How can I reblog this a million times? The 1% are master manipulators.
The existence of another poor person is not why you’re poor.
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@joslushie
How can I reblog this a million times? The 1% are master manipulators.
The existence of another poor person is not why you’re poor.
you’re all full of shit, y’all may hate the man, but i bet if you saw your president getting attacked, no matter how much you dislike him or disagree with him, I BET 93% of you will jump in and defend the fucker with your life, you’d fight to the death if you must, to save that hateful orange.
I would literally do crack to hit him harder
This is how you introduce a fuckin villain in dnd
I’m reblogging this again cause there are so many things to appreciate.
The Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson posters. The snake belt as a headpiece. The facial expressions. The fact he stops him from already wanting to take out the trash, just to tell him to take it out.
A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
A question mark walks into a bar?
Two quotation marks “Walk into” a bar.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to drink.
The bar was walked into by a passive voice.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They drink. They leave.
THANKS FOR TEACHING ME THINGS THAT ENGLISH CLASS HAS FAILED TO ACKNOWLEDGE
More, please.
An Oxford comma walks into a bar. It orders a pint of beer, some snacks, and a shot.
A split infinitive used to often walk into a bar.
There is a bar which a preposition-ended sentence walked into.
An emphatic copula did walk into a bar.
A present subjunctive walked into a bar hoping that he be able to order a drink.
A typo walks into a bra
I accidentally made a Chia Pet Skull
the concept of how sir arthur conan doyle was as a person always sends me into fits. imagine making the most famous literary character of all time but you hate the character so much you try to kill him off. but everyone is so horny for this asshole detective they make you bring him back. even your own mother gets mad when he’s dead because she likes him. raising your prices to ridiculous rates to avoid writing holmes stories backfired and now you’re rich. it’s absolutely a pain because it’s keeping you from your true passion which is spiritualism despite how one of your good friends harry houdini keeps telling you it’s bullshit. you consider your best novels to be historical ones but they’re well over shadowed by the nemesis of your own creation sherlock fucking holmes. some fake photographs from some kids convinced you faeries were real and you wrote a whole book about it. you started writing stories in medical school. and yes, also you are a doctor. after you’re dead, they erect a statue of sherlock holmes across the street from your birthplace, causing you to probably roll over one hundred eighty degrees in your grave and scream into your casket pillow.
me, while picking up worms from the sidewalk so i can put them back into the mud: a soggy boy is a happy boy
FUCK aliens ! we got these crazy shits under da sea and we’re not payin any attention!!!
YES
By the way many pyrosomes light up intensely at night and likely inspired many nautical monsters and ghost stories
colonial jellies are also immortal bc their cloned individuals act like cells getting replaced in other, respectable animals, so while the individual dies, the colony organism never will provided it still has cells to clone. I struggle with the knowledge that colonial jellies and us still share a common ancestor
as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE.
you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”
…you start sweating
normal person in 1st century Nazareth: making my way downtown, walking fast
*sees J boy, 8 yo, staring at you from across the street*
normal person: walking faster
even funnier, the only person 100% on board with his Prophetic Kid Talk is his mother Miriam, an otherwise placid, absolutely normal woman around 25 or so
kid JC, coming home at twilight, a single white dove following him and chirping with weirdly human-like precision:
moth̫́er,̦͌ ̮̉i h͙̉av͔̽e ͓͗b̘̃r̞̓o̮͘u̲̒gh̟͒t̺́ you a do̗͐ṽ͙e̢͘ ͈̾m͒͢a͈̽dē̝ ỏ̘f ͈̓c̆͜l͔̂aỷ͇ aṋ̑d̳̿ g͢͞i̹̾fted̖͡ ̻͐it ͓͂w̖̿it̎͜h t̥̃h͙͒e ̨̒m̧̂i̡̍ŗ͒â̫cḷ̔è̤ ̛̻of̞̅ l̘̈i̛̦fè̳
Miriam: ! that’s my little boy :) now let’s go get ready for dinner :)
her husband Yosef, a carpenter who only marginally got signed up for this:
This post is so Christian, but it’s the spicy kind of Christian that gets you murdered by other Christians for heresy, so I’m torn.
literally biggest form of compliment i’ve ever gotten
I love the idea that because demons are fallen angels, they’re still bound to follow holy orders, hence why simple exorcisms made of just a few sentences can get rid of demons capable of destroying entire cities.
