Istalir @istalir - Tumblr Blog

Samus and Phasma. I spent way too long figuring out how to do this without taking Phasmas helmet off. I’m ignoring certain canon and I’m unlikely to draw a samus that ever speaks so I thought I should explain. Sorry for anyone who signs, I used a dictionary and have no idea if I’m saying things right.

anondo-deactivated20240630

THIS IS SO CUTE, OH MY GOD

istorik45

tastefullyoffensive

fluffxxstuff-deactivated2025051

This is funny af

sskyguy-blog

the tragedy of anakin skywalker (x)

luckyjak

#no but really#why wasn’t anakin a crechemaster#why did they let him major in stabbing?#star wars#queue (tags @cadesama)

OH GOD NO BUT THAT WOULD BE PERFECT. how did the jedi not think of that?

what is anakin’s biggest weakness? attachments.

you know who needs lots of attachment? babies. small children.

anakin should not have been made to study murder: he should have been put in charge of Small Things. He would have bonded with all of them instantly, and it would have given his life Meaning and Purpose.

He’d bond with the kids, but he’d be able to move on because they are Bigger now and they have to go to the Big Kid Class but he still sees them around all the time, and it finally teaches him how to let go of his attachments??? He’d find a kid that he’s particularly fond of and go to Obi-Wan and say “I have found your newest padawan.”

this could have fixed so. many. things. ;_____;

angelqueen04

Heh, and Anakin would keep picking Obi-Wan’s padawans for him, and it would be annoying but damn if he wasn’t right every single time.

ialreadyreadthatfanfic

BUT CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE HOW ANNOYED PALPATINE WOULD BE his life would be never-ending string of trying to get a hold of Anakin (I mean, would Anakin give him a time of day if he can spend it with small kids who absolutely adore him instead?)

he keeps comming over the years, but it’s always like

BEEP

“Anakin, my boy, we haven’t seen each other in a while—“

“I’m sorry, Chancellor, now’s not the best time. I’m tutoring a class.”

BEEP

“My dear boy, I wonder if we could meet for a chat—“

“Well, it can’t be this week, we’re going to Ilum, but maybe later…”

BEEP

“Anakin, I’d like to—“

“I’m terribly sorry, Chancellor,” Obi-Wan Kenobi answers. The apologetic tone might be just a tad exaggerated. “Anakin is on a trip with younglings, he must’ve left his comlink behind accidentally.”

BEEP

“You’ve reached Anakin Skywalker’s private comlink. Leave the message after the tone.”

BEEP

“It’s such a shame that Council doesn’t consider sending you on this campaign, considering the lightsaber skills you demonstrated when I was last visiting the Temple, Anakin.”

“Thank you, Chancellor, but this is precisely why I need to stay behind. In fact just the last week, the Masters decided I should take over some advanced lightsaber classes, considering senior Padawans accompanying their Masters on the frontlines need the training. I might take the Bear Clan along, make it a learning opportunity for the young ones—“

Palpatine closes his eyes slowly. He knows this from experience; Anakin won’t let himself be budged from the topic of little monsters for at least another half an hour.

BEEP

“Ah, Chancellor Palpatine. Anakin left his comlink behind again, he’s in class—“

BEEP

“Anakin, I hoped you—“

“Oh! Chancellor,” the voice on the other end is distinctly female, and Palpatine recognizes it after a second. Kenobi’s second Padawan. He barely restrains the urge to gnash his teeth. “Um, Skyg—I mean, Master Skywalker can’t pick up now. I can tell him you called? It’s just that he was helping me with forms, and he forgot his comlink, and he’s probably already in crèche…”

BEEP

Then there’s that one time when an actual youngling picks up the call. The less said about his reaction to that incident, the better.

BEEP

“—fortunately, they were all right in the end. But in my opinion, this should never happened in the first place, Chancellor.”

Palpatine snaps awake. Was that… was that anger? Finally, the hours of listening to worthless drivel about Jedi younglings paid off.

“My boy, I absolutely agree,” he begins slyly, but before he can continue, Anakin steamrolls on.

“I think Jedi Order is too deeply entwined in the conflict! I honestly don’t think even senior Padawans should be anywhere near battles, not to mention in command of GAR, but now even younglings are acceptable targets for Separatists and pirates! Master Yoda and I were talking about this lately, and—“

Palpatine swallows a scream of rage with some difficulty.

BEEP

“Forgot his comlink again, Master Skywalker has. With younglings, he is.”

