ive changed my mind, mark is the funniest character in phm to me.
So hes together with linda. Its all fine. Except shes still a little hung up on her ex. Shes open about it and mark knows where hes at. and where hes at is with this amazing cool girl who has chosen him and they are so happy together. He just also knows that there was essentially nothing wrong with her ex. he was like the nicest guy imaginable. smart. good with kids. the whole damn deal. and she just broke up with him bc the relationship didnt click. on his part that is. she was ready to go all in. if it hadnt been for his emotional absence. if hed come around to that whole relationship deal that wouldve been it. (mind you, nobody in this situation is aware of ryland grace's obvious aromanticism, least of all himself). and mark knows linda isn't waiting for that anymore. thats why she broke up. thats why she went no contact, even though they got along great - but as friends, that is, while she always wanted something else. its fine with mark.
mark knows all that. and its not like he feels threatened. hes a grown man, he knows how life works and things would have been different if he had already known linda at the time. but things are as they are and even though he knows it's stupid he cant stop himself from comparing and competing, in his head, just a little bit. with this guy whose literal only flaw was commitment issues. mark has a whole bunch of flaws, tho. he's not cool. he could be a bit tidier. he's a little jealous. he's certainly not as smart as ryland. he should quit smoking. he should have a better paying job. is he even really good enough for linda? You know, normal human flaws. normal human doubts and fears. and even though things are fine and linda tells him hes just as, if not more charming, funny, smart and kind and lovely with kids that shes so looking forward to having together, mark cant help but feeling like a second choice.
time passes. maybe linda even gets over the breakup with ryland, and wants to see if they can reconnect as friends. shes sure him and mark would get along. especially once mark gets to know him and what linda means by "commitment issues" (aka off the charts aro vibes). but ryland never responds to her text. its fine. he also has a right not to want to hang out with his ex again.
except a few months later the news go public. three people sent to space to save the world, never to return home. undoubtedly heroes. one of them dr ryland grace. arguably hes the main guy, even. the one whos gonna figure it all out. and of course linda would grieve. after all she just heard that someone she cared about essentially died. died for her, in part. because hes such a great and selfless guy. and mark has to sit there, comfort her, because of course he would. he has to watch her and even help her unpack all these complicated and contradictory feeling about this guy she never quite stopped loving suddenly dying. and dying a hero, at that. and he has to not develop an inferiority complex over it. piece of fucking cake, anything else?
and linda tells mark that if anything it means shes even more certain that she wants to be with him. because hes here. mark cant help but feeling like thats a low bar. not really anything to do with him. not really a choice he made. or even a failure of rylands he gets to exploit. and linda also says shes glad shes with mark now bc at least its her ex whos gone off to die in space and not her partner. and of course what she means by that is "im glad the person by my side right now is someone i can rely on" but its not how it comes out. its not what mark hears. its not what the jealousy hes trying to suppress wants him to hear.
and no matter where he goes, he sees this fucking guy's face everywhere. hes a celebrity. hes a hero. hes humanity's last hope. and mark hates him. and he cant even say that out loud because its ridiculous. "oh i hate him bc hes my wife's ex" you cant just say that without looking like a prick. it's an insane statement. thats dr ryland grace you're talking about! and he cant even call him his wife's shitty ex bc he just wasnt. he never in his life was the "shitty" ex boyfriend. linda wouldnt want him to say that. he wouldnt want to lie like that. and thats what he hates about him most. that hes not allowed to hate him. ryland grace literally never did anything wrong in his entire life and it pisses him off so much. just a perfect little guy that everyone loves. and he can never be like him.
