The Knitting Runner

Floridian, knit & crotchet, working full time, finding my way back into the fitness world after injuries, and enjoying the adventures my boyfriend and I go on.

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Well hello fine people of tumblr, I still exist in this realm from time to time.

And even though it’s been 4 months of radio silence, I’ve still been pretty busy living life. Including FINALLY living up to my little blog name that I created many moons ago.

That’s right, I’ve been knitting (and spinning yarn!), running (very minimally, more speed walking), and eating! Plus a few other life things in between. It’s starting to feel like the good ol’ days of life again. Just plus all the weight I can never seem to get off.

Doctor put me on a new vitamin regimen which seems to be helping (hello Berberine and citrus bergamot, plus a gazillion other vitamins). I’ve lost a smidge of weight, but given the fact that I’ve struggled for so long to lose any pounds I am grateful for the little I’ve lost and maintained (thank you very much PCOS/PMOS).

Life has been living. After many years of being out of my work building due to renovations, we’re finally back in and resettling (even have a fancy new headset for my phone!) plus getting used to the new new norm again. Hard to believe it’s basically been since pre-COVID that we’ve been in that space fully operational.

I chose a very specific word for my year and I’m living it hardcore and proud. It suits me after not putting me before everything else for so long to finally be strong enough to just say no to many things.

M and I celebrated our 13th anniversary this week. Can’t believe I’ve been lucky to call him mine for this many years, I just wish we were in the same place instead of states apart. Each visit gets harder and harder to leave him.

And I guess that’s my basic life update after being silent for so long. I am going to try to get back into this more often. We shall see how the tides go.

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You know how some tests you want negative and some you want positive?

Out of 14 test for Covid over the years….. finally had one come back negative for once! Such a fricken relief, I was not ready for round 14 of that nasty illness.

Instead, just a simple, severe, sinus infection. The doctor took one look in my nose, ears, and throat and saw just how much buildup of fluid there was from my sinuses. My poor head.

But hey, it’s better than isolation and killing my upcoming spring break plans….

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100% this

Just got word that another coworker passed way very unexpectedly.

This entire year just needs to be done with. I’m tired of hearing about people I care about leaving this world too soon. I’m tired of all the hate. I’m tired of all the headlines about anti-semitism. I’m just tired of it all.

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Last working day of 2025:

Lots of thoughts running through my head over this last year. Too many changes. Too much loss. Too much uncertainty. Too much anxiety. Just too much.

I have a to do list a mile long for work which will keep my day busy, and an equally long to do list to prepare for vacation traveling.

Tomorrow is a long drive day, filled with audiobooks and homemade snacks, ending with snow and cuddles from my other half. A half that I am missing so hardcore and have added so many distractions in my life to avoid admitting just how much I feel empty without him next to me.

Here’s to a holiday season of peace. Because after this year, that’s all I really want.

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I presented at a national conference this week for my profession. In a full room of attendees. And over 170 virtual attendees. Like whoa. 🤯

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A bunch of different Facebook screenshots to describe all the current feels.

I’ve been quiet for awhile on here. This just isn’t my place anymore. The community that once thrived is barebones. The app navigation also sucks, too.

But I’m here, lingering, lurking, contemplating all the things that keep getting dumped on me.

All while maintaining a perfect 1300-1500 calorie day of absolutely no processed food, 5-7 miles a day of walking, and a whopping 150-180 fluid water intake. Everything is homemade. And from scratch. The time in the kitchen is about the only thing that keeps me sane. Yet the stomach is still fatty, the body still aches, and the PCOS symptoms rage further and further.

May seem like a bit of a mopey post, but when you are deep into depression there isn’t a whole lot of upbeat going on. But hey, I’m cooking more than ever before, I’m declutterring my house of all the junk I’ve collected, and I’ve mastered the art of having an empty sink each night and all my laundry washed, dried, and folded/hung. So those are wins I guess.

Also forgot to add how much I’ve been reading to my win list…. Hard to believe those numbers and how much I exceeded my expectation this year with reading.

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M reminded me yesterday that it’s been 2 years since we lost our girl. It still hurts visiting and not having her around barking at us, begging for food, taking her on ice cream trips.

But to know I had 10 wonderful years with her (M had a bit longer) and the memories we made along the way ease the heartache realizing she’s no longer suffering and in pain.

In some ways I feel like we both lost our soul dog. There will never be another one like her with the goofy personality she walked around with.

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I am not okay.

I am mentally drained.

I am emotionally drained.

I am just done with so many things right now.

I can’t have another shoe dropped with even more right now.

