starry night

"if i ever ask you to marry me, say no" ● 17 she/her

[starrycrayons]

barty crouch jr's letter archive??? :0

i stole them all out of the trashcan barty sr threw them in

1965

To Daddy,

today i maded a frog out of paper

it jumps and it's pink

i miss you and i love you

love, 

barty

1966

daddy,

i learned how to write my hole name today. 

Bartemius Crouch Junior

mama says now i can sign my leters so i am writing this 

it is very impresive

are you impresed?

love, 

bartemius crouch junior

Dear daddy,

i got a fever yesterday and i wanted you but you were at work 

mama says you are very busy.

i miss you.

see said you would come see me but you didn't. she was angry at you 

i am better now and i love you

love,

barty ♡

1967

Dear daddy,

today i picked flowers for mama. she said i was a very sweetboy. i said thank you.

that's good manners

i drew a picture of every ting i did today with my colours. you can put can you put it on your wall? you can ask me and i will giv it to you

i love you. even if you are not here because love t͟r͟a͟n͟s͟c͟e͟n͟d͟s͟ distance

i miss you. 

□ yes □ no

you can tick the box if you miss me too

love, 

Barty

1968

dear daddy,

i am right now reading the dictionary and i will learn alot of new words. my tutor said my retention is very high. i said how high and she laughed and said very high.

that means I am clever.

i read three chapters of my book all by myself. some of the words were dif fi cult but I worked them out.

my favourite part was about the goblin rebelions. mama says i should not tell people that because most children like the dragons better. do you like goblins or dragons better?

you can write your answer underneath and leave it on your desk. i will check

_____________________

love,

barty

Dear daddy,

you know alot of languages. do you know bee language? bees can tell each other where flowers are because they do a special dance to comunicate

I think if people had dances for things it would be easier because then you could tell me you love me. mama laughed when i said that.

i drew the bees at the bottom of the page and i think it is mostly accurate

are you very busy?

i know your work is important and you help lots of people.

i think that is nice.

love,

barty crouch junior

1969

dear dad,

today i got the highest mark ever. it was 100%

my tutor put a gold star on the page.

i have enclosed the page so you can see it. you can keep it if you want.

i know you get many papers because of work, but this one is mine.

love,

barty

P.S. mama says i should be proud of myself. i am trying.

□ I am proud of you too.

you can tick it

1970

dad,

I hope you are not disappointed in me.

I am trying very hard.

1971

dear dad,

today I asked mum what your favourite colour is.

she said she didn't know.

i think that is strange because she is married to you. i tried to guess and i think it is dark blue because your ties are blue or maybe black because your robes are black.

mine is purple

i have many purple things and i am wearing a purple shirt right now. i know it is a silly colour but i like it

what is your favourite colour?

you can write it underneath.

__________________________

love, 

barty, your son

1973

dear dad,

i have begun reading some of your old school texts.

the magical law books are particularly interesting. i have written notes in the margins.

i hope you do not mind.

i thought you might like to discuss them with me when you have time.

love,

barty

1974

dad,

i was selected to represent my class at the academic exhibition next month.

mum says this is a significant achievement. i thought you might like to attend.

the presentation begins at three o'clock.

you do not have to stay for the whole thing, only my section if you are busy.

i would understand if you cannot come, that is alright.

i know your work is important.

i just thought I should ask.

your son,

barty

1975

dear dad, 

i left hogwarts to go home yesterday. mum was sick and i had to take care of her all day. if you don't care for me, i thought you would atleast care for your wife. she never complains and you should show her that you love her. take her out on a date or something.

i am back at hogwarts now so no need to worry about that

regards,

barty crouch jr

1976

dad,

i recieved your letter this morning. 

you only write to me if you hear a complaint from a teacher. you only remember i am your son when i do something wrong. 

if that is all you care about then i would rather you not write to me at all. i have it all under control and do not need your nagging. my grades are the highest in class as usual and i was already reaching out to ask for extra credit for the test i skipped yesterday. it is not my fault i was sick, it was from stress. maybe if you saw me more often you would know that.

please do not write to me again, i do not need you

yours sincerely,

barty crouch jr.

