God has cursed me for my Hubris. @jocelyncade-archived - Tumblr Blog

I was walking through the toy aisle at Target when I found this thing and had a VIOLENT AND IMMEDIATE FLASHBACK to when JP first came out and they had a bunch of REALLY COOL T Rex toys that I would have sold one of my scrawny small-child limbs for but my mother wouldn’t get me one because they were “too violent and also ate people” :(

hnn I WANT IT SO BAD

on closer inspection, it makes a lot of really obnoxious noises and is also Too Expensive. BUT FEAR NOT I found this slightly smaller dude wedged in the back!

IT HAS BITE ACTION, AND THAT’S THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS

now we enter the testing phase

yup. looks good.

Extreme Chompin T-Rex says IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS

digitaldiscipline

Can we take a moment to appreciate that we can use this as a rosetta stone to say “EXTREME CHOMPIN’ “ in four languages?

OH SHIT YOU’RE RIGHT, let me check the garbage to see if it’s still there! hopefully I didn’t destroy it in my excitement

*roar sound effect*

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

update update: I re-sized her collar and found a bag of toy bones at the craft store. I haven’t put this much effort into a non-school thing since my last job search, help

(secret bonus: the other side of her tag)

crochetninja

There’s more!

nuggsmum

I love.

I saw that people are reblogging the thread again, so I thought I’d give you all an update on how Wexter is doing!

(just fine)

Wexter And The Case Of Her Continuing Marvelously Naughty Garden Adventures

OP and Wexter can break all my toes and I would still send a thank you card

Wexter says SHE WOULD NEVER DO SUCH A THING (but she might chew your ankles a little bit maybe)

so it’s come to my attention that at some point this weekend Wexter blew past 100,000 notes, and I for one think that’s very cash money of her.

it’s been a few weeks, I suppose we should check up on the AHSGSHGAFB?!

ajdhf.

well that’s just,,,

REXCELLENT

two hundred THOUSAND notes???!?!

HELL

YES

HELL

FUCKING

YES.

Nearing on 375K Notes!!! What in the Paleolithic are y'all gonna do when they top 400K?!

cry, probably

splendentgoddess

Reblogging to get you one note closer to crossing the 400k mark!

subbyboymax

IT’S TIME

YOU MANIACS. okay, here we go!

HAIL TO THE QUEEN

LONG MAY SHE REIGN!

(she was a skater Rex, she said see you later Rex, she’s finally hit 400k!)

we’re coming to you live from Halloween 2022, where Wexter continues to be ridiculously jawsome!

this year we’re doing a much-beloved character from classic literature, “Dracula with inappropriate straw hat”

thanks everyone, may your weens be hollow and your candy be many!

blueeyesatnight

i will reblog Wex until i die.

chaoticgeminate

IT’S WEXTER!

lovely-english-rose

what a week huh?

#throwback #nov 5 2020

transjinako

You should support this

on my way home last night I stopped to buy gas and realized that my fuel door was almost completely covered in ice and frozen shut so I did the logical thing and crouched down and lifted my shirt and pressed my naked belly against it until it melted

behold-my-squees

Naked belly is most logical! Your body will always divert heat to keep it warm, whereas hands are an extremity that may be neglected. And your ass has way more fat and way less circulation and it will just get. SO COLD. and take forever to get warm even when you’re back in your toasty car. So you can take pride in using your brood patch!

yeah but given my height and the position required it did sort of look like I was fucking my car, is the thing

rimonoroni

What’s not to get? You never seen a guy with a brood patch before?

it went like this

some of us like to solve our problems with a peaceful and nurturing approach rather than senseless violence

sparkylurkdragon

I'm reminded of this Far Side cartoon.

