I KEEP BEES

They have too much freedom … I want bees on elastic, so when they get pollen, they come back here. Jew, they/them, naff off if those bother you

[gillespiejr]

[inkskinned]

Every day I handle more money than I will ever make. Every day.

At the start of my employment, my boss showed me videos of people stealing, and we both had a chuckle about it. How silly they were! There was a camera overhead, and it’s not to watch the shoppers. See, we can’t actually stop shoplifters. They get away with it maybe nine out of ten times. But we, who are watched and tallied and witnessed? We are always caught.

At first it was hard to hold one hundred dollars bills. An amount I had never seen before. An amount that didn’t exist in my household. It’s normal now. Here is something that is not for me.

“What the hell, I’ll take another,” says the man, pondering our 200 dollar watches. What the hell. Total comes to 580 and not even a flinch in his face. I have been working for 11 hours today and made only 110 dollars. It will go to my rent. Today I work for free, it feels. When I get my check, I will have 35 dollars left for food and saving.

The six hundreds he hands me go into the cash register. For a moment, I imagine having money. Then I put it away, counting out his change.

I know for a fact we sell our products for double what they are worth. That I could be making commission. That they could hand me those 580 dollars and change my life and not even mark the difference in their checkbooks. He’s not the only sale they make today, but I am the reason they made it. He’s not the only one spending 600 dollars, but if I hadn’t spent two hours with him telling me about his life, he wouldn’t have spent any. I go home. I don’t own a watch.

I have watched and rewatched a video on how to make salmon four ways. My shopping list is always the same. Pasta. Rice. Tuna. If I can afford butter it was a good week. I dream of the world I will never walk in, where I can throw the best fish fillet in the cart with a shrug. I hold hundreds in my hand and look up at the camera. I put them under the cash drawer.

I go to work. I scrap together my savings. I eat my bowl of rice slowly. My manager takes a paid week off from work just for his birthday. He owns a yacht. 

I’m not worth the cost of a watch.

[inkskinned]

i wrote this while i was working at orlando’s walt disney world parks.

i was part of their college program. i moved to the state for it. they legally owned the building i was living in and still charged me rent. i ostensibly was being charged to work for them. it was a 2 bedroom apartment and they placed 6 adult women in it in forced triples.

as many as one in ten disney employees have experienced homelessness while working for the company. despite huge efforts to unionize, strike, or otherwise demand fair treatment; disney has refused to increase employee quality of life.

disney admits publicly that a good portion of their success is because the employees (“cast members”) are dedicated, passionate, and selfless. this is never reflected in pay. even “face” characters (ie those that are princesses etc) make barely above a minimum wage.

at the time that i worked there, i made $8.50 an hour. at one point i was asked to create a human shield around a bag because a bomb dog had alerted to it. for eight fucking dollars an hour.

i now work a very cushy office job. i have bought the salmon and cooked it all four ways.

i go to the store. i am nice to the person behind the counter. she looks up at the camera while she counts out my change. there is nothing fundamentally different about her and i.

we are both worth more than the watch, anyway.

[kylieminvogue]

"SEINFELD" 06E22 - "The Diplomat's Club"

[and-then-the-dragons-arrived]

It occurred to me today that if Terry Pratchett was still around, we'd have a brilliant book about AI by now.

They would build a new machine standing next to HEX and HEX would be... not jealous, of course, why would you think a machine would be jealous? But still HEX would randomly start responding to someone who would spend more time with that new machine.

I'm 100% positive that Dibbler would be mass-printing generated bad romance novels and selling them for profit. All of them would have titles like "A Necklace of Pearls and Flowers" or "A Menace of Dragons and Swords", depending on the audience.

People would buy dis-organisers with new features and the imps would give VASTLY inaccurate answers ("No, dragons don't breathe fire, this is a myth, you are safe!") that would put them in danger - and yet would still refuse to get rid of them. (Maybe Dibbler would sell those advanced dis-organisers, too, sounds like something for him.)

The Watch would have their hands full saving people from said danger. Vimes would never trust this new invention and would get extremely angry at anyone suggesting he bought one, too.

Dwarves would be very anxious because, as our dear Blackboard Monitor already knows, Words Are Important. And if those words come from gods know where, that's really bad. I can actually see the plot where they can actually team up with Blackboard Monitor to destroy those "machine" words at the end.

All that generated rubbish would put L-Space in the danger of collapsing. Because there are books that no one should have written.

[luulapants]

Got into a discussion about emergency response at a professional retreat recently and everyone was going on and on about agility, and I was like, "Okay but what about contingency?"

And they were like "What?"

And I was like, "Agility isn't the ultimate form of preparedness. Contingency is. Agility still requires you to flounder and figure out a solution in the moment, but if you have a contingency plan, all you have to do is implement it."

And they were like "But you can't make contingency plans for every situation!"

And I was like, "Yeah, you basically can if you just identify all of your basic dependencies and contingency plan around the loss of any dependency," and then I gave a few examples.

And they all stared at me like I'm an alien.

Anyway, that's how I figured out I'm Batman-coded and also learned how Batman must feel talking to supposedly professional superheroes who never bothered to run disaster scenarios until I pointed out that it's insane that they don't already have a plan for if Superman turns evil.

[nestofstraightlines]

There’s a phrase that really stuck in my head around this. It was from one of the British divers who enacted the Thai caving rescue, though I couldn’t tell you which one or which interview.

