An agonizing clock ticking towards apocalypse.

I’m new to posting so be gentle

[keystonelightning2112]

I am listening to downstairs for the first time and I swear does it feel like if forest and trapdoor merged but grew up to anyone else????? My brain is going so crazy, I almost just started crying

Breach feels so perfectly nostalgic that it hurts.

[keystonelightning2112]

I love being a summer camp counselor.

~a rant~

There are these three age levels: 5-7, 8-9, 10-13. Each comes with their own set of issues but I can safely say that middle schoolers are my favorite group to work with.

No filter, gen alpha, rude, hearts of gold.

They will say the most out of pocket things, and I quote, “tonight I will sneak into your house and tickle your toes in your sleep.” And they ask the most invasive questions about your life “do you love your boyfriend” and why you do things “you just had your period weeks ago and now you can’t swim again?” But all they want is for you to listen and to make you laugh.

The 5-7 year olds are sweethearts who hug anyone they learned the name of. But they’re also pathological liars who poop on the floor and cover it up so everyone can have a 40 minute investigation.

The 8-9 year olds beg me every week to join their camp. All the girls want is to know every detail of your life. And all the boys want is to hang on your every limb like a jungle gym. But I don’t want to switch camps, the 10-13 year olds are reality tv I get paid to watch.

Now, mind you, these kids go too far sometimes and I’m not afraid of giving them the discipline they need. They have a hard time when people are different from them. Everything is a joke to them. Their “observational humor” is just plain mean and mocking. They are not for the weak of heart. But they each are going through something. And their worlds are so small that everything affects them and weighs on them and they’re only middle schoolers.

The same little girl that jokingly threatens to break into counselors’ houses came to camp with heavy chest and back pains. I recognized them immediately because that’s where my anxiety manifests. This 12 year old child was carrying so many expectations that she was on the verge of an anxiety attack in the first 30 minutes of camp that day. She likes to joke about her mom being mean to her but one day she told me that her mom, who is divorced and raising her on her own, is very aggressive to the point of verbal abuse. Well this little girl, who makes fun of all the other kids at camp and I had to put in time out the week before for being disrespectful to me, she put so much pressure on herself because we were doing a camp event and she didn’t want to let down her team. So much pressure that when she tripped during the race she had an anxiety attack because she thought she failed them.

I have these two little (“little??” One of them is taller than me :| ) boys that are at two very different stages of their gay/bi awakenings. But they are always together. And always play fighting and touching each other and I constantly have to yell at them to stop cause there is no touching at camp.

The older one (13 turning 14) understands that he is 100% not straight but in a way that’s like, coming to terms with the fact that he’ll live his life feeling different. He has a massive case of gay voice. The little girls make gay jokes and call him “zesty” and ask if he likes Frank Ocean. But he plays along and doesn’t care much cause he’s just as dramatic as they are and they all interact the same. All of these girls have clung to him like a safe older brother, especially since he’s the tied oldest and second biggest kid in camp but vibes with the girlies. I can tell that he hasn’t fully accepted himself but he’s far out of the denial stage.

The younger boy (12 turning 13) is not out of denial. He is the sweetest, chillest kid at camp but he’s funny and silly and all around: campers, counselors, and directors all love him. But he’s been going through it this past week and won’t talk to anyone about it. On Monday he was completely normal, getting ready for the big camp events but all of a sudden at the end of the day he goes silent and hides from everyone. Now, the next day he told his counselor that it wasn’t anything to do with camp and that it was “personal issues.” But we’re told by the directors when there’s family problems and this behavior appeared random and on occasion throughout the week afterwards. So the only conclusion the other counselors and I have is that he’s having some personal changes and they’re freaking him out. It all falls into place when we realize that he went silent that day after a joke rumor got made about him kissing the other boy under the table while they were cleaning a craft. I’ve never seen a little boy think that much, that hard a day in my life. I’ve seen gay panic, I’ve experienced unexpected gay crushes, I’ve never witnessed a full on gay crisis that brought this child into contemplation.

But, I will say, the most adorable thing happened. All of the little girls tried to cheer him up. The older boy attempted to comfort him and ask what was wrong but respected his space when he said he wanted to be alone. Then all of the other boys at camp stopped playing their games to come over and just sit by him. Not bothering him or anything. This little cutie pie has the whole camp in an emotional chokehold.

I get why they’re going through gay crisis though. The older boy isn’t ugly by any means. The boyo is a stunner by middle school standards. 5’7, athletic, respectful, funny, intelligent and causally competitive. The younger boyo is not bad either, he keeps trying to seem nonchalant which makes him act more mature than the other campers. And he’s got a baby mustache that’s sad by any real standards but very visible for a 12 year old. So like, it makes sense for this to be like the first crush that you don’t realize is a crush until you look back and are like, “oh I was obsessed.” And it is so hilarious and painful and tragic to watch. Because it’s summer and summer ends and the older one will not come back the next year and they do not go to the same school.

Middle schooler feelings are so intense. And summer camp should be where they can release.

My sassy 10 year old who side eyes and lets me chase her around begging her to be my friend. My 13 year old boy who keeps saying he’s a counselor in training but doesn’t want to put in the work by letting the 5-7 year old girls chase him around all day. My 12 year old girl who hates everything we do so I force her to practice thinking of one thing she liked about each event. My 12 year old boy who screams cuss words but refuses to tell the truth anytime we call him on it. My 12 year old girl who always says “it wasn’t me” whenever her friends are acting a fool around her. So many other quirky kids that I love. This is my favorite age group to work a summer camp with.

And I’m not even including my wonderful co-counselors.

The kids really respond well to the love we put in. A couple of “popular” girls even begged the director to make more space for them to come back next week despite the roster being full.

I lowkey just wish they would all feel just a little more comfortable with telling the other counselors and I what’s on their minds when they’re silent. Or that these two little boys would for once keep their hands to themselves.

[keystonelightning2112]

I’d never seen someone drive angry until I watched Verstappen spin out at the British Grand Prix. How can you show so much emotion from inside a car???

The way he started aggressively taking back places.

[keystonelightning2112]

I firmly believe the card Sonny Hayes pulled was the 7 of spades. And that he’s got the deck rigged so that he pulls it every time but doesn’t look at it to preserve the luck. That card was so bent there’s no way he can’t feel that in the deck.

So much of what he does is rooted in superstition and luck and repetition. 7 is his car number, 7 was the number of drivers who directly turned down Apex.

[keystonelightning2112]

~2021 I made this while I was still in high school

I’ve never posted artwork before but I always wanted this to be the first piece I’d show. The composition kinda sucks and the vibe is lowkey TV Girl but I’ll forever be proud of this lyrical comic.

“Is there somewhere you can meet me?”

[keystonelightning2112]

There is something deeply horrifying about how closely the Andor series approaches Rogue One. The transition from distant future to THIS is the mission felt so abrupt but also correct. I had always thought of Cassian the pilot to be a decorated soldier who ended up in the right place at the wrong time. Seeing how much effort he put into deserting just to send himself to his death broke my heart.

Guys idk if I can watch Rogue One without sobbing ever again 😭

[keystonelightning2112]

My favorite pass-time is assigning ships angsty Halsey songs