we are moralized to on all sides to be compassionate, and we live in a selfish society
if you have a shred of true love in your heart, you lean into all these teachings about giving and caring for others.
but you've never been shown healthy self interest
people want to be good. what they model that 'good' after is subjective and based on values that formed around them in youth.
if the only people with self interest you saw were overly selfish, you learn quickly that self interest = bad
you are too young to notice this is also a consumptive, exploitative society that benefits from teaching givers that they should never say 'no'.
if you're a certain type of person, you were raised carrying the burdens of immature adults, which made the muscles of your compassion hypertrophic.. You enter a world where many of your peers cannot carry what you do.
when you need help, you shoulder your own burdens, because they are dealing with enough.
I want to sit you down and tell you something.
We are all here to help each other, but we are not here to sacrifice ourselves to each other.
You are not being 'good' by swallowing your pain, ignoring your needs, and putting everyone else first just because they seem to have it worse than you.
You will not fulfill your life's purpose by prioritizing everyone but yourself. You will not become a saint.
You will become bitter. Resentful. Fall ill. Or realize you're just the enabler.
Shielding other adults from the consequences of their actions is based on your own discomfort with their suffering and it can get to the point where you're blocking your loved ones' growth just to use them as a prop to your self-sacrificing nature.
Be careful. Be kind, but not a martyr.
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