[terefah]

[captainlordauditor]

Saw a Threads post like "Jews what's your most heretical take" and everyone was giving really boring baseline Reform stuff like "patrilineal Jews are Jews" or "you don't need to keep kosher"

Had to come here to ask jumblr for the unhinged takes. Mine is that men shouldn't be rabbis because it makes a shul too much like the Beis HaMikdash

[captainlordauditor]

You guys are not listening either!! i need the UNHINGED takes the CRAZY ones

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

1. The 25th hour of Shabbat has been rendered unnecessary and should no longer be observed.

2. Rabbinic rulings on the permissibility of various disability accommodations are only valid if the posek had first-hand experience living with the specific disability in question.

3. The sages aren’t better than me just because they were born first.

[pargolettasworld]

Borei p're haGafen literally means "creator of the fruit of the vine." This should mean any fruit that grows on a vine, not just grapes. This should include tomatoes, which are fruits that grow on vines. Just because they're New World fruits doesn't mean they should be ignored.

What I'm really trying to say is that you should be able to make Kiddush after Shacharit on a Bloody Mary.

[cjedi]

When my dad was feeling Done with the week, he would light candles, open my mom's usual evening beer, say haGafen over the hops in it, haMotzi over the grain in it, give us two sips, and be done with declaring Shabbat.

[pargolettasworld]

I was today years old when I learned that hops grows on vines!

[deskuvro]

Netilat yadayim should be done with lathered soap for as long as it takes to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and hand sanitizer should be an acceptable alternative

[captainlordauditor]

I disagree mainly because I'm certain there MUST be a psalm or something we can say instead that's a similar length of time

[deskuvro]

I feel like Psalm 51 would be thematically correct! What do you reckon?

[daughterofstories]

The thing is, you actually can make kiddush over a bloody mary, because you can make kiddush over any alcohol (you just say shehakol).

The actual unhinged take would be that you can make kiddush over shakshuka.

[zaprowsdower27]

American Jew option: kiddush over hamburger because ketchup

[ikeepbeez]

Disagree on the vine thing because a gefen is a specific type of vine, botanically. Yes, watermelons and pumpkins and cucumbers and tomatoes vine, but those are single-season, herbaceous vines. Whereas grape vines are woody vines, which put out new vegetative growth each year and the fruit grows on the second+ year wood. AFAIK vitis spp. are the only ones to do this (blackberries/raspberries are canes or brambles, not vines, and they only fruit the second year). So much like bananas grow on trees but they're halachically not pri ha'eitz because not wood, tomatoes grow on vines but they're halachically not pri hagefen because not wood.

[amillionmagpies]

Not sure how unhinged this is by other people's standards, because my family's opinions on it range from "that seems reasonable but I'm gonna stick with the consensus on this anyway" to "that seems reasonable so I'm gonna follow it instead," but including chicken in the milk-and-meat restrictions is objectively ridiculous. I'll start following it when you show me a lactating chicken. However, in the interest of following the spirit of the law, you should not be allowed to eat chicken and eggs together.

[gingerswagfreckles]

It's funny (depressing) when Christians and Muslims (most of the world) get all up in arms over Passover like "I can't believe the Jews worship a god they believe killed all those Egyptian babies!!!" Babes you also worship that same god that you also believe killed all those Egyptian babies.

[basil-lemonade]

my synagogue has asl interpretation every kabbalat shabbat and i think very few hearing people really understand how meaningful that is to me. they just have it there. i don't have to request it a week in advance i don't have to have the pressure of feeling like now i HAVE to push through a horrific pain day and attend if i did request it lest they get annoyed at how i "waste" their money. just always.

