No longer a spoiled girlfriend
My (now ex)boyfriend ended up being a sociopath. I won’t go into details.
I remember reading here on Tumblr that dating rich makes sense because most men are awful and this is sort of an insurance that your time will be worth it. While I can’t agree more, when I met my boyfriend I felt in love, and didn’t even knew or thought about how much he was making. I was in love. But I think I was subconsciously biased because yes: he was making good money, and he spoiled the fuck out of me. Our first two years were heaven.
Now here’s the thing. When he left me as if I meant nothing, it really did not matter to me that he had money. At that moment, or that week, or that time, it didn’t matter that I had been “compensated” for my time with him, that I got rent paid, travels, Michelin restaurants, uber eats all the time, school paid, financial help, gifts, etc., because of course, I am human, and I genuinely loved him to death, and it hurt. Nothing of that mattered to me because I was in shambles carrying the pieces of my broken heart in my hands.
But here’s the deal. Now that I’m recovering, now that I’m lifting myself up, now that I’m working out of the broken heart, I can say this: I am happy I didn’t lose money on a man. He was an idiot, so you know what? I’m glad he left me. And I’m glad I got those trips, and my rent paid, and everything else, so I don’t have the feeling that he used me, because at least we both got something out of this relationship.
This is not my fault. Blaming women for “picking the wrong man” is a misogynistic patriarchal lie, which has been forever told to perpetuate society’s ugly little habit of enabling men’s shitty behavior. It happened this way, it is what it is. I’m not ashamed of having loved because it’s part of the human experience. I’m not ashamed of having felt in love. That I believed him. That I loved him so much. He should be the one ashamed of not treating me as he should have, because I loved him in a way he didn’t deserve
So even though at that moment I didn’t care about money, I do now. I am glad he spoiled me, I am so fucking glad I got “compensated”. And you know what? Next time, I will go bigger. This time it was 250k, alright then next time I hope to make it 350k. Or 400k. Or more. I dont know, and I dont need to plan right now, I dont want to date for a while.
But I’m glad I could keep this as a lesson: even the nicest man can fuck up, and fuck you up, and fuck things up. They are wired for it. I’m not even kidding. We are raised differently, society is fundamentally and completely different if you are a man. Women are portrayed as objects, as advertisement, served in silver plates for men to have a pick. They will never see us the way we see them simply because it’s impossible to break concepts we have had all of our lives and we keep perpetuating. Men will not change. The way they see us won’t change. So why should women change? I will forever look for a man with a provider bone. Forever look for a man that will spoil me, and treat me like a princess, because honestly I deserve it. And because there is just absolutely no guarantee in this world that a man will not fuck you up, no matter how great he seems to be.
I am grateful for this moment, I am grateful for the teachings. Because there were moments when I felt guilty that he was working so hard and spending so much on me. Because I’m too fucking nice. And I shouldn’t be. I’m glad this happened because now I know I deserve to aim much higher, and I deserve more. More money, more gifts, more spoiling
Cheers to me and my healing little heart, and cheers to all women for surviving the patriarchy 🥂 We deserve to be spoiled