Why does Rahul constantly look like he expects Paul to tell him his bake is terrible and then deck him.

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Why does Rahul constantly look like he expects Paul to tell him his bake is terrible and then deck him.
Questions for British Foodies
Recently, I’ve been binge-watching the Great British Bake Off, and it’s left me with a few questions. Whenever a show crosses cultural boundaries, some things are lost in translation–it took me a while to figure out that “chuffed” is a good thing–but these are the things that, try as I may, I couldn’t work out from context clues.
1. Why is everyone afraid of Mary Berry?
To the American viewer who is used to cooking shows in which its just as likely that the contest winds up roasted on the spit in place of the pig, this show is rather… British. Everyone is polite and congratulates each other, the soundtrack appears to be a specially recorded suite for strings, and every challenge is interspersed with vague references to imperial grandeur. However, even from a completely neutral point of view, why are there so many jokes about Ms. Berry being terrifyingly harsh? If anything, she’s the nicer of the two judges and she practically sings lullabies to nervous contestants. Are these jokes sarcastic or ironic? Am I just being an idiot American who doesn’t understand humor?
2. So, pudding is just… everything?
Going in to this show, I knew that what Americans call pudding is very different from what Brits call pudding, but even so, I’m still a bit confused. I had thought that British pudding was a sort of boiled cake, (a la spotted dick), but in the pudding episode, pudding was everything from crumble to soufflé to custard to what I would call cake. Is pudding a specific dish or what Americans call dessert or somewhere in between? Is pudding even real?
3. What is a biscuit?
Besides fries vs chips, cookies vs biscuits is one of the most widely cited differences between American and British English. However, I’m beginning to think that the issue isn’t so much linguistic, but rather gastronomical. I’m not entirely sure that a cookie truly is a biscuit or vice versa. Perhaps the issue is just that we have two completely different foods that serve very different functions but appear to be superficially similar. I think we’re looking at apples and oranges and attempting to equate them. Biscuits, from what I understand, are generally crunchy, thin, shortbread-y treats which are served with a beverage and judged on their dunk-ability. While Americans certainly have treats like this that we might call cookies, it’s not the first thing that would come to mind for most of us. A cookie is generally a lumpy, soft, chewy treat served warm and perhaps with a glass of milk, but a beverage is not a prerequisite. Just like you wouldn’t use a hammer on a screw or a screwdriver on a nail, I wouldn’t dunk a chocolate chip cookie in a cup of tea or eat a digestive as a stand-alone snack. So, let’s recognize that, while they are similar and may overlap some, cookies are not biscuits and biscuits are not cookies. (Unless they are. Is this another pudding issue?)
4. Do you guys know that American food exists?
Some of the funniest moments in this show have been completely accidental, and have arisen because of what appears to be a complete lack of knowledge of American cuisine. For instance, one contestant was applauded for her originality in making oatmeal raisin cookies. I’m not sure how much the British public really knows about American cuisine, if it’s anything similar to how much Americans know about British cuisine, then it’s not much, so I’ll err on the side of caution and attempt to explain why this is so funny. Imagine you’re watching an American television show about a very competitive cooking challenge and one contestant shows up and for their signature dish, they plug in a toaster and just make toast. You’re sitting there thinking “She is going to be eaten alive by the judges!” But instead, they come over and congratulate her on her bravery at making such an exotic dish. That’s a bit like how I felt watching someone make oatmeal raisin cookies. They’re not only ubiquitous in America, they’re also most people’s third favourite cookie. Basically, if the bakery doesn’t have anything really good left over, you’ll buy an oatmeal raisin cookie, but only because you feel bad that they have so many left. The same contestant, later in the season, made something she claimed was an American dessert that hadn’t been popular for a while. She called it “boy bait,” which, I’ll grant her, is probably a name not many Americans have used for a long time, but the dish itself was peach cobbler. Peach cobbler, depending on where you are in the country, is perhaps even more readily available than apple pie. It could be the case that these dishes are also just as popular in the U.K. as they are in the U.S., but then I’m still confused by the judges’ reactions to two very boring baked goods. Either way, it’s honestly lots of fun to be thought of as some sort of quaint, bizarre land that no one really understands.
Dude was talking about his bake and then got distracted. I love this show
The signs as gifs from The Great British Baking Show
Aries:
Taurus:
Gemini:
Cancer:
Leo:
Virgo:
Libra:
Scorpio:
Capricorn:
Sagittarius:
Aquarius:
Pisces:
Being American and watching The Great British Baking Show
Them: Today you will bake a traditional *alien language*
Me: What is that?
Them: I made a traditional fruit version from Germany.
Them: I made a traditional meat version from "the south."
Me: But what is that???
Them: EVEN LAYERS! Tastes just like my great-great grandma used to make!
Me: WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?????
How to tell if you are an American while watching The Great British Bake Off:
Mary and Paul: *Say something mildly critical but still extremely nice and patient and even throw in a compliment here and there.*
You: Oh that’s good! They didn’t do so bad after all! =D
Baker: I’m mortified. They were so hard on me and they had every right. I’m definitely going home this week. That was an embarrassment, and I don’t belong in this tent.
You: Oh.
The Great Hamilton Baking Show
Because @philly-osopher and I both discovered the Great British Baking Show this week, we spent perhaps a troubling amount of time discussing this. I have nothing to say for myself.