Slaughtering younglings moved to the top on the list of things Darth Sidious will do after taking over galaxy some time ago.

grand-duc

this post keeps getting better and better

suzume42

More please! Tagging @systlin, @beautifultoastdream and @karama9

karama9

That is what the Council would have done if they were smart. Seriously. Here’s Yoda saying Anakin should not be taught because he senses too much fear in him, and it’s fear for the people he cares about, something everyone present realizes fully because when it comes to his own safety, Anakin couldn’t be more reckless. Then Qui Gon announces he’s training him anyway, someone points out he might fulfill the prophecy and bring balance to the Force, and nobody, NOBODY, thinks that MAYBE giving him a job that’s more about caring than killing might be an idea. Nope. Okay, we’re training him, let’s foster the loose canon aspect of his personalities, make him a war general and keep pushing him into vicious battles to the death. Sounds perfect for his mental health. The Jedi Council were a bunch of idiots with their head so far up their own asses even a lightsaber shoved up there to the hilt would not provide them enough light to see further than their own noses.

I think I got lost somewhere in this metaphor. You get the point.

beautifultoastdream-deactivated

After ten years, Palpatine loses his patience and decides to change his plans. Fuck it, Skywalker has kids now–two adorable little moppets who can be captured, broken, and twisted into twin powerhouses of the Dark Side. Torture one while the other watches, convince them Daddy doesn’t love them, easy-peasy.

Unfortunately, he fails to reckon with the fact that not only is he going up against Anakin Fucking Skywalker, but that Anakin Fucking Skywalker is the surrogate father/big brother/best friend/cool teacher of ninety percent of the current Padawans and young Knights in the Order. And while the Council might make decisions and talk about the Will of the Force and stuff, those Padawans and Knights only care about the fact that the man who scared away the monsters under the bed–made it feel less lonely and frightening to be away from home when they were small–is now hurting and scared for his own children.

Just like Palpatine always wanted, Anakin ends up leading an army. An army of young Jedi who smash the ever-loving shit out of everything “Darth Sidious” can throw at them, rescue the terrified Skywalker twins, and drag the Chancellor hisownself before the Senate with conclusive proof that he’s an evil Dark-Side-wielding bastard who kidnaps adorable kids.

Attachments FTW.

systlin

God, YES

systlin

Luke and Leia would have grown up with 500 brothers and sisters of assorted species. Whenever you see Anakin there are 10 kids with him, occasionally actively hanging off of his arms or riding on his shoulders. (Anakin looks downright gleeful about this). Padme thinks it’s the most adorable thing ever.

20 years later by the time “A New Hope” would have begun, Anakin is 45. Padme is the new Chancellor. Luke and Leia are finishing their own Jedi training. 90% of the current young Jedi order calls Anakin ‘Dad’. He has amassed the galaxy’s largest collection of refrigerator art. After that incident with Chancellor Palpatine 15 years back, Yoda was forced to admit to Qui Gon’s very smug force-ghost that he was right. Everything is right with the galaxy.

dreamer-wisher-liar

I am so sorry this ate my brain and then things ran away from me. I AM SORRY. So. Anakin leads an army to retrieve his children and it’s this twisted version of everything Sidious ever wanted and he’s prepared for that.

But Sidious always underestimates how love changes things. And while he’s prepared to fight Anakin’s devoted army of former crechelings, he underestimates how that’s changed the rest of the Order.

Because Obi-Wan is quieter about whom and how he loves but doesn’t make it any less strong. When Obi-Wan loves someone it is unconditional and unyielding and he has never loved anyone as much as he loves Anakin Skywalker. Then the twins are born and Anakin is bashfully about it but he’s not ashamed and of course Obi-Wan has to know, he can’t imagine Obi-Wan not knowing his children (Obi-Wan totally already knows, he has been rolling his eyes about this for months and waiting for Anakin to come to him so he doesn’t spook him or for Padme to knock some freaking sense into him, which she does, because not-dying Padme is scary post-pregnancy and not willing to deal with the stupid anymore) and then Padme hands him Leia and everything stutters to a halt for a moment because oh, oh no, Anakin has found him another padawan.

There is no one Obi-Wan will ever love as fiercely as Anakin, except for Anakin’s children, who may as well be his own children. And he knows from the moment he first holds her that Leia will be the greatest Jedi he ever has a hand in raising.

(It becomes a joke among the Knights and Masters at the temple after the Skywalker twins arrive. If you even think that you might like to take Leia as your padawan, you can feel Obi-Wan glare at you no matter where he is in the galaxy.)

And when Sidious kidnaps Anakin’s children – his future padawan – Obi-Wan is the only Jedi in the galaxy who can put a hand on Anakin’s shoulder and say we need a distraction to do this safely, trust me to bring them home for you. Anakin will lead the frontal assault and tear down all of Sidious’ carefully constructed plans. Obi-Wan will sneak in and safeguard their children and bring them home.

That’s the plan, anyway.

Here’s what none of them expected:

When Luke Skywalker came screaming and red-faced into the world, an ancient, meddling, troll of a Jedi Master who had vowed never to take another padawan felt it and thought: fuck.

