Indulgence: Chapter 5
BTS x chubby reader
Poly Bts x Chubby Reader, Soulmate au and Idol au
Summary: Poor broke and isolated mc gets the chance to go to a concert with an old high school friend, with hoping to find their soulmate and see the biggest boy band in the world. A new shocking reality hits her while at the concert.
Chapter Warnings: degrading thoughts, poor writing and grammar, gender confused reader, anxiety, mc being a loner, mentions of weight insecurities, swearing, yandere themes, rambling and spiralling thoughts, crying and crashing out, no use of y/n or even reader idk if bro knows their own name, very dry and sarcastic writing, some 4th wall breaks, self degrading thoughts (lmk if I miss anything)
a/n: heyyy it's 2026 now huh? No one reads these anyway, but I wanted to say I got another job ayhooo super fun. I really dont have anything to say besides I wanted this chapter to be longer, but I need to ponder some more. As always, Grammarly, love you, probably a lot of grammar mistakes and stuff like that, ignore it or dont read at all I couldn't care less, though I did try to read through this one.
work count: 5,248 (longest chapter yet)
(Thank you, Corinnecousins on Pinterest, for this picture)
Previously on indulgence:
"There's nothing on the page; my existence isn't known on that page. Meaning they are holding the information, but for what? For the band's safety? for my safety? I don't know if 'SoulTies' even tried to contact me or if they contacted them. Did they see me, feel me, feel the string at the concert? And how would the fans react to me being the last soulmate? Guys, I-" my rambling gets cut off by my own sob as I muffle it with my hand. Tears from last night fall down as my stomach drops and my heart clenches. Lauren pulls me into a side hug as I sob into her shoulder. Clare comes over and rubs my back as I let everything out into this run-down, overpriced apartment. God, I have never been this much of a crybaby before, but also, my life is quite frankly going to shit right now.
After a beat of silence, Lauren speaks up, gently pulling me from her shoulder. "Why don't we go back out today? If the information from 'SoulTies' isn't public, then we can go out with a peace of mind." She tilts her head, her long black hair falling over her shoulder like a waterfall. "Let us treat you, try to take your mind off of things?" I mull it over in my head, a day were I don't have to spend my own money? I give a nod towards the two girls, "sure why not?"
—
"We must find them, no matter what."
Getting ready for the day took me longer than usual, maybe it was the midnight spiraling, and maybe it was the fact that I broke down crying for the first time in god knows how long. Eventually, though I walked out of the guest room and returned to the two girls, they smiled at me, and we all left the old apartment with the two cats, saying goodbye to us.
The drive to the mall… or wherever we are going felt long, terrifying, and even going out in public after the concert, after finding out everything felt horrible. I want to dig myself a hole and decompose in it. I can’t even phantom the thought of BTS even returning my feelings or even having any at all, but if they do, could I finally allow myself to indulge in something? I’m so used to giving myself the bare minimum to get through the day, so used to only surviving and not living. With the slim chance of being able to have a relationship with my soul group, would I even allow myself to fully enjoy it? To let go and finally live for once?
The sound of Clare cursing and cars honking pulls me out of my trance as Clare pulls into an empty parking spot. We all get out, and Lauren grabs my hands, giving them a tight squeeze. “I know all this is a lot right now, but try to get your mind off of it, okay?” I gave her the most confident nod I could muster as we made our way into the mall.
2 god damn hours of walking around, people bumping into me, people talking loudly and not being interested in anything, 2 hours of being unreasonable upset and overwhelmed. Clare and Lauren have their hands full of bags that I don’t even know how they are able to afford, while mine are currently empty. Tired, hungry, and wanting to go home are the only things going on in my mind right now. “Hey, food court time?” Clare asked me with her hand on my shoulder, giving another nod, we bobbed and weaved through the crowd, and found a table at the food court. Lauren hands me some money, insisting that she will pay for me as we all separate to find our own food.
