Totally (in)correct Ultimate Spiderman quotes

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Sam: We have invented fire hockey.

Peter: It’s like normal hockey but the puck is on fire and the edge of the field is defined by a ring of fire

Sam: Also it’s played on concrete and the player wheels are greased by kerosene.

Luke: Guys, we were gone for two days!

Peter: It has a death match mode. Two players. First to seven goals wins.

Ava: Peter, Sam, I respect you both, but what the actual fuck?!

Sam: Are you too cowardly to play fire hockey?

Danny: …Give me a stick.

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Peter: Dear diary, today three people tried to murder me…

Peter: …so pretty average day

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Luke: So, I’ve been thinking… Danny: Dangerous past tense.

Danny: I’m in.

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Ava: This plan will require using Peter’s greatest strength.

Peter: What, my hair? My eyes? Wait, are you talking about my comedy skills?

Sam: My guess is your obnoxious personality.

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Sam: When i get murdered can you make sure i become an unsolved case?

Ava: I- what?

Sam: I want to be on buzzfeed unsolved!

Peter: Can we go back to ‘whEN i get murdered’?!

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Peter: Hey, do you know anyone that can teach me how to play the trumpet?

Ava: Why?

Peter: I wanna wander around the school and annoy Sam.

Luke: Technically, you don’t need to know how to play it for that.

Peter: You have opened my eyes, Luke.

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Flash: Why is Miles sitting on the roof?

Peter: He likes to feel tall.

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Are you still active?

kind of? not as much as I used to but I still post sometimes

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Ava: If Spiderman and Scarlet spider were drowning and you could only save one, who would you save?

Sam: My energy

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Ava: Interesting. The odds of that happening are vanishingly small.

Amadeus: I would say infinitesimal

Sam: Yes and I would say teenily weenily. We all know words.

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Danny: [clicking noise]

Luke: [clicking noise]

Peter: Stop it.

Danny: Stop what?

Peter: You’re talking about me in Morse Code.

Luke: Yeah, Peter, that’s what we’re doing. In our very limited free time and with our very limited budget we went out and took a class on a very outmoded, very unnecessary form of communication just so we could talk about you in front of you.

Peter: Am I wrong?

Danny: No. That’s exactly what we did.

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Peter: There’s no "I" in team, but there is one in "pizza."

Luke: ...So you’re not going to share.

Peter: I am not going to share.

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Peter: Good job, Miles

Miles: Are you going to give me a sticker?

Peter: Not just any sticker. It has a kitten that says,

"me-wow!"

Miles: Peter, I'm not in kindergarten

Peter: Oh, well I'll take it back then

Miles: Hey, I earned this, back off!

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Peter: Alright, give me your hair dryer.

Ava: What? What are you talking about?

Peter: Don't you carry one in your purse?

Ava: Have you ever met a human woman?

Peter, to MJ: Hey, do you carry a hair dryer in your purse?

MJ: Of course. I'm not an animal.

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I’m too young to die and too old to eat off the kids’ menu. What a stupid age I am

Sam Alexander