writing bits and pieces

poetry, mostly

[youngmonsterr]

I took an online quiz that said my creations are born from grief

And there’s another baby boom for every belief

that I deserved more.

So I’ll scream it until my words rattle the doors

Tearing up hinges and floorboards

And I will create until my fingers cramp and my soul won’t stop bleeding

But I can’t stop now

I’ll keep showcasing my rebellion the only way I know how

By picking up a pen, and believing.

[justoneaverageauthor]

grief

i mourn for all the food

still left in the fridge

that nobody else will eat.

i mourn for all the smells

that nobody will smell again.

for the early mornings,

and late nights.

that have now become mournings,

and night lights.

i mourn for all those mourning,

and grieving,

and in pain.

because hearing,

"it gets better!"

doesn't make me feel good again.

because they still aren't here and i miss them and why won't they just COME BACK.

even though, yeah. death is permanent.

but so is my love, and now what should i do with it?

[justoneaverageauthor]

not-quite-exes, not-quite-friends

i'm still on your close friends story.

we haven't spoken in months.

i still love you.

your birthday is in a few days-

i don't have a gift.

we aren't in the same state anymore,

state of the union,

state of mind.

i still love you.

to my best friend for many years,

i wish you well.

i wish you happiness, joy, success in whatever way you see fit.

but i miss you

and i still love you.

so maybe one day we'll meet again,

but until that day,

i miss you,

and our time together.

i still love you.

let's bake cookies sometime.

[justoneaverageauthor]

nothing hurts more than unfinished murals

nothing hurts more than unfinished murals

lining my school's walls

nothing hurts more than unfinished dreams

calling to us all

nothing hurts more than realizing

that we'll never talk again

nothing hurts more than knowing

you're still my best friend

nothing hurts more than walking by

and seing the doorway empty

nothing hurts more than strolling along

and understanding that you can't see me.

because i will continue to ache,

and ache,

and ache,

until we are whole again.

but i don't know when (or if) that will happen.

[justoneaverageauthor]

bug spray

tonight smells sweet, like bug spray

like all the summer days we’ve spent away

all the days where we’d play and play

at a camp miles away, but hey!

we’d have the time of our lives, and when we came home we’d say:

“i miss it.”

tonight smells sweet, like bug spray.

[justoneaverageauthor]

never have i ever

never have i ever had a full high school marching band experience

never have i ever walked across the field at senior night

never have i ever gone up for awards

never have i ever been able to perform my final show knowing it was my last one

never have i ever cried harder than realizing my senior season wasn’t going to happen.

never will i ever have a solid final memory of band

because i didn’t even know it was over

[justoneaverageauthor]

can anyone tell me why my knees are shaking? (you've gotten hurt multiple times)

why my heart is aching?

(your crush is leaving your life)

why my hands are quaking?

(you've had 2 tests in one hour)

why my brain is breaking?

(your education is turning you sour)

[justoneaverageauthor]

there's always another day.

another week.

another month.

and i can't decide if that's good or bad. because i'm 16.

school is piling, social tensions rising.

romantic interests on the horizon, constantly coming closer.

but as someone who barely has themselves figured out, i dont know what to do about someone else.

so i ignore all those feelings,

and get back to studying.

because even though that's all I seem to do,

and I'm constantly exhausted, and

so, so, so burnt out,

i have to keep going, because i have no choice.

my grades, life, health, are

falling, but it's all i can do to keep them up.

and sometimes i cant even do that.

because i keep telling myself.

you can rest at the next weekend.

next break.

next summer.

but then, all of those are gone.

and i'm still drowning.

i'm stressed about school and friendships and crushes. and the future; college, jobs, life away from home, money. i live in a great house but we're only here because we inherited it. i don't have a spare $20 to go to the movies. but i do have a spare 20 minutes (maybe) to make sure i get just above a 65% (maybe) on my next history exam. yet maybe i should use those 20 minutes to sleep? no, i've got to keep studying. right?

[justoneaverageauthor]

nighttime

late night moons and teary eyes and

thinking bout how you could die and

finding light and losing life

demons and weary cries and

how fast can you lose your mind and

running out of hope and time

hatred and losing fights and

wondering if i'll be fine and

empty of love and dime

[justoneaverageauthor]

haze

I don't want to

Leave this haze,

Go back to the place

Where I am disgraced

I want to stay

Here alone

With my thoughts

As long as

I may live

[justoneaverageauthor]

stories from a school bus window

captured in a school bus window:

the sunrise and a cell phone reflection.

captured in a school bus window:

tales of lies, jealousy, and deception.

but what I've learned as a school bus window,

is that there is beauty outside, yes.

but the true beauty is inside,

where children bloom,

connect,

and rest.

[justoneaverageauthor]

thoughts of a high school essayist

I'm frustrated that I can't focus

on what I have planned,

that I can't control

what thoughts are in my head.

I'm frustrated because i just cant seem

to get this godforsaken flesh blob to

stop making me want to scream.

I'm frustrated and it's hindering me,

i cant get my hands to add words to the screen

and how will i get anything done,

if the only way I'll write is if my foot is in the path of a gun?

[dreamworld27]

happy belated, trench.

i think you mean a lot more to me than i thought you would.

you remind me of marching band nights, of chilly leaf fights, and hand warmers and cheers and stadiums excite

d with the scores in hand the announcer says and suddenly the stands erupt with hands clapping and people smiling and others laughing

because theyve finally won, and all theyve done has made that happen.

trench, you remind me of walking home as leaves fall, of the crunch under my feet, of September blue skies and late October temperatures.

you remind me of freezing in the shade and melting in the heat, and of Saturday afternoon soccer games and Saturday night football, because Penn State always wins (except when they play Ohio State, out there with you in Columbus).

but most of all, trench, you remind me of smiles and happiness and bad days but improvement overall. you remind me of sharing with siblings and friends and movie nights and popcorn fights and autumn excite

ment.

happy birthday trench, i'm proud to call you my friend.

[justoneaverageauthor]

my heart

my heart goes out to those in danger,

afraid or alone.

my heart goes out to those in anger,

frustrated, without a home.

my heart goes out to those who feel happy,

joyous and glad.

my heart goes out to those who feel crappy,

desperate and mad.

my heart goes out to all

who may need it most right now.

my heart goes out to all who just keep pushing

even if they don't quite know how.

[justoneaverageauthor]

buzz buzz

hello

my little bumble bee,

is it nice to meet me?

hello

my little bumble bee,

please don't leave me!

[whenvesselruled]

rotations

Summer time.

school’s out. Kids all over. regional at best is constantly in my CD holder.

autumn comes.

School is back, I’m overwhelmed. time for Trench to help me for a spell.

Winter chills.

Christmas is nearing, and the temperatures are bleary. Self-titled helps me stay cheery.

Spring blossoms

from winter, and I change yet again. my phone now spews words from Vessel, as I struggle with the end

of the school year, of which I have grown so fond

(or grown to despise. each year is different, in my eyes.)

and what is left,

but Blurryface,

who holds songs for all days.

Summer, fall, winter, spring,

Blurryface constantly sings.

and that’s okay, because I know that I can wake up every morning

and start a new day.

j.y. aug.6.2019

[justoneaverageauthor]

Title, if you remember one

I'm missing something,

but that's all i know.

I can't remember,

if I should go.

because if I go,

i might suddenly know,

just why I had thought

it would be better to stay home