Lilo and Snitch @lilo-and-snitch - Tumblr Blog

post tlg some random asshole defenseman makes a shitty comment about shane taking it up the ass and shane looks at him, then at the scoreboard that shows the centaurs winning 6-1, then back down at him like "i dunno man i think one of us is getting fucked in the ass right now and it isn't me." and then that guy tries to fight him

i-fear-gritty

i think if hollanov decide to have more than one kid at least one of them will be a goalie. and you know that kid is going first in whichever draft they end up in because they practiced on shane fucking hollander and ilya fucking rozanov (because if your dads were casually the two best centres in the nhl and two of the most successful hockey players on the planet, then you defend that net like your life depends on it)

everyone else in that years draft thinks this hollander-rozanov child got picked first out of nepotism (because who the fuck is that desperate to pick a goalie first overall in the draft?) until one day that team’s starting goalie is injured and all of a sudden your scoring chances have gone to hell because you’re trying to get the puck past cerberus, the three headed dog that guards the gates of hell

my-gender-is

My gender is Homosexula

theprideful-deactivated20251201

windsing5

And they’re all Vlad

dogsdayilya

Loyalty (1869)

— by Briton Rivière

Loyalty (2025)

— by Ilya Rozanov

sinmonger

Hollanov + tweets (part 2)

tinylilhollander

If Ilya does ever figure out that Shane's autistic it'll be through something so stupid. Like he's scrolling through TikTok one night because he can't sleep and he comes across this video that's like 'Dear autism community: rate this spoon'. And there's this whole reveal where they unwrap it from a cloth so he's expecting the fanciest spoon he's ever seen and then they reveal it and he's so disappointed to find it's just... a normal fucking spoon.

He thinks this must be a joke so he goes to the comments, and sure enough it's absolutely full of people who not only seem to think this spoon is worthy of rating in the first place, but who seem to have very strong opinions on what makes it a good or bad spoon. To Ilya a spoon is a spoon is a spoon. It's absolutely baffling to him that people seem to think the handle looks like it's not weighty enough, or that the shape of the bowl is wrong, or that it's too flat or too square. He opens the playlist of cutlery rating videos because surely this can't be the norm, and sure enough every single one has a comment section full of very strong opinions about how good or bad this normal fucking fork or knife is.

And then a memory returns to him, as he looks over at his peacefully sleeping husband, of Shane moving in and having to get rid of all his cutlery to replace it with his.

"Sorry, I know it's stupid, but yours are really bad to hold, baby. It's literally all I can think about every time I eat here."

And Ilya didn't mind at the time. So Shane likes his own cutlery better? That's a small compromise when Ilya doesn't have strong feelings about silverware in the first place. But now things are beginning to click, and he's beginning to draw a line between the opinionated spoon people and the day he had to drive his cutlery to the nearest goodwill.

Ilya spends the rest of the night reading about autism and suddenly there's so much more that's beginning to make sense. He doesn't know how he'll bring it up with Shane – if he'll ever bring it up with Shane – but for how it's good to know.

sunsetbuddie

when you say something awkward and stupid in a social situation that probably no one will remember except you for the rest of time

thisfeebleheart

patient needs neck kisses to survive

evanactually

The way Shane always melts when Ilya kisses his neck 🥵

my-dailydreams

ruinedchildhood

blacksheepcolorfulskin

He just wants to protect him so bad 🥺

gaynehollander

At some point after the cottage but before the public outing TMZ does an article on “Ilya Rozanov’s most high-profile hookups” which is essentially just a list of Instagram models with paparazzi shots and blurry cellphone pics of Ilya at the club. Shane scrolls through it, absolutely seething, because he is Ilya’s most high-profile hookup - maybe not by their metric, which seems to be Instagram followers, but Shane hasn’t heard about a single one of these women, apart from Svetlana whom he wouldn’t have recognised if not for Ilya talking about her. The guys are talking about it in the locker room, as if Ilya’s a legend for getting with all of these supposedly very desirable women (although that is decidedly not the way the guys phrase it) and Shane is absolutely furious because he can’t tell anyone that none of these women got to keep him. He is the only one who’s gotten to call Ilya his. He is the only person Ilya’s been in love with.

Anyway, after the next Boston/Montreal game Ilya shows up to practice genuinely looking like he’s been mauled. His entire body is covered in hickeys and bruises that look suspiciously like bite marks - his neck is basically covered in purpling marks with a fair few centred on his chest but a couple of the bruises trail further down, one on his pubic bone, a couple on his thighs, and the darkest one on his hip, a large circle of clear teeth marks - not only that but his back has been practically scratched to ribbons. Ilya is basically a walking sign spelling out “TAKEN - BACK OFF” and when the gossip of Ilya Rozanov apparently having been locked down by a wild animal reaches the Montreal locker room Shane can’t help the proud little smile that blooms on his face because, yes, that’s his man.

finny-red

Home Sweet Home 🌃🌙

rainbow-femme

Ok but Ilya not realizing until much later that he hurt Shane with things he’d done in the past

One day it randomly comes up as Ilya says something about a time he acted like a dick and Shane is just like “Eh it’s ok, looking back I understand now that you were in a ‘I’m going to hurt you before you can hurt me’ mindset and that’s why you acted like that.”

And Ilya is staring at him and Shane asks what’s wrong and Ilya goes “I hurt you?” And Shane’s just like well yeah but it was forever ago don’t worry about it. But Ilya is worrying about it because back when he’d done the various hurtful things he’d been in downward spirals where he was convinced he didn’t have the ability to hurt Shane because he didn’t matter enough to Shane to hurt him, so he didn’t think the way he acted had any negative effects. And now he’s turning pale and his eyes are getting big as he’s realizing that oh god when he did those things he hurt his favorite person and he hadn’t even realized it

He makes Shane tell him the different times it happened and Shane doesn’t really want to because clearly this is just going to upset Ilya more, but hiding it or lying is probably also going to make things worse in the long run so it’s better to get it out now. So he mentions Ilya ghosting him after they had sex, and then how Ilya acted in Sochi, and that whole night in Vegas, and “I like you… Not as a person, obviously”

And the whole time Ilya is silently nodding and looking like he wants to throw up because no no no those weren’t supposed to be things that hurt Shane, those were supposed to be things that bounced off Shane without affecting him because they were only ever meant to hurt or protect himself, Shane was never supposed to have been hurt by those and fuck how did he not see in the moment the way that he was actively hurting Shane by doing that

And now it’s even worse because Shane won’t even be mad at him about it, he keeps insisting on being understanding and not upset and trying to make Ilya feel better when in fact Ilya is the worst most awful person in the world who should be punished for eternity for making 22 year old floppy haired baby Shane SAD like some kind of MONSTER

The next Galina session Shane is also there with Ilya who has his head in his hands and Shane is just like ok so we may have accidentally stepped on a landmine the other night-

penandinkprincess

unreasonably amused by the idea of passenger princess ilya on vacation with shane

obviously shane hired a travel agent to create The Optimum Vacation, but he also studied and approved everything and also has custody of all important documents just because it makes HIM feel better and in control

meanwhile ilya?? straight elevator music. where are they going? unclear. when's the flight? not his concern. how long are they staying? who's to say. where's his passport? his husband has both of theirs.

his job is look pretty and "he asked for no mayonnaise" and that is IT