styofa doing anything
noise dept.
YOU ARE THE REASON
d e v o n
Sade Olutola
izzy's playlists!
ellievsbear
occasionally subtle
wallacepolsom
Not today Justin
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Three Goblin Art
#extradirty
tumblr dot com
art blog(derogatory)
if i look back, i am lost
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Cosimo Galluzzi
Kaledo Art
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
seen from Argentina
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@lastontheboat
The Ikea biphobia couch is the funniest thing that's ever happened. We found it gang. Nothing will ever top it in terms of being funny.
The what???
The Ikea biphobia couch.
???
I don't know what to tell you man.
That was the exact thought process
“Ghosts are real” I can see how you could believe that
“Ghosts aren’t real” it’s very fair and rational that you believe that
“Ghosts aren’t real anymore” I’m about to hear a poem or very sad story
“Ghosts aren’t real yet” the fuck are you going to do
i love that star wars comic where padmé's surviving handmaidens hold a last stand against vader but honestly if i were them i would have dedicated the rest of my life to the most comprehensive and inescapable fake haunting in the history of the galaxy. man should not be allowed two successive heartbeats without seeing his dead wife's face gazing soulfully at him across the room and slipping away before anyone sees. literally what else is the point of being a highly trained operative capable of perfectly imitating your best friend if not to torment her husband for decades after she's gone.
ship: I need a new superwholock. obviously it should have heated rivalry... what else is popular. interview with the vampire?
me: heated interview in the dungeon
ship: YEAH
me: which is quite compelling on its own just as a phrase. like how is this distinct from an interrogation. is the person free to leave at any time? many questions
Tonight's performance of Waiting for Godot has been cancelled. We apologize for the inconvenience. Please see the box office for a complimentary voucher to tomorrow night's performance.
Rocky on the trip back to Erid registering that Grace has defaulted to using he/him for him for sexism reasons and that they don't actually have to go by he/him. xe does some research on the human computer and spends several weeks cycling through different pronoun sets. starts switching so frequently Grace becomes convinced sie has started being difficult on purpose. after a while Grace is like omg will you just pick one and stick with it. Rocky is like okay i have decided. rock/rocks. rockself. Grace like well i can't argue with that.
#see the hill that I will die on is that if Andy weir was cooler rockey would use either they them or xe xir#you’re telling me cool middle school teacher Ryland grace is unfamiliar with the concept of fun new genders#absolutely not. his students have taught him about singular they them and neopronouns
Grace trying to explain to Rocky that they can be whatever they want to be and presenting a whole list of different pronoun options and Rocky (who has no concept of gender) being like 'why would I care about any of this'
Rocky: which pronouns does Grace use question?
Grace: he/him
Rocky: okay. Rocky will use he/him too
Grace: okay but I feel like defaulting to he/him promotes a patriarchal kind of mindset and we should be more thoughtful about it
Rocky: okay so use the other standard pronouns
Grace: she/her?
Rocky: yeah
Grace: okay but that feels weird too
Rocky: why weird question
Grace:
Grace, later, lying awake: I never considered that Rocky might wanna be a she... Am I a bad person?
Rocky: Grace mix it up suggestion
Grace: I guess I could
Rocky: Rocky he/she/they/it
Grace: I don't know if you can use it
Rocky: why not question
Grace: it's just considered dehumanising?
Rocky:
Rocky, being a little shit: I choose it/its
Rocky: this conversation boring, let's go back to Grace tones
Grace: okay so you won't pick a pronoun but I have to pick a tonal inflection?
Rocky: my thing more important statement
Grace: okay fine can't you just your tones for me?
Rocky: but Grace not qualified engineer
Grace: well is there a schoolteacher tone?
Rocky: uhh no
Rocky: schoolteacher not
Rocky: schoolteacher not prestige profession statement
Grace:
Grace: WOW.
Grace: is there not like a default tone to use when you don't know all this stuff about a person?
Rocky: yes but very rude to use for close friend statement
Grace: wait hold up 🤔 you think of me as a close friend?
Rocky: yes maybe Grace shut up now
Grace several years into their voyage, finally getting good enough at understanding Eridian to clock when Rocky has switched back to using the Neutral Tone for him, thereby implying that they are no longer friends: HEY??
Grace, in the middle of a big argument: did you just. dead person inflection me?
Rocky: uh-huh
Grace: does that mean what I think it means
Rocky: it means what it means statement
Grace: come ON
Apparently Wells said in some interview that Murderbot is somewhere between twenty and thirty years old and I keep having to stare into the distance about that. No wonder it's Like That™️. It's been doing this shit for decades, the organic ghosts of memory wipes all that remains. ~30 has to be absolutely ancient for a SecUnit, unkillable cockroach motherfucker territory, a refurbished model the company probably hopes will just die on contract at this point so they can collect the fee and replace it with a new one.