I surveyed my surroundings, taking in my options before settling on a noodle place. I walk up to the pretty sizable line and survey the menu. Maybe it is my mood, and my whole mental dilemma thing is going on, but nothing seems to pique my interest. I huff out in frustration as the itch in my body to go home and die in my uncomfortable college bed increases. I feel my string loosen and my heart falls out of my chest, oh my god, for the love of everything, just ignore it, don't turn around, do not look at who is behind you. I'm silently praying to myself, but the lack of tension on my pinky is way too hard to ignore, and I'm positive that whatever member is behind me won't ignore it either. Fuck, and this line isn't moving at all. Unfortunately, my fate and the God is on duty today doesn't take kindly to me.
"Excuse me..?" at his voice, I finally turned around and took a deep breath. Right in front of me, dressed head to toe in black with a face mask, is Jeon Jungkook himself. Was this planned? or completely on coincidence. Maybe they sent the youngest to lessen the blow of them rejecting me. I look back at him, and an awkward energy surrounds us, and we both just stare at each other. Why does it feel like he is trying to memorize everything about me? "H.. Hey?" What the fuck, why did I stutter? Oh my god, I'm already embarrassing myself.
Jungkook giggles at my nervousness as he gestures for us to step out of the line. I follow him over to a small corner where no one will be able to spot us. Great, not only is he here to reject me, but also to tell me that there is a group of people ready to shoot me at point-blank range. I avoid eye contact with him. "I'm glad I ran into you." He clears his throat, "We tried to contact you after the concert, but you walked off with your friends." He frowns at that. I widen my eyes at that before regaining my composure. "Yeah, um, sorry about that." I pause, my eyes start to sting, and I feel my throat closing up, fuck don't cry in front of Jeon Jungkook, you are stronger than this. "I don't know what to do," I said softly as some tears escaped and fell down my face. I close my eyes and try to calm my breathing. God, this is so fucking pathetic. Here I am in front of a world-renowned idol who has millions of fans, crying because I don't know how to properly regulate my emotions. All because whoever created my story thought it would be funny to make an isolated loser the soulmate of seven idols were millions of fans who would kill to be in my spot. At least most of those people are prettier than me, more handsome than me, skinnier, athletic, have cooler hobbies, and don't use fan fiction as a coping mechanism.
"I just," I stutter out as I take a deep breath in, "This is all too much to handle and I." Before I finished my sentence, I felt two hands hold my face as Jungkook quietly comforts me. He pulls me into his chest, and I hate to admit how much that helped me. His warmth invades the coldness. I feel that numbness I have been feeling since the concert. It was all melting away because of his hold, because of his embrace, and fuck man, if this is what being with your soulmate is like, then I would die again and again to experience this, I would allow myself to be greedy and soak up the feeling of warmth, of feeling like someone actually cares about me. However, not with him, not with Jungkook, not with the rest of BTS. I can't indulge myself with them, because they would never love me. He places his head atop my mine as he runs his hands up and down my back. I feel the sparks before it actually happens. Something deep within me pulls and snaps into place, my stomach feels like it's hosting its own firework show as the string around our pinkies breaks apart, and a golden thread replaces it.
I pull away from Jungkook as I stare at my pinky; one of the seven threads is now shiny gold. The soul bond has been activated. Jungkook must have felt a similar thing as he looks out of breath. Before either of us could fully understand what was going on, I turned around and tried to run for it, key word: tried, as soon as I took two steps away, Jungkook grabbed me by my waist and pulled me back into his chest maybe my emotional rollercoaster convinced me I could out run a guy who dances for a living and goes to a gym as a hobby where as I cant remember then last time I ran a mile. "please" he whisper into my hair, "don't run" Jungkook sounded so scared in that moment, which pulls at my heart of the idea of causing him distress, hypocritical am I right? Here I am not wanting to be in this soul group, but the very idea, the thought of hurting them because of my reluctance, scared me. I sighed in defeat and rested my weight against him. After some beats of silence and probably when Jungkook felt I wont run off again he let me go, "we need to talk, all of us and some official things" He explained to me while scratching the back of his neck, did they send him because they knew I wont be able to out run him or that his awkward nature will lure me into a false sense of security?