Whereas Leia is, even as a child, stubborn and willful and silk hiding steel, Luke is twin balls of sunshine. Raised among Jedi, he is so bright a presence it hurts. Even raised among Jedi, he wears his heart on his sleeve and has absolutely no guile and he pouts when the cafeteria doesn’t serve his favourite dessert but will cheerfully walk across the room and give it to someone else if he senses that person is still hungry. The first time Luke sees Yoda he stares at him, all big blue eyes and pudgy baby hands, then grabs his ears and won’t let go. Everyone is horrified. Yoda harrumphs at him and tell him, “Patience, young one.” He toddles after Yoda from the time he can crawl and no matter how grouchy Yoda seems he never actively dissuades him from it.

After the twins enter the temple, Anakin always knows not to worry if Luke is missing from the crèche. Yoda will escort him back sooner or later.

(He’s always much more worried when Leia disappears because, yes, Obi-Wan will bring her back but they’ll have always gotten into trouble in the meantime.)

Yoda does not confront Darth Sidious. Yoda does not lose his duel with the Sith lord and become diminished because of it. Yoda is with Obi-Wan, sneaking into his stronghold to see the twins safe. Yoda cannot go Sith hunting when Luke is in pain and gently clinging to him, his arms around his neck, bruised and bleeding and smiled at Yoda when he saw him because Luke knew he would come.

(Sidious cannot win, with them. Leia would risk her home being obliterated rather than betray her righteous cause. Luke would willingly walk into flames rather than give up on those he loves. It hurts, oh it hurts, to see the other in pain, but Leia can watch Luke being hurt and know there are more important things at stake than the two of them and Luke can watch Leia being hurt and trust that they will be saved.)

Sidious escapes but his Empire falls before it solidifies. He will never be as powerful as he needs to be.

(It’s Anakin who notices there is something wrong with the clones. He’s not their General but Obi-Wan is and Obi-Wan is a good general. When Obi-Wan is hurt, they’re all nosey and worried and Anakin – all but glued to his former Master’s bedside when it’s really bad and first and foremost a mechanic – can tell that something is wrong. He’s not always with them so it never becomes familiar, it never becomes normal, and it niggles at the back of his brain until he’s sitting in front of Obi-Wan’s bacta tank – old training bond humming between them because Obi-Wan hates drugs and hates being sedated and he stays quieter and heals faster if Anakin is there to keep him calm – and Rex walks in to check on the General and Anakin turns around to look at him and he sees it.

The Jedi Order quietly deprograms the clone army. They trace the chip back to Palpatine. Padme and Bail Organa and Mon Mothma start quietly amassing information against him and his allies – enough for criminal charges, pushing Sidious to show his hand and try to kidnap the twins.)

Obi-Wan takes Leia as his Padawan the second she’s old enough for it to be proper. They are scarily well matched. If he was the Jedi’s best hope to keep planets from succeeding during the war, together they can talk whole systems into rejoining the rebuilding Republic.

Yoda leaves Luke in the crèche until the day before his thirteenth birthday. Everyone is worried except Luke (who knows he is meant to be a Jedi and knows Master Yoda is meant to teach him and trusts this, since he was raised in the Temple. It’s easier to have faith when you’ve always had it and it’s never been wrong). Fourteen Jedi have tried to ask him to be their apprentice. Yoda bashed twelve of them over the head with his stick before they could and Luke turned two down himself, the last three days before his birthday. He spends his last day as a twelve-year old following his dad around, both of them a little clingier than usual. Anakin has always thought that Yoda intended to take Luke as his Padawan but he’s literally hours from aging out and he’s seriously considering comming Ashoka and begging her to come act as backup, when Luke suddenly hugs Anakin hard and quick and Anakin looks over and sees Yoda waiting in the doorway.

Anakin hugs Luke back very, very tightly and then he lets him go. Luke already has his few things packed and waiting. Yoda harrumphs at him. “Ready, you are, padawan mine?”

Luke’s smile is blinding. “Yes, Master.”

Leia talks star systems into rejoining the Republic. Luke returns the Fallen to the Jedi. Dooku is the first and most fleeting (having not been killed by Anakin) – having been betrayed and split from Sidious – Luke finds him when he’s dying and gets Yoda to him in time for him to pass them information on Sidious’ new schemes and die a Jedi, with his old master at his side. There are others, after that, who Fell during the war and didn’t think they could ever return from it. Luke, bright and shiny and full of faith, sees them, thinks, I can fix this, and brings them home one by one.

After the second Return, which is unavoidably public, Leia and Obi-Wan look at each other and enlist everyone they can to begin working to make Luke the new poster boy for the Order. Luke is intensely embarrassed by this and a bit bumbling and shy about it, which just makes it more attractive to everyone. It also keeps the spotlight well away from their rebuilding efforts, which are way easier when there’s less press exposure.

Sidious, who would still like to capture and corrupt the twins, eventually stops trying with Luke because there’s only a 50/50 anyone he sends after him will come back and between years of Yoda’s training (ie dodging his stick), Luke’s innate Force sense and his dumb luck he’s practically impossible to kill.

