How to Talk to Your Kids About Porn and Restrict Their Access to It
In an age where access to explicit content is just a click away, addressing the topic of pornography becomes increasingly crucial. However, I've noticed that many parents struggle with how to broach the subject effectively while also implementing measures to safeguard their children's online experiences. Here is a practical guide I've put together on how to start the conversation about porn with your kids and restrict their access to it:
A Common Sense Media survey found that the average age at which most children are exposed to pornography is 12 years old; 15% first saw pornography when they were 10 years old or younger. So, start the conversation early and keep it age appropriate. You can always expand upon it as they grow older.
Educate and Create an Open Environment:
Empower your kids by educating them in an honest and ongoing conversation about the harms of porn. Encourage your children to ask questions and express their thoughts and concerns without fear of judgment. Let them know that they can come to you with any worries or uncertainties they may have about what they see online.
To help facilitate these conversations, consider using this conversational blueprint on how to talk about porn with them or utilize resources such as Culture Reframed's free courses. These courses provide parents with valuable knowledge, skills, and confidence to discuss the role of pornography in today's culture with young people. They emphasize the importance of explaining to children why and how pornography can be harmful, while reinforcing the message that they should never feel pressured to engage in any intimate activity that makes them feel uncomfortable, ashamed, or frightened.
Alternatively consider reading "How to Talk to Your Kids about Pornography" by Dina Alexander, Amanda Scott and Jenny Web or the free guide "How to Talk to Kids About Pornography" by Defend Young Minds.
Additionally, show your child the porn critical documentary miniseries "Brain, Heart, World," consisting of three episodes aimed to be an educational resource for those in middle school and older.
Use Technology Safeguards:
Utilize parental control software, hardware, internet filters and built-in mobile and tablet settings to restrict access to inappropriate websites (and social media if you want to go further). Familiarize yourself with the privacy settings of the devices and platforms your child uses, and regularly monitor their online activity.
Restrict access to mobile and tablet: Both mobile phones and tablets have built-in settings to restrict access to adult websites, including pornographic websites. One can either set up such restrictions from the parent’s mobile (family group) or on the child’s mobile and tablet directly. To do this:
Apple mobile phones and tablets:
On the child’s device: Go to settings. Select Screen Time. Select this is my device, or your child’s device. Choose Content and Privacy. Select Content Restrictions. Select Online Content and Restrict Adult Websites.
From your device: First, you need to create your own Apple ID for kids (your child must be signed in to the mobile or tablet with this account). Enter Screen Time. Select your child. Choose Content and Privacy. Enter a code. Select Content Restrictions. Select Online Content and Restrict Adult Websites.
Android mobile phones and tablets:
On your child’s device: Go to the browser with this link here and turn on “secure search.” Read more about this here. Remember that children can turn this on and off unless you use the option below.
From your device: First, create a Google Account for each of the children younger than 13 (your child must be signed in to their mobile or tablet with this account). Install the “family link” app. Open the app. Find your child’s name in the app. Select Manage Settings. Select Google Chrome. Select Try to Block Websites That Aren’t Child-Friendly. Also, select Safe Search inside Google Search in the Family Link app.
Install software: These programs (apps) can give parents a lot of control. Many of them require paid subscriptions, although some have free trials.
Explore options based on your family's budget and needs**.** Here are some examples: Bark, Relay, Raise, Gabb, Canopy, Pinwheel, Net Nanny, MobiCrip, Qustodio, OurPact.
Review the settings**.** Try out free trials from reputable companies to get a sense of what they offer. Options can range from blocking certain websites (not just porn) to getting alerts if your child uses specific search terms. Look for programs that work with your devices and feel manageable to you.
Go the hardware route: Hardware can let you monitor every device on the Wi-Fi network in your home. Like parental control software, many include paid subscriptions. They don't cover children's devices when they connect to other networks, like at a friend's house or out in public.
Determine your existing setup. Your internet router may already have built-in filtering services you might not have explored yet. Open the network icon on your main computer to see whether it has anything that looks like parental controls. Get more instructions on how to do this.
Check out the available products. Look for products that work with your network router. Circle Home Plus and Gryphon are popular with families. If you're buying a new router, search for one with advanced features and parental controls.
Select which devices you want to monitor. The big advantage of router filters is that you can choose specific devices. You may not want to monitor your own devices, unless there's a chance your child will use them.
Ask your internet service provider (ISP): Depending on your service, these settings can apply to TV channels as well as the internet. These programs may cost money. Check the website or call your ISP. See if your internet company offers parental controls, content filters, or other screen-time features. These can effectively limit exposure to pornography.
Stay involved in your child's online activities by monitoring their browsing history and social media interactions. Encourage open communication about what they encounter online and address any concerning content together.
Know How Kids Can Bypass Restrictions and How to Restrict Them:
The technical bypass commonly used by children is Virtual Private Network (VPN). These solutions allow a child to create their own connection to the outside world, which in turn allows them to bypass any controls that might exist on the network. The most effective approach is to restrict your children's ability to install and uninstall applications on their mobile or notebook devices. This can be accomplished with the above discussed parental control apps and the mobile phones and tablets built-in settings.
However, keep in mind that small children or those who are not very internet-savvy often don't even know how to use a VPN.
Be a positive role model by demonstrating healthy internet habits and respectful online behavior. Show your children how to navigate the digital world responsibly and respectfully interact with others online.
Consider sharing your experiences and strategies with other parents. By opening up about your own journey in discussing pornography with your children and implementing restrictions, you can provide valuable insights and support to fellow parents facing similar challenges. This will also ensure that your children won't be able to access porn on their friends' devices.
By initiating open, honest conversations and implementing practical measures to restrict access to porn, you can empower your children to navigate the online world safely and responsibly.
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