"I um," fuck bro get it together, "I came here with my friends, can I talk with them before we go?" He nods at this as he pulls out his phone taping against it before putting it away again. I licked my dried lips as I left. This time, Jungkook was following behind me almost like a shadow. I have no idea how I am keeping it semi-together, but now I have no choice but to face my fate when one of the bonds is already activated. However, the question is how the fuck did it get activated when he hugged me? When I tried to run away, or was it because he already accepted the bond, but then are his feelings real, or because of the bond? I can already feel a headache forming with my thoughts as I return to the girls who are eating. Their heads perked up at the sight of Jungkook. Is it really okay for him to be out in public right now with no guards? I lamely give Lauren her money back as I rub my shoulder, "I need to go, I'll text you, but it's about the soulmate stuff." I give them a tight smile as Clare nods at this, Lauren stands up and pulls me into a tight hug. I see Jungkook shoot daggers into Lauren's soul, but she must not have noticed it. "Yeah, just text us, we will get your stuff packed up for you just in case." She runs her hands up and down my arms, squeezing them before returning to her seat. "It was nice meeting you," I say to Clare as I wave them goodbye.
Jungkook properly grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. My body feels on fire, and a heat boils in my stomach. I let out a shaky breath as he leads us out of the mall through a secret exit. There's a black SUV with a few security guards around it. One of them opens the door for us as Jungkook makes me go in first. I settled down into the leather seats and feel like I can breathe for a moment. "Hey there," a voice to my left breaks out. I yelped at this and felt my ass jump out of the seat. A laugh escapes the person beside me as he rests his hand on my thigh, probably in hopes of stabilizing me. However, it makes me more frazzled as my stomach lights up again and travels up into my heart and around my lungs, squeezing as tightly as the thread could. I wheeze out and start to cough up my lungs. Two pairs of hands fly to my back trying to help me through my coughing fit, but my god, I can not breathe, everything is so painful, and my head feels too fuzzy.
Just when I thought it would kill me, it snapped apart, and the string fell and turned into a golden thread. Just like what happened with Jungkook. So that's how it is activated? When they touch me? The member I have yet to identify pulls me into his chest, cooing at me softly and rubbing his hand up and down my back as he pets my hair. Like I'm some child, Jesus, if I didn't have the independence of a fucking crocodile, I would enjoy this more. I place my hands on his chest and push myself off of him. A small smile of Park Jimin graces my view, oh fuck off, they sent the muscle bunny and a angel to come and get me? They really want to lure me into a lion's den to reject me. a sort of concerned look, swims in his eyes as it feels like he is reaching into my soul and trying to read my life story, the hairs on my arms stand up as I get goosebumps. "Are you okay?" Jimin asks me softly as if anything louder or harsher would break me. Maybe he is right, maybe I am too fragile to be spoken to normally.
"Yeah, um, sure," I respond, nodding my head and buckling myself into the middle seat and into my doom. The security guards that where standing outside the SUV get into the car and we begin to drive off to… where ever we are going. I look out the windows nervously, but it's much harder to do since I keep making eye contact with both Jimin and Jungkook. Do I say something? Should I be asking questions? Why did I just hop into a car with two random guys? What, just because they are my soulmates? cause they are global superstars? I really am stupid, aren't I? "So um," Oh my god, just stop saying 'um', it's not that hard to speak, please get yourself together. "Where are we going…?" I cringe a little at my own voice. "We have a hotel room," Jimin begins, and I wince at that. Are they bringing me to their hotel room? What, so we can be in private before they let the dogs eat me? Jungkook must have a 6th sense as he grabs my hand and traces patterns with his thumb to soothe me. Jimin continues, "There's a conference room we rented out for this. The other will be there, and we can talk." He fixes a strand of my hair and smiles. These two are way too comfortable being affectionate to someone they just met.
—
"They are almost here." Namjoon's voice breaks the silence of the small conference room. The remaining four of them sit around in the office chairs. The atmosphere is tense and uncomfortable; the bleak design of the room adds to the aesthetics. "So Jungkook's hunch really was true? They were at the mall with those friends?" Seok-Jin questions as he rolls a random pen in his hand. Some nod in agreement. Allowing the youngest to go on his whim was better than having him start blowing up their last soulmate's phone. "Do we know how they are handling it?" Hoseok pips up concern itch onto his face, again with his arms crossed over his chest. They don't have their little soulmate yet; that anxiety eats him up. Namjoon shakes his head. "Jungkookie hasn't said anything besides that they are on the way, though we can't assume our soulmate is bouncing up and down with joy. Hopefully, sending Jimin with him helped." Yoongi snickers at that. "Well, he would have joined in either way, probably would have forced himself into that car." Ever the romantic Jimin is, though, but most possessive he is of his gold.
