~ glass tree calyx.river ~

One Soul ~ Many lives ~ my writing & photos for the beautiful tangled world wide web~ for+reposted work: = heaven-over-calyx.tumblr.com  *the Truth will always come to Light*

[juritena]

LOVE HAS NO BORDERS IN THE SENSE OF TIME, CONSENTUAL AGE, RACE, OR GENDER - BUT STRONG BOUNDARIES REVEALS REAL LOVE. REAL +LOVE IS BUILT ON HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.

in case you were still+Lost and Confusing what Borders and Boundaries really meant~ 

[juritena]

•3 months ~

quietly re:drawing lines. . . affirming Love has No Borders and Love has Healthy Boundaries applying that note to myself and saying Yes, Me Too. •no matter how many+years pass, i haven’t forgotten. when the need for self-destruction pulls itself from the Deep catching me UnSure ~ what is worth my self-preservation? to control the way i hurt myself because i could not control the way Someone-Else decided to hurt me. •i have been hurt by people no, not strangers. only people with access to intimacy has hurt me. the ones that mattered, anyway. antagonists in the form of fri.end.s people i trusted then got close+enough to hurt+the vulnerability i exposed. •i was raped when i was 16. he was a “friend.” we met often - i showed him+my artwork, which included nudes. he took that+to mean i was “interested in him” and later on, he took that to mean that i consented “sex” with+him, which i clearly did not. because in a “friendly” moment he used his wrestling moves to hold me down. and he used his verbal brilliance to confuse me. he was smart for a jock. but i never wanted anything sexual. just a friendship. i pretty much showed everyone who was interested back then my artwork and no+one misinterpreted that to mean i was interested in them sexually. No One. just him. and HE chose to RAPE me. •(a person’s emotional manipulation has always struck me awkwardly - my truth-knowing+gut waiting for the person’s words to match their action.s - so i become silent, waiting… being older now+with more fortitude in my inter=Actions with people, i do not hesitate to be Brutally Honest to those who Lie, and be Refreshingly Candid to those who are willing see to see who i am - and who they are.) when i was raped i told two friends, intimate with my heart : one of them believed me and quietly consoled me. one of them chose to make light of it and teased me about how once i was alone in the back seat of a car with+him - and i screamed in my head, ’’THAT’S BECAUSE YOU GUYS THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY TO LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HIM! I DIDN’T WANT TO BE THERE I DIDN’T WANT TO BE THERE I DIDN’T WANT TO BE - !” i quietly drew a line where i would not confide in this friend such sensitive matters of my soul anymore… and i did so every time someone displayed how tone deaf they were in a social situation. i did to another guy fri.end. that questioned me showing “those kinds of drawings anyway” to my rapist - how sick i felt+that he was finding a reason that “getting raped” was my fault. and how i would silently block outhis fri.end. when it came to my worries - but i would stay & listen to his - and how my last encounter with almost being raped again when i was 20 was not shared with said fri.end. because that line i drew cemented- years later, i no longer have to worry about him blaming me for someonelse’s deplorable behavior. •some people just can’t accept what NO means. and most people don’t even know what CONSENTUAL SEX means. and they confuse RAPE with “unwanted sex.” i’ve screamed this a thousand times across pages and to uncomprehending minds: RAPE IS NOT SEX. RAPE IS VIOLENCE. RAPE IS ASSAULT. RAPISTS USE SEX AS A WEAPON. Consentual Sex involves people of age saying Yes, Me Too - in the most positive way. they are saying Yes, I find you attractive - whether that be mind, body, and soul - Yes, I Want To Too. •and this last guy i was almost raped by? he worked at the art gallery and he had an 8 year old daughter - divorced, and older than my dad. he tried to manipulate me into running away with him- to Russia of all places because he was part Russian. he tried to woo me about how he’ll take care of me. all that talk because i would visit the art gallery often and make good conversation and watch his daughter while he worked. i don’t know what kind of Asian girl he thought i was but i was no longer that frightened 16 year old and i am no fucking mail-order bride. oh yeah, AND I’M A LESBIAN. i saw him walking drunk on the street one day and i offered to hold him so he could walk. he said his place was down the street so i walked him to his studio. i had to use the bathroom and i did at his place. when i came out of the bathroom, he was shirtless and told me to sit with him on his bed… i refused and said if he wanted to talk, i would sit on the couch. he did… wanted to do more than talk - he must’ve been acting drunk. although his breath reeked of beer he seemed in control. before i knew it, he turned off the lamp lights and pounced on me in the dark- i punched his chest until he recoiled from getting hit and i shot up, feeling for the front door- he locked it when i went to the bathroom- that made my blood boil. not knowing how close he was to me as i unlocked the door in the dark, i yelled, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! i made my way out and just ran. then he began to stalk me at work. the library of all places. my manager noticed that i always hid when i saw him and said he would ask for me. if there ever was a badass librarian manager, that would be her. her frame is slim, her voice quiet, her tone sharp and her aura terrifying. i observed being quiet and deadly from her~ she’s good at reading people too. she promptly told him to stop coming to the library if he was only there to harrass me. she even offered to call the police if he didn’t listen. i told her & my co-worker Friend what happened. expletives left my manager’s mouth and my co-worker Friend engulfed me in a hug. that was the first and lastime i ever shed tears in a work place… •and there have been more experiences with guy fri.end.s that have sexually harassed me because they don’t know what NO means. they also don’t understand what LESBIAN means obviously. they are lucky i haven’t Chun Li kicked their nuts - i’ve given them the gift of Ignoring their Existence completely instead. •i don’t have to like people to help them- that’s the younger me. now, i just have to really see that you’re truly a good person for *you* to stay in my life. i didn’t have to spend time with those guys who i thought were Friends. but in their time of need, i was there. because that’s the kind of person i am. now i construct boundaries on solid ground. if you are always giving kindness and not receiving kindness back, something is wrong. when i say NO, it’s my RIGHT. NO, you can’t feel my tits. NO, you can’t just kiss me. NO, i don’t want+to “try” to see if i “like it.” i KNOW+what & who i like. in whatever way that is. i don’t care if you’re a “friend.” i don’t owe you “compliment sex.” once that boundary has been crossed it’s sexual harrassment. touch me in any unwanted way & that’s assault. •so to those fri.end.s who’ve sided with my abusers - that’s the difference. Rape is Not Sex. hurting someone intentionally is A Choice. and Healthy Love has Boundaries. •i can make those boundaries as much as i want. because #MeToo , i got raped and society sees Unwanted Sexual Advances (Sexual Harrassment) as “normal” shouldn’t be acceptable. •and i no longer accept staying hurt by you to be my norm. •Day 294. RedYinFireRooster ••• *note* i’ve also had female fri.end.s only wanting sex. this+is not a post bashing men. it’s a post about my experiences with people who’ve violated my boundaries and revealed their ugliness inside, and they also happen to be male. i’ve said No to women before, but they did not hold me down and rape me. Saying No to a woman in my experience has been soft, with the women understanding my Refusal. however, we are not true friends because they only wanted one thing that i was not willing to give them. LOVE HAS NO BORDERS IN THE SENSE OF TIME, CONSENTUAL AGE, RACE, OR GENDER - BUT STRONG BOUNDARIES REVEALS REAL LOVE. REAL +LOVE IS BUILT ON HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.

