What is my life?

22. Trans and bi, #actuallyautistic, Jewish (Liberal Ashkenazi), anti-capitalist. They/he 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️✡️

[jasher69]

Coming out

I know I have virtually zero followers on here, but I thought I'd post this anyway:

So, I haven't made any of my own posts on this blog in a hot minute, and a lot has happened since then. More specifically, my trans egg cracked.

I always had a lot of issues with my gender, even as a young child (for example, I was "John" for like a year as a young child, and I only stopped because once I started school the teachers forced me to use my birth name); I always despised my chest but I never understood why until more recently; and when I was 14 I tried binding my chest and having short hair, found it extremely euphoric, and seriously considered coming out as trans, but I was too scared to come out at the time and I ended up just supressing it for years. Then in June 2022 I remembered those old pictures of my "questioning phase" when I was 14, started to question everything again, and uncovered a lot of childhood and teenage experiences (including, but not limited to, my severe discomfort towards my chest) that I now realise were dysphoria all along. Long story short, I came out this January.

My name is Asher.

My name is Asher.

I originally made this blog 3 years ago as a place to vent about my experiences with grief after being ostracised from talking about it publicly, and I have since reached a much better place in my life. I have grown so much, not just in terms of me finally coming out, but many other things too. I'm proud that a small part of my journey is documented on this blog.

[inmemoryam-deactivated20151019]

hey a reminder that sexual intrusive thoughts are not sexual fantasies. sexual fantasies are about what you desire and sexual intrusive thoughts are about what scares you the most and your intrusive thoughts say a hell of a lot more about what you DONT want than about what you do. youre okay and youre safe and youre not whatever it is your intrusive thoughts want you to think you are. youre fine.

[inmemoryam-deactivated20151019]

if you have a hard time knowing for sure that your intrusive thoughts arent actually fantasies, fantasies will make you feel good. intrusive thoughts wont. if the thoughts scare you, worry you, or stress you out, theyre not fantasies. promise

[pasarro-deactivated20170515]

also groinal responses are a thing and they dont mean you actually want to engage in what your intrusive thoughts are saying

[millenniumitem]

this is so important i dont think most people know about involuntary groinal responses in conjunction with intrusive thoughts/sexual obsessions, and its really important and vital for everyone to know that groinal responses dont indicate desire or interest in the sexual intrusive thought. your intrusive thoughts do not represent your tendencies, desires, interests, or actions you will take, they are your FEARS.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

You know what? I don't want to change my VPN every six months cause it was caught selling information. I don't want to go deep into the settings of every website I so much as look at. I don't want my internet browsing to be a constant leap through hoops so that companies can't do things which should be illegal anyway. I want privacy to be the default and for it to be difficult to take it away, not the other way around. Is that too much to ask?

[badolmen]

People against piracy fail to realize that no, I can’t just ‘buy it.’ They stopped making DVDs and Blu-Rays. They’re barely offering digital copies for download. I am not spending money I could use for food or bills to pay for a subscription service just so I can always have access to a beloved piece of media. Especially not when the service will remove media on a whim without concern for how the loss of access to that piece will make its artistic conservation nigh impossible.

For example, I recently learned that Disney+ had an original film called Crater. It’s scifi, family friendly, and seems cool - I would love to buy it as a holiday gift for my little brother! But: it’s exclusive to D+ and THEY REMOVED IT LITERALLY MONTHS AFTER ITS RELEASE.

The ONLY way I can directly access this film is through piracy. The ONLY available ‘copies’ of this film are hosted on piracy websites. Disney will NEVER release it in theaters, or as something to buy, and it may NEVER return to the streaming service. It will be LOST because we aren’t allowed to purchase it for personal viewing. If I can’t pay to own it, I won’t pay for the privilege of losing it when corporate decides to put it in a vault.

So yes, I’m going to pirate and support piracy.

[clubconsent]

Addendum: This is also a really good reason to support trust-busting. A lot of this obnoxious behavior is only possible because corporations wield monopoly power.

[nyancrimew]

another addendum: most modern (4K UHD) blurays use a form of online DRM that requires the player software to access a server to get title specific decryption keys. you don't really own a film on one of those disks any more than you do on streaming, the only way to truly preserve it is to rip off the disks or from streaming, not even the physical media you can "buy" can necessarily be preserved anymore.

PIRACY ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE MEDIA PRESERVATION

[i-will-recover-tomorrow]

[somethinginthestatic]

being in your early 20s is crazy bc there’s people who are literally married and people who’ve never even dated and people who are trapped in their childhood bedrooms waiting to get out and people who are trying to live out romanticized dream lives and people who are completely on their own and people with multi tiered support systems and we’re all supposedly peers and none of us think we’re doing it right at all

[anxietyproblem]

[blackqueerblog]

being aware of the impact of things we can often not think about (like straws) is important if we’re to make strides on environmental preservation 

that does not eclipse the importance of being aware of how it impacts disabled people. they’re both conversations we need to have

[fumblebeefae]

and on top of this ableism, banning plastic straws won’t do shit for the environment because straws aren’t even close to being the main cause of plastics pollution. Calling for a ban on straws is the same bs of shifting the blame of pollution onto the general public when its massive corporations, businesses and governments as a result of capitalism that is to blame. Disabled people shouldn’t have to be thrown under the bus so you can feel better about the environment without having to do actually do anything of worth.

