Insert something clever

I generally go by some variation of Jade or JadeM on the internet. This is basically a collage of things I like. Send me a bookshelf number between 1 and 856 for a book from my list!

[roseunspindle]

Robin McKinley Books

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 82 (masterpost here)

Jason: i'm just gonna say it; making a map of all food trucks that own liquor licenses in Gotham was the best thing we've done this year. i cannot believe that the best chocolate martini i've ever had was served to me in a paper bag from a van.

Dick: gotta love Gotham. like, Bludhaven is my home and all, but there's no beating the creativity and entrepreneurship consistently spat out by money-hungry Gothamites on random week nights.

Jason: *bag crinkling* *satisfied grunt*

Dick: *hum* ok, i have another one.

Jason: shoot.

Dick: if you hadn't been taken in by B, what kind of person do you think you'd be today? like, do you think you'd be more likely to end up a good member of society or do you think you would have gone criminal?

Jason: ooh, ok, that's a good one. i- *considering hum* ...i dunno. on one hand, i like to think i was quite well behaved before i died, so i think if i hadn't been taken in by B then i wouldn't have ended up being resurrected and becoming... this. i probably would have been more traditionally 'good'.

Dick: fair.

Jason: -on the other hand, i met B because i was jacking cars and nicking tires at ten years old. so it's not like i was a fuckin' angel.

Dick: it's interesting you said you wouldn't have been resurrected, not wouldn't have died. do you think the Joker would have still gotten you even if you weren't Robin?

Jason: oh, no, i don't- i don't think the Joker would have killed me, but- but Dick? hey, Dick? *snort* i was never living past sixteen on the streets,

Dick: *wheezes* you don't think you would have made it??

Jason, drawing out: nyooooo,

Dick: *laughing*

Jason: like i said, i was fuckin- i was ten years old, thinkin' i could take on Batman. i had nobody in my corner during that period of time. i firmly believe that if i hadn't been swept up by Bruce then i would have ended up accidentally challenging Two-Face to a fist fight and dying within a year. that's my prediction.

Dick: so you think being Robin saved you?

*pause*

Dick: *cackle*

Jason: lets not- *wheeze* lets not go that far,

Dick: -shut up! *amused* come on, you know what i mean. you think without Robin you wouldn't have reached twenty?

Jason: yeah, that's probably more accurate. what about you? if you hadn't become the first boy wonder, where do you think you would have ended up?

*bag crinkling*

Dick, grave: jail.

Jason: *abrupt choke* *coughing, laughing* w-hat?

Dick, casually: -for either assaulting a police officer, verbal abuse, or second degree murder. attempted or successful, i dunno.

Jason, still struggling to clear his airways: *through laughter* what the fuck?

Dick: *amused* look man, i was an angry kid. you forget i was the fucker that made B think there was a good reason to let children go around beating up criminals; i was bad enough that he figured this was the best option.

Jason: ok- ok fair enough, no, yeah, you were definitely a piece of work when i met you, that's for sure.

Dick: yeah- and that was after the ten or so years of B's version of physical therapy. people always think i was so bubbly and happy when i was Robin, but i think it was actually the adrenaline of fighting people all night--basically got me high.

Jason: oh ok, so you weren't happy, you were just a sociopath in his dream environment?

Dick: no no, B had me tested. just a lot of anger issues and probable unmedicated OCD or ADHD.

Jason, crowing in glee: he had you tested-!

Dick, also laughing: shut up! honestly, that's probably why i didn't like you so much at first, y'know?

Jason: what, because you wanted to kill me?

Dick: no- *bursts out laughing*

Jason: *snickering*

Dick: no- because i thought you were gonna be just like me. B told me he brought in some kid off the streets and i was like, 'fuck great, now there's gonna be another violent little shit in the house'.

Jason: boy did i break the mold,

Dick: yeah turns out you were the complete fucking opposite to me, at first.

Jason: 'at first' *laughing* 'cause i mutated into the violence eventually.

Dick: well yeah, i was right eventually.

Jason: but if you didn't like the idea of me being problematic as a kid, how come you still hated me even when i was so well behaved and quiet?

Dick: *snort* well see- see that was the other issue, in that you being a good kid--which you did to piss me off-

Jason, conceding: -which i did to piss you off,

Dick: -right, but you being a good kid then brought up a different issue for me, because that meant you were blowing up my fucking spot.

Jason, amused: i was what?

Dick: well listen- B had no experience with kids before me, and he sure as hell didn't know what parenting was supposed to be like. i was able to set the fucking curve and tell him that i was normal. you fucking- coming in with all your homework and thank yous and eternal gratitude and fucking Cindy-Lou who personality bullshit,

Jason: *cackling loudly* CINDY-LOU WHO,

Dick: you blew up my spot! you let B know i was part of the fucking problem! you snitched on me for being a problem-child!