[basil-lemonade]

and to be clear this is a thing they also didn't Just Get right off. ive been involved with the shul since its founding and they did just right away work to ensure interpretation would be regularly available, but several years ago i started getting sicker in the preexisting chronic illness way plus also the longcovid way. and they were like, hey you haven't been showing up regularly as much as you did, we have been thinking about switching to on-request asl.

but i talked to them about how difficult that gets. for all deaf people, doubly so if you are, as i am, as many many deaf people are, deaf and also mutiply disabled. if you struggle with immensely unpredictable and fluctuating pain days and energy days, if i can't predict whether five days from now ill be able to stand/walk long enough to even get to shul.

many of the hearing people at my synagogue get to decide, that evening if they want, whether they will or won't attend services, and aren't penalized for changing their minds. probably usually nobody even knows if they planned to go and then realize they aren't up for it.

but when your access is On Request Only you have to ask special treatment, you have to decide long in advance, you're treated like a burden if, in the same exact way as anyone else at shul, you realize when you get home from work that you're too beat after all.

and then you go from "irregular attendee" to "never attendee" because the barriers to returning are So High. you can't just decide to return. you have to beg to be allowed.

and they listened. they rearranged the budget. they made it work. no one a single time since has ever commented on it if im sick a few months and then come back. nobody has made me feel since then like its onerous for them to consider this access.

ive explained something similar things in many many communities before. including ones dedicated to disability. including ones ostensibly trying. this is the first place they were like. oh! you're right. we'll do better. and then did.

[basil-lemonade]

#this is so cool whoa#op if you have the time to answer questions could you share more about what this looks like? is it just for the davening or#also the announcements and page numbers? what about schmoozing after davening?#jumblr tag

@angleofmusings, it is for everything during the services, davening, announcements, d'var, whatever is happening. during kiddush meal or schmoozing or longer meals like seder the interpreters will sit wherever i (or other deafies) are sitting. there are a lot of other reasons my synagogue is amazing in its conscientious efforts towards inclusivity (i could make a whoooooole other post about how comfortable i am there as a Black jew vs. the over the top racism i have had to put up with in Almost Every Jewish Space I Have Ever Been In] but like. all other efforts towards inclusivity have to start with being able to even access the space at all. they are far from perfect don't get me wrong but its big to even be able to do that.

[deskuvro]

Don’t think I’ve seen this here so I gotta

( x )

(Guys, it’s a joke, it’s a meme, I honour your ability to take anything seriously that you please, but when there are finite days on earth I only beg to ask whether this dumbass meme is what you choose to take seriously. Anyway, following in the traditions of my ancestors,I love kitniyot. I like this meme because it makes me feel sexy and dangerous for eating rice, which is a thrill I do not often enjoy)

[captainlordauditor]

Saw a Threads post like "Jews what's your most heretical take" and everyone was giving really boring baseline Reform stuff like "patrilineal Jews are Jews" or "you don't need to keep kosher"

Had to come here to ask jumblr for the unhinged takes. Mine is that men shouldn't be rabbis because it makes a shul too much like the Beis HaMikdash

[captainlordauditor]

You guys are not listening either!! i need the UNHINGED takes the CRAZY ones

[tikkunolamorgtfo]

1. The 25th hour of Shabbat has been rendered unnecessary and should no longer be observed.

2. Rabbinic rulings on the permissibility of various disability accommodations are only valid if the posek had first-hand experience living with the specific disability in question.

3. The sages aren’t better than me just because they were born first.

[pargolettasworld]

Borei p're haGafen literally means "creator of the fruit of the vine." This should mean any fruit that grows on a vine, not just grapes. This should include tomatoes, which are fruits that grow on vines. Just because they're New World fruits doesn't mean they should be ignored.

What I'm really trying to say is that you should be able to make Kiddush after Shacharit on a Bloody Mary.

[cjedi]

When my dad was feeling Done with the week, he would light candles, open my mom's usual evening beer, say haGafen over the hops in it, haMotzi over the grain in it, give us two sips, and be done with declaring Shabbat.

[pargolettasworld]

I was today years old when I learned that hops grows on vines!

[deskuvro]

Netilat yadayim should be done with lathered soap for as long as it takes to sing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” and hand sanitizer should be an acceptable alternative

[captainlordauditor]

I disagree mainly because I'm certain there MUST be a psalm or something we can say instead that's a similar length of time

[deskuvro]

I feel like Psalm 51 would be thematically correct! What do you reckon?

[daughterofstories]

The thing is, you actually can make kiddush over a bloody mary, because you can make kiddush over any alcohol (you just say shehakol).

The actual unhinged take would be that you can make kiddush over shakshuka.

