Listen I get it but you CANNOT use "sensory nightmare" as an excuse to avoid essential things. You HAVE to find a way to make it work, such as finding effective alternatives. But you can't just avoid it.
You need to eat some vegetables in your diet or you will become a lich.
You have to wear a life jacket or you will literally drown and die.
You need to be able to exist in public spaces with children.
You're happy here. Stop glaring at me and listen for once in your life. You are happy here. You were miserable before, I watched you, I saw how horribly sad you were, so don't try to act like its not true. You're not miserable anymore.
Now you're not always smiling, I know that. Sometimes you smile, usually little smiles when you're in your cute little drugged out haze. But even when you've been good and you're allowed to have your wits about you, you're not miserable anymore. You're focused. Determined, maybe. I have given you a purpose, and you should be grateful.
I know that for now your purpose is... I don't know, I assume escape? Maybe just surviving what I'm doing to you? But that's still a purpose, and it gives me something to work with.
How long do you think, before I can redirect all those big feelings? How long until you decide your best chance out is by pleasing me? How long until you are thinking of ways to make me happy, forgetting that the point is supposedly escape? Soon enough I will be your purpose. And you'll see just how happy you can be.
Going to “Just take the tip, little one. I promise it won’t hurt. I’ll be gentle with you.” My way into fucking a sub so hard I rearrange their organs.
Tldr: Neocuntgirl gets raped by a group of guys in a weirdly gender affirming way
I sit in bar in my favourite dress and sip on the strongest cocktail I could find.
They call it „Zombie“ and it tastes like a fruity amalgam made of leftover rum and other various liquors, which it is.
I just had to go somewhere and get drunk enough to forget it all today.
Half an hour and halfway through my second drink I realize that doing this on an empty stomach was probably not the best idea..
I wonder if people are able to tell that I just completely fucked my shit up.
I swing my chair around and take a look through the room.
I notice a group of four guys talking with their heads close and immediately two of them look up in my direction.
Oh shit.
I turn back to my drink.
Were these guys talking about me? Why would they both look at me? I could’ve sworn that one of them tried to subtly point me out to the others.
Who cares tho?
I chug the last bit of my drink and then try to gather all the confidence needed to get of this damn chair.
Suddenly another drink plops down on the counter right in front of me.
„From the handsome boys over there. They said you look like you need it.“
What? What do you mean I look like I need it?
And you mean those guys? Handsome? Another fucking Zombie?
No way.
I like me some free drinks, but if I touch this thing I’m not gonna make it through the night.
No thank you. As much as I wanted to end it earlier this week.. I need to keep going and see where I can end up.
Fuck this.
And honestly fuck those guys.
I jump of my seat, take my purse and leave the bar, still managing to shoot the group of rude boys a sharp look.
I only need to act cool and soberish till I’m out the door, I got this.
There is a lot less going on outside than I thought. It is 3am on a Wednesday night after all..
I take out my phone. 34 messages. I don’t fucking care. I only need to reach any one person to take me in for the night and then…
…oh god. The air..
I forgot that once you get outside and fresh air hits you, your drunkenness is multiplied by at least.. a lot..
I see a free bench a bit down the street. That’s it. Sit down on the bench and call a friend.
If I can make it there..
About 10 meters away right by that alley. The wall is my friend and every lightpost gets a handshake.
„Hey!“
Why is it taking so long to walk to a fucking bench.
„Hey, faggot!“
What is going on?
„You forgot your drink, asshole!“
Oh no.
I turn around and they already stand right in front of me. The tallest one is holding the drink they sent me, the shortest one speaks.
The other two just grin and stand there.
„Dont you want to be a lady?“
Oh no no no.
„Ladies accept a drink when a handsome man pays for it, no?“
How am I gonna get out of this one?
Jumbled thoughts being kneaded into words, trying to get out of my mouth.
