parenting memes and things

insert baby pics that only I think are cute or distinguishable from other baby pics

[traditional-latin-math]

Whoever invented the phrase "like taking candy from a baby" has clearly never tried taking anything from a baby

[maryqueenofmurder]

or "sleeping like a baby" although i do see that one get pointed out more. Babies won't sleep for more than a few hours and they constantly wake up screaming, puking, crying, peeing, pooping. so. Actually most phrases involving babies are incorrect. Except "smooth as a baby" I'll give you that one, babies are indeed smooth.

[isaacparents]

Their little butts are indeed smooth.

[segamascott]

[isaacparents]

This is why I didn’t buy berries but now I have a toddler

[pmamtraveller]

Cat and kitten door knocker, Clun, England

[isaacparents]

Being a door knocker with mama

[extrafabulouscomics]

[isaacparents]

Yeah, idk why anyone uses “slept like a baby” to mean “slept well” rather than “woke up repeatedly, ate, crapped yourself, and cried inconsolably for at least 30 minutes at the top of your lungs.”

[augustarambles]

Sometimes the rats in my brain come together and start yelling “YEARNING” and in trying to appease them I ask “FOR WHAT” but they are too small so all they can say is “YEARNING” which is a very big word for such a tiny creature, even collectively

[mandyseley]

I loved this visual so much I had to doodle it.

ratratratratrat

[isaacparents]

Toddler: WANT!

Me: What do you want?

Toddler: WANT!

Me: Please use your words

Toddler: WANT WANT WANT

[captainjonnitkessler]

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.

[theunusualchameleon]

I babysit my lil cousin sometimes and he loves his construction toys. The thing is though, I'm studying civil engineering and construction. I actually know quite a bit about how those machines work and what they're used for.

My aunt thinks it's hilarious to listen to me play with him. "Yeah, this is a cement mixer. Cement is just one component of the building material we call concrete. The other components are water and aggregate. Aggregate is usually sand or gravel, but recently materials scientists have been substituting-- Oh, honey, don't drive it over the dog, she doesn't like that. Hm? This one is a bulldozer, it's used for grading. Yes, they probably are friends now that I think about it."

[maybeasunflower]

This is how children learn (by listening to more knowledgeable people talking). A+ job helping raise the child.

(I'm guessing your aunt isn't a civil engineer, so probably talks to her child about the history of mesothelioma or Mesopotamia or mesons or something else. It takes a village, etc.)

[mymangamemes]

Is your mama a llama?

Also, is my mama a dragon?

From Koudou ni Hattatsu Shita Igaku wa Mahou to Kubetsu ga Tsukanai by Tsuda Houkou

[isaacparents]

Average children’s picture book.

[bippus]

TIL yhat by moving the muscles on uour face you can indicate to people that you are feeling various different emotions

[isaacparents]

Someone needs to make a babytube of this

[aropride]

cool captions for an image of your newborn child

erm… THAT just happened

look at my thing i made

i love my baby! #mybaby

soooo… i just did a thing

new baby just dropped

this vs hydrogen bomb

[circle factory image] i guess we doin babies now

if youre in line to be born STAY IN LINE

[ismenes]

When my son was about to turn two, strangers would offer condolences. There’s a collective cultural dread of toddlers, who get described more like animals than people. Kids in their "terrible twos," I was warned, are illogical, unregulated, and feral. "Good luck," people would say. "He'll grow out of it."

I'm lucky: My son is a very easygoing kid. But I remember the first tantrum he threw for me. He was standing by our front door and asked to go outside. So I opened the door and grabbed his shoes. But as soon as he stepped onto the porch, he pointed back into the house.

"Inside," he said.

"Okay," I said. I picked him up and brought him inside.

But as soon as I shut the front door, he pointed outside.

"Outside!" he said.

You know where this is going. We went back and forth, inside and outside, again and again. He got more frustrated. And I got more frustrated. Eventually he wound up straddling the threshold of our house, sobbing. When I tried to comfort him, he screamed at me. "You go wherever you want!" I said. He just got madder. I felt trapped, convinced he’d concocted the whole episode as a pretext to unleash his rage at me. It was ridiculous. I consoled myself with the thought that he was just being a toddler.

But later I kept thinking about him wailing at our front door, one foot inside, one foot outside. His misery wasn't unreasonable, or trivial, or silly. My son was experiencing the agony of wanting two things that were impossible to have at the same time. What a fundamentally human sorrow! My son wasn't being a toddler; he was being a person. Adults may not walk around howling, but that same pain rages within us. In that moment, as a father, I was powerless to solve my son's problem. I told him he could go wherever he wanted, but of course I was wrong. To be where he wanted was impossible.

Make Believe: On Telling Stories to Children by Mac Barnett

[clearlightwired]

i have to say this kind of rules

[isaacparents]

If I had the money I would do that in a heartbeat. Fucking college Spanish class where you couldn’t get an A if you couldn’t roll your Rs and less angry but still frustrated about the ts sound.

[beardedmrbean]

[isaacparents]

Sigh

[beardedmrbean]

[wolfslayer]

my contribution

[theshmaylor]

waiting for the new pope with mama

link

[tinyyellowflowers-blog]

At a playdate, the playdatee’s younger sibling is telling me about local man-eating tigers and I am asking supportive questions because that’s how you a) support conversational skills development and b) tease truly magnificent weirdo stories out of the babble of social lies. The playdatee comes by and in typical older sibling fashion says

“Hey, he’s lying. In case you didn’t know.”

“She knows” says my child, “she just pretends to believe people who are lying to be nice. CLASSIC my mom.”

Young man you are only six years old come back here and explain how you know that. I mean don’t I have to get this conversation about a tiger eating someone’s head at the trampoline park back on track but I WILL be circling back.

[isaacparents]

Your kids will know you better than anyone.

[scramratz]

[joosh-the-only]

WE CAN'T STILL BE BABYTUBING, GUYS

[lordascapelion]

I have a baby so that’s probably why these have much more appeal than they normally would

[isaacparents]

Yeah it’s an opportunity to make millennial baby memes and a lot of meme culture people are parents now.