Infected Ink

A collection of thoughts. Sometimes it's beautiful, sometimes trash, and sometimes indistinguishable between either.

[replicated-archive]

Experiencing brutal cold for a period of time every year keeps you humble

[replicated-archive]

That’s why Californians are like that

[lynati]

Time to plastic over the windows for the season.

[thelostknee-deactivated20210422]

????? Why??????????

[gallusrostromegalus]

You put the plastic on the windows to stop the heat from leaking out of your house from between the panes, through the glass itself, and where the window is attatched to the rest of the house.  This does make a drastic difference in the temeprature of your house and the amount of gas/electricity needed to keep it warm.

Some other Winter Things:

If you think there’s going to be an exceptionally deep freeze, you open up all the cabinets in the house to warm the air in there and keep the pipes from freezing/bursting.

If you’re going to be away for a while in winter, it’s adviseable to turn your water off to avoid the same.

Putting an electric Blanket between your topcover and bedsheet and pre-heating your bed for half an hour so you don’t get a chill going to bed.

Applying literal vasaline to your lips if you’re going to be in the cold for an extended time (more than 10-20 min, depending on latitude), becuase chapstick won’t cut it and your lips will split and bleed and HURT

Doing the same to your nose

Your tears go from liquid to gooey trying to produce a similar protection for your eyes.  You can also feel the water freeze on your eyes if you step directly out into the cold.

Also since I know you’re a socal person- in the far north you can get as little as eight hours of daylight. 7AM to 3 PM.  You need to by the most obnoxiously bright light possible and sit beside it or you will actually literally develop psychosis in some cases.  It’s 4:30 and you need to take the dog out? it’s pitch black out.

Everything is covered in ice, which will alternately cause you to slip and break something, burn, or actually tear off your skin.

Christmas and the pressure to be jolly is much stronger in places with Winter. Get your Holly Jolly On In this Frozen Black Hellscape!!!  It’s why people go real bananas on the holiday lights.  they’re trying to stave off the void.

[darkmagyk]

I know the person I’m reblogging this from lives like 40 minutes from me, not in the North. 

But people in the North, are you OK?

[aibidil]

Why ‘female-presenting nipples’ matter

When I was 10, my mom made me wear a bra and it felt like a punishment for being different.

When I was 10, I took the bra off when changing for gymnastics and accidentally dropped it in the school hallway. A teacher picked it up and said, “Oh, this must belong to you” and handed it back to me in front of everyone. I quit gymnastics.

When I was 11, I thought maybe the boobs would be okay so long as they didn’t get any bigger than would fit in my hand, so I kept measuring it, but they did.

When I was 12, I started wearing two or three sports bras to smush them down, until one day a classmate said, “Are you wearing two bras?!” while laughing.

When I was 13, a boy told me he wanted to squeeze my boobs “until they popped.”

When I was 14, I got cast in a play as an older character and a classmate told me I got the role because I had boobs.

When I was 17, my mom told me to return a swimsuit because it would be too distracting for my boyfriend’s father.

When I was 21, I got properly fitted for a bra and everyone felt the need to tell me how much better my boobs looked.

When I was 26, I got pregnant and my immediate fear was that my boobs would get bigger.

When I was 28, I got shamed for trying to feed my screaming baby in public without a cover.

When I was 28, people asked me “why are you bothering to use a breastfeeding cover?”

When I was 30, people gave me weird looks that I wasn’t yelling at my kid for putting their hand on my boob.

When I was 31, I avoided going to the beach or pool because I didn’t want to have to deal with boobs in a swimsuit.

When I was 32, I got asked, again, “why don’t you get a breast reduction?”

When I was 33, I watched a 5yo girl get shamed for running around in sweltering heat without a shirt on and had to reprimand a bunch of tween boys who thought it was okay to shame her for doing something they do all the time.

When I was 34, my kid kept patting my breast and saying “Mommy’s squishy breast!!” They will never see me express any shame about tits, because I want them to have a different mindset than I had. Yes, boobs are nice! They’re squishy! They’re fun! That’s the end of that.

