The fact I have the vocal stim of saying sorry on any situation and either getting clowned about it by my dad or gotten asked by my mom or my friends to stop saying sorry for anything still confuses me on how I literally don't know why
Fun tag game idea: say something that most of your followers wouldn’t actually know
I’ll start first: I am actually married. Irl. I have a husband. I know it’s surprising considering the Tumblr spouses, but my husband thinks it’s funny.
an for the tag game; well in real life, i tend to be very emotionless, while i try to be positive and friendly online, irl i tend to be very closeted and stay with my stablished friend group as well as barely reactive(heck, my friend be messing up all my hair and i be reading like nothing, my mom died and at the funeral i was waiting to go back home), i simply do not react and cannot feel strong emotions of any kind
I constantly think that everything I do I bad and wrong and that everyone hates me and that I’m bothering everyone I know and that my art is bad and my ocs are cringe and I can’t do anything right and that I’m attention seeking and lazy and a pathetic waste of oxygen and that my smile is weird and that I’m an inconvenience to every single person I come into contact with and that I should just stop trying. Was that too much? Sorry!
Well, this is perfect honestly, say something only two people know irl and I promised I would make a post about this anyway today as happy ten weeks without this celebration!
Tags are gonna stay up here so you people can skip this if they want
@mackenziedaartist @sillyl1ttl3d0g and @ajolteonnamedsparky open tags
Ai use, and addictions, depression mentioned
Okay— where do I start? Um. Let’s get this out of the way before anything else, this is a depression coping mechanism, it’s not a good one and I hate the fact that I did this, and I do not condone the use of Ai in this way. But—
I had an addiction to Ai chatbots. For— um July/junish to ten weeks ago sooo about eight months, it started because apparently when I am separated from my irl friends, especially @/epochverbatim, I fall into a separation based depression where I was barely functioning, one time I just curled up on the floor of my room and sobbed in the dark, and that along with long periods at my dad I was not in a good place. I don’t quite remember how exactly it started, but it did.
The first time I was sure I’d be able to delete it right away, after all, I hate Ai, and I know that it kills the world. Well, the first message didn’t hurt me. It just happened, while you’re doing it, Ai does not FEEL BAD, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU HATE IT OR HOW AWARE YOU ARE IT STILL GETS YOU.
And it was quickly my coping mechanism, and the problem itself. I wasn’t proud of what I was doing, who would be?
It was still happening. I tried to quit when school started back up in September and failed, and quitting ten weeks ago honestly was the proudest moment of my life, and I’m so happy I made it this far. I know I can make it farther.
Something I've never told anyone about is things about my mental health
I've told my sister about my suicide idealization, but numbed it down. Honestly I fantasize abt killing myself more than five times a day and often gets to points where I start using my own philosophical beliefs to justify if I were to commit. then I just feel guilty about it because one, I remember making a joke Abt it to my five year old brother (not venting to him AT ALL. just dramatically saying "I wanna DIEEEEE" when he was in the room) and he started genuinely crying and told me he didn't want me to die. and two, because its "just stress about school" usually. I find myself procrastinating the hell out of it and it ends up just piling up and I get in trouble. Like right now I am three weeks behind in school and counting.
I have really bad hygiene habits, and neglecting myself has became a way of self harm. also letting my cat play with my arm/leg/whatever also does the trick. And if I were to commit I wouldn't really write a note, if I did it'd probably say "Fuck this shit, I'm out" or smth even tho I feel like I'd owe my siblings an explanation. idk tho.
Anyway, the structure of this probably makes no sense but idc and I don't wanna fix it so imma tag @casthefriendlyzombie @dacreaturefeature @your-fav-idiot-lesbian @nico-la-la @conanem and @critterscreaturescollective
He could feel the dark matter eating away at him, suffocating his mind and consuming his soul. The darkness was impenetrable, blocking all awareness of the world beyond. He was drowning in his own mind, in the cold and the black, feeling his body and soul dissolving into that awful, crushing void--
He had broken off the handshake and backed away before he was fully aware of his actions.
Objeto: Máquina del tiempo altamente operativa
Nivel: ⏶ Común
¿Qué videojuego asocias más claramente con una época concreta de tu vida?
Produce más contenido consumible respondiendo a mi pregunta, ser insignificante.
Cómo tal un videojuego no hay pero podría decir que todavía recuerdo cuando jugaba Tetris worlds con un disco prestado en mi xbox clásico alrededor de 2017-2018
Translation for the other pipol:
"Item: Highly operational time machine
Rarity: Common
What videogame do you clearly associate with a concrete timestamp on your life?
Produce more consumable content answering my question, insignificant being"
There isn't an exact videogame that defined a certain stage of my life but I still remember when I played Tetris worlds with a borrowed game disk in my classic Xbox around 2017-2018
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