1978

dad,

mum has always said you love me. she says it every time I complain and get upset about you but i never felt loved

 i wish you looked at me more. i try so hard to please you, i always have. people say i look and act more like you as i get older and i hate that. i would hate to be like you. it is my worst fear.

i remember you did like me once. before you got more important at work. why is work more important than your son? you chose to have me, i wish you didn't. i hate this mind and this body and i hate me

everything i do goes wrong and dad i miss you so much

you don't know anything about me anymore but i wish you did. you don't know i need drugs to quieten my mind alot of days. you don't know i have actual friends now. you don't know my favourite book. you don't know how much i wanted to die. i was so tired

i hate you

did you know there is someone out there who is proud of me? the dark lord gets impressed by how smart i am and how much i can do. he asks where i am at meetings. he wanted me on his side and you hate him. that makes so much sense, ofcourse you hate the first person who actually loved me

there is this violence and darkness in me and i feel better the more i let it feed off me. noone else could ever give me that so i don't need you anymore, he says i will get smarter and more powerful than you ever were

regards,

barty crouch jr

(the last one was never sent)

[nondelphic]

opened my draft, saw one sentence i wrote three weeks ago, closed the draft. healing is not linear

[ccccatttta]

that one post....

[laneofpoplars]

help im reading a exes jily side jegulus plot (main wolfstar) and jily just broke up and reg&lily are friends and reg was doing so good but now him and james are kissing and im like YAY but also NO but also ee yk ???

[knighthans]

Naturally brown haired, bleached blond with blood red ends Marlene Mckinnon

[sweetstroo]

Okay.

[marlene-will-fck-you-up-mckinnon]

friendly reminder that every single marauder was dead before same sex marriage became legal

[kittenchoco]

Voicemail (chocokitten on ao3)

Regulus has memorised the voicemail word for word after the first week.

It was two minutes and twenty two seconds.

By the second week, he knew every breath between words, every soft crackle of static, every soft laugh caught at the back of his throat.

By the third week, he could match his own breathing to James’s

He still presses play anyway.

The voicemail sits at the top of his inbox, saved and starred. He had pinned it to the top.

4 : 12 AM glows red across his alarm clock when Regulus listens to it again.

“Hey, Reggie,”

James sounds warm, alive. He was distracted by something, like he always was. There’s faint noises in the background, car horns, people talking, wind.

“I know you’re asleep, even though it’s only ten o’clock, because you are objectively the oldest twenty one year old alive,”

Regulus closes his eyes. Taking in James’s voice. He pictures James face, his puppy eyes, his bright smile.

“I just wanted to say sorry again for earlier. Sirius said I was being an absolute prick, which was a bit harsh, but apparently i’m not supposed to joke about you joining a cult when you are already stressed.”

A broken laugh escapes Regulus before he can stop it.

He thinks backs to their last conversation, Regulus was stressed about college work and James had been anything but helpful, he made a joke about him joining and cult and Regulus blew up on him.

Their last conversation was an argument.

Regulus’s last words to James were, “Get out. I never want to see your face again.”

Then James left. He went on a walk to give Regulus some space.

A truck driver missed a red light.

Regulus squeezes his eyes as much as he could as he tried to focus on James’s voice and not the overwhelming guilt in his stomach.

“Anyways,” James continued softly. “I know you don’t want to speak to me right now.”

Regulus broke, all he wants to do is speak to James. The bed dipped from him curling into himself.

“And I know you think you have to deal with everything yourself, all the time, but you don’t.”

His throat burns. His eyes are blurry. His lips tremble.

Static cracks loudly through the speaker. Then James sighs. “You’re probably going to roll your eyes at what I’m about to say,”

Regulus feels like he can’t breathe.

“I love you. I’m IN love with you. Disgustingly.”

Tears slip down Regulus’s cheeks.

“I love you even when you’re being scary and mean and acting like you hate me.” James laughed again, softly this time.

“And I know you can’t say it back, but that’s okay. We can work on it together.”

Regulus remembers exactly where he was when Sirius called him. Kitchen floor. Cold tiles. Halfway through making tea he didn’t even want.

He remembers thinking, “Maybe I should talk to James today.”

He remembers dropping the mug. He remembers the blood rushing through his head while Sirius’s voice played in his ears, “There was an accident, Reg. James didn’t make it.”

The voicemail keeps playing.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” James says softly, affectionately.

That sentence nearly kills him every time. Tomorrow never came. James was paused in time.

“Goodnight baby. Dream about me.” James says cheekily before the line cuts off.

A beep. Silence etched in the room.

Regulus stared at the dark ceiling, while his phone screen dimmed in his hand.

He closes his eyes and pretends James is driving home. That he’s still out there, somewhere. That tomorrow still exists in the shape they planned for it.

A shared flat with red wallpaper. A dog James wanted and Regulus absolutely did not. Matching mugs. Arguments over whose turn it was to get the weekly shopping.

Everything was in future tense.

His thumb hovers over the “Replay” button.

He knows this is unhealthy. Sirius told him gently, voice cracking due to his own grief. Remus told him grief could become a place you trap yourself inside. Even Lily, eyes swollen red at the funeral, hugged Regulus and whispered in his ear, “You need to keep living too.”