I’m 35 and no longer give a fuck. I don’t care anymore. As a teenager my tits were covered in stretch marks. They’ve been engorged with milk. My nipple changed shape with pregnancy. Give it another couple decades and my breasts will probably be all wrinkly. It’s sexual when I’m using it sexually. I don’t fucking care, and I won’t be ashamed anymore. 

Every time a policy or cultural hangup treats people with breasts differently, it fucks us over. 

Tumblr’s new policy makes an active choice to participate in this culture of shame. By classifying “female-presenting nipples” as explicit material, Tumblr has taken a stance that any chest or breast that differs from a male default is worthy of shame and unavoidably sexual. The idea that breasts are shameful and unavoidably sexual is exactly what fucked me up for so much of my life.

Stop shaming people for having bodies. 

[bixgirl1]

*claps until my arms fall off*

[coolguyhsupage]

[master2ss]

I just want to applaud the adult wisdom presented here and acknowledge the Victorian stupidity of Tumblr’s ridiculous evaluation of 21st century views.

[infectedink]

@staff

[aibidil]

Why ‘female-presenting nipples’ matter

When I was 10, my mom made me wear a bra and it felt like a punishment for being different.

When I was 10, I took the bra off when changing for gymnastics and accidentally dropped it in the school hallway. A teacher picked it up and said, “Oh, this must belong to you” and handed it back to me in front of everyone. I quit gymnastics.

When I was 11, I thought maybe the boobs would be okay so long as they didn’t get any bigger than would fit in my hand, so I kept measuring it, but they did.

When I was 12, I started wearing two or three sports bras to smush them down, until one day a classmate said, “Are you wearing two bras?!” while laughing.

When I was 13, a boy told me he wanted to squeeze my boobs “until they popped.”

When I was 14, I got cast in a play as an older character and a classmate told me I got the role because I had boobs.

When I was 17, my mom told me to return a swimsuit because it would be too distracting for my boyfriend’s father.

When I was 21, I got properly fitted for a bra and everyone felt the need to tell me how much better my boobs looked.

When I was 26, I got pregnant and my immediate fear was that my boobs would get bigger.

When I was 28, I got shamed for trying to feed my screaming baby in public without a cover.

When I was 28, people asked me “why are you bothering to use a breastfeeding cover?”

When I was 30, people gave me weird looks that I wasn’t yelling at my kid for putting their hand on my boob.

When I was 31, I avoided going to the beach or pool because I didn’t want to have to deal with boobs in a swimsuit.

When I was 32, I got asked, again, “why don’t you get a breast reduction?”

When I was 33, I watched a 5yo girl get shamed for running around in sweltering heat without a shirt on and had to reprimand a bunch of tween boys who thought it was okay to shame her for doing something they do all the time.

When I was 34, my kid kept patting my breast and saying “Mommy’s squishy breast!!” They will never see me express any shame about tits, because I want them to have a different mindset than I had. Yes, boobs are nice! They’re squishy! They’re fun! That’s the end of that.

I’m 35 and no longer give a fuck. I don’t care anymore. As a teenager my tits were covered in stretch marks. They’ve been engorged with milk. My nipple changed shape with pregnancy. Give it another couple decades and my breasts will probably be all wrinkly. It’s sexual when I’m using it sexually. I don’t fucking care, and I won’t be ashamed anymore. 

Every time a policy or cultural hangup treats people with breasts differently, it fucks us over. 

Tumblr’s new policy makes an active choice to participate in this culture of shame. By classifying “female-presenting nipples” as explicit material, Tumblr has taken a stance that any chest or breast that differs from a male default is worthy of shame and unavoidably sexual. The idea that breasts are shameful and unavoidably sexual is exactly what fucked me up for so much of my life.

Stop shaming people for having bodies. 

