i know this is not popular and that’s ok this is a nothing opinion that is so unimportant. but rose landry is heterosexual. she is insane in the way only a straight woman can be insane. if she was not there might be some hope for her but there simply is none and i apologize for breaking the news. i know in my heart she refers to men as “yummy” and LOVES the show call her daddy, like idk what else to tell you. she’s going to be tabloid fodder for having an affair with a 63 year old director and causing him and his wife to separate which will launch her into the next phase of her career where the next tarantino film opens with a 30 second tracking shot of her bare feet. one might think that as shane’s mirror she must be a closeted lesbian but that is untrue. to clear up everything:
for the first three months that Ilya has snapchat he genuinely believes that the photo disappears forever for everyone until the next time he sees svetlana and she shows him the screenshot she took of something he posted and he has a flashback of everything he’s posted and then - and this is crucial - does not change his snap habits at all
a video taken by cliff of ilya taking a fat rip off of a truly bulky vape rig, trying to say “cotton” before blowing it out and instead choking and coughing so hard he throws up
200+ selfies of him with the stanley cup in various states of drunkenness and undress
dick pic accidentally posted to his story. it is the only story of his he’s deleted. followed by a black screen that say “whoops 😜 no peaking 😈”
video of him and svetlana doing ossetra caviar bumps
selfie with his tongue out with the caption “don’t need a filter to have a long tongue 😏🐶👅” notibly followed by a video making all the raiders use the dog filter
after much deliberation I have completed a simple task that took me less than 10 minutes, and I'm happy to report that this time it only cost me about 3 days of dread
Hello everyone!
I have managed to find some clean cover art for delicious in dungeon, buried in some promotional italian pamphlet (JPOP Direct)!
Some of the files were even separated in layers, i'll put it after the cut
I love the idea of Shane being not just good at hockey but good at all sports, to the point where it fascinates and infuriates the other Centaurs
Because what do you mean they went to the batting cages for some silly fun to watch everyone flail at an unfamiliar sport, only for Shane to need three practice swings before figuring out the force and timing needed to start hitting every single pitch? What do you mean he sets the course record at the mini golf place they have the Pike twins birthday at? What do you mean he learned how to play cricket over a long weekend in the UK? What do you MEAN your Canadian ass that grew up on a calm, tiny lake went to visit Rose in LA and just learned to surf from “some guy” one of the days she was busy??
Shane doesn’t get why they all think it’s so crazy. He’s a professional athlete, he’s good at full body and mind control as well as adaptability and hand-eye coordination, and he’s so used to being the best in the world at hockey that he views being mundanely good at anything else as barely noticeable. He argues with Troy over whether he counts as being good at basketball just because he killed them all at the basketball shooting game at a Dave and Buster’s
They all start making bets to see who can find a sport Hollander isn’t good at. Harris is convinced he’ll win with figure skating because Shane’s muscle memory will want to work against him with a technique that’s so similar but also so different, only for Shane to come out of an afternoon learning from his old friend who was at the Olympics with the ability to do simple jumps and spins and is insisting the whole team learn so they can incorporate it into plays. Harris is not allowed to make suggestions after that
Ilya just sits back and lustily watches his husband destroy their friends at volley ball, wrestling, tennis, broom ball, and ultimate frisbee. Shane participates in an all pro athlete Ninja Warrior event to raise money for charity and Ilya can’t watch the clips of Shane flying through the course like a bat out of hell unless he is able to fuck Shane immediately after it ends
if Shane died young (like in his forties/fifties), how do you think Ilya would deal?
he’s going through some master and margarita/dante’s inferno/koko-di koko-da shit. yes those are all thematically different pulls. basically i am never the right amount of high to fully write this fic and also i think i am maybe simply too american to really accurately hit this nail. or perhaps exactly american enough because this is based on my european experience as a 19 yr old idiot. you are now getting what's been in my notes app forever so like... sorry and you're welcome.
so there is a vision in my mind where shane dies who cares how anvil falls from sky and squashes him like bug. and ilya is like well, that was a good run, time to see myself out. but ilya decides he wants to see his mother’s grave one last time, and traveling to russia no longer concerns him because he doesn’t care at all what happens to him now anyways.
so he throws his phone away (so that nobody can track his location and try to talk him out of this) and then sets off. and what follows is like some insane hallucinatory journey where his plane gets grounded in iceland (“because of the volcano.” “what volcano?” “oh, you know how it goes…”) and then he has to take a boat to denmark and then a train to moscow but then there is a rail strike (“what rail strike?” “oh, you know how it goes…”) and he is trapped on a series of coaches.
somehow space is becoming unstuck, he is in germany on a coach for 30 minutes and suddenly at the next station everyone is speaking slovene. everywhere he stops, despite these all being landlocked locales, there's someone trying to get him to see the local seaside. in every station, the ticket master is an identical man who does not speak any language ilya speaks, and ilya keeps trying to get to moscow and getting sold other incomprehensible bus tickets. whenever he asks someone where he is, he gets a useless and vague answer, "oh we're here and there", "we're in the present moment", "we're in a bus station", etc.
seasons go wrong. everyone is celebrating some local martyr he's never heard of and children are running around in paper mache masks. it is night time and the sun just does not come up again. his seatmates include: a man with an accordion, a dour red-haired child in a sailor's outfit, an ancient old babushka carrying an inflatable sex doll, a businessman with a blue raspberry vape, a huge fat tabby cat who hisses and bites him if he tries to touch her.
eventually he's like well. okay. i guess time doesn't exist and space doesn't exist and i just am on this bus forever now. and finally the cat gets off the bus, and shane comes out of the tiny bus bathroom and sits back down next to him.
ilya: oh, there you are. took you a while.
shane: it's really gross in there.
ilya: well, yes. it's a bathroom on a coach.
shane: ugh. these seats suck. they never give you enough room for your legs.
ilya: put your knees up. you're good at that.
shane: ha ha.
a beat of quiet.
shane: i had the craziest dream. i can't really remember it. i think you were there, though.
ilya: mm, bad dream?
shane: no. at least, i don't think so.
ilya sighs.
ilya: are we getting close? i'm tired of the bus.
shane: i'm pretty sure you're getting off before me.
ilya: no. i am not. i will come with you.
shane: no, baby. you won't. i think your stop is coming up now.
ilya: wait, shane--
ilya wakes up. he's the only one left on the bus, which has stopped. the bus driver, who is apparently also the same identical man as all the stationmasters, is kicking his seat. he grumbles and scolds ilya in an unknown language. ilya gets off the bus. it's right before sunrise. he's at the seaside, at the beach which extends as far as the eye can see in each direction. ilya walks along the beach for a while, dawn getting closer. finally he stops. his mother's grave is here on the beach. he knows if he keeps walking further down, shane's grave will also be on this beach. and if he keeps walking further and further beyond that, his own grave too. but he'll spend eternity there one day. and he hasn't seen his mother in a very long time.
so he sits down on the sand next to her headstone and watches the sun come up.
