I've been on this journey a good while now.
While I haven't gone back to over 300lbs, during the pandemic, my country's unrest, personal loss and professional challenges, I've certainly back tracked some.
The hardest part was losing my dad last year to COVID. More on that maybe later. It was unexpected and not easy, not anything to be "thankful' for. He suffered and my family suffered.
I've always eaten my feelings. From childhood abuse to adult domestic violence, food comforted me through the worst of my emotions. But food turned my emotions, depression, anxiety, and general mental illnesses into a visceral, tangible weight that I carried around for decades. I hid the emotions, but everyone could see the weight.
After telling him I just wanted to skip my workout and eat Taco Bell, a trainer once told me, "Why does losing weight and dieting have to be so emotional for you? Just forget about all of that and do it."
I did my workout that day and didn't go to Taco Bell, so he did make an impact, but I got a new trainer after that. Every pound, ounce that pulls me down was added on because of my emotions, and to think that loosing all that weight would be an emotionless journey was not only inconsiderate but a bit naïve.
I say all this because, like many of you, 2020 (and 2021) was an emotional year to say the least. I found ways to eat my feelings. While I didn't go back to the person I was before, I still found it easier to eat than to cry or talk.
So I probably sit at around 260lbs right now and I've gone down to 249lbs and back up the last month or so. It's not easy...
So to help, I made my 199 Wall.
I did the math and if I lose 2-3 lbs every week (starting back a few weeks ago so I have some ground to make) I should be at or below 199 by August 15, a special day for me.
It's behind my desk so I see it everyday! The goal! I surrounded it with pictures from where I started (over 300lbs) to pictures of my best selfies. You have to remind yourself you're still beautiful, no matter what your weight it.
I added mementos and cards from friends and family that encourage me and keep me going.
I put up a picture of me and my dad, and my family, to remind me why I have to be a healthier me. My dad may have had a chance if he'd been healthier. I want to set the example for my mom, niece, and others that it's possible to live healthier through all the challenges.
Lastly I have a side of the wall with pictures of my friends (and cats) and of course family is included. These are the people who love me no matter what I look like or how much I weigh.
That's my 199Wall. This is what helps me through the emotional side of my weight loss. Do you have things that help you you want to share? Would something like this help you? I love hearing from people!
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
ellievsbear
kianamaiart
annaxmalina
snowghoul
tangentwithtanner
gummygunk
kaledo-art