[bixgirl1]

*claps until my arms fall off*

[coolguyhsupage]

[master2ss]

I just want to applaud the adult wisdom presented here and acknowledge the Victorian stupidity of Tumblr’s ridiculous evaluation of 21st century views.

[quilavastudy]

I get really confused when americans, when talking about universal health care are like ‘yeh but it’s not free sweaty :) :) you have to pay it through taxes :) so gotcha!!’

and I’m like ….???? That’s the whole point??? Everyone pays their fair share so that no one has to be turned away because they don’t have insurance??? And no one has to set up a Fundraiser page just so that they DONT DIE???? So people don’t put off going to the doctor because they’re scared of going bankrupt?? Because healthcare is a RIGHT and should be free at the point of access?!?

[peccatopotpourri]

“So no one has to be turned away” she says hahaha go to a universal health care country and get a necessary operation in less than a few years and come back and talk shit.

Look at the cure rates compared to mortality rates in universal health care countries and compare them to ours, then talk shit.

Tear your ACL in a universal health care country and see what the people say if you should go to their hospitals or go to an American hospital, then talk shit.

[fluffmugger]

2010. I’d been feeling a bit ill. Work was going nuts, so I figured it was stress.  Pretty good call considering a week later work fired their entire IT department (of which I was part).    

But then I got sicker.  And it turned out I had cancer.

Burkitt’s lymphoma, stage 4a. It had spread into my brain and spinal column. 90% cure rate, but I needed nine months of chemo - and not the outpatient chemo, nope, talking multiple week stays per round of the magrath protocol.  Drugs were about 10k an IV bag.  I was unemployed.  And there were complications.

Thankfully I live in a country with universal healthcare.   And it didn’t cost me a goddamn cent to save my life.  I’m now officially past the five year mark to move me from “remission” to “Cured”.

I’ve lived in a universal healthcare country my entire life. And I’ve seen the US system in action.  Your system is fucked. Straight up fucked. You’ve got fucking Dickensian shit going on there, people dying on streets from preventable causes or ending up broke for breaking a hip.   Your health insurance companies have you by the balls and people like you are begging them to squeeze harder.  What the actual fuck is wrong with you? 

“But but but TAXESSSSSSSSS”

yeah no shit. That story above? Happened when I was 32.  I’d spent 14 years of my life paying those fucking taxes that funded the system that saved my life.    And guess what?   Now I’m cured, I’m…Back..at work..And have been for several years…earning waaaay more money and paying back into the system. This shit doesn’t exist in a vacuum, dickhead.  You’re not feeding some imaginary pack of leeches, you’re paying forward on your own damned healthcare so you don’t have to argue with an insurance company while trying to heal. 

[yyyyddmmsupremacy-deactivated20]

i also don’t get why americans can’t wrap their heads around the fact that universal healthcare is actually cheaper

like yeah your taxes might go up (hell, take a chunk out of the military budget, they might not even change) but you won’t have to pay ridiculous health insurance premiums. it’s a net saving, dumbasses. 

[casanova-lives]

Also I care about people that aren’t me

[birdsnestbegone]

Also I care about people that aren’t me

[greaseonmymouth]

the only people I have ever known who voluntarily went to an American hospital instead of a Scandinavian one (Scandinavian hospitals being all universal healthcare), was my big brother’s family who have a son with a heart condition. They’re Icelandic. Iceland, with a population of about 300.000 people, does not have a specialised children’s hospital so the surgery they needed for their child just wasn’t available in the country - not uncommon, so what the Icelandic health care system does in those cases is pay for the surgery to take place abroad in a hospital with doctors who can perform the surgery. So they decided to go to America (Iceland paid) to some hotshot children’s hospital to get surgery for their baby, and they had to wait 4 months for this vital and urgent surgery even though it was paid for up front. In your so-called amazing American hospital. For comparison, the same kind of surgery here in Denmark is actually urgent, so the child has to wait 2 days tops to get the damn surgery.

So miss me with that “waiting time of a couple of years” bullshit. That’s not a thing.