1000 Year Old Demon: [destroying a town] Exorcist: Don’t do that. 1000 Year Old Demon: Aww dang.
“Swiper no swiping”
Dora the Exorcist
Please!
DO NOT feed your gamer generic “flavor blasted tortilla chips” or “mountain fizz” it WILL make them sick or possibly worse! If you cant afford the real thing then you shouldnt have gotten a gamer in the first place!
lol @ op acting like it’s ethical for ANYONE to own a gamer no matter how “”real”” the food they can afford for it is. gamers are wild animals. imprinting on human beings can be seriously psychologically damaging to them. just don’t keep them.
This is a dangerous myth. Gamers are actually a lot like pugs or persian cats in that they’re an unethical modern breed of clown that can barely care for themselves in captivity let alone the wild.
Ah yes, the usual ‘gamers should be put down’ nonsense I keep seeing around, posing up their own myths as if they’re ‘debunking’ other people’s.
Gamers are NOT a Clown breed, they are a DORK breed, and anyone who’s done any actual research can tell you. Are there dangerous Gamers? Yes. But they generally come from owners who raise them for status rather than actually care or train them. Which is honestly a universal problem.
It’s just awful when people take their own prejudices and try and play as if those are universal across a breed, especially as it’s always a precursor to some attempt to eliminate it. It’s a thing I won’t stand for Pit Bulls, and I certainly won’t stand for it with Gamers either.
just saw bindi irwin got engaged and apparently her fiance is american. she’s 21 and they’ve been dating for 6 years. I wonder if his family lives in aus/works in conservation because imagine just being a random 15-year-old tourist at the zoo and having a meet cute with steve irwin’s daughter lol
apparently that’s exactly how they met. bindi just happened to be giving tours the day his family visited. love is unreal. how is this not a teen romcom yet
It gets better. Terri is also American and met Steve Irwin the same way, by chance at the Australia Zoo, in 1991. Terri was devastated when he immediately offered to introduce her to his girlfriend Sue, until Steve called Sue over and a dog came bounding up.
Multi-generational love at first sight.
My favorite part of the story of how Steve and Terri met is that it was literally love at first sight. He saw her in a crowd and froze. Which was a bad thing, because he was sort of wrestling a crocodile at the time.
Aussie fairy tale
Well imagine it from Terri’s perspective. She sees a guy wrestling a whole-ass crocodile for funsies and just immediately goes “HIM”
im….real? my existence has… impacts? i touch things and they move, i breath in and out and the air buzzes around me? the sun rests on my skin…. grass is crushed under my toes… people see me and have an idea of who i am… my name is on papers….? im sorry this is… this is too much….
Helpful things for action writers to remember
Sticking a landing will royally fuck up your joints and possibly shatter your ankles, depending on how high you’re jumping/falling from. There’s a very good reason free-runners dive and roll.
Hand-to-hand fights usually only last a matter of seconds, sometimes a few minutes. It’s exhausting work and unless you have a lot of training and history with hand-to-hand combat, you’re going to tire out really fast.
Arrows are very effective and you can’t just yank them out without doing a lot of damage. Most of the time the head of the arrow will break off inside the body if you try pulling it out, and arrows are built to pierce deep. An arrow wound demands medical attention.
Throwing your opponent across the room is really not all that smart. You’re giving them the chance to get up and run away. Unless you’re trying to put distance between you so you can shoot them or something, don’t throw them.
Everyone has something called a “flinch response” when they fight. This is pretty much the brain’s way of telling you “get the fuck out of here or we’re gonna die.” Experienced fighters have trained to suppress this. Think about how long your character has been fighting. A character in a fist fight for the first time is going to take a few hits before their survival instinct kicks in and they start hitting back. A character in a fist fight for the eighth time that week is going to respond a little differently.
ADRENALINE WORKS AGAINST YOU WHEN YOU FIGHT. THIS IS IMPORTANT. A lot of times people think that adrenaline will kick in and give you some badass fighting skills, but it’s actually the opposite. Adrenaline is what tires you out in a battle and it also affects the fighter’s efficacy - meaning it makes them shaky and inaccurate, and overall they lose about 60% of their fighting skill because their brain is focusing on not dying. Adrenaline keeps you alive, it doesn’t give you the skill to pull off a perfect roundhouse kick to the opponent’s face.
