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@incorrectcomicbookquotes
Impulse: (brings Carol to the Batcave)
Carol: (takes off her blindfold) Is that... a giant penny?
Impulse: Yeah. Cool, right?
Carol: Is it worth more than a regular penny?
Impulse: Well, that would make cents.
Impulse & Carol: (giggle)
Max Mercury: Bart, I hate to tell you this, but all of the fish in your tank are dead.
Impulse: NOOOOOOOO!!! There can be only one explanation for this; Inertia!
Max Mercury: Well, actually, it's the pH balance. It's all out of whack.
Impulse: Yeah! I know! Inertia probably did it!
Max Mercury: Bart, you said the same thing about losing your keys last week and forgetting my birthday the week before that.
Impulse: No, n-no! That really was Inertia, okay? He used some kind of mind ray on me that made me forget your birthday, and look what it did to my hair! CURSE YOU, INERTIA!
Max Mercury: Oh, brother.
Impulse: No, he's my brother.
Young Justice Hanging Out
Young Justice: (watching TV)
Robin: (thinking) Stop looking at me! Stop looking at me! Stop looking at me!
Wonder Girl: (thinking) Please, look at me! Psst, hey! I love you, Robin! I have secret love powers... LOOK AT ME!
Impulse: (thinking) Huh... I have twenty-nine teeth... no, that can't be right... one, two, three...
Secret: (thinking) Bart has Carol, Cassie's in love with Tim, and I have nothing... oh, I found an M&M! (picks it off the ground and puts it in her mouth) ... oh, no... (spits it out)
Superboy: (thinking) My life sucks... okay, I really hope no one smelled that.
Arrowette: (thinking) Alright! I am the best-looking person in this room! No! No, in this whole town! No! In this whole state! No...
Red Tornado: (thinking) ... dumbasses.
Impulse: Hey, Greta! What're your adjectives?
Secret: You mean my pronouns?
Impulse: No. I already know your pronouns. I wanna know your adjectives!
Secret: Uh, I dunno. What're yours?
Impulse: (proudly) Noisy and chaotic!
Secret: ... I've never had something go from making no sense to complete sense so fast.
Impulse: Hey, Inertia, how's it going~? How's it going after you fell out of that timestream, huh? You, uh... You look a little crumpled, buddy. Look a little crumpled~!
Inertia: (in a crater) You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Impulse: Well, since you did try to kill me, uh, and, uh, steal my identity, and kill my mentor/father figure, uh, yes. Yes, I am. Yeah. Yeah, I'm enjoying this.
Inertia: This... this wasn't the plan...
Impulse: Oh, and what was the plan? That you'd just die once you hit the ground, get out of your consequences? You do realize you got to play with my dog before me, so I'm really mad that you just keep hunkering down on this whole stupid "oh, I'm so calculating and methodical". You think you're better than me because you don't have ADHD? Huh? Is that what you think makes you better? Because that's... that isn't cool!
Inertia: ... listen, I was chasing a high-
Impulse: Yeah, and you fell from pretty high, too! I mean, look at your fucked up legs!
Inertia: Did you come here just to mock me?
Impulse: Nah, I mostly came here to let you know that in a few weeks, I'm gonna kiss ya.
Inertia: WHAT?!
Impulse: Yeah, check it out! New Flash spin-off: Impulse X Inertia, an original official DC project! Pucker up, blondie~!
Inertia: I never consented to that!
Impulse: No, but you're fictional and they made you, so they can make you do whatever the hell they want.
Impulse: You don't even like men!
Impulse: That has never been proven!
Inertia: Why would you even want to kiss someone you hate?!
Impulse: 'Cause it'll make you maaaaaaaad~! And that's fuuuuunny~!
Inertia: I am not god damn kissing you!
Impulse: You know what? I'll just do it now and get it out of the way!
(SMOOCH!)
Inertia: FUCK! I actually really liked it!
Impulse: Yeah, but I didn't like it. Guess I don't like kissing guys, so I don't wanna do it again.
Inertia: IT'S NOT FAIR!
First Time Jason Fought Scarecrow
Jason: Bruce must think I'm a total wuss.
Alfred: Oh, pish posh, Master Jason. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Fear is perfectly natural. Everyone is afraid of something.
Jason: Oh, yeah? What about you, Alfred? What're you afraid of?
Alfred: Well, admittedly, I do have one underlying fear, Master Jason... I'm afraid that reality as we know it is someone else's dream.
Jason: ...
Alfred: And that when the dreamer wakes, I'll no longer exist.
Jason: ... I wouldn't tell too many people about that, Alfred.
Iris: (hands a bumper sticker to Carol) Welcome to the club, Carol.
Linda: (clapping) Glad to have you onboard.
Rick: (clapping) You earned it.
Joan: (clapping) You'll fit right in.
Carol: (reads bumper sticker) "My other ride is a Flash."
Impulse: Hey, I bet I can get her. (points at Carol)
Superboy: Alright, bet.
Impulse: Watch this. (zips up to Carol) Wassup, baby?
Carol: (giggles) Hey.
Impulse: You remind me of the twenty letters in the alphabet.
Carol: ?
Superboy: There's twenty-six letters in the alphabet, dumbass!
Impulse: Oh! Silly me! (turns to Carol) How could I forget the U-R-A-Q-T?!
