marvel characters as john mulaney quotes vol. 1
steve rogers: “now i was raised catholic. i don’t know if you can tell that from the everything about me.“
bucky barnes: “when people get mad at me on the highway, that’s all my bad…if you’re ever on the highway behind me, i hear you honking and i also don’t want me to be doing what i’m doing.”
valkyrie: “i’ll keep all my emotions right here and then one day, i’ll die”.
sam wilson: “everyone get outta my way. i just wanna sit here and feed my birds.”
claire temple: “by the way, part of me was like whatever, you know? you know those days when you’re like ‘this might as well happen’? adult life is already so goddamn weird.”
tony stark: “now when people make fun of me, i deserve it…when people get mad at me now, it’s my fault.”
bruce banner: “i’m really sorry about last night. it’s just that i’m mean and loud. it probably will happen again.”
jessica jones: “i used to drink too much and then i would black out and i would ruin parties…or so i’m told.”
vision: “oh good, it has a mind of it’s own. that’s very reassuring. no, no, no, no. i don’t like robots…thinking of things.”
peter parker: “i don’t like confrontation, cause i’ve never been in a fight before. though, maybe you could tell that from the first moment i walked out…i don’t give off that vibe.”
nick fury: “some people give off a vibe of…right away, they’re like ‘do not fuck with me.’”
peter quill: “2029? That’s not a real year. By 2029, i’ll be drinking moon juice with president jonathan taylor thomas. i’m not gonna be writing you a paper check.”
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2087
