Top 3 things people love insisting they don't have despite it being impossible
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Mike Driver
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Cosmic Funnies
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Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

if i look back, i am lost

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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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JVL
Three Goblin Art
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todays bird

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@lessercorvidenthusiast
Top 3 things people love insisting they don't have despite it being impossible
Pronouns
An accent
Bias
if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems
Okay Archie
the chain of events in this minute and a half clip is so extremely delightful and funny
kermit and scooter riffing on how their physicality doesn't let them open the envelope to announce the winner. the audience immediately cracking up when it cuts to statler and waldorf because they know what the bit is gonna be. jim henson slipping into the kermit voice accidentally before bouncing back at record speed and riffing on it. richard hunt genuinely laughing at jim's joke but doing so in-character. prime muppets was something else man
Don’t mind me just thinking about the hole in the middle of the United States where Chipping sparrows refuse to fuck
occasionally, you will discover an artist who drew roughly 300 beautiful pictures of your favorite characters over the course of a month and then never touched them again. you must accept this as a gift.
it really is fucking pathetic that a country with more guns than people can't hit one guy
if this is how you found out there was an active shooter at the White House yesterday I'm sorry
Me: oh it's this post again. Wait. Why does it say "posted 37 minutes ago"
This is a worm? Or perhaps some sort of slug?
And it's gonna getcha
autism is so cool man. i can say something innocuous and completely true at work, like 'mackerel is a top tier fish', and people get giggly and tell me I'm so funny. what's funny about a nice firm fish with a subtle, almost earthy flavor? not sure. but people are offering me other objects and I can tell them if they're top tier or not. very fun.
Yahoooooooooo!!!!
i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.
I don’t understand why these kingdoms keep collapsing just as I send my orc army to deliver their doordash, like, do you want this Wizard pizza or not?!
The king might have a orc allergy
then they should be putting it in the section for “any allergies or restrictions?”!
Huh thats weird
great, and now the face stealer is loose again! What a day, what a day
colouring your art is so funny. noooooo i cant put blue there im too scared. what if it looks bad and all the other colours unionise to beat me to death and hang my flayed corpse in the town square for all to point and laugh at.
im fighting for my life against abstract concepts and its serious. to me.
"It doesn't help your credibility to exaggerate, most employers wouldn't literally work you to death" like, I used to work in distribution. If booking a truck driver for back to back shifts until they fall asleep at the wheel, crash, and die counts as being worked to death, I have personally met employers who've worked employees to death and gotten away with a slap on the wrist. It may not be universal, but it's a hell of a lot more common than a lot of us would prefer to think.
Death by spreadsheet is an acceptable degree of separation for most in middle management. They can sleep at night without guilt for what they've done, because the system charitably setup twelve degrees of separation between their choices and the real-world harm. But do not be fooled, their choices set that harm into motion. Without their reckless disregard for human life, the harm would not be done.
I used to work at a TV station in Ohio. On weekends, we only had an 11pm news broadcast. Not much happened on weekends, ya know? I worked Monday-Friday 9-5, but someone on the weekend shift quit, so I also had to come in at 9pm on Sat/Sun to work the 11pm news. It was brutal. I worked seven days a week, even if two of them were ~3hrs.
This was a particularly bad winter. One Saturday, we had a level 2 snow emergency: That means you should only travel if you absolutely must. Like, it's not uncommon for cops to pull you over in level 2 emergencies to ask where you're going and why. It is genuinely dangerous to drive in that much snow.
I told my boss as much, how I almost crashed on the way home at 12:30am after a news broadcast. I told him I would need to call off if there were a snow emergency again during a night snow.
He told me, point blank, "If you ever call me about the goddamn snow, I will take it as a call of resignation."
And that was that! The very next Saturday, snow fell again. It was a level 2, but would become level 3 by sunup. Level 3 means driving is literally illegal except for ambulances and snow plows. I stared out the window, watching the snow, and I had to make a choice.
"Will I die for this? Will I kill myself to keep this job?" I made $11/hr.
Yes, managers work you to death. That's their job.
Every single labor protection is written in the blood of those who were literally worked to death, and business owners and profiteers would claw those protections back with glee if they could. They will squeeze every red cent from your body if they are allowed, and write off your death for an insurance payout that they'll try to pocket for themselves while hiring your replacement for half the pay they gave to you.
kind of weird how parts of your soul are left in various locations without any warning… like yes i’m always at the top of that hill, sitting at the bus stop, in the cool light of the Japanese restaurant, standing at the pier etc etc
Joke explanation: GLaDOS is talking to Wheatley in assembly language, which is (almost) the most direct way to give a computer instructions. Essentially, she's baby talking him. The code here prints out "You're wrong." to the screen.
😂😂😂 why he do that poor baby like that
I just added ten years to my life by watching this
TURN THE SOUND ON JUST DO IT
The unalloyed joy of getting dizzy and getting up and falling back down repeatedly without injury or feeling SICK I remember it and this body will never feel it again but I love to see it
put your child in the centrifuge to get the giggles out
What would a Yankee Candle go for in ancient Greece?
tbh the most confusing thing about it to them would probably be the glass that the candle is contained in. They might try to buy information about glass from you.
Yeah basically
Yeah I should’ve clarified (pun intended). They had glass in the ancient world especially in Rome and Egypt but it was basically super heated sand and color additives put in a mold and often looked opaque and kinda lumpy. Even if it was blown like it was in some regions it wouldn’t have looked like modern glass.
Clear blown glass like you’d see a modern scented candle contained in wasn’t invented until the late Middle Ages and certainly wasn’t mass produced until the 1500s and even then places like Venice that had knowledge of these techniques literally forbid their glassmakers from leaving their city or region so other people couldn’t make it, forcing artificial scarcity and making it a very expensive material.
So if you showed a yankee candle to an Ancient Greek, especially one from a city or something, they’d be like burning scented wax okay not something I’d do but it makes sense. Also how the fuck is that glass transparent.
Like imagine if someone brought you something weird but understandable contained in a material that they said was made out of wood and you could tell that it’s clearly made out of wood they’re not lying about that but it was also completely transparent and see through with no visible flaws. That’s about the level of weird we’re talking about here.
It isnt flawless, but transparent wood does already exist actually
What the fuck I feel like a medieval peasant seeing an iPhone
Who goes there