p.s. i’ve been in a consentual relationship with a married woman before and not all the sex was exactly consentual, but more like co-erced by (and to) her & her husband’s liking. *that* is my fault for staying and also *my* Lesson:

[juritena]

thank you, for always taking the time to gaf about what i am doing & transmit+that evidence onto social media - for all your springing into chakras - yet seeking what and how my life is currently, then BLOCKING my accounts with your new account - with+the word "l0ve" in it, spelled with a 0 = zero. i can stay a cool cat about 'dat. i haven't felt about you in a long time. all you give off is insincerity & falsity. have fun with+that, Cat. see you in the next life when you align truthfully. otherwise, quit stalking me already. and your ex, Kay--- "Jay" - and "the one that shall not be named" - we all don't care & we want+to move on. stop showing that you still+lurk then post about how much yoga you're doing. quit haunting us. stop being fake.

mmk. bye. see you never. sick of it. fuck off already. go chase your "new beginnings" & "desires" - gross. so so so very very very gross - your timing is+so calculated. if i could go back in time, i would not have gotten together with you - AT ALL. and when you cried your crocodile tears, i would've been like, NOPE - you're too+old to be acting like a baby - but because you've been manipulated by another person for so long, you begin to act like him too. great. just+stay away from people who actually really live from their Heart & Soul ~ i had to learn my life lessons the hard way & my only regret is that someone as empty as you are got+to experience how beautyFULL i am. hasta la vista. one day i won't even knowho you are anymore & i'll be the happiest, truest me+ever in this life~