Constructs probably have some hideous survival curve where the average lifespan is like a couple of years just because so many get ripped apart their first time out of the box. If you get lucky enough to get a boring first few deployments, you get the time to scrape together enough of a personality to survive the first time the shit really hits the fan.
It can never ever let ART find out about this because though Iris' age is a bit unclear it's in this ballpark, which means ART is also about the same age, and ART would have some kind of meltdown over the realization that the whole time little baby Peri was toddling around the university MI labs as a drone swarm teething on malware and being socialized with a human family, Murderbot was being put in pit fights and used as target practice by bored executives.
movie called technically blonde where she goes to trade school instead
No but you don't understand. Rocking up to Welding class with 100% barbie pink tools is such a POWER MOVE.
"Jeremy, I'd really like my orbital sander back ^_^"
"... didn't know it was yours..."
(Legit excited, no sarcasm) "Someone ELSE has the original Box 20-Volt Brushless Cordless Detail Sander with Dust Management?!?!?!?!"
"...no..."
Teacher walking up like "Miss Woods, is that a nail file"
(Elle, blasting compressed air to get rid of the nail file sand)
"Actually, its an emery board. But yes! :D It's a finer grit than what we have, and I've always found these easier to handle"
"...Ok, fair enough."
Elle making friends with the 6 year old daughter of one of her classmates. (Child care ain't cheap, I get it. Bring your kid to class)
Elle learning how to drive a forklift/motorcycle/semi-truck
Elle giving an impromptu lecture in the break room about what gifts to give their wives/girlfriends/mothers
Fucking laser cut "bless this mess" sign on her locker (I lied. It would totally be live, laugh, laser)
Elle's car breaks down and 20+ dudes coming out to show her how to fix it. (And realizing her mechanic is ripping her off)
Every single guy in the building filled with instant despair when she gets with one of the butch lesbians in the program.
Gimme plzzz
Proposal: She takes her car to a mechanic and it's beat for beat like the original movie scene at the dress shop, where the mechanic *tries* to rip her off and she nods along and then eviscerates her with precise technical details.
The rest of Elle's class now shun that mechanics' shop and tell everyone else to as well, so that place ends up going out of businesss, which allows someone else in the class to open up a sparkling pink and perfectly trustworthy shop of his own.
I often think about that post that was a fake dating profile for a cat that was all about chickens, like wanting someone with posable thumbs for opening chickens.
This is one my favourite things the internet has ever made.
!!!!!!
This remains one of the great art objects of modern times and nobody will convince me otherwise.
"who do you self insert as when you read?"
This is me when I read:
So my beta reader for the Big Fics is an astrophysicist, right. Who is currently also writing a hard sci-fi novel about the exploration of Phobos (more power to them, I cannot with the physics required for that, best I can do is soft sci-fi/fantasy and that reminds me I should finish that story).
Anyway I was bitching about how hard it is to come up with feasible planets in Star Wars because sometimes you need a new planet from scratch and sometimes you need to know more about a planet than the 'has jungles, is probably a moon technically' than Wookieepedia will give you, and they're like 'oh yeah I can do something about that'.
So they've written (in Matlab but they swear it will run as a .exe as well and I may be conscripted to embed it as a web tool at some point) a star system generator.
You input what you know about the planet (ecosystem, population, sun colour, does it have liquid water, does it have a moon or moons, is it a moon or moons, temperature averages, atmosphere, you get me) and it will give you the... everything else about the star system, in obedience to real-universe physics. And if you input nothing you get a randomly generated star system.
And I’m like oh I know people who will be into this with a vengeance, and they're not on Tumblr, so this is me seeing who exactly would be keen on, and I cannot stress this enough, a real-physics comprehensive star system generator.
It's still in the debugging phase (last error fixed: every planet wants to have a population of exactly 5000 regardless of other factors, turned out to be a missing equals sign somewhere), but I'm psyched for this and trying to gauge interest for how high a priority 'make this an accessible web tool' needs to be.
This on bootyshorts would go crazy
quiz: why do lobsters have one claw bigger
They evolved to handle different prey. the larger crusher claw cracks open ahrder prey like a molar tooth, whilst the smaller pincer claw rips apart soft prey similar to an incisor tooth.
theyre lobsided
oh I see! yay!
So while doing some pirate research for the play I’m writing I stumbled upon one of the most amazing things I’ve ever read. In the 5th century A.D. there was a Scandinavian princess called Alwilda who’s father tried to set her up to marry Alf, the Prince of Denmark. Alwilda wasn’t cool with this so she and some female companions dressed as men, stole a ship, and sailed away. Eventually they met a company of pirates who were in need of a new captain and they were so captivated by her that they elected her as their new leader. Her crew became so infamous that Prince Alf was sent out to stop them. When their ships met he took Alwilda prisoner and she was so impressed by Alf’s skill that she agreed to marry him after all and eventually became the Queen of Denmark.
I stopped caring whether this was factually accurate about halfway through because it’s completely AWESOME.
