heyo

elliot | 27 | she/her | recovering tumblr rp addict

[coughloop]

Worlds oldest haunted house has passed away at the age of 207

[coughloop]

I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of... maybe everything actually

[gryffon]

[despin-convert-deactivated20250]

as far as i’m concerned all pussy is clown pussy

[despin-convert-deactivated20250]

and brother? i’m about to start honkin

[despin-convert-deactivated20250]

and brother? i’m about to pop a tent. ffor tje circus.

[despin-convert-deactivated20250]

and brotjer??? i’m a ballon aminal

[despin-convert-deactivated20250]

creampie.

[despin-convert-deactivated20250]

i’m spitting up blood

[gay-on-purpose]

Saw a post about the sesamarot and wanted to share my favorite reading

[zanta-is-feelin-some-kinda-way]

The guy asked, the cards gave the most direct answer possible.

[amygdalae]

kind of hate my stupid caustic pussy for dissolving my underwear over time but it's kind of cool, like, scientifically

[destinationtoast]

dying at this sequence from @pinkydragon01 :

[halfbloodfanboy]

[jame7t]

dead tired today so I grabbed a coffee from the gas station & the guy greeted me by trying to say “is that everything “ but fumbled and said “e ga thebythin” and me trying to say “yeah” or “yup” just went “YIP!” in response. No survivors

[lichtenbug]

[albva]

They should let you vomit a black sludge and when you are done you feel better about yourself. Also the black sludge forms into an evil clone you can make out with.

[cpericardium]

at the euthanasia party everyone gets a sip of the forbidden lean

[tastyrepulsorboots]

Yeah, same

[cleo-fox]

Writing tips:

“You feel the bulge in his pants” - implies that you are feeling some guy’s penis, may be sexy depending on context

“You feel the bugle in his pants” - implies that this guy has a military horn in his pants, invites confusing questions like why does he have that and how big are his pockets

[maple-seed]

Both options convey that he's horny

[cleo-fox]

How dare you be funnier than me on my own post

[ryebreadgf]

[meltingpotofinterests]

[sopheadraws]

[VD: a TikTok by @kirburb. It's features a brunette woman making many statements in quick succession. She says:

"This is my favorite thing to make for girl dinner. Girl math is when small purchases don’t count. I love doing my silly little lazy girl job. I’m going to explain what’s going on in Ukraine, but so the girls can understand: imagine NATO is Hailey Bieber. When he gets in your feminine energy you’re never gonna wanna to go back. I just hit a curb because I’m a girl driver. Girls you can do the girl push ups but the boys are going to have to do the reals ones - wow you throw like a fucking girl. I’m one of the few sane members left in this generation; I’m actually saving myself for my husband: nobody’s truly happy in a 50 50 relationship, don’t let him trick you. This is my day in the life of a stay at home girlfriend. You’ll know you’ve found peace when you no longer have to protect yourself with masculine energy: he’s gonna protect you with his masculine energy; he’s gonna make you feel like a little girl. English is the girl subject and science is for boys. I though he was straight but then he wanted to order bottomless mimosas, and there’s something a little fruity about boys who are too into theater. Now men are pretending to be women because they want Olympic medals. The only way to protect your kids is to keep them at home. This is my morning routine as a Pastor’s wife: I start breakfast at sunrise. Maybe there’s a good reason for the abortion, like… rape or incest. Otherwise… Being a godly woman in the twenty first century can be so challenging. He keeps talking about inflation but I’m a girl, I don’t know economics. She would spend a nuclear war just because she’s on her period. There’s something so wrong with this generation. They need to keep those things out of kid shows; the media’s trying to brainwash our children. Have you heard of 12 3 30? It’s the perfect lazy girl workout. The government wants to take away your rights as a parent. [pause] This is what I’m having for girl dinner tonight!” /End VD].

[ID: Five screenshots of tags, the first one reads

"#you did it! you broke the gender essentialism to to terf pipeline down to its bare essentials!!"

The second screenshot reads "#actually horrifying seeing all of it in one video like this good lord we are not surviving"

The third is "#THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO ARTICULATE #WE'RE INVENTING GENDER RULES AGAIN BUT WORSE #i don't know if it was intended like this but this KILLS as spoken word poetry"

Fourth is "#yep: #video is satirizing the boy/ girl dinner thing to show how quickly it devolves into reactionary white christian cisheterosexist values"

Last tags read "#this would rock the fucking floor at a beat poetry night" /end ID]

VD via @27bobs ID via @fayallir

[filthburger]

[filthburger]

my name isn't even david

[tajrishgp]

taught my little brother to replace "im gonna kill myself" with "im killing a hostage" and it was a success #oldestsiblingwisdom

[knightofleo]

[herpsandbirds]

Common eider

[phynoma]

This needs to be immortalized because it's what made me turn on the sound. And they were right

[fullmetalwindbreaker]

[lakevida]

[thequeeninyellowlace]

[red-winters]

asldkasljdl;askdj

[headspace-hotel]

Asunder is basically the most classic way to be torn, and if you're looking to be cleft, in twain is a vintage but stunning choice

[cepn-archive]

it’s too early for this

[budaiproli]

oks

[dukeofedinburgh]

[budaiproli]

me and the boys, felsírtam

[sztupy]

tegnapról

[edgar-allan-possum]

Flags Mashup Bot is really out here trying to start World War III

[mccoppinscrapyard]

UPDATES

[pancoleon]

My fav part is that it is genuinely just a bot. All it does is take two countries, puts the 2nd country's colours on the 1st country's flag and mixes their names together.

Literally the only other thing behind it is that the bot weights picking the second country based on how close they are to the first, and basic geography + history means that's also where you're going to get the most aggressive relations. This isn't some guy trolling by making things specifically to piss people off, it's some guy who likes flags going "wouldn't it be fun to mix flags together, let's write a bot for that" and accidentally creating a whole meme culture of "days since flag mashup bot last tried to start WW3 = 0" and the like.

[wordfather]

i had a twisted dream this morning when my alarm tried to wake me up where jeff goldblum said 'Actually if you sleep a bit Longer you'll have More time to get ready It's called the Goldblum's Law and it works just go back to sleep' and i believed him and i overslept

[wordfather]

hey boss sorry im late. i got Goldblumed

[wordfather]

the government made early mornings illegal its true just go back to sleep