there is absolutely no way to predict how this video is going to end
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@jacoblovingtrotter
there is absolutely no way to predict how this video is going to end
a long ass time ago one of the sites i have my email on sold my information to whoever and a kink supply store got ahold of it and gives me like daily emails and i don’t wanna get off the mailing list because then i would miss stuff like this
jesus, trying to explain to his disciples about his own fate:
CAPTAIN MARVEL - The Real Star.
Damn, Rosa! How did you do that?
BONUS:
The Umbrella Academy (2019)
There is a tree out there growing wood for your coffin.
Bold of you to assume my body will be found
pretending that age of ultron literally never happened probably gets funnier if you just pretend that absolutely none of the events in it happened and try to fit the current MCU around it anyways. for example: the hulk just launched himself, unprompted, into space
it be like that sometimes
depressed kids in the media: I don’t wanna go to therapy! I don’t need help! I’m not some specimen for you to dissect!
me, rollin up to my therapist’s office and collapsing in relief: what is UP my homeboy I fuckin missed you,, hope ur ready to hear some Bull Shit that fuckin happened to me this week
families of depressed kids in media: okay sweetie we’ve researched depression for ten hours straight and signed you up for therapy and re-arranged your school schedule to be less stressful
actual parents of depressed kids: look i get you’re sad but someones gotta do the goddamn dishes stop being lazy get up. why didn’t you go to school today, what’s wrong with you, you’re such a burden on this family.
Therapists in the media: *understanding head tilt*
My real live therapist whom I adore: Natalie, that is the DUMBEST thing I’ve ever heard.
Therapists in Media: Lets do some art therapy and be really quiet while we talk about your feelings :)))))) also I’m prescribing you 500 different medicines
My therapist Brian who I love to death: Jack, I think your first problem is you stay up too late looking at memes, so let’s try taking a nap
My real life therapist: Okay, before we start, I found this hilarious video I know you’d love.
Therapist in media: serious face the whole time
My therapist: *laughs awkwardly*
therapists in media: refined, cultured, poised, “I’m afraid I haven’t [heard of the nerdy thing their patient just referenced]”
my old therapist derek, from across the reception area, seeing me for the first time after the summer of 2015: HEY DID YOU SEE AGE OF ULTRON?? IT SUCKED, RIGHT???
my current therapist ian, in our very first appointment: do you like star wars? anxiety is like the force, it can consume you, or you can learn to keep it in balance… you’re my padawan now
Actual things my therapist has told me:
“You’re bassicly a glorified sad lizard.” (It makes sense with context)
“Damn girl you need to get your shit together.”
“Go home and cry. Stop drinking in bathtubs. Eat something that isn’t bleach or memes.”
I’ll add more tomorrow after I see her again.
My therapist: Damn sis, you good?
Bohemian Rhapsody (2018) + Roger’s car song “I put my heart and soul into this song. And you don’t like it because you want your songs on the album!”
Never talk to me or my 42 trees again
it amuses me to see people being surprised/impressed/amused by this setup, because it’s extremely common on the plains. if you don’t plant a windbreak, your heating and cooling bills are huge, and storms do things like throw the lawnmower through the living room window, take the roof off, or cake the entire north side of the house with six inches of solid ice.
evergreens remain bendy even in the coldest weather, so – wait, no, not the coldest. i remember when i was a kid it got down to like -45 and the norway pines around my house were cracking like gunshots as the sap froze.
maples, incidentally, make that noise around -20f, and i hear it at least once every winter here in southern minnesota. but i only ever heard norway pines make it that one time.
so anyway that’s why we plant pine trees around our houses. because otherwise the wind would freaking kill us.
This is informative and perfectly sensible under the circumstances but I also cannot resist the temptation to compare it to planting stuff all around the boundary of your lot in The Sims
Me, a writer: I don’t want to write this next scene.
My brain: Then skip it.
Me: But I don’t want to skip it.
My brain: Then write it!
Me: But I don’t want to write it either.
My brain: Well what the hell do you want then?!
Me: … for the scene to have already been written…?
Teenlock (*¯︶¯*)
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