Jason, still laughing: *wheeze* oh god, i'm so sorry, i had no idea!

Dick, indignant: YEAH.

Jason: *wheezes again* i get it, fuck i get that. that's what i was like with Tim at first.

Dick: you- right!?! so you know what i mean!

Jason: fuck, yeah man. Bruce's whole thing with me was that i was the Robin that didn't fucking listen to him; i kept ignoring orders and doing my own thing and it got me benched. then i die, come back, and we have the fucking- the military disciplined soldier that Timothy Jackson Drake provided, we have him in my uniform, and i'm watching him through my binoculars like... fuck.

Dick: EXAC- god, he was so good at listening to orders back in the day. it was almost robotic, used to piss me off.

Jason: i was like, 'fuck he's better than me'.

Dick: *wheeze*

Jason, starting to laugh: luckily- luckily it turns out- *slight snort* turns out he sucks too,

Dick: *wheezes even harder*

Jason: dude, when he- when Tim started acting out as Robin, i felt the biggest burst of euphoria known to man.

Dick: *still wheezing*

Jason: like-, i never had to worry about Damian, you know? i raised that kid. i've seen the shit he does. i've watched him try to lie to my face about whether or not he stole and used my katana while holding his bleeding arm. i always had faith that Damian was going to be a little bitch. but Tim?! i turned up to him being like that and i was like... fuck. he's gonna make us all look shit, isn't he?

Dick: i know, it really- it was a good day for the Wayne children when we realised Tim was just as much a dickhead as we all are. a true miracle.

Jason: *humming casually* and then he tried to commit genocide in the league of assassins and we were like shit fuck no wait too much not like that-

Dick: *wheezes*

*distant burglar alarm*

Jason and Dick: *instant groans*

Dick: god-DAMMIT, can't they see we're on BREAK?

Jason: *limbs clicking* *tired grunt* alright, alright, let's get this over with. you good to- can you walk? you had more van-cocktails than me.

Dick: *also grunting* what am i, a pussy? oh- woah-

Jason: woah- hold on, let me- hold my arm. *snickering* god this fight is gonna be so funny.

Dick: i'll walk it off, let's go.

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

At some point on the journey back to Erid, Rocky gets around to asking Grace exactly why he was so mesmerised by seeing the astrophage in the Petrova line.

Grace describes it as best he can, but all he can really manage to get across to Rocky is that he was surrounded by small floating lights.

Later on, Grace is talking about the stars and how important they've been to human cultures for millennia. “What do the stars look like, question?” Rocky wants to know.

Oh, y'know, they're a bunch of small floating lights.

There's a disco ball on the Hail Mary. Grace says it's there because it “makes me happy”. “How does it make Grace happy, question?” Rocky wants to know.

Oh, it creates the illusion that he's surrounded by small floating lights.

Rocky begins to do some research.

Glitter: a substance invented by humans to make things look like they're covered in small lights.

Human jewellery: mostly involves gemstones or polished metals, designed to reflect small lights.

Christmas lights. Candles. Lanterns. Fireworks. Glowsticks. Glow in the dark paint. Rocky is beginning to notice a pattern here, statement.

It takes Grace a fucking while after getting to Erid to notice that a lot of the gifts he's receiving from grateful Eridians are either a) sparkly, b) incredibly shiny, or c) fitted with lights.

While the last one is obviously a concession for his human light sense, he's confused about the former two. Are Eridian materials usually this shiny? Is there some quality about sparkly or highly polished surfaces that makes them sound better? Or is there something about Eridian geology/metallurgy that makes their materials like this?

He asks Rocky about it.

“Simple. I tell people humans like lots of small lights. Humans are easy to make happy.”

Grace kind of wants to protest that humans are much more complicated than that.

But honestly… it fucking works. Like yeah the polished gemstones, shiny metals and glittery rocks are beautiful. Yes those Christmas lights you put up around the house did markedly improve my mental health, Rocky. Thank you, I hate it.

Grace spends a lot of time trying not to think about whether his species' urge to explore the cosmos (that saved their planet and nearly killed him several times) is tied to the same instinct that made his students like glitter gel pens.