(Sidious dies ignobly at the hands of a new apprentice, one of the Fallen who Luke has been trying to save. His defeat was always going to be someone else’s redemption.)

ialreadyreadthatfanfic

#I HAVE SO MANY FEELS ABOUT THIS META#GUYS#LUKE GETTING TO BE YODA’S PADAWAN PROPERLY MAKES ME SO HAPPY#OBI-WAN AND LEIA ARE A DREAM TEAM#THEY ARE FRIGHTENING TOGETHER#PADME IS SO PROUD#LUKE IS A LITTLE BALL OF WHINY SUNSHINE AND YODA JUST DELIGHTS HIM#MACE LAUGHS AT YODA FOREVER ABOUT IT#UNTIL BEN FUCKING SOLO COMES ALONG AND MACE IS ALL MOTHERFUCKER#I AM ALSO GOING TO HAVE TO WRITE THAT PIECE OF META BECAUSE BEN AS MACE WINDU’S PADAWAN ARGH#I WANT TO WRITE ALL THE STORIES IN THIS VERSE (via dreamer-wisher-liar)

You people need to tag me when you write, I keep missing good stuff like above!

scribblebunnys

Oh GOSH!

Everyone predicted Leia would eventually leave the order to follow in her mother’s footsteps but the SCANDAL that erupted when she married a former smuggler had the gossip rags going for years. Because circumstances sometimes change, but the Force will always find a way for certain absolutes. They have one son, and adopt several wayward young people along the way.

Anakin is delighted by his grandson for all that he’s sad that he couldn’t share him with Obi-Wan, who passed just before he was born. Ben would follow his grandfather around like a baby duck and hated sharing him with the other younglings. He’d get so angry when he felt Anakin was giving the other children more attention than him. Anakin would gently explain that he couldn’t play favorites, but Ben would still react with anger and find a place to pout alone.

He is five when he finds a nice secluded spot in the gardens, barely visible from the main path. A fountain sits in the center and Ben lets out his frustration by throwing small stones into it. He doesn’t notice Mace until he sits down right next to him and says “I like to come here too, when I’m angry.”

Ben is startled at first. Though he’s still small and largely untrained, no one has ever really snuck up on him before. He’s also never heard a master admit to being angry before. When questioned, Mace answers that everyone gets angry sometimes. The Jedi way isn’t the eradication of emotion, but the control of it. He brings Ben back to Anakin, who apologizes to the aging master for troubling him, but Mace dismisses the apology and tells him it was no trouble at all. Anakin glances sideways at Mace; they don’t always agree on things, but he can’t help but smile. It has been decades since Master Windu last took a padawan.

As Ben grows older he excels in his lessons. He’s smart, persistent, and so, so powerful in the Force. He’s the very top of his class, and the only one who has yet to be chosen by a master. He still goes to the fountain when he finds himself at war with his emotions. Usually he meditates alone for a while until he is able to calm down, but sometimes, when he feels particularly lost, Master Windu will show up. At these times Ben will often ask for advice, but sometimes they will simply sit together in silence.

Ben is desperate the day before he turns 13. He doesn’t understand how he could work so hard and not be noticed by a single master in the entire temple (which isn’t true, nearly everyone knows Ben Solo and can feel the pull of the Force around him. They also know they were not meant to guide him). He almost, almost comms his uncle and begs to take him as his padawan, but ultimately doesn’t because he knows how Luke follows the Force and if he were going to take him, he would have a long time ago. (Luke is busy anyway; a small girl in the outer rim is about to turn 3.)

He goes out to the fountain to watch the sun set. The next day he’ll go before the Council of Reassignment to be placed into a division of the Jedi Service Corps. He supposes it wouldn’t be so bad to be placed into the Exploration Corps, he’d see much of the galaxy that way. He sits and plans and wills himself to not cry. After all, the Jedi way isn’t the eradication of emotion, but the mastery of it.

Master Windu is still able to sneak up on him even though he’s doing so with a cane these days. Ben once held the hope that maybe the old master would take him as a padawan, but everyone knows Mace doesn’t take padawans anymore. His work on the Council is too important and he can’t give his precious time to a student, no matter what sort of strange bond has formed between them over the years. They sit for a moment before Ben breaks the silence. “What do you think my chances are of being assigned to the Exploration Corps?”

Mace seems to ponder the question for a moment. “Your scores in xenolinguistics is very high. You’ve also done very well in your survival field tests. You’d be a credit to the ExplorCorps.” He pauses for a moment. “Is that what you want to to do?”

Ben doesn’t give a straight answer, “It’s an honor,” he swallows the lump in his throat, “to be a part of the Service Corps.”

Mace sighs. “For someone who feels the Force so acutely, you have so little faith in it.” Ben winces. “Your patience leaves a lot to be desired. And you never really let go of anything.”

