drama' IT IS YOU HARRASSING SOMEONE. do better.

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

I have a vagina Also, I don't know what Officer's talking about with the stopping me thing, I only remember him doing so once. & I'm pretty sure he only clarified he wasn't me because he knew that I don't like when they touch my stuff & that I'd delete the post immediately otherwise

Also, if this was on literally any other site, what I did would not be considered harassment, you guys are weak asfff

[cuteaigirl]

you.... do realize you can still say misogonistic things as someone who has a vagina, right? youre not immune to that?

am i weak as fuck for not liking harrasment???? do you think youre cool? for harrasing people? youre pathetic lmfao

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

You're weak asf because one uncensored blog name is making you piss your pants. Plus, in none of my posts made against the poly blog or the sa1nt blog did I once call for people to harass them, soooo what's your rebuttal against that? :3

Again, I am not a man, I have a vagina, I myself have been a long time victim of misogyny; so even after that I am not allowed to use a term that has been levied against me in the past? M'kayyy, I see I see. If it helps any, I'm aussie, every cunt here is saying it, it's become apart of our culture & thusly has far less hateful connotations because it has long been reclaimed. Are you to deny me part of my culture as an australian?

[cuteaigirl]

????what the fuck are you talking aboyt lmao??? my "rebuttal against that" is sure you Didnt call anyone to harrass but you were still cruel to a random stranger for Having Boundries. even if it isnt harrasment its still not. a good thing to do.

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

I swear to god if a child has stepped into this conversation I'm gonna crash the fuck outtt, this is not a conversation a child should be included innnn. Okay. Whatever.

Obviously I knew I was using it as an insult for fucks sake, it's called NOT BEING NICE TO PEOPLE WHO SUCK!

& I wasn't "being cruel" to someone for having boundaries, I was being "cruel" to someone for having a shitty ideology that ends up being ultimately harmful for EVERYONE

Anyways, I'm going back to binging youtube

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

In regards to recent controversy

Wow. Hi. Didn't think I'd be here. I want to preface by saying I am not the host or 'AMy', it's important I mention that, alongside stating we are of the same body, andb accountability falls on all of us.

Now, I want to say I'm sorry.

Lashing out like that was immature, it was spiteful and childish.

Frankly it was completely inappropriate of AMy, even if he thought he was justified in doing so.

Dropping blog names in particular was bad, and I don't want it to be taken as a call to harass anyone, stirring up petty drama like that is pretty obviously dangerous to everyone involved.

[cuteaigirl]

no, say it how it is. you have a cdd, right? this is all part of You. You did this. dont use half of your stupid paragraph to be like "im not the host or AMy!" all of you did this, you even said in your tags youre 'usually better at stopping this' so? why didnt you do it this time?

why did you allow yourself to actively harrass someone? you still have the post with the blog name up. you still called someone a 'stupid cunt', as if cunt isnt a word rooted in misogony. your apology is garbage and you should do better. get off the internet if this is something you are prone to.

its not 'controversy', it is not 'petty drama' IT IS YOU HARRASSING SOMEONE. do better.

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

I have a vagina Also, I don't know what Officer's talking about with the stopping me thing, I only remember him doing so once. & I'm pretty sure he only clarified he wasn't me because he knew that I don't like when they touch my stuff & that I'd delete the post immediately otherwise

Also, if this was on literally any other site, what I did would not be considered harassment, you guys are weak asfff

[cuteaigirl]

you.... do realize you can still say misogonistic things as someone who has a vagina, right? youre not immune to that?

am i weak as fuck for not liking harrasment???? do you think youre cool? for harrasing people? youre pathetic lmfao

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

You're weak asf because one uncensored blog name is making you piss your pants. Plus, in none of my posts made against the poly blog or the sa1nt blog did I once call for people to harass them, soooo what's your rebuttal against that? :3

Again, I am not a man, I have a vagina, I myself have been a long time victim of misogyny; so even after that I am not allowed to use a term that has been levied against me in the past? M'kayyy, I see I see. If it helps any, I'm aussie, every cunt here is saying it, it's become apart of our culture & thusly has far less hateful connotations because it has long been reclaimed. Are you to deny me part of my culture as an australian?

[dissociapedia]

you're such a dumbass working on this when pluralpedia is the og. Stupid ass sysmed 😭😭

I'm working on a non-abliest system website, so go back to your pro-endo area please.

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

I like how anon fails to understand that pluralpedia is almost entirely endogenic/willogenic centered & would not serve any use to anyone that doesn't believe in the (very much debunked) fantasy model of DID.

The making of a encyclopedia solely for the use of the CDD individuals is a necessity because of this.

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

Some of you holier than thou fucks piss me off with your assuming

"That's misogynist language" Did I ever say I was a man?

"That's ableist" Did we ever say we were abled?

"That's transphobic" Did I ever say I was cis?

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

In regards to recent controversy

Wow. Hi. Didn't think I'd be here. I want to preface by saying I am not the host or 'AMy', it's important I mention that, alongside stating we are of the same body, andb accountability falls on all of us.

Now, I want to say I'm sorry.

Lashing out like that was immature, it was spiteful and childish.