As he described to the interviewer a moment of panic and how he he overcame, the interviewer said, in one of those, summarise-last-answer-given-with-appropriate-levels-of-respect-in-order-to-proceed-to-next-question phrasing’s, “Wow, so you rose to the occasion -“

And the diver said, “No, actually people always get that exactly wrong. In an unexpected and urgent situation you don’t rise to the occasion. You sink to the level of your training.”

[throckmortons-thrussy]

[afurioushawk]

A bunch of tribes were farming the land and some built huge cities before European Contact, which involved intricate irrigation systems. All of which involved "trespassing" on the land.

We can acknowledge that Natives have a lot of valuable knowledge about being responsible stewards of the lands without devolving into Magical Wood Elves territory.

There's a lot of space between "Drill, Baby, Drill" and ecofascism.

[short-wooloo]

There will come a day where i don't need to post this, and that day is not today

[ikeepbeez]

Hell yeah Andy Rakich!

[freegazafromhamas]

Asks that got perfectly cut off in my notification list and will not be opened because anything that comes after this combination of words put in that order is, by definition, victim blaming Nazi/Holocaust apologia and is irrelevant. Imagine typing this out. "Better behave, Jew, or we'll do it again." Absolutely the fuck not. If you want to genocide Jews you will now find yourself dealing with the IDF, and that's the meaning of "Never Again". Cope harder.

We've been hated by the whole world for 3700 years, there's nothing that can be done to change this except to defend ourselves against it, with force.

[iguanamouth]

I thought it would delight you to know that ants do have a sort of funeral mound for their dead

yes there is a name for this! necrophoresis is a process with social insects where the bodies are taken to a specific location on the outside of ( or within ) the nest - ants tend to keep them all in the same place, and the way an ant is signaled to be "dead" by its other members is through the release of a chemical called oliec acid

theres even been a few experiments where live ants were coated in the same chemical and other ants treated the live ants....exactly as though they were dead and tried dragging them into the pile

[iguanamouth]

[drearyhours]

the thing about literary analysis is that its not often “the author intentionally made the curtains blue to represent sadness“ its more like “this is the 5th piece of writing where this author describes blue curtains, incidentally the bedroom his mother died in when he was 6 had blue curtains“

[da-bug]

*nods wistfully* blue curtains killed their grandma

[timeclonemike]

Blue Curtains: No author, I AM your grandma.

Author: That’s not true! That’s impossible LITERALLY!

Blue Curtains: Look at this exceedingly pedantic literary analysis of your work, you know it to be true.

[slyandthefamilybook]

something something goddamn harpoon

[victusinveritas]

[billymayslesbian]

imagining a universe where porn is a marketable genre so you have to deal with raycon ads while trying to jerk your shit

[torchichate]

You’re an easy slut, aren’t you kitten? Almost as easy as dinner with Hellofresh

[sunflowerbutch]

🥚

crack egg directly into hot pan, scramble while cooking

crack egg directly into cold pan, stir/scramble, then cook

crack egg into bowl, whisk or stir, THEN pour into pan and cook

other

results

Voting ended onMar 31, 2024

[coughloop]

[leopardmask-ao3]

Or you use a plastic/silicon spatula?? Or a silicon whisk?? go to literally any dollar store they have shitty plastic/silicon kitchen utensils you can scramble eggs with without scratching up your pans

[great-and-small]

Now that’s what I call

[great-and-small]

@rpepperpotshipssciencebros please forgive me for this one

[rainintheevening]

Okay, we got a new one, boys.

[fleshengine]

Close enough welcome back Chekov's gun.

[comma-souptra]

Prev you can’t bury this in your own tags

[hope-chest-resources]

ID: A screenshot of tags left on the tumblr post. They read "#it's actually kind of a reverse Chekhov's Gun #Chekhov's Gun says "If there is setup there must be payoff" #Asimov's Tail says "if there is payoff there must be setup" #and I think the tail is also important #a tail is not something you'd expect to see on a character unless explicitly pointed out #someone stepping on the tail not only reveals its existence but also tells us things about it #eg it's floor length sensitive and the character either can't or won't keep it out of the way of foot traffic #the upshot seems to be "acclimatise your audience to things they don't understand before you use them" #you don't need to explain how a gun on the mantelpiece works in the same way you need to explain how your protagonist's tail does" End ID.

[mousegirlheart]

[robotmango]

when i forget to log into ao3 and i have to click proceed to see an adult fic, i actually get a kick out of it. like i am an old timey queen and my bard is apologetic: “gentle lady, dicks doth touch in this next ballad. would you prefer another?” and i give him a gesture of command like, “nay, you may proceed, minstrel. bring forth the tale of dicks”

[berlynn-wohl]

hope it’s not too late; I made this in Scriptorium

[andthepeople]

always funny to remember darth vader is anakin skywalker. the adrenaline junkie chucklefuck who used to dive head first out of speeders and built a pod racer in his yard when he was like six is now upper-middle management for the evil empire. half of his appearances in the original trilogy are Meetings. vader spends like 80% of his time dealing with bureaucratic bullshit. status updates. team meetings. holo-Zooms. budget rundowns. anakin betrayed the jedi and caused the fall of the republic and his punishment is being CC'd on every email forever. and you know what. he would hate that. the punishment fits the criminal