[juritena]

~ just another lesson. and a reminder : gut instinct is never wrong and never be foolish with your heart to people who+only seek physical pleasure. thank you for the lesson C&T. may i never need reminding ever again ~

[juritena]

•it is+said and proven that unhealthy relationshipstart withe narcissist gaining the trust of another/usually compassionate+empath by letting her/his guard+down by submitting into sex, with+the promise of a romantic, loving relationship. you see, once you allow your body to be used sexually withouthe narcissist earning it when you really want love- the willingness to do whathey want instead of you+upholding your values+shows them thathey may take advantage of you- and they use your sensitivity against you. always. i was once that foolish fool. it happened to me but i refuse to be broken into victimhood. i acknowledge the problem & will do my best+to avoid harmful situationships for the rest of my life. may the bluntness of calling out bullshit alwaystay with me instead of being compliant in a place i know is not a true Soul Home~

[juritena]

monkey-sea then monkey-do(n't)

26 years of being with+the same man the strong swimming alpha male they both bragged so much about yet only now she’s getting lessons on her own to learn how to swim not from him- but+the community pool at swim school. perhaps+she will realize this life lesson-on her own to not be so reliant codependent making herself appear pathetic that she prayed for someone stronger than her all her life - being 20 years old is not+that old yet+to have that goal be her vision at 20 embedded in another person. how could you believe you aren’t enough on your own or give yourself time to grow independently maybe she realized this- and that’s why she needs to see if she can move through the currents on her own. maybe not. maybe “swimming lessons" equals going to the beach to take angled bikini selfies so that 46 looks & lies like 35/37 to use as bait online so the fisherman(ocean gorilla) can use those dishonest selfies to reel in desperate & lost fish. their hook to repeat 26+ more years from bragging to being dragged fumbling in the waves- getting lost at sea, becoming as desperate & confused as the bait they claim to save. the lessons long forgotten. finally the act of drowning : learning to swim to: nothing.

~ * (( no more songs/art/poems for you. about you, sure. i’m going to tell my stories. buthey aren’t lies. you were a part of it. so get mad while wearing the shoes that fit. people speak up because they aren’t out of alignment & hiding. on the real. own all your shit. )) * ~

[heaven-over-calyx]

so delete the photos i took that are originally from+me when you've already deleted my name & changed "SouLove" to simply "Soul" ~

obviously+you want+to brainwash yourself into beLIEving we never happened so why am i still on your page? go ahead and+do to me what you did to MJ just because we both realized we don’t wanto live our lives being sex toys to an unfulfilled married couple ~

[juritena]

the fact+that you got angry at me for stating my sexual preference and reminding you i don't open up my body to anyone that is a smoker, is fat, and hairy - but really the fact+that i alwayswallowed the cum of that smoker because it was expected - and still you got angry - tells me all about how the both of you are out of touch with your soul. in the first place, i have a right+to whom i share my body with and i should never be made to feel guilty for having those boundaries and saying NO - and yet+the memory of you being angry and+defensive at me saying i don't like swallowing smoker's cum - is really abnormal. someone who isn't brainwashed and completely co-dependent on another person would empathize and be horrified. however - you have always displayed many things amiss and here i am trying to understand again. but i remember 2pac saying something about i should just leave the fucking pieces on the floor - it's not worth analyzing why+you both are the way+you are anymore. you change your own behavior.

for once acknowledge where you're in the wrong the FIRST+TIME and not be passive-aggressive and apologize for your behavior after you *accuse* me of being a pain. oh, the crazy-making. f u c k y o u e n i r e h t a c y o r t - your own actions is what fucks up your "relationshits." and e a c h o t h e r. 

