wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckinย amateursย
also wear shoes that arenโt your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything
what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??
Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.
Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.
Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show
Y'all suspect af๐
*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*
Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash
Or, for those of you whoโve read Roald Dahlโs Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police
Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole donโt forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.
Also, donโt fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.
all this info is good for writing
but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed
ainโt no body on this website is gonna murder anyone
Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.
Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, Iโll never look at pigs the same
Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)
This post is legendary and Iโm so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. Thatโs technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.
use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.
Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?
I love learning.
ITโS ON MY DASH I REPEAT ITโS ON MY DASH.
ON MY DASH
Also bury the body deeper than six feet, so it canโt be washed up or smelled by hounds. Yes, that may mean you dig a 12 foot deep grave. Guess what? Murder is work.
Murder is work kids.
Too much work
Creating new jobs in America one murder at a time
Also work fast and no witnesses
THIS HAS OVER A MILLION NOTES WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!!!!!
Also if you are planning to flee the country, get that figured out way in advance. At least a year or two in advance. And make sure everyone knows youโre moving, so itโs less suspicious than to randomly leave without saying anything. Perhaps itโs studying abroad, a job opportunity, or even meeting up with a friend and/or romantic partner?
If you buey the body vertically donโt forget to leave a few feet above the head and place some animal bones on it so when the blood hounds sniff they will find the animal bones and the police would likely rule it as a false positive. Also globally the solving rate for murder is 45% so donโt worry too much
am I gonna get in some fbi list for rebbloging this? possible
do I care enough to not reblog this? absolutely not
Donโt forget itโs just a missing person case if they canโt find the body.
Dances with plans
Helpful tumblr. Real helpful.
Thank you Tumblr. Now I have ideas :)
@hellsite-hall-of-fame
You can also make some nice gumbo with the body and serve it to investigators
What in the ever loving Satan did I just read?