Ben is shaking. Of course. It doesn’t matter how well he does in his studies when the fundamentals of the ways of the Force is where he has always failed. He could never be a true Jedi. But it feels like the rawest betrayal when Mace says, “You can’t go into the Exploration Corps, Ben. Being left to drift through the galaxy unguided would be disastrous for you. You’d be very susceptible to the Dark Side if left alone.”

Ben’s eyes feel wet. He knows that too, though he’s never confessed to any of the masters about it. He was stupid to think he could hide it, though. The masters probably felt the Dark Side around him and rejected him outright. A bitter voice inside him resents them for dragging it out for so long.

Then he feels a warm hand on his shoulder. “I’m not afraid of the Dark, Ben. And you shouldn’t be either.” In spite of Master Windu’s gentle tone, Ben can’t bare to look at him. “Self mastery is a life long pursuit that no one ever really accomplishes. You have to take it day by day, even I’m still learning. You have everything you need, you just have to remember that it is a choice you must make and commit to every day.”

Ben sniffs. “Yes, Master.” But when Ben looks up at Mace, he doesn’t see the cold face of a stern teacher or the disappointment of an unsatisfied elder. He doesn’t even see the sympathy that everyone has been directing towards him as he got closer and closer to his 13th birthday. Instead there is warmth and fondness.

“However,” he continues, “it’s not a path you need to travel alone. At least not at first… if you’ll have me as your master.”

Ben lunges at Mace and hugs him tight. “Do you really mean it?”

Mace huffs a short laugh and ruffles the boy’s hair. “I’m too old to say things I don’t mean.” He pulls away. “But Ben, are you sure? I’m not the easier teacher.”

Finally able to hope again, Ben gives his master (his master!) a grin. “I’m not the easiest student!”

Mace gives an actual laugh at that. “Good!” He pulls himself up. “Alright, lets go make it official. I know that grand-daddy of yours is dying to start gloating like the gossiping old hen he is.”

anthonybourdainpartsunknown

@inkalypse

oceanshex

takashi0

Beautiful

countess-sandwich

No one’s quite sure where the little boy originally came from. He was found in a far-off system on a small icy planet, their names erased and replaced by code numbers, in a facility run by former followers of the late, unlamented Sheev Palpatine.

Most of the children were adopted out, but this one boy wasn’t. The reviewers found him to be strong in the Force, but some of the Council were worried about him - he was easily distracted, because he was constantly afraid of what was going to happen to him.

That first night, he lay in his bunk, in greater luxury than he’d had at Starkiller Base, and cried in terror after lights out. It was the first time he’d been alone in a room for, as far as he could remember, his entire life. He was alone, and terrified, and wondered what he’d done to be punished like this.

The door slid open, and the Training Master looked in. “Excuse me,” Anakin Skywalker, aged but smiling, looked in. “I sensed you in the Force. What’s wrong?”

The boy, who had been FN-2187, and named Finn, curled up. “’m scared.”

Anakin entered the room, closing the door, and sat down on the floor. He drew on the floor for strength and relief in his creaky joints, and smiled the smile that fifty years of younglings had learned to trust. “It’s okay. It can be scary.”

“Jedi don’t get scared.”

Anakin laughed, softly. “Oh, no, we do. But it’s not being scared that’s important. It’s what you do when you’re scared. A Jedi knows how to focus past the fear, and what fear does to you, and listen to the Force. Let me show you.” And in that moment, Anakin hears the voices of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon Jinn and Mace Windu and Yoda in his mind, all of them saying the same thing: “There you go again, Anakin.”

When Finn is thirteen, he becomes Anakin’s padawan, because of course he would, after Anakin’s first lesson, and then his time teaching that first meditation exercise to the new younglings, helping them the way he was helped, showing the compassion that was at his core. If Anakin is Dad, now they have their big brother Finn, who knows how scary it was and how one good moment can help you feel not so alone, not so scared, and how to find where you fit in.

When the time comes that Anakin must step down from active duty because he’s too old, too frail, to keep going, Finn is gobsmacked to be told he will take Anakin’s place.

And he always, always, has a bit of candy hidden in his belt, because he knows a dozen ways to calm a crying child and believes a little bit of candy is a good distraction while he figures out the best one.

And to the next generation of Jedi, Finn is the one they call “Dad”.

ultimategaydisaster

@deadcatwithaflamethrower

deadcatwithaflamethrower

Ya had to go and make it more heart-wrenching, didn’tcha?

shiobookmark

But where is Poe! Finn and Poe need to be together! Not to demand anything, I’ll write it myself if I think of anything. But I’m not great at Meta.

dancinbutterfly

I too would like to know where Poe is and how he finds his way to JediDad!Finn

lnane

I cant believe yall fixed star wars

my-ships-will-never-be-sank

POE POE POE

hellas-himself

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

shyvioletcat

THIS IS BETTER

thegingermullet

Did they ever reveal how Captain America was thawed? Because I’m picturing a bunch of Shield agents with hair dryers and I don’t think that’s quite right.