[zaprowsdower27]

American Jew option: kiddush over hamburger because ketchup

[ikeepbeez]

Disagree on the vine thing because a gefen is a specific type of vine, botanically. Yes, watermelons and pumpkins and cucumbers and tomatoes vine, but those are single-season, herbaceous vines. Whereas grape vines are woody vines, which put out new vegetative growth each year and the fruit grows on the second+ year wood. AFAIK vitis spp. are the only ones to do this (blackberries/raspberries are canes or brambles, not vines, and they only fruit the second year). So much like bananas grow on trees but they're halachically not pri ha'eitz because not wood, tomatoes grow on vines but they're halachically not pri hagefen because not wood.

[jewishtransdyke]

Can't you technically make kiddush on any sort of drink that you'd drink socially? I seem to remember reading that even coffee would work, in a pinch.

[faggotry-enjoyer]

You can, you'd just say shehakol instead of pri hagafen.

[starlight-shadowbanned]

For Shabbat morning yes, but for Friday night it needs to be either wine or grape juice.

Also yeah, gafen is specifically a grapevine.

[neta-ilan]

I was under the impression that there's considerable regional* differences as to what circumstances you can substitute other drinks for wine to make kiddush? Like, I'm 99% sure I've heard of people making Friday night kiddush on hard liquor

*in terms of origin on minhag, if not necessarily current location of communities or individuals

[jewishpangolin]

Borei p'ri hagafen may be restricted to grapes, but then it should also apply to eating grapes themselves, not just wine and grape juice.

[jewishpackages]

My friend once suggested that instead of giving up chametz for Passover, the Seder dinner is just whatever everyone can make in 15 minutes as we run out the door to be free

[penguicorns-are-cool]

[daddario]

So funny to be in the middle of a porny fic and a character says 'god' but it's written "G-d" and you're like oh hey this gay porn was written by a Jew.

[didanagy]

THE PRINCE OF EGYPT (1998)

dir. brenda chapman, steve hickner and simon wells

[johnthestitcher]

Chag Sameach Pesach! A Joyous and Blessed Passover to all my Jewish followers!

[xclowniex2]

How can I feel safe as a jew in New Zealand when at a jewish community picnic a few weeks ago, it was recommended that we have 4 police officers, on top of paid security, for our safety. Which btw did not turn up despite us requesting. Only the paid security turned up.

And that's even more horrifying when you remember that the Bondi beach hannukah massacre, they had requested for police to be present who also did not turn up.

[jewishpackages]

I hate that antisemites flood the Jewish tags with antisemitism. I can't even find peace in our own spaces. I just want to talk about Passover man. Why am I seeing shit that says death to all Jews..

[jewishpackages]

I know a lot of you are saying to "just block them" and while I do, that's not really my point. It's awful that this is even something we have to do. I should be able to have an online Jewish community that has no Nazis and doesn't dissolve into antisemitic arguments

Even the fact that so many of our posts are just about antisemitism is hard— including this one!

[ketubahring]

Hope you have a peaceful Pesach 🫶

Copyright © 2026 Ketubah Ring. No reproduction, printing, resale, or use without permission.

[iliothermia]

Singular large frog upon ye. Chag Pesach Sameach homies

[thatwritererinoriordan]

Passover falling on the evening of April Fools Day would be the funniest possible time for the prophet Elijah to come back btw

[disfiguredgrace]

“oh but xyz deeply evil and unforgivable act of antisemitic violence is criticism of israel”

baby i hate the israeli government like it’s my job. i call netanyahu a con and a criminal like it’s a hobby. if it were a genuine criticism of israel, it wouldn’t involve the indiscriminate slaughter of jews in israel and the diaspora. but you already knew that so why don't you just cut the bullshit pandering to “progressives” and just say what you feel

[avosettas]

hey can anyone tell me where i can get chad gadya for two zuzim? seems like a really cheap price for this day and age but i heard from Hashem who heard from the angel of death who heard from the shochet who heard from the ox who heard from the water who heard from the fire who heard from the stick who heard from the dog who heard from the cat who heard from the goat that someone's father bought that goat for just two zuzim