Carol: ////////
Young Justice: (whooping and cheering)
Impulse: (to Superboy) Gimme my money! Gimme my money!
Superboy: No! No, no, no, hell no! That's only twenty-five! He's still missing one! He can't count!
Impulse: (gets in Superboy's face) Oh! Oh-oh! I'm sorry! Silly me! (zips back to Carol) You can get that D later!
Carol: ////////// !!!!!!!!!!
Young Justice: (clapping and cheering)
Legion of 3 Worlds in a Nutshell
Superboy-Prime: There's nothing you can do to bring Bart Allen back.
Everyone: ...
Impulse: HE HAS RISEN, BABY-GIRL!
Superboy-Prime: FUCK!!!
Nightwing & Red Hood: (in jail)
Red Hood: So... how long do you think we'll be here?
Nightwing: I'm not talking to you.
Red Hood: ...
Nightwing: ... y'know what?! I can't believe you made me do that! We are so screwed!
Red Hood: (smug) Thought you weren't talking to me.
Storm: Emma! I just got your invitation to your "Quarter-Century New Years" party!
Emma Frost: You just got it? Damn, the mail is slow.
Storm: You knew I was throwing a New Years party, but you just had to throw yours on the same day!
Emma Frost: I have done nothing unethical.
Storm: Well, you're going to have to cancel, because I already told everyone about my party!
Emma Frost: "Cancel?!" Think again, "Windrider!" I started planning this in 2001! I put a deposit down on this school's auditorium and gymnasium! And I booked Alison Blaire.
Storm: Well, what am I going to do?! I have over two hundred folding chairs and quite a bit of ice!
Emma Frost: ... what kind?
Storm: Cubed.
Emma Frost: That's good stuff. And you can never have too much ice. Alright, I'll tell you what I'll do. You can co-host the party with me under one condition. No Kitty. Kitty Pryde is not invited!
Storm: I have to invite Kitty! She's like a daughter to me!
Emma Frost: That, she may be! But she's out of my life starting in the year 2025! For me, the rest of the century must be... KITTY-FREE!
Incorrect Manga Quotes 37
(For adult readers only! 18+)
Seras: Y'know what I've always wanted to try?
Alucard: Necrophilia?
Seras: No, pizza pie! Is it as wonderful as they say-? (looks back at Alucard) ... "necrophilia?"
Robin: (walks in to Mount Justice)
Impulse: (sitting at the table with a bunch of empty plastic bowls, jars, and cartons) Hey, Tim.
Robin: ... is this a speedster-metabolism thing?
Impulse: No. Apparently, the fridge broke last night. Everything was gonna spoil so I figured I'd eat everything so it wouldn't go to waste. I ate all the cold-cuts, the ice cream, the take-out. And, hey, what was in that brown jar in the back that had your name on it?
Robin: That's still in there?!
Impulse: Not anymore.
Incorrect Manga Quotes 36
Saul: I know two hundred ways to kill a man.
Nico Robin: You could glue an open jar full of rats to his face then blowtorch the other end of the jar so the rats have to eat their way out through his face.
Saul: ... two hundred and one.
Heat Wave: (pulls up in Lex Luthor's limo)
Captain Cold: What the fuck?! The fuck are you driving his car around for?!
Heat Wave: (gets out) Damn! The entitlement of that guy! I swear, I don't know why you associate with folks like that, Lenny.
Captain Cold: Mick! What?! Happened?!
Heat Wave: I asked for a fair day's pay after a fair day's work! Then he... kindagotalittleangry. So, I admit, I kindagotalittleangry!
Captain Cold: Did you kill him?
Heat Wave: What kinda fuckin' animal do you take me for?! No, I didn't kill him!
Captain Cold: (relieved sigh) Oh, fuck...
Heat Wave: (pulls Mercy Graves out of the trunk) BUT I DID KIDNAP HIS WIFE!
Captain Cold: OH, NO!
Impulse: (runs into Mount Justice with coffee) Okay! Cappuccino for Tim! Hot chocolate with whipped cream and sprinkles for Steph! And plain black coffee for Cass!
Robin, Spoiler, & Batgirl: ...
Robin: (hands cappuccino to Spoiler) Here you go, Steph.
Spoiler: (hands hot chocolate to Batgirl) Here's your hot chocolate, Cass.
Batgirl: (hands coffee to Robin) This is Tim's.
Impulse: ...
Flash Family Reunion 4
Wally: Okay, guys! We need to figure out who reverse-engineered Brainiac's tech to take over the world!
Wallace: It was Bart.
Wally: Huh?
Avery: After Max came back to life again, he decided to brainwash everyone in the world so no one would hurt him ever again.
Wally: How do you know this?
Jay: He told us.
Wally: Wha-?! Well, why didn't you stop him?!
Jay: Because, it's Bart. He's really cute!
Avery: (chuckles) Yeah, you should've heard him! He was all like; (impersonating Impulse) "All resistance is futile!"
Wallace: (impersonating Impulse) "Those who stray from the path will be corrected!"
Jay: (impersonating Impulse) "Today, a safer Central City! Tomorrow, a safer world!"
Wally: Are you crazy?! How could you not see that he was dangerous?! Actually, now that I think about it, that must've been adorable.
Flashfam: D'aaaaaw.
Wally: Okay, let's take that cutie-patootie down!