[altrnvte]

Patron saint of one way trips

[altrnvte]

Yes <3

[penandinkprincess]

truly few things instantly put me in a bad mood more than humidity

WHY is the fucking AIR out here TOUCHING ME

get OFF

[assiraphales]

anyways (I say this as someone who is deeply critical of the united states government, military, unchecked capitalism, police, etc) I am SICK of people treating america as if it has no cultural value or positives so….. I love u 85 million acres (bigger than italy) of national parks. I love u harlem renaissance. I love u groundhogs day. I love u sweet tea and fried chicken and jambalaya. I love u apple cider donuts and maizes on crisp autumn days. I love u 95k miles of coastlines and new england fisherman and hand knitted sweaters. I love u halloween where millions of people dress up and give candy to strangers and carve jack o’lanterns. I love u small talk and small towns and potlucks and bringing over casseroles to your struggling neighbors. I love u cowboys and ranch hands and arizonian cactus. I love u appalachian trail and dirtbikes and divebars. I love u sparklers and fireflies. I love u mark twain and toni morrison and emily dickinson and henry david thoreau. I love u rock n roll i love u bluegrass and hippies i love u jimi hendrix and nirvana and CCR and janis joplin. I love u victorian houses and jonny appleseed and john henry and mothman and bigfoot. I love u foggy days in the pacific northwest and neon signs and roadside attractions. I love u baseball and 1950s diners and soft serve. I love u native american art and pop art and poptarts. I love u blue jeans and barbecues and jazz musicians 

[thegaymertrainer]

Ribbon dancing I was not aware of your evolution 🤯

[paksthestoic]

thinking about eva stratt crafting a coffin for her friends. the very best coffin, full of every piece of pirated media the entire world has to offer. crafted for maximum comfort, this coffin, with every bit of authority available to her, which is all of it.

and then thinking about all the people who call her cold or uncaring or clinical about what she has to do to save earth. eva stratt, who had silly t-shirts and vodka and favorite meals stored in the Hail Mary and treated with the same level of importance as the finely tuned equipment and the centrifuge the entire planet relies on for salvation.

and then thinking about eva stratt nodding and saying, “yeah, I’m pretty awful. that’s why i’m in charge” with a neutral expression and even believing it. as if crafting the most beautiful coffin and homage to her soon-to-be dead friends won’t haunt her always.

thinking about eva stratt being the first person on the “eva stratt is a monster” train, welcoming ryland grace aboard and knowing she believed in him more than anyone else.

it’s fine, really it’s fine and normal and eva stratt makes beautiful coffins for the people and things she cares about.

[saekimchi]

[saekimchi]

saekimchi:

one crack cocaine

@bisimonbaz

rebloggin for the mornin crowd

[cerusee]

Damian’s evil grin tho.

[madebykyra]

Behold my Bee Dress, as photographed on my trip to Italy. It was a happy coincidence that my dress this year thematically aligned with my vacation plans!!!

[basuralindo]

So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)

Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.

So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.

But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.

It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?

So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:

Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.

And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.

So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".

So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.

I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.

[basuralindo]

Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:

My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.

Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.

Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.

Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).

Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues

(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)

[basuralindo]

ACTUAL (partial) UPDATE:

According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.

Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.

For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.

So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.

[basuralindo]

Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.

Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life

Aaand a close-up:

The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace

[jehovahhthickness]

Tell the truth.

Why are y'all single?

[ahhhdownwego]

I really tried to tip the scales in your favor

[dduane]

This alarms me

This turned up in my ask box recently. I've masked the sender's identity.

Sometimes when I chat with an AI, I think of HIGH WIZARDRY and wonder if we as a species - for the first time - are at the dawn of another Earthbound species gaining consciousness, and like Dairine, whether we're being proper guardians. This isn't a calcified belief but just a random idea that flickered to mind. Wondering - as the writer who thought it up decades ago - what you think, if anything.

I think what I described in HW is absolutely nothing like we're currently seeing unfold on this planet. What's being poorly constructed here—while we watch from day to day—is a mechanism hurriedly and incompetently trained by other human beings to operate on top of a platform constructed of greed and theft. There are no new beings or intelligences being born here. If there were, they would be quickly declared to be "owned" by these billionaires, and hence their slaves. Meanwhile, the platforms' owners have already made it plain that once they control its source completely enough, they intend to sell intelligence to you, metered. ...If you can afford it. If you can't? Wow, sucks being you.

...Nor should I have to point you to cites for this. They're out there in plain English. Even Google, poor denatured creature that it is now, can find them. But there's still hope these people's intentions will never come to pass, due to their own overarching greed.

Meanwhile: "chat mode" interaction with this soulless, cash-grasping, unguardrailed machinery will do you no good. People have already died of it. I don't want anybody to do so on my watch, unwarned. So please stop.

Thanks.

[cooking-with-hailstones]

View this post on Instagram

"Wait for me" PHM animatic

Someone in the comments said "the one time that turning around actually saved everyone" and I'm NOT OK

[pollsforadults]

Spin the wheel. Now, imagine you're on a first date with someone who says they`re a [result]. How does this affect the odds of a second date?

100% guarantee I'll want a second date

It's significantly more likely

The odds don't change

It's significantly less likely

There wont be a second date. Absolutely not

Voting ended onJun 13

Picker Wheel - Spin the Wheel to Decide a Random Choice

Picker Wheel is a wheel spinner for a random picker. Various functions & customization. Enter choices or names, spin the wheel to decide a r

(anon submission)