Namjoon clears his throat and stands in the front of the room. Taking charge as he does naturally, "We can't bombard them, as we can assume the soul-bond is being activated. Based on the things I have read its going to be painful for our soulmate." Death is easier than the stares each of them holds. "It's because they are the last soulmate to join the group; it's a lot for their soul and heart to take. Hence why we can't all go up to them and overwhelm them. We first need to talk about the official things, unfortunately we are on tour and just uprooting them from their current life would be hard." Taehyung shakes his head at that. "Not hard, we can easily have our love travel with us, easily, you care about ethics more." He gave a pointed look at Namjoon. Seok-Jin stares down Taehyung. "Of course, we need to care about the ethics; we can't just kidnap them and assume they will just be compliant with it. Either way, they have to come with us; we just need to give our soulmate the illusion of choice." The rest agree to this.
while all they want to do is pack up all your stuff and hide you away for the rest of your life. Them being the only people you need, the only people you will ever see, to wake up and go to bed being skin to skin. Only they can know you so intimately that your very cells will ache to be caressed by them. They can't scare you off; they can't risk you hating them, not wanting their love and affection.
"To continue, we need to know how they are feeling about this and what they would want to do. We should also finish the activation, cause while it would be painful to have all seven strings be activated in one afternoon. Starting but not finishing the process could result in them being sick and in much more pain." A silent understanding falls onto them, "What about all the legal issues?" Hoseok asks, the very last thing he wants is to drop everything onto their soulmate's lap in one meeting, in their first meeting. Namjoon sighs and places his hands on his hips. "I talked with management, and they will not need to sign anything now. We can wait, however," He lets out a deep sigh and continues on, "If they want to go on tour with us, or even go back to Korea, then all the legal paperwork needs to be signed, though that means we can slowly introduce everything to our soulmate and try not to overwhelm them."
A quiet buzz comes from one of their phones, "They are here."
—
You know, I'm going to be honest, I was expecting a grand hotel, fountains in front of the entrance, and a red carpet runway, though when we pulled into the parking lot, the hotel looked pretty average. It still looks nice, but not huge. It's probably a good cover for the biggest idols ever, two of them I'm with and about to meet the other five, God or whoever is up there, please kill me. It was already so painful when the bond was activated with Jimin. I don't want to imagine how it will be for the rest of them. Would I even be able to handle it? Though from my own research about soulmates, if the bond doesn't get complete, then sickness and pain will follow. I don't want these people to get sick and be in pain all because of me. They have people in their lives, fans they need to perform for, lives to live. I don't have that; therefore, I am okay with the pain.
Jungkook gets out first and holds out his hand to help me out of the SUV. Jimin places his hand on the small of my back to guide me out. The sun shines brightly on my face. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust to the light, but I take in the sun and lively energy around me before I throw up out of pure anxiety. Jimin takes the lead to the entrance as Jungkook follows behind me. Are they worried I'll run off? I mean, I have thought about it at least five times; however, I know I won't be able to outrun any of them. The receptionist gives all of us a tight smile before we head deeper into the hotel lobby. So many thoughts rush to my head. It leaves me lightheaded; however, I know for a fact that one, the soul-bond needs to be completed regardless of the pain I might feel. Two, they will probably need to discuss any legal matters since ya'know, global superstars from Korea and all that. Then three: their rejection, how they don't and can't have feelings for me, though I will probably need to stick around them, so no one gets hurt.
I can't remember if I mentioned this; forgive me, so much is going on in my life right now. You probably read this in some soulmate au fanfics, but the whole "Soulmates can't spend too much time apart because their souls or hearts will hurt" or whatnot, it's true to some extent. We won't die, I hope, though it would be a very dull pain in your heart till you can hold them again. Or that's what I have read about, things can be very different since it's a soul group with eight people. A hand on my shoulder breaks me from my thoughts. I turn my head over to see Jimin giving me a soft smile. "Are you ready?" I can't muster up a verbal response, so I nod my head. Jungkook opens the door, and I hold my breath. Fuck why are they all so handsome? Four of them, Seok-Jin, Hoseok, Taehyung, and Yoongi, sit at the large table in the center of the room. While Namjoon stands in the front as if he is leading the meeting, though he probably is. I wonder what they were discussing before I came in cause the room is so silent you can hear a pin drop.