kbdownie-deactivated20180205

I don’t think they’d want to microwave him so hair dryer is really the only remaining option. That’s how I’d do it.

badscienceshenanigans

Do you have a sciency way to accomplish this task?

badscienceshenanigans-deactivat

Well, let’s see. To thaw a 1.5 metric ton colossal squid frozen in a block of ice (the only way the fishermen who trawled the thing in could bring it home before it went bad), scientists put it in a big vat of brine just above 0 Celsius/32F. That allowed the fresh water to melt while still keeping the squid as cold as possible. Essential, since for a giant corpse with tentacles, certain parts are bound to thaw days before others and could become quite rotten before the rest comes out of the ice block if you’re not careful. HOWEVER Captain America was still alive, which complicates things. On the other hand, even supersoldiers are significantly smaller than this record-setting colossal squid. This helps thaw logistics somewhat. Much like the squid, Captain America would have to be kept at a consistent temperature throughout his body in order to be thawed successfully. If his extremities were to thaw more than a minute or two before his heart and lungs were thawed and reactivated, the tissue wouldn’t have any oxygen and would quickly die. What a shame to bring back Steve Rogers only to have him be the poster boy for gangrene. Brain tissue becoming metabolically active before the cardiovascular system began functioning would be even more disastrous— possible permanent brain damage. And the GH-325 project was born To keep his temperature as equal as possible across his entire body, something like the squid brine or (more likely) an antifreeze solution would be used. Immerse the Capsicle in brine until the entire unit is within a degree or two of thawing* to begin Phase II. *Note that due to presence of salts, fats, protein, etc, the freezing point of meat is actually 28-29F. Apologies to non-US readers, sadly I only work with American meat and don’t know the freezing point of corpses/beef in Sane Country Units. That being said, Steve Rogers is 100% American meat. Fahrenheit shall be considered the appropriate unit for this project. At the thawing point, it’s important to consider life support functions. I don’t know how fast human tissue uses up oxygen at refrigerator-range temperatures, but I’m going to assume that the sooner you have oxygen circulating the better. A heart-lung machine would be needed to oxygenate and move the blood around for a while before the heart gets started back up. Meanwhile, because Captain America’s last un-frozen moments were spent deep underwater, there may be decompression issues at play. Whatever gas bubbles may have been present in his tissue are currently frozen in place, but when he thaws they can move about and create embolisms —> the bends. Better put him in a hyperbaric chamber just in case. Since Captain America regained consciousness in a recovery room rather than during the thaw process, it may be safe to assume that he was sedated and/or placed in a drug-induced coma during thaw. So at this point we’ve got a giant bathtub of brine, a heart-lung machine, oxygen canisters, lots of drugs, plus all the necessary monitoring equipment all inside a hyperbaric chamber. After thawing the antifreeze bath could be replaced with gradually warming water or saline solution in order to bring Captain America back up to normal body temperature. So many machines! This is US medicine at its finest. Forced warm air blowers (hairdryers) are needed after Captain America is fully thawed, organ systems are reactivated, and he is brought back to normal body temperature. At this point it becomes necessary to dry and style Captain America and put him in period-appropriate jammies to sleep it off in a vintage hospital room. If you think hearing the wrong baseball game tipped him off fast, you should see him wake up with bad hair.

soundssimpleright

icescrabblerjerky

THIS IS THE BEST POST IN THE HISTORY OF EVERYTHING.

existentiallyqueers-deactivated

That being said, Steve Rogers is 100% American meat. Fahrenheit shall be considered the appropriate unit for this project.

minim-calibre

CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.

noxbat23

“Much like the squid, Captain America…” - a sentence I never thought I’d read

likestoimagine16

One of the things I hate most about Izuku’s treatment in the BNHA narrative is this insistence that he’s in the wrong for not relying on others (adults) more.

Because it’s a legitimate issue, that Izuku takes on too much responsibility and needs to trust others more. But like, why would he?

Just by the sheer number of ways that adults have failed him, both in the past and at UA, he has no reason to trust them

Literally, one of his formative moments was when he was four and a doctor told him to give up on his life’s dream

He then spent over ten years being mercilessly bullied while adults either did nothing or actively enabled this behavior

He was full witness to Bakugou nearly suffocating to death while surrounded by adult heroes who barely even tried to help him

then he was scolded for ‘taking unnecessary risks’ despite the fact that their inaction literally made it necessary for him to do something if Bakugou was going to have a chance to survive

Afterward, he started training with All Might, and like. I love the man, but his first instinct for Izuku faceplanting in the dirt was to demand to know if he was slacking off

This one is a bit of an outlier since it’s not Izuku actively being let down by an adult’s carelessness or inaction, but he also had front row seats to Aizawa getting his face bashed in on like, the first week of school. Aizawa might not have done anything wrong, but that doesn’t change the fact that Izuku’s seeing, first hand and painfully, that adults can’t always take care of things

You also have the sports festival, where Izuku manages to break himself again and Recovery Girl says that she’s not going to keep healing him. Which is it’s own medical fiasco, but like. The intent may have been to tell Izuku that he can’t keep breaking himself, but I’m pretty sure that Izuku, with his trust in adults and his own self-esteem basically shattered under years of abuse, would have heard something closer to ‘If you keep on bothering me with your shortcomings, I’m going to stop helping you’

There’s the whole thing with Stain - you know, where all the adults were (understandably) busy, so he went off to find Iida on his own. And found him and Native about to be murdered. And sent out a mass text for help, which netted him exactly one teenaged classmate who was any help for the fight.