„Don‘t even try, man, this is just sad. I would call you a stupid whore but we both know your not even worthy of that word.“
„Pl- pleassss.. mmhh-I jus nmeed two get home..“
Yea right that’s gonna make them leave me alone.
„What you fucking need to do is accept this fucking drink. Don’t you see that we’re just helping you to become the woman you want to be?“
„No I-“
He pushes me against the wall, the impact forcing me to skip a few breaths.
The drink is now in his one hand, dangling in front of my face, and his other arm is keeping me in place by pressing its length on my chest.
„Damn, these feel real as fuck, for a fag like you“
„The- they are, you ass-…“
„Just fucking drink up.“
He presses the glass against my mouth, but I keep turning my head away.
A sad, weak cry for help gets out of me.
„Hold the mouth, fuck, dude.“
What must be the other two guys is now holding my arms on either side and the tallest one, now towering right above my head, grabs me by the chin with the palm of his hand, forces his thumb inside my mouth while holding my forehead back with the other, thus opening my mouth wide, with biting out of the equation.
„There you go. Look at your tongue,, fuck. Drink up now. We know you just need to get it all out of you tonight.“
He starts pouring the drink, spilling some over my chest, his arm, and some of it in my mouth.
Instinctively I swallow the first two sips. But as soon as the taste hits, my throat shuts close and everything else that’s landing in my mouth just runs down my chin.
„Fucking bitch!“
Heh. Look at you.
Talks guy let’s go of me and shakes his now wet arm around, disgusted like he just had to reach into a dumpster.
„You know what, take her over there.“
Heheh.
They take me around the corner into the dark alley behind the bench.
A sudden pain in my knees combined with an impact tells me I’ve been dropped on the concrete.
The tights I’m wearing under my dress did not survive that, neither did the skin underneath.
I have never felt a helplessness like this one in my life. Incapable of even just calling for help and at the whims of 4 dudes clearly ill intentioned.
This was supposed to be a new beginning.. in some way.
I’m sobbing now, the ugly kind.
„Look at me, now.“
As he takes my chin and moves my head to look up at him.
„I‘m giving you one last chance. Be a woman for me and drink up.“
His hand on my head, he holds the glass against my lower lip..
I open my mouth.
„That’s right.“
I start to drink what is about the remaining third of my cocktail, sobbing, but not looking away from him.
„Look at it guys, isn’t she being a real woman now?“
I hear them laugh and just hope that they are done with me…
That’s it right?
I accepted my drink like the woman I am. I-
A belt unbuckling.
Fuck.
„And do you know what women also do?
They suck my fat cock.
And they love gulping down my cum like you just did your drink.“
My eyes are too watery to see what’s really going on. But someone is holding my head up and soon enough I feel what can only be a soft uncut dick being stuffed in my mouth.
The taste of piss and sweat mixes with my spit.
God how I missed this feeling.
I can’t be enjoying it, right?
With his dick growing in my mouth he shoves me all the way into his crotch, delivering his earthy, musky, most personal odor right up to my nose.
The smell, the tastes and their laughter overwhelm all of my senses.
One thing I can tell, is that his laughter has turned into an occasional grunt as he thrusts his dick down my throat.
It’s not big, which I’m thankful for.
And way quicker than I thought, after maybe 5 deep thrusts, I feel something warm pool on the back of my tongue and a final squirt against the back of my throat.
That wasn’t too bad.
„Fuck, she’s so warm, you need to try this man.“
My eyes have been closed for the past minute. And when I open them, I see the two other dudes are jerking of to the left of me.
Only the tall, lanky one has been just standing there, watching me silently as I get molested by his friend.
„I don’t know, man. I don’t know if I want to put my dick in ..that.“
„Are you stupid? Look at her.“
Mmhh.
There is a bit of cum dripping down the sides of my mouth, my makeup is smeared all over my face, and I’m sitting on the ground in a wet black dress with ripped tights.