Frankly it was completely inappropriate of AMy, even if he thought he was justified in doing so.

Dropping blog names in particular was bad, and I don't want it to be taken as a call to harass anyone, stirring up petty drama like that is pretty obviously dangerous to everyone involved.

[cuteaigirl]

no, say it how it is. you have a cdd, right? this is all part of You. You did this. dont use half of your stupid paragraph to be like "im not the host or AMy!" all of you did this, you even said in your tags youre 'usually better at stopping this' so? why didnt you do it this time?

why did you allow yourself to actively harrass someone? you still have the post with the blog name up. you still called someone a 'stupid cunt', as if cunt isnt a word rooted in misogony. your apology is garbage and you should do better. get off the internet if this is something you are prone to.

its not 'controversy', it is not 'petty drama' IT IS YOU HARRASSING SOMEONE. do better.

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

I have a vagina Also, I don't know what Officer's talking about with the stopping me thing, I only remember him doing so once. & I'm pretty sure he only clarified he wasn't me because he knew that I don't like when they touch my stuff & that I'd delete the post immediately otherwise

Also, if this was on literally any other site, what I did would not be considered harassment, you guys are weak asfff

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

Love it when I still get horrific flashbacks

but hey! Look! You can't remember if you've eaten yet :))))

[roxey]

my favorite genre of post. if only I could find more

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

They turned off their reposts but oh boy we're not done swinging.

@this-is-poly-phobia

I pretty clearly explained that being radnormal is in direct response to the radqueer movement, & that it's main aim is to normalize the queer community while putting a firm boundary between us & the people that INSIST paraphillia, racism, abelism, & perpetrating sexual assault are something you should be prideful of. The radqueer community waters down the seriousness of paraphillic disorders to a fun quirky sexuality X3! Which ultimately serves to hurt EVERYONE INCLUDE THE PARAPHILES! (this is coming from an autophile & an objectophile!)

Gods above & the racism & ableism of the radqueer community? They're so entitled to the idea of whats ours is theirs that even something as life ruining as CANCER or NAZISM is trivialized so they can indulge their greed.

But you don't get that, do you?

Racism is abnormal.

Rape is abnormal.

Ableism is abnormal.

Indulging in harmful behaviors is abnormal.

But being queer is not. Being polyamorous is not.

Stupid cunt.

P.s. In regards to your dni, what did you think was gonna happen when you—as a polyamory advocacy blog—publicly stated that you are in opposition to a movement that works to fight a genuine threat to the community?

[the-lotus-files]

I guess we're arguing with people today and let me just say

If you are radnormal fuck you.

You gatekeep everything, and you're so. Close minded you don't try and understand a dammed thing.

Fuck you for that, and for being anti endo, and for labeling this as polyamorous pride.

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

GOD FORBID A NIGGA IS POLYAMOROUS & PRO SCIENCE

[vicanthropy]

GUYS GUYS WAKE UP A NEW HATE BLOG JUST DROPPED! I got added to a new blog called syscourse-shame-board! I'm a little proud. Only keeping the name visible because it's detrimental to the context of the post. I think this is really fucking funny Anyways, I hate ableists :)

[crashpinata]

WOOP ANOTHER HOBBYLESS LOSER TO WATCH FOR FUN YAYYY <33

mfs need to chill tf out so bad lmao

behavior is obsessive ngl , making a whole blog to reblog ppl u don't like lol

[ifeeltheirvitriol]

If I dig through their blog & I'm not there I'm gonna crash out again.

[anti-willo-fluttergoth]

As an autistic system I do notice that the way endos/ntgs view/treat plurality/systems is very similar to how (mostly allistic but sometimes autistic folks too) view and treat autism.

"It's not a disability it's a superpower! You're not disabled your differently abled! Everyone's a little bit on the spectrum! Oh yeah I'm sooo autistic" autism has been made something cute and quirky. Men are wanting "autistic" girlfriends but I'm sure if a real autistic woman was anywhere near them they'd revert back to bully they were in middleschool. Traits like stimming and special interests are romanticised, while the more "ugly" parts are all ignored and forgotten. White autistics with Lower supports needs are centred and most often leave their POC and higher supports needs siblings behind and/or speak over them.

DID too has suffered from being sensationalised and glamorized, the alters/multiplicity aspect has been romanticised and taken by outsiders while the "ugly" parts have been left out and forgotten. "Plurality isn't a disorder it's just some vague phenomena anyone can experience! If you wish you were a system, now you can be!" It's just a quirky identity stripped of it's "baggage". Plural communities constantly decentre CDD systems, their most vulnerable group, we are not listened to because our disorder isn't pretty, because we don't want our experiences and language appropriated , because we don't abide by their idealised version of Plurality and blindly agree with their community.

The "tiktokification" of autism does not represent me, the "tiktokification" of systems doesn't either. I'm not against sharing the good parts of your disorder/disability but you must remember it IS a disorder/disability. There is also nothing wrong with relating to traits of a disorder without having it. But,once again, do not speak over us!!

(Sorry if what's written I all over the place, the post was started by one alter and its been a few day I've decided to finish it and post it. I hope what we've written makes sense. Be kind and have a lovely day)