Hamilton: Flying by the seat of his pants. Cooks with wild flavor combinations, takes occasionally ill-advised creative risks, bakes things that are as likely to explode and kill someone as they are to succeed. No formal training but a lot of talent, makes Laurens teach him advanced baking theory on breaks and takes frantic notes. Refuses to do Caribbean-inspired bakes until one time he sets his original bake on fire and has to pull something out of his ass.
Laurens: Learned to bake in Switzerland, knows how to make technically perfect European things and forgets other people don’t know how to do that too. Super precise with a good eye for design. A total perfectionist, gets really upset and down on himself when things don’t turn out according to the vision he had in his head.
Eliza: Comes from behind. Seems like a pretty generic baker and then technical challenges happen and she turns out to have a crazy good intuitive grasp of how to do things. She somehow knows exactly what to do with the vague recipes they’re given and when Ham asks her how the fuck she’s doing that she just shrugs like I don’t know what to tell you, sorry you’re not keeping up.
Peggy: Goes home after the first week.
Maria: In the back, dumping cayenne peppers and vodka into her dough. Much to the chagrin of Mary Berry, who has to taste it.
Lafayette: Basically just wants to make friends. Is actually a really good baker but doesn’t really care that much about the competition, likes walking around the room and giving effusive praise to everyone else. Bursts into orgasmic tears when Ham decorates his eclairs red white and blue.
Burr: Pleasantly mediocre. Goes home sometime in the middle of the season when the judges finally realize he’s not gonna get more exciting. Has one technique he keeps trying over and over and it never works. Hates Ham because Ham won the first challenge of the season by presenting a hot mess that was creative while Burr turned in something competent. Thinks he would have won the whole thing if he’d just gotten ahead of Ham that first week
Washington: Gets super frustrated during the technical challenges because the recipes are so vague. Like, what am I supposed to do with this? How long is it meant to stay in the oven? WHAT IS THIS POWDERED SUGAR FOR??
Angelica: Bakes with extremely bold flavors and is There To Win. Stares at the camera when Burr presents the same goddamn thing every week and fails to sound modest when the production crew make her sit in a field with some cows to be interviewed.
Cooking shows as the alignment meme
i spent too much time on this
enjoy
Whenever someone cries on the Great British Baking Show, I get sad because it’s so somber and peaceful and positive there that I’m just like “No don’t cry. Go outside and find the baby goat the cameramen showed a few minutes ago. Hug the baby goat. Baby goat will eat your baking no matter how it turns out.”
Hell’s Kitchen: Your AWESOME prize is a THOUSAND DOLLAR SHOPPING SPREE which you’ll be taken to in a PRIVATE JET and for dinner you’ll PERSONALLY MEET WOLFGANG PUCK
Contestant: Cool.
Great British Baking Show: You get a hug and a lil’ plastic star that says “sheriff” on it.
Contestant: I’m over the moon I can’t believe this I feel so honored I can’t wait to tell my wife this is the best day of my life
GBBO Series 23
Mary: So what did you pick for the technical challenge, Paul?
Paul: I told them to make a Norwegian pastry called “jaevla bakverk.”
Mary: I’ve never heard of that.
Paul: You wouldn’t have, I just made it up off the top of my head. It’s totally fake. I wanted to test whether they can pull off a pastry that doesn’t really exist.
Mary: Did you give them a recipe?
Paul: It just says, “Make 12 jaevla bakverk.”
Mary: You’re a right bastard, Paul.
Paul: Oh yes.
so watching the great british baking show as an american is super interesting. because to me, this is pudding
like in america our pudding is in plastic cups ^^^
not like this lovely thing you call a pudding. this is goddamn beautiful
or to me, a muffin is like these delicious misshapen lumps
not these perfect fluffy pillows
another thing. im so confused about biscuits
this is an american biscuit
but a british biscuit is like a nice cookie? or a cracker? look at these dainty lil things. so. different.
okay lastly theres a big ol’ jelly mixup
this is jelly in america:
but this is jelly in the uk
bruh id call that JELL-O
it BAFFLES me that these things are so different but have the same exact name
The Great British Bake Off: Everybody have fun :) :) I'm sure you'll all do fine :) Your Swiss roll is so lovely :) :) :) Very nice :))) *Light ballet music*
Any American Cooking Show: YOU GUYS HAVE SIX SECONDS LEFT THEN THE BOMB E X P L O D E S *Gunfire* YOU THINK THAT COUNTS AS FOOD YOU PATHETIC SAD SACK *Ride of the Valkyrie blasting in the background* ILL SEND A BULLET THROUGH YOUR SKULL BEFORE I TAKE A BITE OF THAT *Banshee shriek
reminder to:
straighten your back
go pee goddAMN IT STOP HOLDING IT
go take your meds if you need to
drink some water
go get a snack if you havent eaten in a while
maybe wander around the house/stretch a little if you’ve been sat at the computer a while (artists especially: sTRETCH THOSE WRISTS)
reply to that text/message from earlier you’d forgotten about
maybe send a nice lil message to someone having a bad day?
I just would like to thank everyone who ever reblogs this so that it somehow ends up back on my dash because I usually need the reminder (especially the drinking water one)
UNCLENCH YOUR JAW
All of this is so important to daily life and yes! Many of us do need reminders
Also, if it’s late then go to sleep
Read your emails
Don’t forget your laundry