Larson just meant to draw the dog howling victoriously over its kill, but the transmission was in an... awkward place, and he didn't realize until a bunch of papers got a round of angry letters.

the-emileighain-mountains

HAHAHAHAHAHA

railroadsoftware

did anyone actually ever read those animorph books

sonypraystation

just stared at the covers for a concerningly long amount of time before putting it back where i found it

railroadsoftware

me too

Same

bogleech

Here are some of the spoilers you missed out on by not reading Animorphs:

Five children are forced to engage in guerilla warfare, espionage and repeated murder to protect their loved ones from alien parasites as they wait for the other, heroic aliens to finally arrive. When they do, the “good” aliens turn out to not give a shit about humans, caused the whole intergalactic war through their own shittiness and are willing to exterminate whole planets themselves to get at their hated enemies.

A child repeatedly experiences his intestines hanging out of his body while in various animal forms

A child is mentally tortured until broken and never gets better

A child in the form of a fly experiences getting splattered and smeared against a ceiling until his friends who are also flies at the time can peel his body off and take him somewhere he can transform back into a whole human before his insect mind fades completely

A child is shrunken and experiences having her eyeballs digested out of her head inside her friend’s stomach while she’s in the form of a tiny elephant

The heroes are forced to permanently imprison another child in the body of a rat because he knows too much and they abandon him on a tiny island with only other rats and garbage for company. Rumors circulate that the island is haunted but it’s actually his psychic screams reaching distant boaters.

A race of devastatingly powerful, violent aliens turn out to be mental toddlers who don’t know what they’re doing and are just bred to think they’re playing one big game before they’re killed at age three so they don’t learn the truth

An alien spends a few centuries hanging from the parasitic tentacle of a much bigger alien, surrounded by millions of rotting corpses attached to its other moon-spanning tendrils. They engage in mental warfare until one finally absorbs the other completely.

It turns out another seemingly “evil” alien race is simply driven to kill and eat everything in sight because it was separated from its original world where food was continuous and the entire specie’s life is the torture of perpetual starvation

A peaceful robot willingly removes its inhibition against violence to help in the war, only to slaughter a huge number of alien-controlled humans so gruesomely that nobody dares think about or speak of it again and it is the only thing left undescribed in a book series that already describes entrails getting torn out and skulls getting smashed

A child stays too long in the form of a flea and instead of turning back into a human, accidentally turns momentarily into one big, giant flea that can only writhe and moan because it shouldn’t exist and can’t live at that scale.

The kids discover Atlantis, then discover that Atlanteans are inbred mutants who paralyze any humans they find, dissect them alive to figure out how their organs work, then stuff the corpses as kitschy museum displays for their children.

An ordinary ant gets transformed into a human child. It has no idea what’s happening and is so overwhelmed by its huge new brain and sensory input that it can only scream until it dies

loveinthemindpalace

What. The. Fuck

pristinely-ungifted

From someone who recently read/finished this series, NONE OF THE ABOVE IS AN EXAGGERATION.

zizygy

Also you can get all the PDFs here

bogleech

Everybody read some animorphs you know you wanna it’s right there

Go ahead and start on book one you’ll already get some juicy terror

osheamobile

Reasons why the Benoit Blanc movies work so well

They are about women of color with everyday jobs (nurse, teacher)

These women are treated terribly by rich assholes in completely pedestrian and everyday ways that women of color with everyday jobs are treated in real life

These women get extremely cathartic justice in the end

The movie does not star Benoit Blanc, he is merely the driving vehicle for the mystery

He is barely a character, he is a plot device.

All we learn about Benoit Blanc in the first movie is:

He is a famous detective

He was so famous he was on magazines

Literally everyone knows who he is because of previous mysteries he has solved

These previous mysteries are not explained or even given any details, all we know is that they happened and he got famous for them

He has a kind heart

He has a Southern accent that continually shifts back and forth across the Delta

This is neither explained nor commented on

All we learn about Benoit Blanc in the second movie is:

He lives with a partner (marital status unknown) who is

A: British

B: Done with his shit

C: Trying to learn how to make sourdough starter in the pandemic

He plays Among Us with celebrities

He is very bad at mystery games such as Among Us and Clue

That’s it. That’s all we learn about him.