[juritena]

tell me: is it healthy for a man to say to a woman "you are too stuck in your dysfunction" as a response to when she lets him know that her vagina has torn during intercourse with+him - that he makes it about his ego instead of considering how penetration is not always wanted nor needed - is it healthy for that man to deny any wrong-doing knowing this woman has been raped in the past ? is it healthier then for the wife of the man to try and reason that he "doesn't instigate sex - it's all consentual" ? between involved parties? what part of MY VAGINA HAS BLED FROM HAVING SEX WITH YOU warrants a response of being too stuck in dysfunction ? = see the manipulative+egomaniac narcissistic relationshit-twist & project onto the person that is hurting and trying to speak out.

tell me again, what's+so mature and great about+the two+of you?

i hope no+one+else as loving and serious about building a future based on healthy boundaries and lasting SouLove+ever comes into your lives again. not even for a day. i hope the next strong person will move on with+their spiritual journey and say NO. 

what i should have done in the first place. 

i only reached out+to get+the Truth and make sense of the Reality. 

i got an even bigger treat knowing why this all came to be ~ 

[juritena]

forgiveness is the last act of Love

~ and Forgetting is the final act of Detaching to Grow ~

i haven't forgotten yet. and there are times when i don't forgive you. because it makes me so angry to have+experienced how fake and manipulative you both are. and how blind. and how you have the most perfect unhealthy relationship. the narcissist and the codependent. both sucking the+energy out of one another til your sworn dying breath. 

and then i remember that i am no longer with you. and you with+him is not my problem anymore. you're outhere looking for a "connection" through rubbing genitals and smoking weed with multiple sex partners and+deluding yourself with momentary pleasures and superficiality+like yourselves. that is why+you attract people that don't stay. and+don't WANT+to stay. because the act+that you guys do, is not something that fulfills the Soul. and you know this - and yet, you chase it. why? 

so go ahead. be a fool into your old age. just remember you have a daughter that watches and mimics everything you do. 

and this+is how you pushed me away.

anyone+else can clearly see why.

and as a consolation and closure to and for myself : i'm no longer part of your problem. 

{p.s. you have no right+to ask for a "fit" woman. you+yourself are an overweight, hairy, gross, stink smoker. you're also not+that great+at sex or love-making. all you do is intimidate and manipulate people and threaten to make life hard for them and shift blame to your spouse when you can't+take responsibility for yourself. so please. quit with+the delusions, both of you. enough is enough.} 

[juritena]

i know you're always posting sex ads on CL and visiting the adultfwb website - an ip address would trace it back to your phone, his phone, your laptop, his laptop.

and i know you both do this even while at the preschool. you think raising children this way is healthy? if other people only knew. the other kids’ parents. wow. just wow. the biggest hypocrites i have ever met. you want to know why you ran into M.? because as you both told it, you guys answered her ad and made her an “offer.” even though that’s not what she was looking for. she just wanted a place to stay. and yet…the two of you…if you haven’t figured it out yet. you attracted someone putting on airs because you both wear your facades and masks so clearly and proudly - you fool no one. and she may not be the best mother in the world as you’ve ridiculed her to be - but she’s not the both of you - both of you who constantly bring home other people to your daughter to call “aunty” or “uncle” while you “grown ups” have “adult time.” all the while she’s aware of it. i wonder why she can’t say anything to anyone at school? why not? is it “bad” what you guys are doing? is it healthy to be that shameless and cross all those boundaries? why smoke weed everytime you have sex with your husband- not turned on, do you need help? you were always wet with me. with him, only when you hit that weed.

if you both want to act single, why not be single? why bring other people into your unfulfilled and continuously unfulfilling marriage? why confuse your child? why make the ugly parts of you the ugly parts of her too? why strengthen your behavioral flaws?

[juritena]

the problem isn't in who you are my dear ~ the problem is you choose to stay married to someone who doesn't fulfill your Soul ~

yet controls you to his whimsy. everyonelse knows and accepts this but you… because you believe that Love & Loyalty means+staying with someone who is wrong for you, who dominates you. just remember true love doesn’t come from posting or answering sex ads and the cycle won’t end until you choose otherwise ~ true love also doesn’t come from a controlling, manipulative spouse or significant other. choose different. choose to do things from and for your Soul not just your flesh. not just for him. choose to not be controlled. choose to not be manipulated. choose to not blame+me. choose to not blame yourself. the problem is you’ve been behaving this way for far too long ~ it has nothing to do with who you are. know the difference.

