understand?

"like a breathe of fresh air,  clearing my crowded world" "sophisticated, manipulative" 한국분이시면 말 걸어주세요♡ (///ω///)

[gallusrostromegalus]

Today's Adventure is that I, after an unintentional 13-hour power nap,

Got woken up at 6AM by a phone call from a friend stranded in Montana because of the heat wave and almost no cell service because of their crap provider.

OhSoThat'sHowIt'sGonnaBe.jpg

Ok.

I somehow summon a week's worth of spoons and in less than 30 minutes and 5 phone calls, get them

A hotel

An appointment with a mechanic from 2 states away

A perscription refilled from 2 states away

and A Pizza

Go me.

But then it's 8AM and there are unscheduled live humans at the door and while EVERGENCY MODE is still on, I have already blown through a ton of spoons, and also probably shouldn't meet whoever it is wearing just a pair of bootyshorts that say "CRYPTID" in Gothic Font on my ass.

So I greet them in those shorts and a T-shirt that I manage to put on both inside out and backwards

#nailedit

It is, Fortunately, not the mormons.

it is, Unfortunately, two UPS guys trying to deliver my other in-house friend's new phone except the new guy doesn't know how to operate the "sign for package" device, and the old guy that's supposed to be mentoring him is like, 92, deaf as a post, and doesn't actually know how to operate the device either.

by the way

it is already

over 100 out

it takes almost 30 minutes to sign for the phone

when i get back inside, i discover that apparently the Corgi has learned how to open his kennel from the inside because he is now out of the kennel and waiting for me to come in.

he also has cat litter all over his face because while he was waiting for me he also learned how to open the baby gate to the cat's room and help himself to a cat shit breakfast.

He'll be fine

He's a cattle dog, they're legally required to have at least 1 really disgusting snack they love.

but

more to the point

i have no idea at what point he learned to open his kennel from the inside

has he been staying there out of politeness this whole time??

And

I got other shit to do today.

namely.

I'm seeing a realator

The Devils most pathetic yet effective demons

I get a reminder text that I have an appointment with her

at least

I think that's what it is because what she sends me is: "🏡⏰12:00 ❔"

With the time typed in the middle like that.

She is, according to her profile, at least 80.

so I reply "😎👍"

and then she sends me a string of GODDAMN POST-MODERN EMOJI HEIROGLYPHICS THAT TAKE UP MY ENTIRE SCREEN.

She's on an iPhone so half of them don't even translate across platforms

It takes me half an hour and three different software programs and goddamn wingdings to translate, but she has sent me the address and rules about masking and not wearing shoes inside.

in emoji

instead of like

literally any other format

I am

FASCINATED

and simply must meet the woman so if I don't come back to update I got stolen by the fairies but I'm taking the Corgi with me as protection so I'll see y'all later.

[the2headedcalf-archive]

You know that Ada Limón poem where she’s like “i can’t help it i love the way men love”? my dad recently confessed to me that he became a shoemaker because they buried my grandma shoeless

oh…………………………………

[urlocalchangeling]

Accident Report in the Tall, Tall Weeds - Ada Limón

[generic-dumb-bitch]

[tundrakatiebean]

[gingernutsenthusiast]

@filmnoirsbian

[chambaeli]

[chandaniyan]

[chandaniyan]

[machineryangel]

[lovely-v]

I do genuinely believe that the Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (and arguably the Zelda franchise as a whole, though i myself have played literally none of these games) is closer to fitting the description of ‘Tolkien-esque Fantasy’ than most other movies/shows/games/books etc that claim that label

Like, compare this post by tumblr user wufflesvetinari, which makes an important point about Tolkien’s worldbuilding, and also lives in my head rent free:

and then these quotes from Jacob Geller’s “Every Zelda is the Darkest Zelda”

and his conclusions about the messages in Zelda games are thematically very similar to the through-lines about friendship and love in LOTR, and what a lot of authors miss about what makes a fantasy story personal and memorable:

“A world without joy and humor isn’t a compelling world to fight for” is exactly why there are so many pieces of fantasy media out there that just feel like carbon copies of each other (i’ve seen many posts that explain this better than I can though I can’t find any specific ones at the moment, just know that I didn’t invent this thesis). You’ve got the cool swords, you’ve got the wizards and the spells and the battles, but first and foremost you need the LOVE.

[power-chords]

I almost forgot to mention: this woman came into the penguin enclosure with a KESTREL??? I said “oh my god is that an American Kestrel?” and she said “Yes! She was outside doing raptor education for the kids, but she doesn’t like to get rained on.”