Medievalist here for triumphant fact-checking: this story is, if not true, at least true according to the history of the Danes (Gesta Danorum) written in the 12th century by Saxo Grammaticus. You can read his account of Alwilda’s story in the original Latin here, or in English translation here. Highlights include:
She exchanged woman’s for man’s attire, and, no longer the most modest of maidens, began the life of a warlike rover. Enrolling in her service many maidens who were of the same mind, she happened to come to a spot where a band of rovers were lamenting the death of their captain, who had been lost in war; they made her their rover captain.
I love the implication that there were lots of Danish maidens just WAITING for the opportunity of a life of piracy…
Reblogging my old post for this A+ addition to it
To appreciate this story, please understand that my child Bear, aged 9, is nonjudgmental and dreamy, and Mouse - aged 3 - is wildly charming, but above all things requires that OTHER people behave with DECENCY and DECORUM.
Today, Mouse’s principles had been compromised, because (among other things) I had allowed their two-year-old friend to finish eating an apple core that Mouse had not entirely abandoned (violating an ancient rule of chivalry) but when this was pointed out, I hissed privately that we had to let the baby eat the apple, citing some obscure law about ‘hospitality’. I had also asked Mouse to overlook this baby’s other crimes, such as chucking toy cars about, and flagrantly hogging a small balloon.
“That,” mouse says strongly, all propriety outraged, “is NOT sharing!!!”
Earlier in the day, after swimming, when Mouse’s best friend Bess acquired some gummy snacks, Bess did NOT trade them with a favourable exchange rate for Mouse’s generously offered cheese snacks; and one of Mouse’s other good friends, Syndy, has invited them over to play fire engines NEXT week. Attentive minds will instantly notice that this is not THIS week, when Mouse would prefer it to happen.
Syndy furthermore is persisting in having their birthday party in MARCH, not tomorrow - I DO hope you can understand the stress that Mouse is under. Also, Mouse has - in their own opinion- generously offered to forgive these crimes, by kissing and making up; but, although their friends often accept the snog, they continue the crimes. Thus, poor Mouse! The last defender of good manners! A parfait gentil knight! Is reduced to screaming: THIS IS NOT WHAT WE DO. That is TOO MUCH.
(Bess demonstrated being Too Much this morning by uncoupling their car seat and climbing into the boot of a car, and sprinting across a parking lot while their sire howled in anguish; while respecting Bess’s tremendous coolness and defiance, Mouse is the first one to condemn their wild behaviour, and the loudest voice to shriek: “NO BESS YOU ARE BEING TOO MUCH.”)
When Mouse, aged 3, and I came downstairs this evening - I had just had a Mouse-assisted shower- we found that Bear, aged 9, was watching Galaxy Quest with their sire.
Mouse watched with appreciation as a pretty lady on the screen snogged an attractive man. “Oh,” they said, tenderly, delighted.
The kiss deepened. “OH!” Mouse hooted, and coo’ed with approval, as someone who snogs their friends with almost-alarming lack of discrimination - they said, supportively, “oh good! A good kiss.”
The lady produced some tentacles.
“Oh, WHAT?” mouse said, aggrieved by this. “Oh WHAT!!!!”
The lady produced more tentacles, and helpfully dragged the man under.
“THAT IS NOT,” howled a beleaguered Mouse, “HOW WE KISSING.” And they proceeded to shriek in outrage; “NO LADY! That is NOT NICE KISSING! YOU STOP IT!”
The snogging continued. The man disappeared.
“MUMMY,” Mouse shrieked, “MUMMY, LADY NOT NICE KISSING!”
“Er,” i said.
“HIM SAD,” mouse said, feeling tremendously on the side of the gentleman, “THAT IS TOO MUCH.”
“Well, you see, Mousey,” I said, inadequately: “sometimes, some ladies are squids…”
I petered out.
Bear came to the fore. “And some boys,” they declared, with confidence, “are octopuses.”
Was talking to a coworker today who explained that her grandfather was like Snow White “but Californian. And an old man.” in that the creatures of the forest would follow him around and presumably duet with him.
“When he died the ravens sat in the trees outside for a week, watching. Taking turns. A horde of raccoons tried to break into the house every night, tearing at the siding. Eventually they gave up, but it was unsettling.”
“Aww. They were checking on him!” I said, like a normal person. Internally, I thought “Maybe you could do the thing you do with dead pets, where you show them to the living pets so the living pet understands they’re gone. But I guess if you did that to a bunch of scavenging species, they’d be like “Well, that’s very sad but he IS food now.” So what you’d need, for human sensibilities, is some sort of transparent corpse barrier. Like a see-through coffin oh that’s what the dwarves were doing! You’ve stopped paying attention to this conversation about the loss of a beloved family member you gotta phase back in.”
oh that's what the dwarves were doing
i keep thinking abt bump and cracking up
why.
EDIT: OH MY GOD DO NOT DOWNLOAD THIS I WAS POKING FUN AT HOW COMICALLY DYSTOPIAN THIS APP DESIGN IS