[juritena]

as i fearlessly ground myself into the roots of how i truly am i realize i will never again settle for a masquerading profundity proudly displaying itself through temporary pleasure ~ through grounding myself from the roots of my Soul allowing my physical to live out+the Spiritual i find that Love lets all things flow, even people ~ when Love is real it is not merely letting+go because you don't give a fuck. only fearful emotions do that. SouLove releases because it+trusts that Life happens in seasons; Wisdom applied knows when to grow from bad habits and break away from people who do not see an issue with+their actions. Simply put, be Level with yourself and align with people who correlate with+the fearlessness inside your Spirit and Life will unfold the Love in your Soul beyond your body ~ and through Wisdom gained, be rooted enough to let+those who match your Balance flow into your Life and let-those who do not, move on through, remembering that seeds grow through dirt and must find its own way from out of the dark ~ ~ glasstree hanging out on the mountain today before a migraine grew in my crown😅 • 43.Aquarius Phoenix Year ~shedding outdated skin~

[juritena]

~ i miss riding horses and being able to pet+them daily ~ so i'm always thankful & filled with glee when i see one here on O'ahu along a hike or other outing. the island is thick with vog atm but i still marvel at Nature's Blessings. i often wonder how can people be so selfish and focus on being open and sharing : not just material things but Soul=full abunDANCE ~ sometimes when it seems that society and politics keep+paving the way to hell, we have to realize it's+still a choice whether we walk along that path as well. find that+the details are what make the picture : me, you, us, them, here, there+Everywhere, circumnavigating the globe through the same core ~ somehow our most miniscule actions make the most impact - especially things you do in the shadows when you believe no+one's aware ~ all actions are+Energy and all Energy is released to the+Ether and the Vibes out here. be authentic. the same person alone in a room is the same person out+there dancing alongside society = that mirror you may not be innocent, but it can still be Pure ~ and whatever & whoever you meet, may+your true self shine back at you ~ Love through Nature, as Nature is Love ~ Day 35. Juri muses in Phoenix Year, Rooster crowing Fiery call ~ ♒️year+🌓♌️MC♏️⬆️ ~ 📷:Leonisa // with Bill - petting a horse i named 蘋果 because i fed him apples 😊#myfriendsneedinstagram 😆

[juritena]

girl, please ~

~ you can't have no Soul Rising with your actions in the wrong place =

truth.

alignment.

Lust is not Love.

no more deluding yourself.

[juritena]

once upon a time i trusted a couple that wanted the benefits of a relationship with me without +them actually working for a relationship because they were already married and had each other to go home to; and my concerns regarding the relationship were always dismissed by the husband as "drama"- and thus i've learned lots of lessons : NEVER DATE A MARRIED WOMAN EVEN THOUGH THEY CLAIM TO BE OPEN; once a lesbian is demanded to be with+the husband, they're asking you to not be yourself. It's situationship=relationshit in the making: let swingers+swing & chase+sex and never be fooled thathey love you ever again~

~ this+is the day+you broke me. this+is the day+your Mask cracked. this+is the day+you revealed your inner conflict between wanting a Soulful Connection versus what you’re used to - this+is the day i figured you can’t grow+with me no matter how many inspirational quotes you read & post, how many+yoga classes you attend, no matter how you want yourself to Be=without actual Growth; discomfort, disruption, crumbling, surrendering~ a Soul never leveled up stuck doing the same thing over&over, avoiding all the unresolved issues of the past, without looking deeply within & adjusting actions breathing to Life. this+is the day…i remember it well even though it is gone. thank you for dismissing me. thank T also for making me feel crazy. thank you for not supporting me. thank you for+revealing Your convoluted thinking & pretentious intentions- for wanting the benefits of “Love & Sex” without actually trying to understand me. thank you for not matching me ~ in all the things the both of you showed me Wrong, i found a way to return to my Pure Soul Core : i am not here to be messed around with, have my emotions toyed & manipulated & used : i am the Universe illuminating a physical body, shining through whatever darkness is present ~ i am here to Live my Life+entirely, to fulfill my Soul with energy that replenishes the Spirit, and not just a temporary, superficial high ~ this+is the day i broke free, and know i can Shine even more brightly into the dark ~

[juritena]

~ what would we be without hearts and weathered stones thrown to waves tumbling off the deep end of a jumbled brain, draining from the belly of the sea and the mouth of a deep cave where fire started in the stone age- and humanity wrote its first page fossilizing mountains of development, growing coordinates : from the+Head to the Hands, from the+Heart-to the Tongue- inhaling breaths : releasing Souls forming bodies of conscience the Spirit of those Forgotten. what is unexamined sub-consciousness rises boiling to the surface ~ the+Heart of the+Earth quaking volcanic heat, fist full of molten rocks making themselves concrete. • juri writing in the sands of time again on the 31st. Fire Rooster crowing Phoenix in 1year=AgeofAquarius♒️wake up! you are not here to sleepwalk~