Swords WILL bend or break if you hit something hard enough. They also dull easily and take a lot of maintenance. In reality, someone who fights with a sword would have to have to repair or replace it constantly.
Fights get messy. There’s blood and sweat everywhere, and that will make it hard to hold your weapon or get a good grip on someone.
A serious battle also smells horrible. There’s lots of sweat, but also the smell of urine and feces. After someone dies, their bowels and bladder empty. There might also be some questionable things on the ground which can be very psychologically traumatizing. Remember to think about all of the character’s senses when they’re in a fight. Everything WILL affect them in some way.
If your sword is sharpened down to a fine edge, the rest of the blade can’t go through the cut you make. You’ll just end up putting a tiny, shallow scratch in the surface of whatever you strike, and you could probably break your sword.
ARCHERS ARE STRONG TOO. Have you ever drawn a bow? It takes a lot of strength, especially when you’re shooting a bow with a higher draw weight. Draw weight basically means “the amount of force you have to use to pull this sucker back enough to fire it.” To give you an idea of how that works, here’s a helpful link to tell you about finding bow sizes and draw weights for your characters. (CLICK ME)
If an archer has to use a bow they’re not used to, it will probably throw them off a little until they’ve done a few practice shots with it and figured out its draw weight and stability.
People bleed. If they get punched in the face, they’ll probably get a bloody nose. If they get stabbed or cut somehow, they’ll bleed accordingly. And if they’ve been fighting for a while, they’ve got a LOT of blood rushing around to provide them with oxygen. They’re going to bleed a lot.
Here’s a link to a chart to show you how much blood a person can lose without dying. (CLICK ME)
If you want a more in-depth medical chart, try this one. (CLICK ME)
Hopefully this helps someone out there. If you reblog, feel free to add more tips for writers or correct anything I’ve gotten wrong here.
How to apply Writing techniques for action scenes:
- Short sentences. Choppy. One action, then another. When there’s a lull in the fight, take a moment, using longer phrases to analyze the situation–then dive back in. Snap, snap, snap. - Same thing with words - short, simple, and strong in the thick of battle. Save the longer syllables for elsewhere. - Characters do not dwell on things when they are in the heat of the moment. They will get punched in the face. Focus on actions, not thoughts. - Go back and cut out as many adverbs as possible. - No seriously, if there’s ever a time to use the strongest verbs in your vocabulary - Bellow, thrash, heave, shriek, snarl, splinter, bolt, hurtle, crumble, shatter, charge, raze - it’s now. - Don’t forget your other senses. People might not even be sure what they saw during a fight, but they always know how they felt. - Taste: Dry mouth, salt from sweat, copper tang from blood, etc - Smell: OP nailed it - Touch: Headache, sore muscles, tense muscles, exhaustion, blood pounding. Bruised knuckles/bowstring fingers. Injuries that ache and pulse, sting and flare white hot with pain. - Pain will stay with a character. Even if it’s minor. - Sound and sight might blur or sharpen depending on the character and their experience/exhaustion. Colors and quick movements will catch the eye. Loud sounds or noises from behind may serve as a fighter’s only alert before an attack. - If something unexpected happens, shifting the character’s whole attention to that thing will shift the Audience’s attention, too. - Aftermath. This is where the details resurface, the characters pick up things they cast aside during the fight, both literally and metaphorically. Fights are chaotic, fast paced, and self-centered. Characters know only their self, their goals, what’s in their way, and the quickest way around those threats. The aftermath is when people can regain their emotions, their relationships, their rationality/introspection, and anything else they couldn’t afford to think or feel while their lives were on the line.
Do everything you can to keep the fight here and now. Maximize the physical, minimize the theoretical. Keep things immediate - no theories or what ifs.
If writing a strategist, who needs to think ahead, try this: keep strategy to before-and-after fights. Lay out plans in calm periods, try to guess what enemies are thinking or what they will do. During combat, however, the character should think about his options, enemies, and terrain in immediate terms; that is, in shapes and direction. (Large enemy rushing me; dive left, circle around / Scaffolding on fire, pool below me / two foes helping each other, separate them.)
Lastly, after writing, read it aloud. Anyplace your tongue catches up on a fast moving scene, edit. Smooth action scenes rarely come on the first try.
More for martial arts or hand-to-hand in general
What a character’s wearing will affect how they fight. The more restricting the clothes, the harder it will be. If they’re wearing a skirt that is loose enough to fight in, modesty will be lost in a life or death situation.
