Queer-autistische Träume

Kiki Hesterkamp. Zitate die mir gefallen oder mich inspirieren, Posts übers schreiben, und ab und zu vielleicht auch etwas zu meinen eigenen Romanprojekten

[kikihesterkamp]

Nach über siebzehn Jahren Kreatives Schreiben komme ich langsam dem Punkt immer näher, an dem ich hoffentlich gut genug bin um zu versuchen, professionell zu veröffentlichen.

Weil aber mein eigentlicher Blog ein ziemliches Chaos an Fandom-Posts, Memes und Politik ist, dachte ich, sollte ich vielleicht einen eigenen Blog für mein Schreiben erstellen.

Wie der Titel schon sagt, bin ich eine bisexuelle, autistische Frau, und das zeigt sich auch in den Themen meiner Romane und Kurzgeschichten und Fanfictions. Es wird einfach viel zu wenig über diese Überschneidung an Identitäten geschrieben, vor allem auch im deutschen Raum und in Science Fiction, Dystopie und Fantasy, den Genres die ich bevorzuge.

Außerdem werde ich hier auch viele Zitate aus Büchern, die ich grade gelesen habe hineinstellen, weil sie mich bewegen, berühren oder beeindrucken.

[theconcealedweapon]

[kikihesterkamp]

#and if you're German: if you're 21 now the AfD has existed since you were eight#was first elected into a state parliament when you were nine#and was elected into the bundestag when you were twelve#and instead of them being punished for their right-wing extremism#you just saw them become more and more popular the more right-wing they became#some politicians spoke out in favour of starting proceedings for a party ban but nobody did anything#and now they're leading the polls bc the current government is dogshit

by @unscharf-an-den-raendern

[aenslem]

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy 2005 || dir: Garth Jennings

[audliminal]

Having short hair really is just

I get up. I walk into the bathroom. I glance in the mirror. My hair is posed in a brand new, never-before-seen array that defies the laws of physics.

[profeminist]

Use labels to the extent that they help you to connect with yourself and your community, but don't feel bound by them. After all, they're just labels, they're not YOU. Identity isn't singular or static.

[cutecipher]

its important for a woman to have machinations/schemes

[thethiefandtheairbender]

“a description of your OC by someone who hates them” for Ally or Flames?

Flames was away when Rynn came to the manor.

It was a routine checkup to make sure her lungs were working right, but it still meant an overnight trip into town—one carriage trundling away from the manor, one trundling towards—and, subsequently, enough to make Ally feel like she'd just swallowed a sour candy.

Rynn was much sweeter, and she seemed genuinely, but so had some of the other instructors, before they'd left. And they always left.

Ally was busy twisting pieces of dying grass between her fingers, sitting in an unshaded spot in the meadow—the others had gone with Dearborn to the nearest pond for a swim—when a shadow fell over her. She looked up.

Rynn's short pink hair turned almost auburn in the light. "Mind if I join you?"

Ally shrugged. "Knock yourself out."

Rynn flopped down beside her, wearing silver the way all Order members did but with longer sleeves underneath a cloak. "You didn't want to go swimming?"

"We went last week."

"And you're not cold?"

She'd worn only a thin tunic, goosebumps forming on her arms. She held back a shiver and focused on her stupid piece of grass. "Maybe a little. But it's fine."

Rynn's lips twitched. There was a faint rustling sound, and then warm cloth was covering Ally's arms, as Rynn draped her larger cloak over her.

Ally didn't know what to say, finally looking at her. "Oh, um. Thanks."

"Of course." Rynn's brown eyes crinkled. Joshinese like her, Ally remembered—the eyes, the dyed hair, and Rynn had never seen Joshin, either. "I'm not just here to teach you, y'know. I'm also here to get to know you. Look after you. Like Jossef and my aunt."

Rather than sitting cross-legged, Ally went to stretch her limbs out instead, unfurling. "I guess that's true. Is there, uh, anything you're curious about?"

Rynn picked a blade of grass for herself. "You never did plant manipulation before either, right?"

Before. Ally let her pieces flutter from between her fingers. "No, I... never really thought about it. I've never really been into plants, or gardening—Bill and Jamie are, though. Dearborn always likes to have fresh flowers in the house, and Flames will draw them sometimes."

"Hm." Rynn leaned back on her hands. "Is the Infran of Fire usually away?"

"Sometimes. The others go into town more often." She felt herself souring again and shook her head. It was for her safety that she didn't. She knew that. "Flames more often for doctor's appointments. Her past life died of a lung disease, I guess, so they worry about her—even if they don't have to."

"I'm excited to meet her when she gets back."

"Yeah, she's... she's really talented."

