The Specter of Chad the Aro Fratboy
Note on the text: when I use Straight (with a capital S, I mean heteroromantic, heterosexual, cisgender, and perisex; straightness with the full power of heteronormativity)
Upon checking my tumblr activity feed earlier today, I found myself ungraciously reminded of a stock character aphobes use to try to exclude aromantic people from the LGBTQ+ community:
I will explain how aphobes use this character, and how the assumptions behind him rely on aphobes’ using heteronormative assumptions.
Chad the Aro Fratboy, as used by aphobes, is assumed to be acting like any insensitive Straight man. Aphobes use him as a shorthand to say things like “including aros includes too many people” or “aromantic people are heartless assholes.” I’m sure they prefer that the recipients of such messages choose whichever one hurts them most.
Chad the Aro Fratboy, in aphobes’ use, likes to fuck women and not call the next day, and claims this makes him part of the LGBTQ+ community.
1) Let’s consider Chad A, a fratboy who doesn’t experience romantic attraction, but is sexually attracted to women. Because we live in a heteronormative society, he will most likely think he is straight. And because the straight guy who sleeps with women but doesn’t get romantically attached is a trope that exists in society entirely separately from aromanticism, Chad A may very well identify as straight all his life and never examine his orientation more closely. Chad A doesn’t identify with the LGBTQ+ community and so isn’t part of the LGBTQ+ community.
(Aside: Based on my experience, our society is so heteronormative, and Straight privilege is so strong, that it is far more likely for people to have thoughts and experiences that could quite logically lead them to consider themselves not Straight, but still define themselves as Straight, than for people who have thoughts and experiences that align with Straightness to look for ways to be considered LGBTQ+.)
Back to Chad A. Chad A, who, thanks to the third person omniscient viewpoint, we know as aromantic heterosexual, happens to be in an environment that leads him not to question his orientation at all. (This is today’s society. There is no widespread encouragement of questioning.) Chad A never identifies as anything but straight, doesn’t attempt to enter the LGBTQ+ community, and so what he could identify as if he questioned himself is a moot point.
2) Now let’s consider Chad B. Chad B has become familiar enough with LGBTQ+ terminology to know what aromanticism is, and based on his understanding of himself, has decided to self-identify as aromantic.
Aphobes who deny aromanticism exists will say that Chad B is doing this to have an excuse not to call women after having sex with them. However, this jerk behavior (not calling women back who want to be called back) is a well-known straight trope. Chad B using his aromanticism as an excuse—well, honestly, I find that laughable. Chad B identifying as aromantic is not the easiest excuse. If Chad B wanted to give the easiest excuse, he would fall back on the straight trope of men just not caring about the women they have sex with that much after having sex with them. Everyone knows how that trope goes because it’s 1,000,000 times more likely to show up in a movie than a self-identified aromantic character. If Chad B isn’t a jerk and communicates to his partners that he’s aromantic and doesn’t want this to be a romantic thing, he’s not making an excuse. He’s setting himself up to give a vocab lesson.
But maybe I’m attacking this issue from the wrong angle.
I mean, aromanticism is the absence of romantic attraction. That’s all. Aros are no less likely to form other forms of deep attachment than non-aros. Whether Chad A or Chad B is going to be a jerk isn’t really the center of all this.
The specter of Chad the Aro Fratboy relies on the heteronormative idea that Chad is heterosexual in addition to being aromantic, and the sexist assumption that there aren’t any women who would be glad to have a sexual but not romantic relationship. The truth is, if Chad identifies as aro, he could be heterosexual, but he could also be gay, bi, or pan. (I lived a block down from a frat once that had “we’ve got straight guys/we’ve got gay guys/we’ve got guys that swing both ways” included in the lyrics to their particular frat’s drinking song.) And if Chad is clear with his sexual partners about what he expects to develop from the encounter, as I think would be ideal no matter the orientations of any of those about to rock, then, well, what would be the complaint? That he told his sexual partners the truth and they didn’t believe him and that’s Chad’s fault for being aromantic? That chain of logic doesn’t haul anything unless you just hate Chad.
Chad the Aro Fratboy as an aphobe trope insults aromantic people by implying that they will be less clear in their expectations regarding a sexual encounter than non-aros.
Chad the Aro Fratboy as an aphobe trope insults aros by implying that those who identify as aro haven’t done a lot of thinking about their orientation.
Chad the Aro Fratboy as an aphobes trope reveals a disconnect from reality in the intercommunity conflict on aphobes’ part. Out in brickspace, no one’s claiming a LGBTQ+ identity to get into LGBTQ+ spaces. If Chad wanted to, idk, hit on all the poor bi and pan women at the campus LGBTQ+ club meeting, he wouldn’t have to give up his Straight privilege to do so. He could call himself an ally.
There are no real Chad the Aro Fratboys as aphobes try to hinder arospec inclusion with. The trope only serves to display aphobes’ nasty assumptions about aros.
