Jason looked at himself in the mirror with a pit in his stomach. His eyes were hauntedly blue, it scared him sometimes, he used to forget how blue his eyes were. Some people used to say it could match the sky wherever he was. Soft blue, stormy blue, almost gray, some people say it was charming, but Jason just thought it was one more unstable thing in his life, one more thing to not know with about himself.Â
He looked at his lips, big, pale, with a scar on the side. He remembered the ghost of the pain. It was a long time ago, the type of time the fog would appear in corners and it was almost soundless. Jason remembered Thalia, and how she tendered his wound, and kissed his forehead after. He missed her, now that they knew they were alive. He wished he could see her more, but with his life starting, all of the other things about her life.Â
By the Gods, he just needed to fix his hair before the school day, and this feeling of being uncomfortable in his own skin, of not feeling himself. During the year, he tried new hairstyles, right now sticking with something the guy at the hair salon called a curly taper, or something. It was already growing out in the sides, and he didnât know how to feel about this. He didnât most days.Â
Jason walked through the corridors going to his first class with a heavy heart. Sometimes he felt better, sometimes he couldnât even get out of the bed. Sometimes he almost envied the other seven, living their normal lives, at camp, back at their families. Jason didnât have that anymore to go back to. Camp Jupiter was not exactly a home to him, it was a job, being a demigod was a job, he just wanted to be a person. He envied a family, a mother, a father, something, anything.Â
But still, he kept going, he had no choice right? He had to keep living, keep helping, keep going. Maybe if he tried hard enough he would find himself, maybe he could have friends, build his own family and not a bunch of teenagers that survived together. Maybe marry someone, have kids. Just grow out of it, cure himself of this prison he called self-awareness. God Jason Grace just wanted to be normal.Â
And then Piper McLean barged into his physics class.
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Hello! I desperately needed to write about Jason's feelings and life in cannon because thats how I grief! yay!
This was heavely inspired by @wilmvandrr Jason's art that you can check here and it's so fucking beautiful in so many ways, I needed to make it depressing (sorry)