Also after he and two of his teenaged classmates managed to take down the serial killer, Izuku promptly got snatched out of an entire crowd of heroes.

I’m going to repeat that: Izuku was bodily snatched out of an entire crowd of heroes, and the one who ended up saving him was the tied up, formerly unconscious serial killer. And yes, I know that Gran Torino at least was making a solid effort to do something, but you know what? Izuku doesn’t. Regardless of what he believes the heroes might or might not have done, what he knows is that he would have been at the mercy of the Noumu if it weren’t for the serial killer who tried to murder one of his best friends.

The thing with the police is a little anomalous because aside from the inherent stupidity of a law that doesn’t make exceptions for self-defense or the defense of others, the adults didn’t actually do anything wrong. Unfortunately, part of that included punishing three heroes for losing track of their interns, which then implies to Izuku that he can very easily get adults in trouble for his actions if they’re even remotely involved with him

Just… the entire final exam fiasco, starting with the fact that the adults in his life made the damned call to pair him with Bakugou, continuing with the fact that none of them did anything with the recorded proof that Bakugou punched him in the literal face without justifiable reason, and ending with the fact that they and the narrative itself seem to think that Izuku is (partially) at fault for Bakugou’s atrocious behavior.

spoiler alert he isn’t, but telling Izuku otherwise is a great way to make him feel responsible for other things that also aren’t his fault

it’s also a great way to make him feel like he needs to address these issues independently, because that’s literally what the teachers made him do

The summer training fiasco is another one where like, the adults didn’t do anything wrong, but just by the nature of the situation Izuku had to take care of a lot of things without adult help. Also, considering the flak Aizawa got for authorizing them for quirk use in self-defense, Izuku gets yet more proof of how involving adults in his life can get them unfairly punished for his actions

Kamino is another weird one, because on one hand, you have the adult heroes making a serious and concerted effort to save Bakugou to the best of their abilities, but you also have the fact that five kids recklessly went out to help how they could without adult supervision, and they were ultimately the ones who saved him and helped to protect the fragile state of society

Also there’s Aizawa telling them that, if it weren’t for societal upheaval, they all would have been expelled for saving their classmate

this one is kind of messy, because Aizawa’s not entirely wrong, but I don’t think he’s really right either. Like, yes they were reckless and kind of flirting dangerously with the law, but they also went in with very clear intentions to put themselves in as little danger as possible, and they made a big enough impact that you can’t really disregard the role they played in stopping All for One - literally, the only reason All Might could finish that fight was because they made the opportunity for him to do so

also its another incident that tells Izuku that involving other people, no matter how tangentially, in his plans puts them at serious risk of being punished because of his actions

Okay, like… as much as I love Izuku’s and Bakugou’s fight after the provisional license exam, I kind of hate it too - specifically because Izuku gets punished again for the fact that Bakugou would have punched his face in if he didn’t try to fight back.

this one is more on the narrative, though, because of the specific way that the fight was framed - namely that hori specifically chose to have patrol robots keeping track of things, but apparently didn’t decide to give them microphones to pick up on sensitive conversations. Such as, you know, the fact that Izuku literally tried to de-escalate the fight before and after Bakugou literally launched himself towards Izuku’s face

it’s still frustrating regardless, just because the adults should know better. There hasn’t been a single time in the entirety of the series where Izuku has fought Bakugou without being actively threatened, but for some reason, they still think that Izuku is equally responsible for this BS.

Nighteye. Like, he’s a good guy, but he did absolutely atrociously by Izuku. He didn’t even know Izuku, but just assumed that he was unworthy of OfA because he wasn’t Mirio and didn’t have perfect control of this quirk after an entire six months - I’m just saying, that’s really not the kind of adult that would inspire me to trust others

RockLock, in a similar vein, kind of just automatically assumes the worst of Izuku and the other interns by virtue of them being not-adults. And like, we know that it was because of his concern for these children, but like… Izuku doesn’t know that. He mostly knows that RockLock was criticizing him for ‘letting Eri go’ despite the fact that he specifically went against his sempai’s orders to try and keep her safe immediately.