[smarter-than-the-republicans]

People in America are dying of toothaches and not having insulin because our medical industry wants a few extra dollars while Europeans are being cured of cancer at no personal charge. Somehow the latter is considered an absolute travesty to republicans to the point that I’m starting to think they’re more of a death cult than a political party.

[cumaeansibyl]

You know, I think you could prove beyond all doubt that the wait times were shorter and the costs were lower and people would still refuse universal health care

Mostly they’d refuse to listen and call you a liar, but deep down they’d also be unable to stomach the idea that someone, somewhere, might “get something for nothing”

For various obvious reasons there are an awful lot of Americans who would rather not have good things if it means those people would get them too

[springs-1-deactivated20211014]

But if Stephen Hawking lived in the UK he would have been killed by teh death panels!!!

Oh wait, you mean he did live in the UK? Well.. I’m still right! Somehow. 

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[funoftheday]

You don’t say.

[a-spoon-is-born]

[timemachineyeah]

For the record, she actually abandoned the movement BEFORE they all got whooping cough, but abandoned it too late. There’d been a breakout of measles in her area that caused her to reassess, and she and her doctor had already drafted and started a catch-up vaccination schedule, but her kids caught whooping cough just before it could be started. Then she wrote a blog post for The Scientific Parent explaining how she and her husband had come to wrong decisions in the first place, how they changed their mind, the consequences they suffered as a result, and asking other parents to please vaccinate their kids. And now she’s an activist for destroying the misinformation of anti-vaxxers, and reaching out to anti-vaxxers because she’s understands their fears but knows their kids deserve better. 

She was trying to the best for her kids and just didn’t know how to interpret the validity of information or its sources, an actual skill that can be actually difficult and that is under-taught and a necessary first step to being able to trust vaccination research, so chose no action over taking an action she wasn’t sure of. She kept looking into it with family and friends and even eventually came to the right conclusion before her kids became sick, but it was still too late.

Honestly it was pretty brave of her to publicly admit she was wrong. She could have just quietly vaccinated her kids and not become a national news story, but instead she spoke out, even saying “I’m writing this from quarantine, the irony of which isn’t lost on me.” and also “I am not looking forward to any gloating or shame as this ‘defection’ from the antivaxx camp goes public, but, this isn’t a popularity contest.  Right now my family is living the consequences of misinformation and fear.  I understand that families in our community may be mad at us for putting their kids at risk.”

She understood the consequences and still put herself and her story out there. 

[hatey-mchaterson]

You know what, it does take a big person to admit they were wrong so publicly and work to undo the harm. I believe I made fun of her in the past, but timemachineyeah changed my mind.

[rhiannonmcgavin]

saying it again but a feminism that invites people to publicly share and discuss their traumatic experiences, without mentioning any of the potential downfalls or side effects, is so dangerous, for example: if your social media account is public, potential employers could find it, or it could force confrontation within your immediate social sphere, or random strangers could harass you, without even going into mental health aspects of “sharing a story” over and over again. there are ways to break down shame and stigma around trauma without making individual people into platforms, especially when they do not have the legal and financial protection of large celebrities, and there are actual safer spaces to discuss your own trauma, and safer ways to process things, than very public revelation

[fullhalalalchemist]

uuummmmm excuse me?

https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/6054/text?format=txt

this CANNOT pass. oh hell no. –> (202)-224-3121

[casanova-lives]

What about when Nazis intimidate or oppress me for walking while Jewish? That’s just free speech, right?

[cappucino-commie]

This was introduced by Daniel Donovan (R-NY). If the name sounds familiar, its because he’s the attorney who failed to indict Eric Garner’s murderer. It’s very clear where his loyalties lie.

7308 13th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11228 (office address)

[phone] (office phone number)

I’m sure we can all very civily share our concerns with the esteemed congressman.

