Glow between waves

Hello,  this blog  is going to be dedicated mostly to mental health awareness and understanding, including understanding myself, I think this blog gives me a great space to express myself and share stuff with people who is going through  similar stuff in their lives. 

[layandlive]

I'm currently watching agents of shield on Netflix and I wanted to see something on the wiki about a character, I didn't even open the page and the fiesta paragraph spoiled me some major stuff😒 wtf wiki 😠

[layandlive]

Afraid

I’m writing this to express what I’ve been feeling these past few days.

So, I have a condition called “Bipolar disorder type 2″ that makes me go through “phases” or episodes and right now I think I’m going trought one . I’ve been the pass few days worrying about EVERYTHING that’s going to happen this week, I can stop thinking about the course I have to PASS , I really want to succes but everything so hard and I can’t really seem to be able to organize my mind and I’m afraid of what’s going to happen, I feel like I’m just a big mess who can do anything right , I’m failing at everything and I don’t know what to do...

[layandlive]

The begining

This is my story about my journey through my mental illness, which I’m still on. It can’t be sumarized in one post so I’m going to write various of these.

Part I: a bad year.

Last year I got a through a really bad depression thanks mostly to university’s stress, it started building up at the beginning of the semester when I started failing at the most important course of the year, and then the depression  just kept growing like something that was eating me from the inside and controling my thoughts more and more each day .I just couldn’t take it because the whole thing made me feel like a failure in life, I started developing eating disorders, I isolated  myself from friends, started doing self-injuries (cutting mostly), and had suicidal thoughts ( I even had attempt where I tried to overdose) I just didn't care about my life at all.

After receiving some advices and giving it a lot of thinking (seriously it took me like 3 months to decide), I decided to do two things (that were the best choices I could take ):

1) I dropped the course in the middle of the year (my courses are all year long).

2) I decided to seek help and  go to therapy,

As “obvious” the second decission might seem, it was the most difficult for me; why?, because I was afraid that someone would know about me and my issues in such a deep way, I’ve never been a person who talks much about myself or tell people what I’m going through , so I was terrified I was afraid of what the therapist might think of me or what if they tell me I have some terrible mental illness.

A little reluctantly I booked an hour and went to my first session , which was consisted mostly of me crying while  describing my issues to someone I’ve never met in my life. I think that the first 6-7 sessions consisted of me crying and ranting about my life. My depression was severe so my therapist recommended me a psychiatrist (I don’t know how the things are in other countries but in mine therapyst can’t prescribe medications) and started going there too. My psychiatrist talked to me for like two hours the first session and then prescribed me some meds. Thanks to both therapy + medications, I started to feel less bad , I wouldn’t say good because that would be a lie, in my experience meds aren’t like “magical pills”, they’re more like a helper and it’s not that they would cure a depression in a day. But thanks that I sought for help I was able to pass the rest of my courses, talk about my issues with my friends, and most importantly I survived and I’m still alive,

At this point in my life, with 24 years, I’ve just discovered that seeking  help when you have a inner problem (not physical) works.

[layandlive]

Things that annoy me from “La casa de papel”: ARTURO -__-

I’ve only watched 7 episodes and I already want him dead lol

[layandlive]

What happened today

Monday 4pm:

Mom: Hey good news!, you’re travelling to Cuba by yourself this Saturday! 

Me: SAY WHAAT O_O *starts panicking*

So we’ve been discussing the posibility of me going to Cuba, but I thought it was going to be on march, not this week o_o’. I’m not mentally prepared yet

[layandlive]

I want to find mean t-shirts and the only ones I've found have dumb millenial phrases 😡

Or dumb words

[layandlive]

Just beautiful music I like to listen :)

[layandlive]

Dissapointed with Netflix Death note

Among various stuff I thing this movie failed this is the main reason I didn't like it: Seriously why did they chose to kill Light's character!!!! , I mean who tought that was a good idea🤦🤦🤦 In the movie he was just a dumb teenager who just want to be liked by his crush, and do nothing alone , seriously he had to plan everything with Mia 😑... this guy who was suppose to be the "smart guy" didn't do anything different from a dumb teen... It's sad that this Light is nothing like the original Light that we, the people who watched the anime or read the manga loved (or loved to hate depending of the situation).. Once again seems that the US film's industry can't make good live actions of japanese animes😑

[ivathehoman]

I fukin love those guys : D

[layandlive]

[layandlive]

When I thought I was better but suddenly I'm in a black hole again 🖕🖕🖕

[dennsokagi-deactivated20221213]

haha

[babyanimalgifs]

Daisy is definitely not impressed by this.

via 1158pm

[layandlive]

Lol

[layandlive]

Still speaks the silence It speaks in riddles to my mind And time keeps passing by As I walk tearful through this life Dreams pass by silently, I see them waving back at me All hope is long since gone, I guess it really never was there at all A mirage passed on [Chorus:] I know the darkness will break me And you can not save me, can't catch my fall I feel the sorrow embrace me, this life depraves me I'm lost forevermore [1st solo] My life darkens year by year, and no one seems to really care My fear always lingers here, it's growing stronger deep inside of me It won't set me free [Chorus] [2nd solo] Tears shed in silence, they run in rivers down my face And what am I still living for, I can not take this pain no mor

[layandlive]

Not good enough

I'm not good enough what can I do?

I'm trying as hard as I can don't you see?

I'm trying to stay strong, but how long can I keep doing it?

Frustration is taking over me, how do I make it dissapear?

If I fail now what could I do?

If I fail where will my dreams go?

Fail is not an option, I always said that...

How can this be happening to me , WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?

Where is the universe justice in this??

..all my dreams are shattering right now, I didn't want to create this reality

[layandlive]

This person makes me wanna puke -_-

I've realized I really hate somebody...its a woman from my class at Uni that is a part of my group of friends (but not mine), her attitude makes me wanna puke, she is like a 20 year old teenager, but she acts so fuckin nice to everybody but me. The thing that irritates me more is that she judged me as someone that I'm not, and NEVER EVER TRIED TO KNOW ME MORE, she just kept the prejudice and since then she tries to left me apart of a lot of things. She things that she is like wise and intelligent and all the thing she does is sharing with everybody her problems, when she does that I think: " is she really so dumb that she can't make her own decisions in anything" o_o and her problems are like: " My friend met with a girl I don't like and she didn't tell me!, OMG I'm so pissed off", its really like hearing a 15 year old promiscuous girl talking about stupid problems and her sex adventures.....

I REALLY HOPED that I wouldn't have to deal with inmature people in university but guess I'm wrong...God  helps me x_x

I really hope she fails a lot of subject this year so I won't have to see her face so often :)

[layandlive]

Some people really deserve this..