It's been weeks, and its kicking your ass... But hey at least you live with Shouta and Yamada. And they step in to help their kid out.
Dadzawa and Dad... Dadzashi? I guess?
"Okay, Ve, can I come in?" His voice sounded after two knocks, the usual hype dialed down to piping concern and lukewarm sweetness.
I didnt say anything, I never really did anyway. My mattress became a fortress of restless rest... a place where I could pretend everything was on pause and frozen in time when it so painfully wasnt.
He came in anyway, stepping into the shrouded dark, the sprinkled mist pouring out along the floor as though my room was some cooled vault. Which kinda fit the description.
My guess was that Shouta was probably somewhere behind him. Oh whatever, they can be mad... I dont really... have the energy.
"Ve.." Hizashis voice sounded.
I couldnt tell what was to come next, oddly enough he was as hard to decipher as Shouta.
"You know what time it is?" ....okay yea it's late, it's dark, and its a waste that I didnt even get u-
"It's movie night....!" His whisper perked up, and steps followed, before there was a dip in my fortress... and I didnt really like guests.
He huffed the smallest sigh.
"But we're not doing that. It's time for a switch-up" That perked my attention ever so slightly.
"C'mon, up-up-up." He lightly shook my shoulder, and with a grumble, I actually sat up-
God- my head fizzed, and even if I kept my eyes squinted the lights were still overly bright. But before I could back out Shouta handed over a glass of water.
"Here." I didnt protest, taking some sips before a hoodie in his hand followed.
"What?" I croaked out barely.
"I put all of yours in the wash. Pull this over... and lets go."
We reached a park, the bright sky had rolled down and darkness had pooled over. Shotas hoodie kept me in good wraps though, another plus was the smell of what I've learnt to call home being carried with it.
This wouldnt be my choice for a late night walk, safety and all, but the presence of the two kept me from going there.
... Hizashi turned to a small table hidden under a willow, all propped upon a hill that lightly overlooked the rest of the darkened trees and twinkling city.
"Alright.... here" Shouta mumbled, walking past the bench and taking his post at the edge of the small mound holding up this nook of serenity.
I looked to Yamada, searching for an explanation yet he just nodded to the tired man ahead. And I wasnt bothered to question it.
The same way I wasn't bothered to add anything as I stepped to stand next to him.
He placed his hands out, palms facing upward, before looking to me with an expectation. Without any clue, I just mimicked him, hands out, fingers lightly separated.
"Are you hands cold?" He asked, calmly so.
"Not really.." and he nooded, looking back to the park.
"Theres this light feeling, your b-"
"-blood retreating..." I ended, which threw him off righim lightly.
"Sorry.. I like the cold." I spoke, and he raised his arms up, either side of his head... again I mimicked the move.
He hummed, with an undercurrent of curiosity.
"Why so?" He followed with a sidestep, widening his stance.
"I dunno... well... it's nice, the weather it brings. Snow settles wherever. Almost like a blanket." I follwed again, a small stretch of the leg.
"Hm, it's a sort of peace."
"It is. People avoid it though, the cold I mean... I cant say I dont."
"Winter always comes, no-one can stop that." He spoke slowly.
We continiued like that, a slow motion of stances that nit together into some sort of dance. It took deep breaths to keep going, it loosened my frame, and the walls with it.
"Most times, the most serene things about it is... the idea that I could lay in something so soft."
"And have no need to wake up."
Some passing of silence followed with our flow of the now memorised poses.
I expected disaprooval, I expected criticism, any thing but-
"Thats beautiful imagery.." He rasped with certainty, and I almost stopped in my tracks.
"Everything going still... and staying that way."
"Its good to return to places like this, the calm." He let a deep breath out.
The realisation struck me.. I hadnt given this view thought. My idealisation.... of still and snow, of just being. A flipside like all else.
"In creeps ice.." He reached high up again, haising his arms from the waist to reach branches. "..it locks you in Ve."
"And when all you see is white.. you dont notice it growing untill its too deep to crawl out of."
I didnt clock it really, but somehow I cracked, and stray tears weaved their way out.
"Yea.... I guess you dont." My voice became a crackled whisper, almost lost in the light breeze but he still caught it.
"What do you do to keep keep ice from forming...."
I kept crying... not loud, not demanding, rather a soft blur of vision I had to keep blinking away. All because I realised the literal truth of what we were doing, and just how much it chipped and thawed away at the solid ice within me. A layer of snow I laid in for too long.
"Thats right... you move."
I'm tryna chip away at this ice right now, it's how I picture my drepression and moods, because it does feel like resting, untill suddenly its hard to breath, and youre shaking from the cold. From the feeling.
I actually mean to finish this, but I realised... I dont really know what recovery looks like. So. No part two untill I figure it out x