[knf-nb]

[ID: a series of tweets. from Lirael Lowenstein - 1: “Unmasking Antifa Act introduced to house of congress. You could get a maximum of 15 years in prison just for wearing a mask at a protest. 2: Notably, there is not even evidence that said bill is intended to be applied neutrally. If you follow the link, its authors refer to it as the “Unmasking Antifa Act of 2018.” (link here.) 3: So under this bill, if you “intimidate” or “oppress” (talk about vague terms) a nazi organizer at a rally, while wearing anything that could be construed as a disguise or mask, it would be a federal crime for which you could get up to 15 years in prison.

from Heather - 1: If any journalist who covers protests thinks this wouldn’t affect them personally because they’ve never assaulted anyone, I’d like to introduce you to the Ferguson police who dumped me out of my wheelchair & charged me for “assault on an officer” for filming on a public sidewalk. 2: If any journalist thinks this wouldn’t affect them personally because they don’t engage in vandalism, I’d like to introduce you to the St Louis police who kettle random groups of protesters, journalists, & bystanders three hours after minor vandalism several blocks away. end image description.]

more sources, all dated today; july 10th, 2018: xx, xx, xx

so what? why should i care about this?

the bill is vague, for one thing. “intimidate” and “oppress” are very unclear descriptors, meaning people could be put in jail for upwards of 15 years just for being at a protest wearing a mask.

as @sylviahook pointed out (and thank you for saying this in your own reblog): this also affects disabled people who need to wear filtration masks in public for any reason

(environmental allergens including pollen and artificial scents, asthma due to pollution, compromised immunity, etc.).

who is Daniel Donovan?

he was the attorney who was on Eric Garner’s murder case.

eric garner was a black man who was killed by a police officer in a choke hold. his last words were “i can’t breathe,” which became a tagline for a series of protests. (source 1, source 2)

he is currently sponsoring the unmasking antifa act. (source 1, source 2)

links bolded for accessibility.

[infectedink]

[femestella]

[wrex-writes]

“Getting” yourself to write

Yesterday, I was trawling iTunes for a decent podcast about writing. After a while, I gave up, because 90% of them talked incessantly about “self-discipline,” “making writing a habit,” “getting your butt in the chair,” “getting yourself to write.” To me, that’s six flavors of fucked up.

Okay, yes—I see why we might want to “make writing a habit.” If we want to finish anything, we’ll have to write at least semi-regularly. In practical terms, I get it.

But maybe before we force our butts into chairs, we should ask why it’s so hard to “get” ourselves to write. We aren’t deranged; our brains say “I don’t want to do this” for a reason. We should take that reason seriously.

Most of us resist writing because it hurts and it’s hard. Well, you say, writing isn’t supposed to be easy—but there’s hard, and then there’s hard. For many of us, sitting down to write feels like being asked to solve a problem that is both urgent and unsolvable—“I have to, but it’s impossible, but I have to, but it’s impossible.” It feels fucking awful, so naturally we avoid it.

We can’t “make writing a habit,” then, until we make it less painful. Something we don’t just “get” ourselves to do.

The “make writing a habit” people are trying to do that, in their way. If you do something regularly, the theory goes, you stop dreading it with such special intensity because it just becomes a thing you do. But my god, if you’re still in that “dreading it” phase and someone tells you to “make writing a habit,” that sounds horrible.

So many of us already dismiss our own pain constantly. If we turn writing into another occasion for mute suffering, for numb and joyless endurance, we 1) will not write more, and 2) should not write more, because we should not intentionally hurt ourselves.

Seriously. If you want to write more, don’t ask, “how can I make myself write?” Ask, “why is writing so painful for me and how can I ease that pain?” Show some compassion for yourself. Forgive yourself for not being the person you wish you were and treat the person you are with some basic decency. Give yourself a fucking break for avoiding a thing that makes you feel awful.

Daniel José Older, in my favorite article on writing ever, has this to say to the people who admonish writers to write every day:

Here’s what stops more people from writing than anything else: shame. That creeping, nagging sense of ‘should be,’ ‘should have been,’ and ‘if only I had…’ Shame lives in the body, it clenches our muscles when we sit at the keyboard, takes up valuable mental space with useless, repetitive conversations. Shame, and the resulting paralysis, are what happen when the whole world drills into you that you should be writing every day and you’re not.