But the voicemail is proof, proof James existed. Proof Regulus didn’t make up their connection in his head.

The room is unbearably quiet. Regulus presses play again.

“Hey, Reggie,”

[b4rty-r0s13r-w1ll-fck-y0ur-m0m]

FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

[3lectracuted]

bellatrix makes me want to throw up and bleed out and die

dont get it twisted though thats literally exactly where I want to be

I fucking LOVE that woman

[laneofpoplars]

u remind me of rita skeeter

[laneofpoplars]

"no matter how many ears a young van gogh cuts off, art block is inevitable"

..........

i love wolfstar one shots

(here)

[maliciouslittlewhiteboy]

sometimes i feel like im speaking into the void because all of my fav ships(except rosekiller) are considered rarepairs and generally i feel like my perception of the ships are different than what other people think of them🫠🫠🫠

[laneofpoplars]

hey could i write u a rarepair fic 🙏🙏

idk what rarepairs u ship but i LOVE writing rarepairs and diving into their dynamics (im a multishipper) sooo no pressure but if there's anything you want written im interested 🫡

[maliciouslittlewhiteboy]

omg this is so sweet if you would:0

i rlly love dorlily and sunrose and moonrose if you care for any of those!!! ofc if you dont want to write any of these thats perfectly okay and tysm for asking!!🫶🫶🫶

[laneofpoplars]

yes of course!!! it might be a minute because i don't know the ships well but i would love to

[maliciouslittlewhiteboy]

sometimes i feel like im speaking into the void because all of my fav ships(except rosekiller) are considered rarepairs and generally i feel like my perception of the ships are different than what other people think of them🫠🫠🫠

[laneofpoplars]

hey could i write u a rarepair fic 🙏🙏

idk what rarepairs u ship but i LOVE writing rarepairs and diving into their dynamics (im a multishipper) sooo no pressure but if there's anything you want written im interested 🫡

[laced-in-ruin]

Au where Evan is from Beauxbaton and Barty is from Durmstrang and they fall in love or smth idk.

[laneofpoplars]

"au where they fall in love" hell yes im listening

[laneofpoplars]

coming soon:

jegulus au (background wolfstar) set in florida!

regulus is a rocket scientist in the making, interning at the Kennedy Space Center. eleven miles away, james works nights keeping his parents' bioluminescent kayaking tour company alive. (he's also majoring in marine biology ayy)

out on the lake, anything can happen. as the water glows, regulus almost thinks he might want to stay here- but he's enrolled in a uni in london, only here for his summer internship and to hopefully reunite with his estranged brother away from the watchful eye of his family.

[outromoonyy]

When I say I hate men, that does not include Remus John Lupin.

[laneofpoplars]

see the thing is at the end of the day it might just come down to jegulus

i have a god awful number of ao3 tabs open. it started with bitchkiller, then i was like what if i pulled up atla modern aus so i get a vibe of how to write the characters (im writing a speech and debate au, katara x azula and ive never written atla) then i got on tumblr.

now i have so many tabs. and im reading a jegulus figure skater/hockey fic. and i haven't even finished the bitchkiller fic i started with 🙏

[someloser-loverboy]

the real question is though, what are the jeg and the bitchkiller fic

[laneofpoplars]

this is a question i can answer 🙏

this is put us on ice by xjustakay, it's the jegulus fic and it's highkey !! beautiful. i just finished it (mind u it is one am!) and i really like the James in it

and here is only threw this party for you by agrtfxk ! im only on chapter nine bc, as i mentioned, i keep getting distracted (i blame tumblr but the only fault is my own). i really like this author, their stuff gives romcom vibes so it's usually a lighter read in between the pain that is most of the long fics in our fandom

[someloser-loverboy]

i love you

[laneofpoplars]

i love you 🥺🥺

[laneofpoplars]

CW CHOICES SPOILERS

literally.

end of chapter 46.

sirius goes "then have me" (remus told him he wanted him, post sirius confessing cheating on him w mary - sirius claims he did it because he wanted to feel wanted)

and at the very end. he thinks "have me, im yours anyway" YOU JUST KISSED YOUR EX SIRIUS. WHO ARE YOU TO CLAIM YOU BELONG TO HIM

i know this is hurting remus so bad 😔😔

i didn't want to start this fic bc mcd but i did bc my best friend asked me to and i was going to yap to her but she's sleeping rn !! so yeah this makes me sad

[naninenuny]

i hate choices sirius

[laneofpoplars]

lowk i VERY much agree, it's brilliant and well written but it's constant emotional stress

i don't think post prank sirius would ever cheat on mary

and the james situation was a mess

i finished it td so .... now it's over !