Jewelry can also be very bad. Necklaces can be grabbed onto. Bracelets also can be grabbed onto or inhibit movement. Rings it can depend on the person.
Shoes also matter. Tennis shoes are good and solid, but if you’re unused to them there’s a chance of accidentally hurting your ankle. High heels can definitely be a problem. However, they can also make very good weapons, especially for someone used to balancing on the balls of their feet. Side kicks and thrusting kicks in soft areas (like the solar plexus) or the feet are good ideas. They can also (hopefully) be taken off quickly and used as a hand weapon. Combat boots are great but if someone relies more on speed or aren’t used to them, they can weigh a person down. Cowboy boots can be surprisingly good. Spin kicks (if a character is quick enough to use them) are especially nasty in these shoes.
If a character is going to fight barefoot, please keep location in mind. Concrete can mess up your feet quick. Lawns, yards, etc often have hidden holes and other obstacles that can mess up a fighter. Tile floors or waxed wood can be very slippery if you’re not careful or used to them.
Likewise, if it’s outside be aware of how weather will affect the fight. The sun’s glare can really impede a fighter’s sight. A wet location, inside or outside, can cause a fighter to slip and fall. Sweat on the body can cause a fighter to lose a grip on an opponent too.
Pressure points for a trained fighter are great places to aim for in a fight. The solar plexus is another great place to aim for. It will knock the wind out of anyone and immediately weaken your opponent.
It your character is hit in the solar plexus and isn’t trained, they’re going down. The first time you get hit there you are out of breath and most people double over in confusion and pain. If a fighter is more used to it, they will stand tall and expand themselves in order to get some breath. They will likely keep fighting, but until their breath returns to normal, they will be considerably weaker.
Do not be afraid to have your character use obstacles in their environment. Pillars, boxes, bookshelves, doors, etc. They put distance between you and an opponent which can allow you to catch your breath.
Do not be afraid to have your character use objects in their environment. Someone’s coming at you with a spear, trident, etc, then pick up a chair and get it caught in the legs or use it as a shield. Bedsheets can make a good distraction and tangle someone up. Someone’s invading your home and you need to defend yourself? Throw a lamp. Anything can be turned into a weapon.
Guns often miss their targets at longer distances, even by those who have trained heavily with them. They can also be easier to disarm as they only shoot in one direction. However, depending on the type, grabbing onto the top is a very very bad idea. There is a good likelihood you WILL get hurt.
Knives are nasty weapons by someone who knows what they’re doing. Good fighters never hold a knife the way you would when cutting food. It is best used when held against the forearm. In defense, this makes a block more effective and in offense, slashing movement from any direction are going to be bad. If a character is in a fight with a knife or trying to disarm one, they will get hurt.
Soft areas hit with hard body parts. Hard areas hit with soft body parts. The neck, stomach, and other soft areas are best hit with punches, side kicks, elbows, and other hard body parts. Head and other hard parts are best hit using a knife hand, palm strike, etc. Spin kicks will be nasty regardless of what you’re aiming for it they land.
Common misconception with round house kicks is that you’re hitting with the top of the foot. You’re hitting with the ball. You’re likely to break your foot when hitting with the top.
When punching, the thumb is outside of the fist. You’ll break something if you’re hitting with the thumb inside, which a lot of inexperienced fighters do.
Also, punching the face or jaw can hurt.
It can be hard to grab a punch if you’re not experienced with it despite how easy movies make it seem. It’s best to dodge or redirect it.
Hitting to the head is not always the best idea. It can take a bit of training to be able to reach for the head with a kick because of the height. Flexibility is very much needed. If there are problems with their hips or they just aren’t very flexible, kicks to the head aren’t happening.
Jump kicks are a good way to hit the head, but an opponent will see it coming if it’s too slow or they are fast/experienced.
A good kick can throw an opponent back or knock them to the ground. If the person you’ve hit has experience though, they’ll immediately be getting up again.
Even if they’ve trained for years in a martial art, if they haven’t actually hit anything before or gotten hit, it will be slightly stunning for the person. It does not feel the way you expect it too.
Those yells in martial arts are not just for show. If done right, they tighten your core making it easier to take a hit in that area. Also, they can be used to intimidate an opponent. Yelling or screaming right by their ear can startle someone. (Generally, KHR fans look at Squalo for yelling)
Biting can also be used if someone’s grabbing you. Spitting in someone’s eyes can’t hurt. Also, in a chokehold or if someone is trying to grab your neck in general, PUT YOU CHIN DOWN. This cuts off access and if they’re grabbing in the front can dig into their hand and hurt.