"Even I know that. But—what's she like?" Rynn clarified.

"She's..." Perfect, Ally felt like saying, a headache forming; the sun was too hot, too bright. Why hadn't she sat in the shade again? Flames had always been unfairly perfect, and noble, and nice, even when Ally wasn't—which was most of the time—and—"She's warm," Ally said, looking away from the curious yet gentle curve of Rynn's smile in favour of standing up. "Let's go sit in the shade."

Rynn followed two steps behind. "You won't be colder there, too?"

"No," Ally said.

Rynn had only been here for three days—it would take longer than that for her to know when Ally was lying.

[scribeherself]

I think one of the gentlest things in the world is when a friend just gets your weird little brain. like you say half a sentence and they finish it. you reference something incredibly niche from seven years ago and they’re already nodding. they understand your strange vocabulary for emotions that don’t have real words yet. it’s being seen and known and still loved. maybe especially because you’re known. god. what a gift.

[7l7l7l7l7l7l7l7]

yall ever miss your own energy?? like damn wtf happened to me??

[jewfrogs]

autistic anger issues are So Much. i have my temper more under control now in that i rly dont yell/lash out anymore but i do regularly boil inside with incandescent uncontainable rage over something inconsequential and then it evaporates in the span of ten minutes. incomparable

[doubleca5t]

Autism:

[comicaurora]

I've been reading some stuff on punitive justice, and it made something click for me that I've observed a lot online but haven't been able to put into words before.

When someone does something wrong, that's bad, and the damage it does needs to be repaired while the person needs to try to do better in future to minimize repeating harm. We learn it in preschool - say sorry, don't do it again. If they keep at it, remove them from the situation where they can do the harm until they prove they're responsible enough to go back in.

So if it turns out someone DIDN'T do anything wrong, that should be a relief! There's no damage to fix, no internal errors to correct. Less work for everybody, literally no harm done. False alarm, all good.

The thing I've observed is, lots of people want them to have done something wrong. There's almost disappointment when it turns out there's no harm done. And I think that's because of this general undercurrent of punitive justice as morally righteous and desirable: someone does something wrong, you get to punish them. Turns out they're innocent? That's disappointing. Find another reason you get to punish them, or find another bad person you get to punish. But at the core of it is that desire to punish someone. Someone you can hurt in a way that makes you a better person for hurting them.

This particular brand of almost cannibalistic pseudo-justice is super common in tumblr, one of the most ostensibly liberal spaces on the internet; I see more borderline savagery in online discourse here than in the actually toxic parts of the internet that are just openly cruel for cruelty's sake. It's always thrown me for a loop, and has frankly also hurt me, because on the rare occasions I get personally dogpiled, it only actually stings when it makes me worry that I've legitimately hurt someone. If I did something wrong, or more realistically when I inevitably do something wrong, that would make it good and right for people to give me shit about it every day until I'm dead.

The thing that clicked for me most recently was this bit in Ijeoma Oluo's Be A Revolution:

Punitive justice is specifically, uniquely appealing to people who have suffered injustices. Of course it's the Tumblr zeitgeist. Everyone here is a marginalized person failed by at least one system. Punishing someone for perceived injustice is how someone the system has deemed worthless proves their value in blood, even if the person being punished hasn't harmed you directly - even if they haven't harmed anyone. "Righteous" anger isn't about the target in these cases, it's about the inflicter. This is how much my pain is worth.

And that kind of violent validation is so alluring and so very dangerous. It seeks an outlet, wearing the justification of justice. Who's in reach? Who's an acceptable target this week? What's a good reason to use?

Is there anything they could do that would make me stop?

[angrychicagoan24]

i’m gonna say something that will probably piss some people off

i do not think “kill all men” is a good or productive thing to say in any situation

[butt-rice]

i wish there was a way to say "you're right, but this is really ineffective and even counterproductive messaging to anyone who doesn't already agree with you" without sounding like an asshole

[taylortut]

the “sexy lamp test” but for disabled folks: if you can replace your disabled character with a beloved pet dog that needs an expensive surgery to survive then you have to throw out your manuscript 

[taylortut]

reblogging one of my most underrated posts: the dying dog test

[whatthekoi-deactivated20260510]

“can’t believe women fought to work!! i don’t wanna work!!” women have Been Working they fought to get Paid you know that right ?

[kosmogrl]

[tpwrtrmnky]

It's really quite bizarre how much work in trans healthcare bases itself on the idea that a patient who deliberately seeks out the Penis Removal Doctor and says "Yes, Penis Removal Doctor, I am certain that I would like to have my penis removed" might be lying to the Penis Removal Doctor, so that they can have their penis removed without actually wanting that.