We all stared at each other for what felt like hours, though it probably was just a few seconds. Jimin goes to sit down next to Taehyung. Jungkook runs his hand across my lower back. He gives me a reassuring smile before leaving me to sit down next to Seok-Jin. "It's nice to finally meet you." A deep voice rumbles out, and I jerk in shock. I look to my left and see Namjoon with his hand stretched out. This is going to activate our bond, but at least it's for a proper greeting. I nervously shake his hand. The heat boils in my stomach and reaches my heart. I choked out a gasp as I held my heart and feel my knees hit the ground. My throat felt too raw as I could hardly breathe. I feel my vision going in and out. Namjoon drops down next to me, rubbing my back up and down to try to help as I see 3 more pairs of feet surrounding me. Shouts of concern echo in the room, but I honestly cannot process anything they are saying to me as a loud ringing in my ears overpowers them. I feel arms loop under my armpits and lift me up. I yelled out in pain and whimpered as the pain doubled. I hunched forward and started to cough up more of my lungs.
Holy shit, did two bonds get activated at once? Why does it hurt so much, "Taehyung!" Seok-Jin yells in shock as I'm placed into an office chair. A cold water bottle gets placed in front of me; however, the pain smooths over, and two strings break, and golden threads replace them. So that was Namjoon and Taehyung? Is the pain really going to get worse with the remaining three? Am I even going to survive this? "Shit, are you okay?" Hoseok sits by my side, careful not to touch me as he opens the water bottle and urges me to drink. The cold liquid soothes my throat a little, though my head still feels really light. nodding my head "yeah. Im-Im alright." My voice comes out a little hoarse. I can feel the look of concern from all seven of them. Please do not look at me right now. I let out a weak cough before finally raising my head and looking around the room. Namjoon resumed his position at the head of the table. "Are we ready to get started?" He stares at me directly, and I swallow my saliva before nodding my head. Here comes the rejection. "If it gets too much for you, please let us know. We will take this at your pace." Seok-Jin's voice breaks out; he nods at me as I look back to Namjoon.
"Right, I am going to start by saying the people behind 'Soul-Ties' agree to keep your name off the website till we are all ready to reveal this." Namjoon calmly explains, so that's why I didn't see my name when I looked it up. "Because of our public statement of having an eighth soulmate, we can't keep your name hidden forever, though again we will release it when you are ready." Namjoon continues, "We also don't want to dump everything onto you at once. I'm sure this is a lot to deal with. All legal matters will be dealt with when the time comes." That's a relief, I guess. Namjoon is explaining everything so gently, and it makes my heart hurt knowing this is going to end in a rejection. Maybe in another universe, we could have been a happy soul group. "Are there any questions so far?" Namjoon asks me, and I chew at my bottom lip as I think it over. The only thing on my mind right now is them rejecting me, and I don't want to bring that up this soon. I shake my head and look down into my lap, playing with my hands. "Words, sweetheart, look up at Namjoon-ah." Hoseok softly says to me. I feel my face heat up, and a flustered feeling washes over me. I look up to Namjoon, who is still looking at me oh so gently. "Um, no, I don't." I say as Namjoon nods. I can hear Hoseok softly coo at me.
I hear Jimin and Taehuyng softly giggle at the interaction between Hoseok and me. I tried to ignore them and pay attention to what Namjoon is talking about. He continued on saying things like them being on tour at the moment, options on if I want to come with them or not, as well as the idea of me moving over to Korea at the end of their tour. He talked and talked; however, my focus was zoning in on my thoughts. When will they bring up their rejection? That I will just come with them to be a platonic companion, that I'm not pretty enough or handsome enough for them, that I'm so chubby and awkward, and to lackluster to ever be in a relationship with all of them. That they have known each other for so long and don't want some stranger to enter their group.
