butts and cats

Bonjour, they call me thug nasty; pansexual prowler who likes cats, weed, pizza, rock and roll, and my boyfriend, not in that order. if you're nice to me I'm nice to you. hahaha. but really.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

they seriously expected us to worship cops & soldiers when street cleaners and sanitation workers exist? fuck off i know who my heroes are

[parkchanwoohoo]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#i think that as sides are added it gets more and more sci fi#but eventually you circle around to having so many sides its a sphere and also fantasy again

Asymptotic Fantasy

[nyancrimew]

y'all remember this game? just pure goonbait it's crazy i was allowed to play it at all bro 😭

[msmaev]

Once you know all the logic tricks to play minesweeper, you end up in a state of exercised mastery. The goal is not to solve individuals puzzles but to tease out more and more from her while denying her every chance to explode, every chance to deny you your total dominance over her.

In short, mastery over minesweeper is mastery over edging the program.

[masterspider5]

We have GOT to get regular porn back on this website.

[nyancrimew]

what do you think this is

[penandinkprincess]

my scoop of ice cream flipped and hit the counter, so my solution was picking it up and just eating around the part that touched the counter, and I'm here to report that eating ice cream with your hands while crouched over the sink to catch drips does feel like being a little raccoon

10/10 experience highly recommend

[penandinkprincess]

well that's my plans for tomorrow sorted

[stonegoddex]

what if we admitted to each other that it's not always really romance that we want. What if we admitted that what we're really craving is intimacy and society taught us romance is the only way to get it.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

not doomed by the narrative but certainly disciplined

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

put in timeout by the narrative

[bramblepatch]

dommed by the narrative

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

i can't post anything

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

this isn't a hellsite it's a hellhome

[the-muppet-joker]

I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for tumblr. My wife has left me. My children do not recognize my face. I have faced demonic attack, public execution, and erotic ego death, which is like normal ego death but you develop kinks that make Society despise you, like a psychosexual fixation on Kermit the Frog. "I like your shoelaces." THANKS, THEY TETHER ME TO THE GROUND I STAND ON! I AM UNABLE TO LEAVE! I WILL DIE HERE! I WILL DIE IN THIS HOUSE!

[woolandflax]

Ha I wonder how many strokes the most complex Chinese character has like maybe eightee-

[woolandflax]

Has a Chinese son, names him bèng-dá, and he hates me

[woolandflax]

My beloved son 䨻龘 just trying to write his name in kindergarten

[inthefallofasparrow]

[yogg-saron]

my little brother came into my room and told me that there was water all over the bathroom floor so i got up and grabbed a towel and ran into the bathroom to find all of my water energy pokemon cards sprawled out on the floor this kid is 5 fucking years old and he got me

[yogg-saron]

do you think this is a fucking game (because he does)

[yogg-saron]

THIS POST IS TWO YEARS OLD NOW. MAX IS 7. IT DIES DOWN FOR LIKE HALF A YEAR AND THEN SUDDENLY IT KICKS BACK UP AGAIN I HATE THIS POST 

[wizardshark]

this post is now 5 years old. Max is 10 and i hope he’s still schemin’

[explorerrowan]

There’s so much potential in this genre of joke. “There’s a fire in the kitchen!” etc.

[yogg-saron]

#max is thirteen now :(

i find it so genuinely hilarious that my little brothers age is measurable on tumblr specifically by people who have seen this post. i moved out a while ago but i know that he would love how often his dorky ass joke gets passed around on here. thank you all very much.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Max is an adult now

[gayteensupreme]

"queer-owned business" means nothing anymore. OpenAI and Palantir are both queer-owned businesses.

[gayteensupreme]

if this is how you find out that both sam altman and peter thiel are gay im sorry

[hooved]

his name is eBay

[hooved]

my beautiful radioactive son eBay who i must never hug lest i become inflicted with a sickness. some days i think it would be worth it

[hooved]

someone tagged this as “plush” so i thought i should let you all know this is a donkey kong shaped pipe. you put your weed on top of his ass and you have to suck through his mouth

[auntiealiasing]

His name is eBay.

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

[cadaverkeys]

genuinely one of my favourite details about Bram Stokers Dracula that isn't really transferred to the pop culture is that vampires have irridescent eyes, they appear brown at a glance, however when light is reflected on them they seem to go red!

[cadaverkeys]

another thing that pop culture latched onto is this idea that you might use a wreath of garlic bulbs to ward off a vampire, however, in the book there is a popular use of garlic blossoms rather than the bulbs. i think these are a lot prettier and way more versatile for stylisation! you could have a garlic flower crown.

[cadaverkeys]

also like the cowboy part can we please stop omitting the fact that there is a real ass cowboy in Bram Stokers Dracula and hes from real ass Texas and he has a fucking gun and he tries to fucking shoot Dracula

[ahotknife]

the thing is that childhood doesn't just end when you turn 18 or when you turn 21. it's going to end dozens of times over. your childhood pet will die. actors you loved in movies you watched as a kid will die. your grandparents will die, and then your parents will die. it's going to end dozens and dozens of times and all you can do is let it. all you can do is stand in the middle of the grocery store and stare at freezers full of microwave pizza because you've suddenly been seized by the memory of what it felt like to have a pizza party on the last day of school before summer break. which is another ending in and of itself

[clearestbluest]

<3

[shining-bewear]

[slimegirlslugwife]

she’s right

[galaxywarp]

that’s her. the Task Manager

[baradragon]

speaking from a place of privilege (good url)

[baradragon]

some of you should not be reblogging this

[assdad]

[tahthetrickster]

unbelievable that its 4/20 and absolutely nobody has put the objectively best rage comic on my dash yet. i have to do everything around here

[fatgrowlithe]

runner up

[zzoupz]

this probably doesn't count as a rage comic but its up there