The antidote, he says, is to treat yourself kindly:

For me, writing always begins with self-forgiveness. I don’t sit down and rush headlong into the blank page. I make coffee. I put on a song I like. I drink the coffee, listen to the song. I don’t write. Beginning with forgiveness revolutionizes the writing process, returns its being to a journey of creativity rather than an exercise in self-flagellation. I forgive myself for not sitting down to write sooner, for taking yesterday off, for living my life. That shame? I release it. My body unclenches; a new lightness takes over once that burden has floated off. There is room, now, for story, idea, life.

Writing has the potential to bring us so much joy. Why else would we want to do it? But first we’ve got to unlearn the pain and dread and anxiety and shame attached to writing—not just so we can write more, but for our own sakes! Forget “making writing a habit”—how about “being less miserable”? That’s a worthy goal too!

Luckily, there are ways to do this. But before I get into them, please absorb this lesson: if you want to write, start by valuing your own well-being. Start by forgiving yourself. And listen to yourself when something hurts.

Next post: freewriting

Ask me a question or send me feedback! Podcast recommendations welcome…

[epeeblade]

I need to read this again and again and again

[fairestcat]

Show some compassion for yourself. Forgive yourself for not being the person you wish you were and treat the person you are with some basic decency. Give yourself a fucking break for avoiding a thing that makes you feel awful.

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[werewolf-cuddles]

Dear Men

If you are suffering from depression, suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, or any other mental health condition, there is no shame in speaking up. There is no shame in seeking help. Your feelings matter.

It’s okay to not be okay.

[hazeldomain]

Listen. I want to tell you guys about the Dollar Tree. If you ever need to rebuild your life fast, you want a dollar tree. Everything in a dollar tree costs one dollar. No exceptions. Nothing has a price tag. Everything is one dollar. 

This is Dollar Tree not Dollar General. 

Dollar Tree looks like this: 

Their stuff is off-brand but decent quality.  

Here are some things you can buy at the dollar tree for one dollar: 

- any kind of makeup- foundation, eyeshadow, lipstick, lip gloss, mascara, etc

- socks

- Sports bras (sometimes) 

- combs, brushes, hairclips, scrunchies, hair ties, headbands

- clothes hangers, laundry bags, mothballs

- any kind of office supplies or school supplies. Staplers, pencils, posterboard, pencils, pens, etc. 

- party supplies including paper plates and balloons

- all kinds of toiletries- shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss, washcloths, deodorant, razors, shaving cream, nailclippers, etc. Decent sizes, too. 

- ceramic/glass plates, bowls, cups

- reading glasses, sunglasses

- plastic buckets

- cleaning supplies, detergent, bleach, laundry syrup, fabric softener, dish soap, sponges. brooms 

- electronics, headphones, night lights, phone chargers, batteries, screen cleaners, phone cases

Basically? If you ever get kicked out of your house or find yourself with a couple bucks and nothing else, get thee to a dollar tree. 

[mamstheodd]

All the dollar tree stores I have been in have some sort of medical aisle too. Its actually where I went first when my tooth broke for some off brand orajel (Works much faster and better than orajel imo, longer too if you put it on a cotton ball and keep it in the area) And sometimes even emergency temp tooth repair kits, which are at least $7 elsewhere. Dollar tree is a miracle.

[ahshmeeeee-in-wonderland]

I love Dollar Tree. When I first moved out this place saved me.

[rikuzegram]

Every 20-something individual needs a Dollar Tree nearby. 

[corporalbutts]

Dollar Tree also sells PREGNANCY TESTS and yes they work! Go in and buy like 5 of them, don’t spend $25 on three at CVS, not worth your money and honestly has saved me TONS of anxiety.

[strawbebbynya]

Dollar Tree also takes EBT. I nearly cried when I discovered that, because of my strict dietary needs.