I guess my self-loathing was very noticeable; I feel all their eyes on me, and I feel so small under their gaze. Hoseok grabs my hand in an attempt to comfort me, though it does the opposite. A sharp pain shoots up my spine as the heat returns. Hoseok retracts his hand quickly and starts to frantically apologize to me, "Why did you do that?!" Jungkook says very alert. He rushed over to my side as he brought the water bottle up to my lips. "Here, baby, drink this; it will help. I indulge in this as I drink the water, I shake and cough out as the pain holds me in an awful embrace. "I forgot, okay? They looked so sad about something." Hoseok tries to save himself. The red string snaps and falls to the ground, and is replaced by a golden thread. Five out of the seven bonds have been activated. Jungkook's hand falls onto my back and runs up and down. They really love to touch me, huh? "What's on your mind?" This time, it's Yoongi speaking to me; it's not a question he asks, but more of a statement. I don't know how to respond to this; all the panic and anxiety I was trying to push down resurfaces as I try to steady my breathing.
Don't you dare cry, bro, you got this, you're better than crying in front of some men, and I lied, here come the tears. They fall down my face as I hold down a sob. This all alerts the guys, and they, the four that're not by my side, stand up ready to come over to my side. "I just," I tried to start my sentence, though it was interrupted by more tears. Hoseok grabs my hand for the second time and traces patterns with his thumb. He shushed me gently, "What's wrong, honey?" I shake my head, and I take a deep breath in. "I just don't know why you guys are going through with this and being nice to me when you're just going to reject me." There, I said it its out in the open now.
I stared down into my lap, not wanting to look at their faces, though by the way both Jungkook and Hoseok pause, I can feel the shock. The room becomes deadly quiet and cold. I remove my hand from Hoseok's hold and wipe my face. There was nothing said for a few moments. I wanted to dig my own grave and die in it. I was hoping the three fates would see me and cut my life thread so I can die here and now. I hear someone let out a sigh. "And why do you think we will reject you?" I hear Namjoon say.
huh.
HUH?
I whip my head up and stare at the man at the head of the table. He looks upset, serious even. I see him clenching and unclenching his jaw. "We weren't planning on rejecting you. Who planted that idea inside your pretty head?" Seok-Jin questions me. I feel like a fish out of water as I stare at all of them with wide eyes. "Me…?" I pointed at myself awkwardly, "I thought that… well, I was assuming" I couldn't even think properly. They actually wanted to be with me? Like be in a relationship with me? me? Jimin shakes his head, his pink hair moving softly. "Why would we? We have been… obsessed…with the idea of you since we found out your existence." Jimin explains, the way he looks at me after that makes me shiver. "You're so pretty, baby. Why would we ever reject you?" Taehyung says, I shake my head as my breath quickens, "No.. I'm not.. I'm not pretty, I don't—" I try to reason with them, but I see a sharp look from Yoongi when I don't agree with Taehyung. One compliment isn't going to change years of self-loathing. "We always knew our soul group was incomplete; we accepted you before we found out who you are." Namjoon explains.
I can't begin to describe the energy of the room. Adoration, softness, endearment? I don't even know, but its to much for me to handle. I stood up, ignoring Hoesok and Jungkook's hands. "This doesn't make any sense," I let out a shaky breath as I also shake my head. My eyebrows furrow together. "I'm… I'm not a good match… You guys are like superstars." I wave my hands wildly at them, "I'm just an isolated loser." "You're not a loser," Jimin tried to argue with me. "I am! I don't go outside, I barely have any friends." I ramble on, I can't breathe, I can't think right now, I can't do this, I need to leave, I need to get out of here. Before I could process my own actions, my feet were rushing me out the door. I ran out of the building past the receptionist and out into the light. Maybe if I ran fast enough, I could escape my fate. Maybe if I ran fast enough, I could ignore everything and return to my dorm room.
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previously next
GIRL I wasn't expecting an update today, and I'm sososososo happy about it
She's so deluded about herself, all this self hatred isn't letting her enjoy the first moments with her soulmates and it's so sad but also I love I yn that doesn't fall so easily ngl
And that little moment of possessiveness 👀👀👀 omggg I really enjoy this series and i will wait happily for the next chapter