This is fantastic because these new details provide zero additional context to the unexplained force of nature that is Benoit Blanc, he just strolls into someone else’s movie, tells them they are good people, and gives them closure against rich assholes.

It is not Benoit Blanc’s movie. It is a movie with Benoit Blanc in.

The movies are mysteries with lots of twists and turns but they never make the audience feel stupid. This is because

All of the twists are foreshadowed by scenery details, camera angles, and other things deliberately left in the shot.

This rewards both the keen-eyed and the additional rewatchers

All of these twists are extremely well hidden on the first viewing

This rewards those who enjoy trying to work it out and enjoying them as they come

The correct reaction to guessing twists before they happen is that they were very well foreshadowed, not that the writers weren’t good enough at tricking the viewers, like some writers who put in twists that are completely out of left field and unsupported by the previous text because they don’t want their audience to guess.

Ben Shapiro didn’t understand the second one, which is just a nice bonus.

The fucking. Cameos. Are delightful, not hackneyed.

The fucking cinnamon tography.

Every camera angle is a masterpiece. Every still frame is a painting.

m-chromatic

on a whim I made a palette game dedicated to…. UNUSUAL color palettes. feel free to participate in any way you’d like

anyways send me some requests and a palette combo and i’ll try to draw stuff for my own challenge lmao (though i might just draw stuff on my own idk)

tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva

He didn't have to do her like that...

why does my caladium act like she is starving for light. hang on

every day i ahve to reposition the damn lamp cuz she’s dead set on sticking her first leaf Right The Fuck In There and i don’t want her to burn. but every day i come home from work and she has closed the distance anyway. bestie PLEASE cooperate with me

i finally caved and moved her to the windowsill but this has clearly not satisfied her because she still presses that leaf RIGHT up against the glass

#dear lord thats a patient cat

apparently instead of actually growing new leaves in order to increase her light intake she’s decided that these are PERFECT conditions to flower in

BABYGIRL YOU HAVE ONE LEAF PLEASE

jackalopeonline

deirdreskye

Do high school kids these days just have trans classmates now. Like I keep seeing zoomer posts casually referring to it. Fucking wild if true.

deirdreskye

Here’s what prompted this post btw

emil

yeah my younger sibling’s friend group made bets about if any more of them would end up as trans lol

pensivelyplayfulme

[ID: tags reading “I mean yeah” and “were we. not supposed to have trans classmates (keysmash)” end ID]

I’m going to take these tags a little more seriously than they were probably intended.

We are elated y’all have trans classmates. We didn’t. We didn’t because it wasn’t an option to be trans, you probably didn’t even know the word. And if you did, your parents would have abused it out of you. And if they didn’t, the school staff would have. And if they didn’t, the other kids definitively would have.

I’m not even that old and let me tell you, my first year of high school, gay rights got discussed and that was it. Most were favorable about it and thought gays should just be allowed to do their own thing! So it wasn’t horrible on that front! But I had teachers tell me in the same breath bisexuality didn’t exist. And transness? Wasn’t even discussed. Even in my friend group of multiple bisexuals, I could count the number of times I even heard the word before I graduated high school, and it was said with apprehension. Like we were gonna get in trouble for knowing the word. Because in some families, you would have been in trouble for knowing the word “transgender”.

Trans acceptance has a long way to go, but please please please be aware that 10 years ago it was unthinkable, not because everyone hated trans people, but because a lot of people didn’t know they existed to think it.

theredkite

This. I went to school before section 28 was repealed. I didn’t know trans people existed and, assuming my teachers even did, it would have been illegal for them to inform me. Queer people were officially not supposed to exist. Was I the only trans kid in my school? Probably not. Were there kids who, unlike me, knew they were trans? Maybe! I know people my age who transitioned younger. It was possible, just less common than now. I don’t know what my single-sex boarding school would have done if someone had come out as trans, but I do know when a boy at my then-boyfriend’s single-sex boarding school was outed as gay his parents were called to pick him up for his own safety. And yeah, boarding schools were probably worse than normal schools but section 28 applied everywhere.