After packing his dick away he reaches down to grab the bottom of my dress and pulls it up over my head.
A bit of struggle and now I’m sitting here in a bra and ripped tights only.
„Those are real, dude. Touch em.“
He pushes tall guys arm in the direction of my chest.
Hesitantly he lets his hand flow over my tits.
„Damn.“
„Get her out of that thing.“
He is way more gentle than he should be in this situation. Is it out of disgust? Or because he feels bad for me?
Carefully he reaches behind my back with both of his hands and fumbles my bra open.
Why do I feel like a piece of meat being served?
As my bra falls, exposing me to the cool evening breeze, his face turnes from curiosity to carnal lust.
Ah shit.
With his sticky hand, the first dude grabs a handful of my left boob, jiggling it like pudding and then presses as if he is juicing a lemon.
Just as I’m about to scream out in pain I feel a hand grab me by the throat.
With a firm grip, the giant lifts me up.
I’m gasping for air as he pushes me towards the wall, slamming the back of my head a bit too hard against the bricks.
The lack of air and blood in my head eases the pain from what’s probably a light concussion.
„Yeah, man! Fuck her face!“
With his free hand he opens his pant and pushes it down below his buttcheeks.
He keeps me dangling on just the right height for my mouth to be in line with his crotch, one hand around my throat.
Then he takes out what must be one of the biggest fucking dicks I’ve seen up close in my entire life.
Throbbing, but not rock hard, bend downwards a little, foreskin slightly over his tip and a bead of precum slowly making its way down.
Oh my god please no.
In my times giving blowjobs I’ve learned several things, but mainly that despite loving the feeling of a dick in my mouth, I’m unable to open my jaw very wide to accommodate such.. monstrosities.
This is not going to work.
He presses his fingers into my cheeks, clearly the signal for „open wide“ and brings his cock up to my mouth.
Obediently I open my mouth as wide as I can.
I don’t want to make him even more furious than he already is after all.
Then he pushes it in, but I can immediately tell that his tip is rubbing against my front teeth.
„Open your damn mouth, dude, fuck!“
„Oi cawn’t owen it mowe, oim sow-“
„Are you serious??“
Tears roll down my face, the pain of keeping my jaw open like that is excruciating.
Maybe he will sto-
-pain an my right cheek and my head is being jerked to the left.
He fucking slapped me!
Not like you would slap someone during roleplay, but how you would slap someone who just told you they had an affair.
This isn’t helping the crying situation.
„Man fuck this shit.“
He drops me.
„I mean you can just fuck her, dude. It’s not like this is gonna make it worse, look at her.“
„What?“
What?
Oh god.
„How am I gonna fuck.. her?“
„In the ass, man. Don’t be such a pussy, I bet you fucked someone in the ass before, come on.“
Shortie is making efforts to get me of the ground, clearly to undress me even more, one of the other dudes immediately helps him to get me up right.
Everything is turning,,, as I stand there,, wobbly, topless, with only my ripped tights remaining.
„Hold on.. do you see that?“
Oh no..
He points at my tummy,
the others look confused.
„Jackpot, man! Look!.. it’s surgery scars bro, let me show you.“
He pushes me a few meters and, with his hand on my neck, bends me over a nearby trashcan.
As if he needs that to keep me in place. I’m just grateful to not be on the cold wet ground anymore and to be holding on to something.
This is gonna suck real bad.
He goes to pull my tights down, but decides very quickly to just start ripping them apart in all directions.
With that out of the way my lacey black panties are the only thing I’m wearing, not for long tho.
He pulls them down to my knees, with his foot all the way to the ground and under my right shoe. Then he kicks my left leg to one side and my right leg to the other, making me sink lower on the garbage container.
He steps aside and reveals to his confused pack…
my bare fucking cunt.
„Damnnn.“
„I told you bro, you get to fuck her.
