I wanted to come back to this post now that donor babyās (fondly referred to as Unethically Sourced White Baby, or USWB, by the server Iām in) return has occurred, but havenāt be certain on how to formulate my response. I tried. So, in a (long) defence of USWB:
I think, as a donor conceived person, that the discourse regarding the TheoandBuck of it all so far is just missing some context? People may just not know what itās like to be donor conceived and/or adopted, have forgotten how Henās family is constructed, and/or be ignorant to the vast amount of ethical issues surrounding sperm- and egg-donation. Thatās fine. Iāve just been seeing a lot of accusations of bio-essentialism and found family dismissal (which the show doesnāt do), and personality retconning (the behaviour is consistent with the plotās introduction in season 6) all to give Buck a baby, and Iām not sure I agree.
I viewed a lot of Connor and Kameronās behaviour during the dinner, in addition to their reasoning for seeking out Buck for help in season 6, as pointing to Theo being an attempt at a designer baby. Sperm- and egg-donation exists in a precarious position that can shift into eugenics rather easily: though people with genetically hereditary diseases are often barred from donating for health reasons, more and more people are pointing out that refusing donations based on mental disorders may be related to the eugenics (and thus, creation of ādesigner babiesā) driving the industry, and Iām inclined to agree. Connor and Kameron largely didnāt seem to be asking for help in handling Theo (other than the āCould we speak to your mother?ā comment), and instead sought out someone to blame. It didnāt come from my side of the gene pool, you better not be a criminal, heās absolutely your kid, weāve visited a number of professionals and none of their suggestions have helped and he might be [said ominously] Diagnosed with Something so we must ask if you are too and withheld it from us.
Itās no secret at this point that disorders like ADHD and ASD may be hereditary. Itās also no secret that it doesnāt have to be: realistically, Theo couldāve exhibited the same behaviours and symptoms if Connor had been his biological father. Thereās fine line between āitās okay if youād rather your child didnāt have thisā and āitās okay to pick and choose genetics to have The Best Childā: you cannot truly remove āa person with autism/ADHD shouldnāt donate sperm or eggsā from eugenics, and you especially cannot disregard the optics of Connor and Kameron specifically choosing a white man to donate when Connor isnāt white.
Prospective parents should, of course, be able to make an informed decision, but as my mum put it: Buckās behaviour, to Buck, does not include symptoms of ADHD. Itās just his behaviour. He helped them make an informed decision with the information he himself could provide, based on the questions he was asked. To go to his house and essentially blame his DNA for Theoās behaviour (great parts of which are not solely caused by undiagnosed ADHD, because there is such thing as permissive parenting, especially if none of the four experts they consulted could come up with even slightly helpful solutions and methods) is very plainly weird. Any parent worth their salt of a donor conceived person wouldnāt blame all their childās ābadā behaviour on genetics. Theyād be removing their own hand in raising the child. That, specifically, would be bio-essentialist.
The show doesnāt have a habit of using that line of thinking. Mara and Denny are not biologically related to Hen and Karen, but thereās no doubt theyāre not their kids. The fandom keeps comparing Chrisā behaviour to Buckās, Buckās to Bobbyās, May and Harryās to Bobbyās, and nothing is written accidentally. The show itself even has suggested Buckās impulsive streak comes from his parentsā emotional neglect: the flashbacks of Buck Begins are steeped in the idea that he was desperate to receive their attention, and getting hurt was the only way he could.
I could go on like this. Had Bobbyās father not been an alcoholic, Bobby likely would not have drunk the whiskey after his death to connect with him. Had Ramon Diaz not had a job that had him away from home for such long stretches of time, Eddie likely wouldnāt have been so insistent on what a fatherās role is in a family, and might not have joined the army after Shannon got pregnant. Youāre coloured by your environment and the way you grew up, not just by your genetics. My own behaviour is most similar to that of my legal fatherās: nurture, not nature.
Of course Iām not ignorant to the showās potential implication that Buck may be better at handling Theo because theyāre relatedāor at least, because he understands his own mind and behaviours, and as such would understand Theoās. But then he wasnāt shown to be better at handling Theo. He was shown to be somewhat capable handling him whilst babysitting, which is different from parenting: when he canāt give Theo all of his attention, Theo almost sets his kitchen on fire.
Disliking this storyline doesnāt mean itās inherently an amoral depiction of something, much like enjoying a storyline doesnāt mean itās inherently a good portrayal. It ultimately exists in a grey area in a reasonably progressive show that, from time to time, proves itself as one of the more democrat-aligned shows of American procedurals. But as someone donor conceived, I simply donāt see this storyline as particularly problematic, as Buck doesnāt even want to be Theoās parentāheāll (perhaps only initially) be a foster parent at most, underlined by the show (and Buck himself) differentiating between āBuckā and ānext of kinā. And if anyone could encourage Buck to foster, it would be Eddie, as Eddieās been concerned with people falling through the cracks of the safety net the entirety of season 9. That would be the found family youāre looking for: choosing to help and to love.
So before you write this storyline off as fridging, bio-essentialist, or out of character, please remember that the show has a habit of relating a childās behaviour to how theyāve been parented. Remember that Buck doesnāt consider himself to be Theoās dad. And remember that in season 6, Connor and Kameron were pushy, stepped over boundaries, and chose Buck because he was Connorās tall, handsome, heroic, (white), friend without a criminal background. Their behaviour hasnāt been retconned since; itās just been built upon. If that means some viewers therefore see Buck of all characters as the better option, then so be it.