[left-reminders]

[daisiesmakingchains]

my favorite thing that’s ever come out of those dumb “gender reveal” parties, you know the ones, is that people make cakes and other baked goods for them right?

and since everything in this hellscape has to be gendered including colors, they gotta use both pink and blue frosting when they decorate to keep the prospective parents guessing before they cut the cake open and reveal how they’re gonna color-code their babies, but that also means:

people are out here making blue and white and pink baby cakes and just, unintentionally throwing the trans flag all over their pointless “gender” celebration and i think that’s just superb

[daisiesmakingchains]

[newtgeiszler]

someone make me this cake when i get top surgery to celebrate

[the-barista-district]

What if the trans community…stole gender reveal parties?

[krakenartificer]

Trans people should 100% steal gender reveal parties!!

[twinpoetry]

Please enjoy this cake my sister made me after I got top surgery.

[theygender]

I've said this before but like. As a young butch who had the good fortune of being raised around older butch lesbians I will forever be dumbfounded that the popular perception most people have of butches is apparently "skinny 20-something with short hair and biceps." I mean don't get me wrong, I partially fit that stereotype myself. But I have never considered that to be the norm. All of the butch lesbians I grew up around were in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and built like a fucking freight train. And I don't just mean they had aesthetically sculpted muscles. True muscle strength requires body fat to support it (think bodybuilder vs strongman) and the lesbian community has historically celebrated the things that straight society finds "unattractive" about women's bodies anyways. The pinnacle of butchness has always specifically included fat mascs in my opinion, and it boggles my mind that when a lot of people think of the word "butch" they're thinking of like, Ruby Rose in OITNB and not a 40 year old lesbian with a dad bod who could carry all three of her kids at once if she felt like it

[jenroses]

Have I told y’all about my husband’s Fork Theory?  If I did already, pretend I didn’t, I’m an old.

So the Spoon Theory is a fundamental metaphor used often in the chronic pain/chronic illness communities to explain to non-spoonies why life is harder for them. It’s super useful and we use that all the time. But it has a corollary.  You know the phrase, “Stick a fork in me, I’m done,” right? Well, Fork Theory is that one has a Fork Limit, that is, you can probably cope okay with one fork stuck in you, maybe two or three, but at some point you will lose your shit if one more fork happens.  A fork could range from being hungry or having to pee to getting a new bill or a new diagnosis of illness. There are lots of different sizes of forks, and volume vs. quantity means that the fork limit is not absolute. I might be able to deal with 20 tiny little escargot fork annoyances, such as a hangnail or slightly suboptimal pants, but not even one “you poked my trigger on purpose because you think it’s fun to see me melt down” pitchfork.

This is super relevant for neurodivergent folk. Like, you might be able to deal with your feet being cold or a tag, but not both. Hubby describes the situation as “It may seem weird that I just get up and leave the conversation to go to the bathroom, but you just dumped a new financial burden on me and I already had to pee, and going to the bathroom is the fork I can get rid of the fastest.”

[breelandwalker]

…………..Somebody put it into words.

[neurospicy]

Neurotypicals will be like “I know you have a disability that affects your ability to stay organized, manage your time properly, socialize, or control what you’re able to think about or focus on, but that’s not an excuse to have trouble staying organized, managing your time properly, socializing, or controlling what you need to think about or focus on.” And then demand that they aren’t ableist. I’m tired.

[wetwareproblem]

A quick note on the new HP game: I see a lot of people saying "Just pirate it, then!"

And that makes me... Really, really uncomfortable.

Yes, piracy keeps some money out of her pocket... But it still keeps her relevant. And more important than that... Well...

If you still want to play Harry Potter and the Protocols of the Elders of Zion after hearing about its plot, its gamergater dev team, and the gameplay footage of your character's pet slave and room full of taxidermied Jew goblin heads...

Then, as a Jew, I don't fucking trust you.

This should repulse and disgust you. It should make you actively hate the idea of playing it. The fact that you're totally okay with it as long as it's not funding transphobia? Speaks volumes to how little you understand Jewish issues or care about Jewish people.

[dkpsyhog]

You shouldn’t be trying to find loopholes so you can consume antisemitic content.

[warcrimesimulator]

Shoutout to autistic and adhd people whose special interests/hyperfixations aren't media-related. "autism is about writing fanfics about your blorbo scrunklies XDD" actually autism is about collecting miniature world war 1 airplane models

[warcrimesimulator]

[birdmenmarxist]

@spikedhi-c

[joeyridersvoid]

This sounds like a shitpost but people should be allowed to be horny. As in, sexuality is just part of life for most people and there’s no reason for consensual sexual behavior to be punished. A celebrity getting “caught” at a sex club shouldn’t be a scandal. No one should be fired for having a fetlife profile outside of work. Nudes getting leaked shouldn’t be career-ending. Denying and hiding (consensual) sexual interests doesn’t make anyone more professional, it just makes everyone more repressed. And sterilizing ourselves to be better work drones isn’t productive, it’s just creepy. I’d rather my surgeon get absolutely railed on camera and come to work in a good mood, frankly.

[rabbits-habits]

It’s okay if you as a disabled person are not independent. It’s okay if you need help doing even the most “basic” of tasks. You’re not less of a person, or less worthy for it. You are not any less lovable, and you certainly are not a burden.

It’s absolutely vile that there are people who believe no longer needing help is the absolute goal of living with or treating a disability. Independence isn’t the goal. Happiness is, quality of life is, being able to enjoy things day to day is. If you need a helping hand to get there, that is more than alright.