Den of my Heart

Jade. 27. Catholic. Writer. Gender neutral (preferred pronouns = ne/nem/nir/nirs/nemself). Bisexual. Canadian. I am a fan of many things, particularly those that go bump in the night. Feel free to say hi or ask me questions.

[jadewolfheart]

Moving Onward and Hopefully Upward

While I have enjoyed the space and freedom this blog has allowed me as I grow in my understanding of who I am and who I want to be, I realize that I can no longer manage two identities (at least on-line). More importantly, though, I no longer want to have two identities. I want to be one person, whole and complete and always myself.

Thus, I am taking the leap and moving everything important about this blog (my poetry, the people I follow, and the posts I make in regards to my daily struggles with being gender neutral) to my original tumblr: The Tempest's Storm. This move is more than a little scary because I do have friends in the real world who occasionally follow me on there that do not know who I really am and I honestly don't know how they're going to react. I hope they'll choose to stay a part of my life as I love them all dearly, but if not, than I guess I will hope and pray for the day they can understand and until then keep going. I genuinely like who I am and I don't want to hide that person anymore.

So, if you've enjoyed spending time with me here, than I hope you will make the move with me. Along with the things I blog about here, I blog about my writing and beloved fandoms (teen wolf, major crimes, supernatural, the mcu, etc.) and whatever else I find that amuses me, causes me to think, or is just plain awesome.

Thank you to everyone who has helped me this place a space where I could feel safe and accepted. This is not good-bye, but, rather, i think, another way of saying: hello.

Blessings always, Jade

[tornadokick95-deactivated202211]

bilingual my ass. you’re either heterolingual or homolingual

[prtypsn-blog]

#you’re not bilingual  #you’re confused  #stop being greedy   

[gaylormoons]

#it’s just a phase #you’ll meet a nice language and settle down

[3000--21]

#the bible says adam and eve #not hebrew and cantonese

[jadewolfheart]

It's been exactly three months since I finally said "fuck it" and cut my hair. And I don't regret it. In fact I now look forward to getting my hair cut once a month or so (my hair grows stupid fast).

Do you know why?

Because I can look at myself in the mirror. Finally.

I had no idea such a small change could have such a huge impact. But it really has. I feel more confident and more comfortable than I have probably since puberty hit me.

For X-mas I'm getting myself a binder. I don't know if it'll have as great an impact as cutting my hair, but like my hair I know it's something I need to do.

I don't want to go back, only forward.

[thenonbinarysafespace]

It’s okay to change your identity. It’s okay to discover new and different versions of yourself and it is okay to move forward and completely change your identities as they come and go and are. To be human is to be fluid, to change. You are not invalid for doing so. 

[artsyartichoke]

No one defines you but you.  

By Artsy Artichoke

[fleshbra]

Have you practiced not gendering strangers today?

[yes-this-is-groot]

If you can’t handle me at my Andy Dwyer then you don’t deserve me at my Peter Quill

[deepqueerthoughts]

I just want to say that if you begin to identify as asexual following illness or disability or trauma or depression, you are not less asexual than someone who has always identified as asexual. Your asexual identify is valid and you belong in this community.

[scabphobic-deactivated20170206]

Destroy ableism in the ace community.

[jackalopebones-deactivated20161]

whoa. affirming.

[fluiditylife-deactivated2017101]

yes yes yes yes

[twocubes]

ERROR: your gender must be at least 8 characters long, including at least one number and both upper and lowercase letters.

[carmilla-feels-hq]

Non Binary Tumblr's!

Hey, so after my ask I sent to you, I actually found a TON of Non-Binary blogs and thought the best way to get them out to people who seemed to need them was through you since you get so many asks lately about gender questions regarding it. So here’s a list!

http://askanonbinary.tumblr.com/

http://nonbinary.tumblr.com/

http://thenonbinary.tumblr.com/

http://nonbinary-support.tumblr.com/

http://fuckyeahnonbinaries.tumblr.com/

http://nonbinarycuties.tumblr.com/

http://lifeoutsidethebinary.com/

http://thenonbinarysafespace.tumblr.com/

http://nonbinary-conversations.tumblr.com/

http://nonbinarypoc.tumblr.com/

http://littlenonbinarythings.tumblr.com/

http://genderqueeries.tumblr.com/

http://nbselfielove.tumblr.com/

http://justgenderqueerthings.tumblr.com/

Some are helpful, and some are just fun and pictures, but I feel like people can still use them to relate and feel like they belong somewhere~! :)

(Thank you lionquinnfabgay for submitting these!)