[ayellowbirds]

#she was watching the penguins with what I will anthropomorphically project as skepticism

[elkian]

kestrel: i hate rained on!!

human: here is birds in water

kestrel: ......no.....

[beefstrugglenoff]

listen im sorry but contender for funniest tweet

[beefstrugglenoff]

[yekkes]

I love this 😌

[toolusingmammalgirl]

Broke: an infinite superstructure that personally hates you

Joke: an infinite superstructure that is crushingly indifferent to you

Woke: an infinite superstructure that loves you so suffocatingly much, and will grind itself to dust to give you what it imagines you wants

[toolusingmammalgirl]

A house that’s so thrilled to be occupied again that it builds and destroys rooms based on your most fleeting whims

A factory that’s gone so long with nobody to receive its goods that it gives you all the paperclips and steel girders you could theoretically want

A biosphere that’s been aching for a sapient being to witness it, filling every grove with beautiful and wildly invasive species

[l-ouroboros]

Big cats!

[animatejournal]

Duck Amuck | Director: Chuck Jones | Studio: Warner Bros. | USA, 1953

[darkwee009]

NOT ME YOU SLOP ARTIST

This is a close up? A CLOSE UP YA JERK! A CLOSEUP!

Alright, let’s get this picture started! (The End) NO NOOOOO!

[bunjywunjy]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[queenwhiskey]

[greatlordfluffernutter]

[kaban-bang]

[kaban-bang]

UPDATE: HOLY SHIT

[fluffmugger]

[leninthesixth]

you gotta include this photo

[cumpriest]

ağlıycam

[robertseasonleonard]

hey guys I just remembered this gif

[randomitemdrop]

Item: Potion of Mouse Bites; cures nosebleeds

[rylandsgrace]

He really can't stop spoiling things ..

[porkue-deactivated20230306]

A classic rinse

[tumbalaria]

Hard Drive Apologizes to Elon Musk for Dunking on Him Too Hard

Hard Drive would like to formally apologize for dragging Mr. Musk.

"As a satire website, Hard Drive prides itself on delivering our readers funny, insightful, and often searing comedy about video games and the culture around them. But that mission does not shield us from responsibility, and we will always be the first to admit when we’ve gone too far. With that in mind, Hard Drive would like to formally apologize for dragging Mr. Musk so hard that not even his nearly 100 million Twitter followers could save him from getting ratioed several times in the span of 20 minutes. (...)

Once again, Mr. Musk tried to put us in our place by pointing out that the joke was “less funny than SNL on a bad day.”  That one hit us hard. This next part is difficult to write. In response, we shared a picture of Elon Musk’s 2021 appearance on Saturday Night Live — an episode that The Guardian called “brutally awkward” — in which he is dressed as Wario, with the caption “well you’re the expert on SNL’s bad days.” At the time of writing, that post has 62,000 likes, eclipsing Musk’s SNL retort which sits at under 4,000 — despite the fact that Elon Musk has nearly 100 million Twitter followers, while Hard Drive has under 250,000. As Elon Musk said in his riotously funny SNL sketch Gen Z Hospital, “big yikes!”"

[beardedmrbean]

[highlybread]

WHY DID I ONLY RECENTLY LEARN ABOUT THE SALT LICK TEST?!?!

I swear, learning how to easily tell if you are deficient in salt has been Groundbreaking in learning how to care for my body.

For the uninitiated, if you feel dizzy or weirdly tired, or you cant seem to hydrate properly, no matter how much water you drink, you may easily be lacking salt.

Yes salt! The thing everyone tells you to try and minimize as much as possible. You are likely not getting enough, and there is an easy way to test it:

Go into you kitchen and grab some plain salt, flaky or fine preferably, since rough salt has less surface area, but it still works, just slower.

Grab a pinch of it and just drop it on your tongue, and let it dissolve on it. What does it taste like? This is just salt. Does it taste kinda mild? Slightly savoury even and actually quite good? Could you easily go for another pinch, just for the taste? You probably should, cause that's your body telling you i Wants More Salt, it Neeeds it!

Do that a couple times over the next few hours, letting your body adjust in the meantime, until it suddenly tastes Too Salty. The same amount of salt, suddenlt tasting quite different, too salty, unpleasant, bad. Thats a sign that you no longer need more salt.

For me it took like two days from barely tasting the salt, to feeling much better and suddenly not wanting more salt.

This has recently helped me so much, why was i not taught this super simple but useful way to check in with my bodily needs?