My mom and I both work for the state, specifically in IT in different but related areas; almost everyone in our units knew both of us pretty well sometimes for years or decades, either having worked with one or both of us, worked near one or both of us, or in a couple of cases, changed my diapers.
When my dad died, my unitâs condolences were a MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE variety sandwich tray from Jasonâs Deli and all the things that hygo with giant sandwich platters (chips, fruit tray, cookie tray, potato salad maybe? some other things, this is like the BIG PARTY PACK or something). I mean, even with me, mom, two sisters, four kids, a BIL, and a sisterâs boyfriend, that was five days of food at minimum. Momâs unit, on the other hand, sent both cashânot loose cash, someone took the time to convert it into practical tens and twentiesâand one or two extremely generous Visa cards.Â
(Iâm ninety-nine percent sure this was a collaborative effort between our units.)
Simple food that required no effort whatsoever even in âwashing dishesâ, just pick up and chew; cash so weâd have that on hand if we needed it without having to go to an ATM or the bank or remember where the debit card is; the Visa gift cards because we work for the state, our names and salaries are not only public knowledge but PUBLISHED IN THE NEWSPAPER EVERY YEAR, and funerals and incidentals are expensive, especially when you donât see them coming and youâre a public servant.
It was the most intensely practical and also utterly personal help we could have possibly gotten: it was exactly what we needed in exactly the form we needed, and so incredibly kind. It said âweâre sorry for your lossâ, but it also said âwe grieve with youâ.
Grief is always hard and nothing can really help that, but what they did made living with grief so much easier, and Iâve never forgotten that.
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