[transmanpartner]

Intimacy Isn't Just Sex

I’ve been thinking lately about the connection between intimacy and sex, and how often we assume that the only way to be the “most” intimate with someone is through sex. 

The reason I’ve been thinking about this is because of several asks I have gotten about having sex (or not having sex, really) with someone who has dysphoria. 

I’ve discussed balancing a partner with an active sex drive with the needs of someone who experiences dysphoria before here. This is sort of a follow up article, in my mind, about figuring out ways to be intimate without sex.  

If you or your partner are not comfortable having sex but still want to be physically intimate, there are ways to still be intimate. A few I could think of were:

Kissing

Cuddling

Holding hands

Being alone together

Going out to do things as a couple (coffees, a meal, a movie, a walk)

Hugging

Dancing

Napping together

Baking something or cooking something together

Laughing together (check out some comedians on YouTube!)

To be honest, I have experienced some trouble with balancing my needs/Boyfriend’s needs before. To me, one of the easiest and most wonderful ways to express intimacy and love is through sex. But sometimes, that hasn’t been an option. 

It’s gotten easier the further Boyfriend has moved into physical transition, and the longer we’ve been together (comfort levels going up, communication increasing). That’s not to say that Boyfriend won’t occasionally experience sex-related dysphoria, but it’s gotten a lot better, which would have made me feel a lot better if I’d known it back then.

I hope this helps some of you out - have any of you experienced similar things? Do you have suggestions for me and/or other partners?

[hellyeahscarleteen]

We have an article about intimacy, including some illustrated suggestions for nonsexual intimate activities, here - maybe that’ll be helpful! 

[sadneopet-deactivated20181229]

things that determine gender:

self-identity

things that do NOT determine gender:

clothes

first names

pronouns

hair

makeup

voices

genitals

thanks

[l-absinthe]

destroy the idea that boobs aren’t androgynous

destroy the idea that you have to be flat chested to be nonbinary/agender

[weirdvintage]

A surefire way for mothers to get their sons to tuck in their shirts, 1940s style (via Kitsch-Slapped)

[airyairyquitecontrary-deactivat]

The illustrated boy looks pretty darn pleased with his cute new lace edging.

I can see him now meeting his friends at the soda fountain. 

'Fellows, check out Mom's latest effort at mind control.' (spins)

(chorus of whistles and applause)

'Why, Jimmy, I do believe you've started a fashion!'

'Let's go to the Woolworth and get lace edging for all our shirts!’

'Doug can sew them on, he got his Handicraft merit badge last summer!'

'Never regretted it.'

'Jimmy, your mom has some internalised misogyny to figure out.'

'Don't I know it.'

[thisiseverydayracism]

How would racist, Fox News watching, Bible thumping conservatives like to make sense of this?

[ask-thelittleheros]

aren't brother, him, mother, ect labels? and does thor just like being referred to as he instead of they? asguard is confusing

Thor: I choose to be referred to as I like. As does everyone. Loki has no preference, so I call him brother. My mother is ‘mother’, as she chose to be. We are spoken to with the pronouns we have stated before hand. Though if you wish to use ‘they’ I have no qualms with it. But most use ‘he’ which I also have no problems with. I can assure you it is not at all confusing. We simply say what we are if there are any confusions, and that is that. 

[ask-thelittleheros]

Thor: I am most glad you enjoy my identity! I also enjoy it and I look forward to learning the many different titles and symbols of this amazing part of Mid-guardian culture!

Darcy: I really hope this gives you a chance to work on your language skills. We just got you to stop doing the smashy cup thing.

Loki: Humans are odd and squishy little creatures aren’t they?

Thor: They are indeed.