[babybunsworld-blog]

Dollar Tree is good for greeting cards, as well. Don’t have a lot of money?

No problem!

They have a 50¢ section and a $1 section!

[ziddie]

They literally have EVERY candy you’d get at a theater too, and way more.  Their snack row is to DIE FOR.

Also–college kids!  When my roommate stole all of my forks and bowls and then moved out unannounced in the middle of my freshman year, I went straight to Dollar Tree and got 2 packs of forks (each pack is 4 forks) for $1 each and some cute bowls that are still my favorite bowls in the house.  Not only is their silverware sturdy, but their plates and bowls are really cute.

[c0smicdusk]

A few dollar tree stores near me have even added a cold foods section! So check your local Dollar Tree for a $1 bag of frozen chicken nuggets and get yourself a meal!

[quietstorm-thundathighs]

facts

[unaenanasinamor]

ahhh honey, people lie about being sick

[quietstorm-thundathighs]

Oh illiterate honey that isn’t the topic of discussion

[antique-scarecrow]

always be suspicious when someone tries to derail a conversation by talking about people taking ‘advantage’ of a social safety net. brings this to mind:

[therealraewest]

A guy just came to my house while I was home alone to ask if I was single why are men like this

[therealraewest]

Okay y'know what I’m gonna soapbox for a hot minute

When I was in high school, a man who I’d thought was the parent of a school friend followed me out to the grocery store parking lot greenhouse where I worked. It was dark, and late, and it was me, alone, in a chain link enclosure with one exit and a register full of cash. He called me up to the fence and asked if I wanted to get dinner, or go dancing. I was scared and shaking and told him no several times, and he only left when I falsely said I had a boyfriend. I was very aware that if he were to come over the fence, or just wait at the exit until I eventually had to leave, I could do nothing about it.

When my hair was very short, a hairdresser sent me to the barber’s side of the store so they could get the back of my head with clippers. The barber followed me out to my car to ask me out afterwards. I was very aware that we were the only people in the parking lot when it happened, and that the lot itself was tucked behind the building with no clear visibility to the road.

Today, a man I’ve met once made it very clear he knows where I live, and used that knowledge to express a romantic interest. If he ever decides that he’s unhappy with how I responded, he knows where I live. He knows what my car looks like. It is impossibly easy for him to determine when I’m home alone, and now I have to live with that knowledge.

Every woman I know has at least one story like this. My roommate had to be escorted to her car every night when she was a waitress, in case some man was waiting for her or a coworker’s shift to end.

If the person you want to ask out cannot physically run away from you when you are asking, YOU CANNOT ASK THEM OUT. You cannot ask someone out if they are at work. You cannot ask someone out if you’ve followed them to a remote/unoccupied/enclosed area. You cannot GO TO SOMEONE’S HOME UNINVITED to ask them out. You are not being romantic. You are not “taking initiative”. You are terrifying the person you want to woo. If they say yes, it is not because they want to, it is because they are terrified of what might happen if they say no.

I’m so tired of being terrified by men who think they’re being romantic.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

adults are always talking about how “kids will do anything to get out of school” and okay, first of all that’s not true, but I think we really need to ask why that idea holds so much sway.

children’s brains are hard-wired to take in new information and acquire new skills. consider, for a moment, just how thoroughly our society had to fuck up the concept of education for it to be a normal thing to assume kids are universally desperate to avoid learning.

[dragon-in-a-fez]

couple things here:

multiple things can actually be bad at the same time

I’m 32

[bramblepatch]

couple more things:

Little kids really aren’t equipped to work full time without damaging their physical, mental, and emotional development and health, and when you play the “but adults work all day!” card you sound like a nineteenth century textile baron.

Highschoolers can easily be “working” 40+ hours a week, between school, homework, and extracurriculars and/or part-time work, and still hear this smug “:/ wait til you get to the real world sweaty” rhetoric all the time.

The original claim here wasn’t even “school is too hard,” it was “school is failing to perform its most basic function,” which is different.