Crack Quotes

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Cragen: Would you slap your best friend for a thousand bucks? Fin: I would slap Munch for free. Munch, tearing up: I’m your best friend??

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Emily: Would you slap your best friend for a thousand bucks? Penelope: I would slap Luke for free. Luke, tearing up: I’m your best friend??

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Elliot: I've learned some truly horrible things tonight. You were right and I was wrong.

Huang: Goodness. Alex is sleeping with Olivia?

Elliot: What? How could you possibly know that?

Huang: "You were right and I was wrong". You must have been shaken to your core to say that to me. Olivia is your most trusted friend, so she has to be involved. Your use of the word horrible leads me to believe that the matter was sexual in nature, given your obvious immaturity.

Elliot: I've had sex.

Huang: And, of course, you would be most upset if Liv were to have slept with someone you've worked with for years at this point, someone you consider family. Thus, the solve: Olivia and Alex.

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Carisi: I love the whole “good captain/bad captain” thing you two have going.

Olivia: It’s not really a thing, it’s more like I’m nice and Duarte’s not.

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Elliot: So, who's the clingiest? Alex: [sitting on Olivia's lap with her arms wrapped around her neck and her face buried into her chest] Alex: Liv, clearly.

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Barba: Please understand, I am not emotionally invested in any of this. Carisi: That's the nicest way of saying "I don't give a fuck" I've ever seen.

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Olivia: Do you ever get pre-annoyed? Like you already know someone is going to piss you off? Alex: What? No, I- Elliot: *enters the room* Alex: *clenches jaw*

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Olivia: Where are you going? Alex: To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one! Olivia: I told you I did! It's getting here on Friday! Noah, knowing full well Olivia got Alex an engagement ring: *eats popcorn and plays video games.

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Amanda: I gotta be honest, I'm not having a baja blast right now. Carisi: Like for real, I am having a crunch wrap supremely difficult time. Barba: What the fuck, are you two having a stroke?

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Alex: Hey Babe. Alex: I met a guy today. Alex: He was really handsome and I think I'm in love with him. Alex: His name is Uno. Olivia, sighs: Show me the cat!

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Amanda: Alex won't come out of her office. Olivia: Just tell her I said something. Amanda: Like what? Olivia: Anything factually incorrect. Amanda, sighs: If you say so. Alex, angrily storms out of her office: Did you just say the sun is a planet?!

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Olivia: Amanda, update? Amanda: Overall, like a 7/10 day. A nice lady gave me a hotdog and I got to play with a dog. The -3 points is because Sonny said he preferred Billie's hair style over Jesse's. I don't know why he even told me that, it wasn't helpful or nice, somethings can be kept to yourself. Anyways, it was a very good day. Thank you for asking. Olivia, pinching the bridge of her nose: I meant an update about if you plan on coming back to the NYPD? Amanda: Oh, no, I'm enjoying being able to put my kids to bed every night.

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Elliot: We can make this work! We're like Romeo and Juliet. Kathy: It didn't work for Romeo and Juliet. That play ends in a tragic double suicide. Elliot: That's how it ends? Why do people like it so much?

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Amanda: My father is not a man. He's a one-star Yelp review come to life.

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Olivia: Why is Amanda spitting out paper? Carisi: I made an origami cupcake and apparently it looked real enough for her.

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Carisi: Can I ride this scooter outside? Olivia: I'm not your mom, do what you want. Carisi: Okay! Olivia: Not in the street!

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Alex: How petty can you get?

Amanda: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.