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Sadly got the notification a few hours after my last post that my boss passed way.

There are no words. There are lots of emotions. Lots of memories to embrace. But at least he is no longer in pain and suffering.

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Happy almost end of April!

- I’ve been hitting hydration on the nose. Days are overnight oats with oat milk, 20 ounces of coffee, and then 120 fluid ounces of water before leaving work.

- My steps are on point, averaging 6 miles a day. 4-5 at work, then 1-2 at home/errands.

- I’m slowly getting back into rebounding. Between stitches that keep popping out from February‘s surgery, and my rebounder being a temporary holder of things I’m only getting 2-3 workouts in a week instead of 5-6.

- Doing a yard sale soon. Hence the rebounder being a temporary holder of things. Because I have too much stuff and not enough storage areas.

- Managed to finish my 2025 reading goal just 4 months into the year. And my reading list continues. I’m stuck in the romantasy genre and am going to be starting a new series soon (while still continuing my slow physical re-read of The Empyrean series)

- Currently feeling all the things and discombobulated and out of place. Work is chaos being in a temporary space for so long, which just trickles into home being chaos because I have zero energy to deal with stuff. I’ve been making mini goals but only accomplishing a couple things at a time.

- All the emotions, my current mentor resigned due to health issues. I lost my very first professional mentor to cancer. And unfortunately all those feelings are resurfacing 17 years later with the current situation.

- There’s a lot more going on. My profession is in a big holding pattern with this political climate and funding. So all the anxiety from that as well.

Guess that’s my April update. A mix of good and not so good things. Here’s hoping May is better….

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A mix of photos from the last 3 weeks:

- work lunch salads

- stuffed artichoke for vacation

- steak with rice pasta for vacation

- 6 re-read of this book (1st time physically reading it instead of listening to it!)

- sky while being the passenger princess

- Early St. Patty’s dinner

- finished 3 audiobooks on my drive home, hitting my 12 book goal for 2025 only 3 months in

- sparkly clean car for the first time in months after a long workday

Been pretty busy in these parts between work and vacation. Somehow managed in 48 hours to not only drive home from vacation but also do a boatload of projects and things that usually takes me days to get through with being exhausted and busy. But nope, did some things right when coming home that I usually procrastinate on until the weekend. So huzzah for productivity!

Was finally able to get back on my rebounder, between surgery restrictions in February and vacation, it was a whole 4 weeks without it. I jumped back on like nothing and enjoyed a nice workout after my 13-hour drive.

I’m now on a physical read of Iron Flame after Fourth Wing. Still picking up on little easter eggs and new information after listening to the books multiple times. Kinda crazy and really makes me miss the physical book because I can’t multitask like I do with audiobooks.

Life, for the most part, is doing okay. The scale has me down a whopping 6 pounds from December which I will take in a heartbeat. Obviously something is going right. So I will embrace what I’m doing and continue trucking on.

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Hydration nudge!

I’m usually all about using a tumbler for my water at work. But some days I forget the tumbler and stumble with whatever bottles I have.

This right here is 67 fluid ounces of water (the Rise and Grind has instant coffee in it, no sugar added).

When I get home, I refill my 32 fluid ounce Yeti twice before bed and hit over 100 for the day.

Sometimes it’s all about what it looks like in person versus the number you see written.

Pretty on point with 30-45 minutes a day of exercise. Between 15 minutes of yoga before work, a dedicated mile of walking with a coworker at work, and my 10 minute rebounding sessions after work my body is definitely feeling better. Bonus is that certain clothes are fitting slightly looser.

I don’t have a scale at home. Because I would be obsessed with those numbers daily. When I go see M I will see what I’m at on his scale. Because that’s where I weighed last. 2.5 more weeks of consistency before I get there!

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Let’s talk burnout….

I feel like I’ve been circling it for awhile. And it’s not even from being too involved or spending too many hours at work or volunteering. It’s just about life right now.

The signs? Coming home exhausted, doing the bare minimum to upkeep my house, hiding in books, dragging thru a work day, letting things stack until the bitter end of procrastination.

I’ve always put others before myself. It’s my personality. And too many people around me know that and take advantage. And I let them. But when I started to close doors they just kept on pounding and breaking them down.

Until yesterday. One of the couples I volunteer with reached out and said to take the evening off and they would do what I usually do on Fridays at our organization. Just the thought. Just the gesture. It meant the world to me. To just come home after a long day of work and not have to go back out.