You might need to spit on your dick for it to work I think.“
I hear what’s clearly the tall one stepping closer and then,, a cold hand on my left buttcheek.
Doing a little circle, a squeeze and slowly moving it’s way between my thighs. Curiosity got the best of him.
He reaches below me and slides is hand over my crotch, accurately tracing over my clit, making me shake a little, then along the middle towards my hole.
He reaches it and freezes.
„Dude…., sh- she’s actually wet.“
I catch myself smirking.
If they knew what I went through to get this type of surgery for my pussy to be like that, maybe they would appreciate it more.
„Then you know what to do.“
I’ve been dilating everyday since I got my pussy. Even tho I only really need to dilate my entrance I know that the caliber that he is carrying will not fit very easily.
My biggest dilator might get close at its biggest circumference, but I never got it that far yet.
But here it goes.
I hear a nasty spitting sound and a few second later, a hand grabs my hair and lifts my upper body up.
„Now take it like a proper woman would.“
I can feel something pushing against me, like train to big for a tunnel.
A yank of my hair and my neck is being completely exposed. A vampire would froth at the sight.
„Relax, sweetie. Don’t you want to be a good girl?“
A second, more consistent, better lubed push later and I can feel myself slowly stretching around the tip of his fat cock.
I can feel every fucking millimeter. If I wasn’t drunk and concussed I could tell you exactly what his circumference is.
And then it slides in.
I let out a slight moan but catch myself quickly.
„Let it go, baby. Let it all out, I know you like it. Be a good girl for me right now, yeah?“
My walls are cramping around him.
But I remember. I remember what his dick looked like hanging in front of me like a gigantic suction dildo hanging of a bathroom tile.
It gets bigger for a bit, and only after about half of it, it gets slimmer again.
There will be more.
He spits again. Must’ve been directly down on what’s connecting us right now, cause I can feel some of it hit my bare ass.
He spreads it around his shaft and then his icky hand grabs my left tit, squeezing it tight, his right hand still holding me up by my hair.
Then he starts a thrust.
„Fuck.“
Fuck.
His mates have gathered around me, one fondling my other boob, the others just watching intensely and jerking of.
Again I can feel myself getting stretched around him like a condom that’s way too small.
But he just keeps going.
The pain is worse than any bad dilating session I’ve had so far.
I would cry out and try to push him away but I don’t even have the capacity to really use my hands except one over his hand on my hair and the other to push me up a bit to relieve the pain.
I must be making some noises tho.
„See? I told you, you would like it. Just relax onto my cock and let me use your cunt.“
He pushes himself deeper and deeper and finally I can feel it getting a bit easier again.
Oh fuck, I’ve never felt it so deep inside of me. This is insane.
Then I feel his hips meeting mine.
This means action.
He pulls about halfway out, just so much so that his biggest point is stretching my entrance again, and thrusts back in.
And again.
„You’re so fucking tight, holy shit.“
Thank you?
He grunts and starts thrusting faster. I can feel his dick hitting my prostate over and over, making me feel like I’m going to piss myself and my legs start to shake even more.
„Yeah? You like that don’t you? You like getting stretched out by my fat cock baby? Tell me you fucking like it.“
I do. And I won’t.
He yanks my head back again, clearly this is my time to shine.
„Mmhmmm“ is all that’s leaving my mouth.
It really does feel good. I can’t be enjoying this, though.
Getting raped by a bunch of weirdly transphobic(?) guys, drunk of my gurds in some random dark alley? Wasn’t that always my dream? Not like this though. Not with the misgendering. Not without a talk about safewords, nogoes and the scene, first.
These thoughts are playing out in my head as he is thrusting into me harder and harder, grunting and groping my tits, the blokes standing around me, furiously jerking off.
Then, one of them gets closer, my head gets pushed down on the trash bin again, turned to face his dick right above me.
He lets out a deep groan and covers my face in his cum. Just as he squirts the last bit out, flicking it with his dick in my face, I get pulled back up again.
