Ursula K. Le Guin, “Author’s Note” from The Left Hand of Darkness
One Nice Bug Per Day
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Ursula K. Le Guin, “Author’s Note” from The Left Hand of Darkness
loveeee characters who think they're likable but not lovable. characters who know they have surface-level admirable or alluring traits and so make sure to highlight those traits so that nobody looks closer to see what's underneath. characters who know they're hot or clever or cool and use that as a suit of armor so that no one ever gets close to them, because when they strip bare and show their vulnerability they're not any of those things, which means they have nothing left to make up for who they inherently are
> read library book
> it's good
Thank you library
> read library book
> it's bad
Thank you library for saving me from buying it :)
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girl nothing is ever gonna be all the way together just enjoy the bits and pieces #yourfragments
Ursula K. Le Guin, “Author’s Note” from The Left Hand of Darkness
The reveal that Ronan didn't try to kill himself is so funny because its not true
It boils down to 'I didn't try to kill myself, the creature from my dreams that is entirely created by me, and is me, tried to kill me because it hates me and wants me dead because i hate me and want me dead and--'
i actually really love the night horrors and how it's all handled here tbh
the impulses come from him but Ronan doesn't feel in control of them. they are entities separate from him and they're killing him whether he wants them to or not. whether he makes the choice or not, it feels like it's out of his hands.
and it's crucial to me that he fights the night horrors. those feelings come from him but Ronan is fighting them!! even when they're winning, he is still fighting to stay alive!!!! he does not want to want to die! the depths of his own depression scares the shit out of Ronan!!
he is afraid of his self loathing and as much as he wants to be dead, he does not want to die.
it's also crucial to me that Ronan does not succeed in killing a night horror until it is brought forth and battled, not alone, but with Gansey fighting by his side. he wants to beat this enormous terrifying foreign-feeling thing inside his own head that insists he deserves to die, and he's been fighting it alone for a long time, but he needs the support of his friends to help him win the battle against his own mind.
it's a really haunting way to portray suicidality, and it all rings very true to me
letting go is so easy until you’re folding your laundry or cooking or walking home at dusk or lying in bed trying to sleep or stuck at a party you didn’t really want to go to or or or
this is insanely Kevin coded I fear
(don’t repost)
“You are a pipe dream.” - Nora Sakavic, The King’s Men
read in 2025: bury our bones in the midnight soil by v.e. schwab
Death comes, and sometimes it is kind, and often it is cruel, and very rarely it is welcome. But it comes all the same.
I love my job, but reblogging employment jelly for someone else I love.
I loathe my job and need a new one. I need all the help I can get.
I loathe my job and
need a new one. I need all
the help I can get.
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
“Small Knife with Sheath” The Ottoman Empire, 18th century. Material: steel, silver, bone, horn, mother-of-pearl, enamel [1359x1920]
i love when a character is a ghost but in a tragic way instead of a scary way. i love when a character has been dead from the beginning but is still holding on to stay in the narrative. i love when a character could choose to resent the living but ends up loving them instead. i love when a character drives the story but isn’t quite there enough to be at the center of it. i love when the ghosts are the protectors instead of the ones causing the harm. i love when a character is at the heart of the story because depending on where you began it, no matter how you told it, the story is about the ghost who struggled to keep their humanity
I know this is not new information, but I've seen a fresh wave of people confused about what the fuck Andrew planned to do as a 5'0 man with a knife against the literal mafia, so.
I think the fact that neither Neil nor Kevin lost their faith in Andrew’s ability to protect them after he was attacked by Drake (unable to stand his ground against a single man with a bottle, let alone the Yakuza/Nathan with their guns) is the best proof we have that the deal was never about physical protection. This is confirmed by the way Neil never expects Andrew to save him from his father, in fact cuts him loose before Baltimore as soon as danger is truly near.
Andrew is a pretty self-aware character, and he wouldn't make promises he knows he can't possibly see through, so I think he knows what Kevin and Neil also know: what they need from him, and thus what he promises, is not physical protection.
To Kevin, he promises safety from the Moriyamas, and the way we see him enact that safety (at Kathy's show, at the banquet) shows exactly what it's about: when Riko starts getting into your head, when he makes you doubt yourself, makes you think maybe you should go back to Evermore, I won't let you. I will get you away from him, I will treat him like he's just some dude to remind you that you can face him without kneeling. I will be your spine until you find your own, I will stand my ground for you until you can do it yourself.
That's why the scene when Kevin gets to the dorm with his tattoo and Andrew's eyes show so much feeling is huge not just for Kevin but for Andrew: because that was the whole point of their deal, Kevin has found his spine, Andrew bought him the space and time to do it.
To Neil, he promises safety from the people hunting him down, and that means: I will give you something to build a life around (keys, drives to nightly exy practices, someone to lean on, someone who will listen without flinching). When you feel like running, I will be someone you can call to come pick you up. When you forget, I will remind you who you are: Neil Abram Josten.
Andrew stands between Kevin and Riko and between Neil and his father not as an impenetrable wall but as an obstacle in their vision: not shield but focal point.
(Makes me think of that scene in The Haunting of Hill House, Hugh holding Steven's neck to keep him from looking at the ghosts, saying, Look at me, just look at me, keep your eyes on me. That's what Andrew’s constantly doing --even literally, when Kevin is spiralling after Wymack tells the team about the district change and Andrew makes him look away from his broken hand and up at him).
dude, if I had a thing for Neil Josten I would be deeply embarrassed too. Like I understand Andrew at another level because if there was a dude and every single thing about him was a red flag and he was weird and cagey about the most random shit and was also prone to swinging wildly from flight to fight with no real predictors of which at any given time and I still wanted to h*ld h*nds I think I, too, would probably go nuts. Like cool, here he is, the love of my life, a literal trash fire we found in the literal dumpster. Thinking about it makes me angry in Andrew’s stead genuinely fuck this guy
I feel like its an underrated fact the Neil flat out told Kevin and Wymack that recruiting him was a mistake and tried his best yo get them to leave him alone in Milport.....they have nothing to blame but themselves for the chaos that followed, my guy said point blank it was a bad idea.
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