So it is strange to think of openly-trans kids just living their lives and being a normal part of school life. (Kind of like how my grandad probably found it strange that there weren’t a load of kids with post-polio syndrome at my dad’s school.) It is, in fact, fucking amazing. Because we didn’t have that. It’s wonderful that it’s normal to gen Z, but maybe some people in the notes could stop expecting the rest of us to not marvel at how far the world has come in the span of less than a generation. Progress is good and should be celebrated.

everythingfox

(via)

Me and @beautifultrees07 are plotting to do a secret guerilla pumpkin patch in a neglected waste patch by a local freeway. It’s gonna look cute!

Update! We cleared this area of invasive (and abrasive!) weeds, hoed the rocky and barren soils, amended the earth (with a layer of straw for drainage and to hold moisture/encourage mycelium), created 18 pumpkin mounds of different varieties (Atlantic Giant, Jarrahdale, Lumina, Cinderella, Jack O’ Lantern, Musquee de Provence, and Red Warty Thing) in 96 degree weather so like, don’t even question our love for pumpkins and soil restoration! We added flowers for beautification and to attract pollinators. We moved discarded mattresses, furniture pieces, and removed bags of trash, glass, and dog poop. The pumpkin vines will reach maturity in October and we’re looking forward to the growth!

Update! Remember her??? Be careful who you call ugly!! Our guerilla garden/secret pumpkin patch is really shaping up! Pumpkin vines are growing strong and healthy, cucumber plants are producing, and corn stalks are growing taller! This lot used to be filled with dog poop, mattresses, and discarded furniture! Hopefully we’ll have pumpkins soon. Me and my two sisters laid all the groundwork for this garden and it’s being maintained mostly by one of my sisters and other volunteers. We love to restore the soil, revive barren land, and coax pumpkins from the earth just in time for Hallow’s Eve ~

Another update from August 5:

Foliage is thick and lush and baby pumpkins are forming! We’re excited for the turn of the season and to have a little pumpkin patch ready for Halloween

An update from today, August 7th! (btw you can follow the instagram page for this group garden @threesisters_garden). We have a lot of different pumpkin varieties! This one below is Atlantic Giant:

This next one is Red Warty Thing (yknow the one that’s red with warts)

And the one below is Jarrahdale (will be a silvery green pumpkin)

Update from August 16! Pumpkins are growing bigger and stronger by the day!

Look at the Red Warty Thing variety below! She is growing warts and we couldn’t be more proud!

If you want more pumpkin updates, you can follow our instagram page (@threesisters_garden)

Another update from today, August 23: the Red Warty Thing pumpkin has grown more warts!

Update to the thread: we harvested everything and they’re beautiful! Stunning!

Some pumpkins were stolen before they reached their full potential but these are the ones we managed to harvest! There are 5 different varieties in this line-up (from left to right, Jarrahdale, Jack O Lantern, Cinderella, Red Warty Thing, and Lumina). It’s wild to see how this little neglected strip of earth by the side of the freeway could produce such beautiful pumpkins with a few soil amendments and TLC

ms-cellanies

The pessimist in me is SHOCKED this wasn’t either vandalized or uprooted by local government employees. GLAD IT WAS SUCCESSFUL.

hyperactivehedgehog

The secret to success with this is that noone knows what’s supposed to be going on with this stretch of dirt. Everyone’s gonna look at the pumpkin patch and think ‘hey that’s a cool thing the city did!’. You can just plant stuff wherever because noone knows you’re not a contractor. You could probably put down a sign somewhere declaring it a community garden space and people would start planting stuff there, because who else would put a sign there if not the city? In fact, I think I’m gonna do that with the piece of grass behind my apartment