Okay, part of the entire reason for this monster post is the thing with the school festival, where Izuku once again decides to tackle the problem on his own and gets scolded by the teachers. It’s one of those things where I get where it’s coming from, but at the same time, no?? Like, what did you expect him to do? He already knew about the ultimatum, that any disturbance considered to be a threat would cause the entire festival to be shut down, and he wanted to keep it open for the sake of a tiny, abused little girl. He’s not being reckless for no reason here, and he has a very limited window to work with. This is literally the only thing Eri has shown any sort of desire for, outside of seeing Izuku and Mirio, but none of the adults even acknowledge that Izuku was fighting for this. It’s just yet another scolding for not trusting adults when, even outside of the circumstances that made it difficult to ask, Izuku has very little reason to trust adults.

Look, the narrative isn’t wrong about the fact that Izuku needs to trust others more, and to share responsibility with others - it’s just that it focuses so much on this one particular issue that it ignores all the extenuating circumstances that have directly contributed to Izuku’s problems. Instead of acknowledging the fact that basically all of society has beaten this mistrust into Izuku from a young age, the narrative frames the entire thing as a problem with Izuku’s character.

It’s not. It’s a survival instinct, born from repeated trauma, that tells Izuku that it’s a waste of time and energy to depend on others for help with his problems.

And sure, part of it is probably influenced by Izuku’s innate character, but if the adults want to see any change in this behavior, then they need stop telling him to trust adults and think more about why he wouldn’t

But like, the narrative doesn’t bother. Why would they?

chikao-art

MERMAY!MERMAY!! It’s finally here!!! My month to shine!! I work 55+ hour work weeks so this year is going to be FUN!! ANYWAY The first day is Galaxy!!!

writing-prompt-s

There is a beautiful statue of a person in the middle of a large city, and the rumor surrounding the statue is that when they touch hands with their soulmate, they will become human. Naturally, it becomes a perfect photo and video opportunity to pose while holding its hand.

One cute selfie attempt results in an empty statue podium and you just barely catching a very confused person in your arms.

roxthefoxinsox

The statue of a young woman in the grand central plaza always drew so much attention from everyone. Tourists would come from far off places to take pictures of it. To take selfies with it. But most importantly, to hold hands with it. After all, everyone wanted to see if the rumours were true. Legend had it that if the statue’s soulmate touched her hand, she would turn human.

To Evelynn though, it was all just very annoying. Every day on her way to work, she would pass that statue, and she had to dodge the hordes of people trying to photograph themselves with the statue. Why couldn’t that damn statue stand somewhere else?! She figured that it was all just a ploy for people to sell statue merchandise.

That is until one particular day. Her boss had asked her to come into work earlier than usual, for it was going to be a busy day. As such, Evelynn left her home at 5 AM. She went along her normal route across the plaza, but to her surprise, and honestly relief as well, the plaza was mostly empty. There were only a handful of other early birds. The postman was doing his rounds. There was a young man stroking a cat that had wandered into the place. An older woman was sitting on a bench, feeding the birds. For the first time since she had come to live here, there wasn’t a huge circle of people around the statue.

Feeling a lot more relaxed now, Evelynn calmly walked across the plaza, feeling a smile form on her face as she approached the statue. She was about to pass by it when she noticed how… pretty the young woman really was. She had long hair that was sculpted as if it was blowing in the wind. She was sitting on a rock and looked over to the right, wearing a sundress and a hat. Her right hand leaned on the rock while her left hand was outstretched, as if reaching out to someone. She had a… rather mysterious look on her face. On the one hand, it looked like a face of longing. As if the person she was reaching out for was her lover. At the same time, she looked quite sad… as if her lover was just out of reach, unable to truly reach out to them.

Only now did Evelynn realized that she had never actually been able to look at the statue up close. Not that she cared of course, but at least she finally understood the reason for why this statue attracted so much attention. That look in her eyes was truly puzzling. She guessed that many men were just smitten by it and the legend surrounding it. Looking down at the pedestal, she saw that the title of the artwork was displayed in gold letters. ‘Longing’. There wasn’t even an artist listed. It did make Evelynn a little bit curious alright.

‘Ack, what am I doing?! I’m going to be late!’ Evelynn thought to herself when she realized what she was doing. She couldn’t waste her time looking at the bane of her existence! Hurriedly, she turned away again, off to her work.

Keep reading

prof-peach

A little spring comic for all you cacti growers out there. May your plants and Pokémon be healthy in the coming seasons!

Please all be safe, use gloves, or some kind of protection while handing something so pointy. Some of the spines are barbed and don’t come out as easily as you’d like them to.

EDIT: I’ve gotten questions as to why sleep powder works on cacnea, it’s because it has very few spores in its system. It’s got no ability to learn or use sleep, poison or other powder based attacks and thus has no natrual remedy in its system for such things. Pokemon who know or can learn the attack are unaffected normally, but those who can’t learn it are just as susceptible as any normal Pokémon species would be. Least this is my head cannon haha

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