Incorrect DC Quotes

•mostly batfam•

[incorrectdcquotess]

Jason: When people get too chummy with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don't really care about them.

Damian: That's a genius move.

Jason: Thank you.

Damian: You're welcome, Lester.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Alfred: Master Bruce, you're sick, you need rest.

Bruce: If I was sick, could I do this?

Alfred:

Bruce:

Alfred: What are you doing?

Bruce: Cartwheels. Am I not doing them?

Alfred: No.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Wally: Okay, bye for real this time.

Artemis: Wait, wait, wait. I made you five bologna sandwiches in case you get hungry on the way.

Wally: Did you--

Artemis: Yes, I used cookies instead of bread.

Wally: You think of everything.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Barbara: Alright, we need a plan.

Dick: Do you want me to seduce the guards?

Barbara: How would that help?

Dick: I don't know. I just want to see if I could do it.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Damian: So tell me when exactly will I be allowed to go on a mission with Todd?

Bruce: When I'm dead, plus three days, just to make sure I'm dead.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Tim: [About Steph] So, you think she's the girl for me?

Dick: Oh, yeah. She’s tons of fun, and you’re no fun at all. She… completes you.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Damian and Jason on a Mission

Damian: So, what's the plan?

Jason: We go in and search the base for Bruce

Damian: And if there are bad guys?

Jason: We kill everyone in our path

Damian: I like it. Simple, easy to remember.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Roy: So, what’s your type?

Jason: Red hair, kind, oblivious, playful, great archer

Roy: Sounds like me. Too bad we’re just friends.

Jason: Did I mention oblivious?

Roy: Yeah, why?

Jason: Just making sure.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Damian: [holding a box] What would you say if I came home one day with ten ducklings?

Dick: Um, I- what’s in the box, Damian?

Damian:

Dick: Damian, what’s in the box?

Damian:

Dick:

Damian: ...I think you know.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Steph: How are you sleeping?

Tim: Like a baby.

Tim: Every two hours I wake up screaming.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Bruce: Dick, how are you so happy all the time?

Dick: I don't know! I guess the universe hasn’t delivered the final blow tipping me into madness and hate!

Jason, rocking back and forth in the corner: Lucky bastard.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Dick: THE FLOOR IS LAVA

Cass: *helps Steph onto the counter*

Jason: *kicks Tim off the sofa*

Dick: As you can see, there are 2 types of friends

[incorrectdcquotess]

Cassie: Tim, in your educated opinion, how will i die.

Tim: Murdered by an angry god.

Cassie: That’s a shame.

Bart: What about me?

Tim: You crave toast while taking a bath.

Bart: I do love bath snacks.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Dick and Tim: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*

Dick: WE NEED AN ADULT!

Tim: DICK YOU’RE AN ADULT

Dick: WE NEED AN ADULTIER ADULT, GET BABS.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Roy: What are you writing?

Jason: Batman wants to know what kind of weapons we have. I’m letting him know its private information.

Artemis: *peering over Jason’s shoulder* this just says ‘fuck around and find out’ in calligraphy.

Jason: Mhm.

[incorrectdcquotess]

Dick: Would you rather sit on a dick and eat cake, or, sit on a cake and eat dick?

Bruce: ... I meant do you have any questions about the plan

Dick: Ohhhhh

[incorrectdcquotess]

Dick: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate?

Tim: i’m a ‘i’m not paying $600 for photoshop’ pirate.