I contemplated sleeping when I got home. But instead, I jumped right into stuff for me. By me. I made a list of things I want to get done this weekend at home. For me. I baked sourdough focaccia and hamburger buns. For me. I threw hamburgers on the grill for dinner. For me. I hung up the weeks old clothes left in the dryer. For me. I emptied my dishwasher and reloaded it. I went and did a rebounder workout (which is a nightly routine).

And then I sat down. And realized that just that little gesture from a friend made my whole evening turn around. It helped me recharge and realize that not everyone around me takes advantage of what I offer in this world.

I needed that. And I continue to need that. Because I need to start recharging myself more often just for me. So that when I come home from work I’m not overwhelmed and filled with anxiety and stress of the needs of my house.

It’s going to take time. But the fact that I even recognized it for exactly what it is — burn out — puts me a step in the direction to fix it.

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So I did not honestly anticipate being halfway thru my 2025 reading goal at the end of the 1st month of the year. But yet, here we are. I get off work and I go home to recharge with an audiobook and my pjs (some nights).

A coworker last year recommended a book that I spent weeks not touching the physical copy. Then she recommended I try listening instead. And click, it’s all been full of adventure since then.

A little backstory to my years of reading:

I was the kid that had a flashlight under the covers until 2 in the morning always getting caught by my parents and being told to go to bed. I hid books in my desk to read at school, in my textbook during class, on the school bus home. I was never without a book. That’s just who I was. And then college happened. And my books became textbooks, my fun reading became educational. I think in college I only read the final Harry Potter book because I had gotten into the series in high school. I went to the midnight release, then locked myself in my room for an all-nighter of reading. My roommate at the time (now one of my super closest friends) told me not to spoil anything because she needed the weekend to read. But then graduate school hit, and real life adult job happened. And while I’m surrounded by books everyday in my profession, it didn’t mean I always got a chance to read them.

Flash forward to today, it took a week, but I officially finished Onyx Storm. And am now sharing all the memes with my friends who have finished, spoilers, funny quotes, predictions, and more. I feel so engaged with reading again. I have a lot full of books that I want to read and am showing checking them off (albeit my reading is actually listening, but still….).

And in the process of getting through these books? I’m sleeping better, my stress levels are coming down, I’m trying more stuff done at home because I’m multitasking. I’m getting on my rebounder and exercising more. My dishes are being done almost every night instead of pilling up to Friday. I just feel so much more….. accomplished.

It’s a small thing, but it’s still a thing. My mindset has not been in the best of places for several years now, and I recognize that. But one slow step at a time I am finding my new balance. And I am loving almost every minute of it (falling sleep while listening to audiobooks is frustrating because I can’t remember where I truly left off 🤣).

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January Coffee date:

- This was my 3rd cup of the morning y’all. I usually do only 1 cup, and it is usually iced. Today is really testing me

- bought a rebounder and have been on it nearly every day and feeling pretty good

- sleep is off, not just because of chaos this weekend (youth group sleepover) but just in general, doctor says high cortisol levels

- kinda excited for the release of Onyx Storm today, also kinda down that it will take me several days to get thru it because life

- missing the good old days of college the last few weeks, the friends, who I was as a person, the freedom from all the pressures, staying up for midnight book releases and getting through a book in one sitting

- My house is chaos, therefore my brain is filled with chaos. I need time at home to straighten up and not just be exhausted every single day I get home from work.

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Intentional

That was my 2024 word.

Why did I choose a word instead of resolutions? Because resolutions seem to not really work for me I’ve learned. So I tried something different this year.

Did it work? Well, some days. And other days, not so much. Here’s my 2024 recap:

- I survived back to back hurricanes (just don’t ask about all the damage and recovery)

- I survived major work changes (again)

- I survived multiple rounds at the doctors for injuries including torn ligaments, broken appendages, illnesses, cyst removal, and wellness checks. And physical therapy, tons and tons of physical therapy (medical debt is no joke).

- I found my love of reading again (or as M says, listening, since I’m into audiobooks)

- I’ve started more knitting projects (haven’t finished, but hitting my craft groove again)

- I’ve become more engaged in kitchen activities and trying new recipes (hello my sourdough starter which still doesn’t have a name 4 months later…)

- I’m removing unwanted items [and people] in my life.

- I’m finishing the year down 11 pounds. And with a 2 in front of the number instead of 3.

For 2025:

I’m entering 2025 with a similar mindset to 2024, to just be something more than the previous year.

Will I choose another word? Probably. Will it be as powerful as 2024? One can only hope….

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Kinda where I’m at right now…. 54 hours with no power. Lots of damage. But it’s just stuff. The lives closest to me are still breathing. The rest is all just stuff.