Wrist grabs and other grabs can be good. Especially if it’s the first move an opponent makes and the character is trained, there are simple ways to counter that will have a person on their knees in seconds..
Use what your character has to their advantage. If they’re smaller or have less mass, then they’ll be relying on speed, intelligence, evasion, and other similar tactics. Larger opponents will be able to take hits better, they’re hits may be slower depending on who it is but will hurt like hell if they land, and size can be intimidating. Taller people with longer legs will want to rely on kicking and keeping their distance since they have the advantage there. Shorter people will want to keep the distance closer where it’s easier for them but harder for a taller opponent. Punching is a good idea.
Using a person’s momentum against them is great. There’s martial arts that revolve around this whole concept. They throw a punch? Grab it and pull them forward and around. Their momentum will keep them going and knock them off balance.
Leverage can used in the same way. If used right, you can flip a person, dislocate a shoulder, throw out a knee, etc.
One note on adrenaline: All that was said above is true about it. But, in a fight, it can also make you more aware of what’s going on. A fight that lasts twenty seconds can feel like a minute because time seems to almost slow down while moving extremely rapidly. You only have so much time to think about what you’re doing. You’re taking in information constantly and trying to adjust. Even in the slow down adrenaline gives you, everything is moving very rapidly.
Feelings will be your downfall even more so than adrenaline. Adrenaline can make those feelings more intense, but a good fighter has learned not to listen to those feelings. A good fighter may feel anger at being knocked down or in some way humiliated - their pride taken down. Yet they will not act on the anger. Acting on it makes a fighter more instinctive and many will charge without thinking. Losing control of anything (adrenaline rush, emotions, technique, etc) can be a terrible thing in a fight.
Just thought I’d add in here.
YES. YES.
Such good writing tips! @myebi
@jmlascar you’ve probably seen this already, but in case you haven’t, it’s got some good info on fight scenes :)
me: hey how long is this thing going to last
someone: haha you just want to know when you’re off the hook
me: hah
me: (actually i just need to allocate the right expectations and backlog of energy and make sure the rest of my day falls in good accordance with it so that i don’t feel time-crunched and propel myself into a hysteria because if i don’t know how long this thing lasts or when it ends i can’t possibly know when literally anything else starts and my entire life becomes an unraveled realm of anarchy with no rhyme or reason and how is that not terrifying to you)
me: hey how long will this take
someone: oh like twenty minutes
me: ok
*an hour later*
me: *clinging to every learned social skill i can think of with the desperate hope my distress and exhaustion doesn’t show*
someone: hey we’re almost done don’t be so crabby
me: *smiling* *internally screaming at this SENSELESS CHAOS*
someone: hey do you want to do [involving time-consuming thing]
me: hey that sounds fun! when were you thinking?
someone: oh we’re doing it right now
me: oh. like. now-now? like right now. like you want me to stop what i’m doing and get up and do this thing with you, suddenly, with thirty seconds of warning. now. like this second. immediately. now?
this feeling is so real
I know this pain
This post is staring into my soul. I feel seen.
Do you ever feel like you’re missing out on so much just because of being who you are and not someone else? Whenever I see a beautiful girl I wonder how it must feel to be that beautiful and if I’ll ever feel like that. Or when I see someone who’s confident and extroverted and I imagine how nice and easy it must be to be that way. Or when I see someone that’s my age who has already accomplished so much or been in so many places and experienced so many things, I can’t help but feel like time is falling from my hands like sand and I’m not getting better or going anywhere. I grew up watching movies and reading stories that made me believe that life was supposed to be constantly exciting and I haven’t felt that way many times and I just feel so stuck being myself. I wish I could be someone else for a while.
“next year’s 2020″ : not terrible
“this decade ends in 2 months” : bad
“1980 was nearly 40 years ago” : somehow the worst thing i’ve ever read
#my brain still calibrates to 2000 for no reason#the 50s? 50 years ago#the 80s? 20 years#2010? that was last year#2016 was last week (via @unpretty)
GOD FUCKING SAME. I can’t process 1980 as being more than 25-ish years ago. 30 at the absolute max, if I’m feeling self-aware about it not being 2002 anymore.