Absolute Garbage

Yes

[amazoogle]

i set my name to Paul Enis in the app because then the stickers they put on my grocery deliveries would say P. ENIS. it was like this for months, but now all the sudden they say PAUL E. instead

i can't have that. i won't let that happen. what they could have never predicted is that a beautiful woman named Peni Sausage is about to log on

[theonion]

Expressing regret that the interruption would delay the highly anticipated video game adaptation, the producers of A24’s upcoming Elden Ring film announced Tuesday that the project had stalled after a red phantom named TwinkPunisher invaded the set. “Despite our security team’s best efforts, a loincloth-wearing invader with the handle TwinkPunisher was able to gain access to the shoot through the use of a Festering Bloody Finger, disrupting production for the foreseeable future,” said a spokesperson for the studio, adding that TwinkPunisher had tauntingly placed a Rainbow Stone on the ground for every take he managed to render unusable by performing the “warm welcome” gesture, by obscuring the actors with the Ekzykes’s Decay incantation, or by repeatedly spamming the “You’re beautiful” Prattling Pate over dialogue.

Full Story

[lakemojave]

Kendrick Lamar should write a song about being a young witch looking for their neighbor's lost cat in the alps

[lakemojave]

Every time I'm in the alps. I hear meow meow meow meow

[funny-tik-toks]

[crowboy-bebop]

oh my fucking god

[inthefallofasparrow]

Schrödinger's Tortoise

[inthefallofasparrow]

[alongtidesoflight]

this isn't a bug he just can't drive stick

[witchofanguish]

[legbootlegit]

I am worried about my neighbor's new hobby.

[legbootlegit]

The coins are actually very hefty. Seems a little dangerous tbh

[legbootlegit]

Update: he found my number

[ominous-signs]

Official ominous sign(s)

[bobbole]

Thanassis Stavrakis, A man carrying a sheep on a motorcycle during a wildfire in Patras, western Greece, August 2025

[frankiedotbiz]

genuinely thought this was a mixture of dj khaled and macklemore right down to thinking the sheep was a big coat

[powblock]

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

wuthering heights (1847) - emily brontë

"she catherine on my heathcliff"

[littoralreverie]

wuthering heights (1847), chapter IV

[animentality]

[achievement-hunter]

[textandimageenjoyer]

[rovethings]

You may think this was brazilians reaction to the winning goal but nope this was brazilians reaction when Germany got eliminated by Paraguay

[godsfavoritespecialangel]

The chances of your fish committing credit card fraud is low, but never 0

[tuxankhamun]

[notatzimisce]

I will never shy away from the word goon. goon is the only way to describe a particular type of henchman, lackey, or thug. look at these guys. they're goons.

[contagiousgrace]

I just don't think we ever wrapped up the Clown Sightings of 2016 in a satisfactory way.

[blondie-in-the-zone-deactivated]

[psychotrope777]

fuck it really has like almost the exact cadence