„Look at you all cumfaced. A proper slut is what we are turning you into, huh?“
I can feel the warm goo run down from above my nose towards my mouth. I keep gasping for air and now there is salty cum dripping into my mouth with each of his thrusts.
„Now me.“
I get pushed down again, this time the side of my face smacks on to the trash bin with a loud thumb.
That’s going to bruise my cheek so hard I can already tell.
The second guy comes closer, his dick almost as big as the one currently rearranging my guts, and he also finishes all over my face.
It feels like it takes an eternity for all of his spurts to have finished flying out of him.
He must’ve been really pent up or insanely horny, cause I can feel his cum hit my face, my hair and my neck with decent force.
„What a disgusting slut she is, isn’t she?“
My head still being pressed down on its right side, the shorter guys steps into view.
He must’ve really liked the first time, cause he shoves his dick, hard as a rock again, into my mouth.
Not completely. Enough for the tip to be inside with him still being able to jerk of right into my throat.
„I want you filled with our cum from both sides, baby. Be a good girl for us and take it. Swallow it.“
He grunts and his hip jerks forward as I feel ropes shooting straight down into my guts. No other option but to swallow.
„Are you ready,, cunt-girl?“
Cunt-girl? Yeah sure dude, whatever.
His dick has been bottoming out inside of me for a while now (filling me with pride in some way) and I can tell his strokes are getting less coordinated.
Every now and then a deep slow one, followed by a couple of frantic fast thrusts.
Finally one- no- two more deep pushes inside of me and his dick is pulsing as his balls fill my neocunt up to the brim with his cum.
I can tell, because I’m still stretched so tightly around him that I can feel his heartbeat through my pussy.
A weirdly intimate way to be connected right now.
He moans, grunts and collapses over my back, his legs shaking, but he catches himself again fast.
That must’ve felt amazing, huh?
Slowly, he takes a step back and his meat slides out of me with him.
A „plop“ followed by the farty sound of bubbly stirred up cum spilling out of my cunt as it clenches around nothing.
My legs shaking, me breathless, gripping the lid as tight as I can as to not fall of.
I feel like reality just got turned on again. Everything is real, what just happened is real.
I get up and just stand there.
Hands on my hips.
Out of breath.
Awkward.
We’re all out of breath.
I look at tall guy, and he looks at me.
Is that a smile?
I look around into the faces of the other three, who are clearly overwhelmed with what just happened too.
I guess post nut clarity also hits when you rape someone.
Eveything is spinning.
The adrenaline is wearing of and I can feel the full effect of the alcohol again, holy shit.
I sink to the ground, naked , covered in cum, with a bruised head and bloody knees.
„I hope..“ he breathes a few more times „..that taught you to accept the drinks, guys like us gift girls like you.“
„Mhhm.“
I cover my face with my hands.
This did not just happen right? I’m cold, I’m violated and I just need to get tucked into a warm bed. This better end now.
All of them put their pants back on, zip up and start walking away.
Are they just gonna leave me here like this?
Not like I want them to take me home.
I just- I just don’t know what to do now.
I’m sobbing again.
„Hold up guys.“
The shorter guy walks back. He is smiling at me like I’m a kid that fell of the swing and needs comforting.
„Here, take this.“
What?
I remove my hands and look up, only to see his unzipped pants and his sweaty sticky cock point in my direction.
Right at my face.
And he starts pissing. He starts pissing on me.
I’m not even turning my head away.
What’s the point?
This is the lowest it’ll go.
His stream hits my face, glazes my bruised tits and my crotch too.
it's interesting bringing up some transfeminist theory to my drag race watching cis therapist thinking she'll disagree but then she just starts spitting incredible transfeminist truth that would cause 100 years discourse on tumblr.
she was telling me that all her transmasc clients have soared up through their careers and have private insurance, while all her transfem clients are financially struggling and are on state insurance
she was like "they transition into privilege and patriarchy is happy to accept them as men" and what's awesome is she said her transmasc clients generally understand this privilege and use it responsibly, including in support of trans women
and you know to be clear these aren't even things I would have said. I mean there's definitely Nuance at the very least. if I were to say the "transitioning into privilege" and "being accepted by patriarchy as men" things myself I'd want to be able to prove them out relatively rigorously, and I haven't done that, so don't take this as me doing a full cosign on these claims. but damn, she did just kind of say them
can we talk about "I'm so proud of you" as a manipulation tactic. you pushed past your boundaries and did something you weren't comfortable with? that's amazing princess I'm so proud of you. you set aside your misgivings and let me use you in a way that made you nervous? you were so good for me baby I'm so proud of you. you faced your embarrassment head-on and did something that humiliated you? you were so brave sweetheart I'm so proud of you. good job. do it again
So, i understand the frustration with the way transmascs seem to envy transfems' bodies and gender presentation, but tbh as a transmasc, i always assumed transfems had similiar feelings? Do you never look at an outfit on someone who had an estrogenated first puberty and think "i wish this would have the same effect on my gender presentation if i wore it too"?
yeah but I'm not a fucking weirdo to them about it. I have the basic respect for their internality required to understand that what for me is aspirational is not so for them, and may be actively uncomfortable or distressing for them
a lot of trans men seem to have no such consideration at all because there are no consequences for making weird, uncomfortable, or invasive comments about a trans woman's body. people aren't watching your behavior (especially your behavior toward trans women) like a hawk ready to strike. you can get away with objectifying trans women, and objectify you do
I think maybe we shouldn't act like women are angels who can do no wrong, because this absolutely happens! Some people are okay with it, some people aren't, sometimes it's appropriate, sometimes it's not, it wasn't that long ago you practically couldn't get away from the memes about wishing we could do titty transplants
What happened to that grown woman I picked up at the bar? She seemed so vibrant and full of confidence. Now she's gone, and you're shaking like a prey animal stuck in a freeze response. Did you not expect to be read so thoroughly? Did you think I wouldn't dig around in that pretty little head of yours and find out exactly what made you tick? Did you think I wouldn't notice the childish bag you carried around, the tiny stuffie on a keychain, the way you defer to everyone like an older sibling or a parent. Oh darling, you precious little thing. Letting me take you home wasn't exactly a mistake, but you might think it to be one for a bit. You've proven yourself obedient, so I'm sure you won't fight what happens next. A nice thick diaper for a tiny little thing like you only makes sense, doesn't it? Oh don't fuss too much darling, the blush on your cheeks tells me everything I need to know. Not to mention that slip up in the car. Calling a girl Mom before even getting back to her house? You're nowhere near as subtle as you think you are baby. Now why don't you be a good little princess for me and hold your hands up so I can change you into something more appropriate. Then I can make you feel so much better than what we'd already talked about.
girls growling like a feral dog, pinning you down beneath her, while she bites at your neck over and over and over and says she could rip your pretty throat out before biting even harder
list of pokemon that are TMA on, like, a genuinely conceptual level:
Absol and Darkrai (canonically maligned, targeted, and ostracized for no good reason, and then its attempts to protect or isolate itself are only leveraged as more proof of its danger)
Mimikyu (pretty self-explanatory)
Type: Null, Silvally, and Mewtwo (living weapons that exist in the shadow of a more perfect counterpart)
Ralts line (obvious)
Chikorita and Popplio Line (standard 85% male starter gender ratio yet distinctly feminine and famously unpopular because of it)
Cascoon and Dustox (turns out "wrong")
Shedinja (the shape of something that should be there but isn't)
Latias (literally takes the form of a girl)
Dragonite and Goodra (hated for being "gay" dragons instead of "cool" ones)
Ceruledge (chuuni)
do you all understand what i'm getting at here. am i forgetting any